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Sam, a new member of XBK
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Sam Joined: 18 Feb 2006 Posts: 47 |
Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2006 8:15 am Post subject: Sam, a new member of XBK |
Hi, First of all, thank you for this forum, it is a tremendous help to me. Over the last few weeks I have been reading the posts and my feeling has been that at last I can speak openly with people. Up until the time I discovered this web site I could not speak to non BKs as they did not know what I was talking about, and I found it difficult to speak to BKs as they did not want to hear most of what I had to say. I do not want to just walk away and lose touch with all the BKs I have known. They still feel like family to me and it would be a great sadness to lose their occasional company. On the other hand, I do not want to be a pukka BK now, so I am in the difficult process of trying to balance my lifestyle so that we are all as happy as possible. Some BKs are easier to be with than others, but all seem to parrot the knowledge and to be unhappy talking with a free thinker. I have found many good things with the BKs, but now I want to be in gyan in my own way. I have always been a free spirit and always will be, but the pull of the family is strong. Having read many of the posts on the forums, I know that I will be able to help many XBKs as well as they will help me, as I struggle and wrestle with now being an XBK myself. I come from a mostly positive attitude and I have had much experience of spiritual seeking, meditation, psychic experiences, and the spiritual life in general. I think it is a great thing we are doing, helping one another in this way as an on line community. I see the web site has been running for around a year. I hope my efforts will go some way to keeping it going as such a very valuable resource. I have applied for membership and hopefully I will be posting regularly on the site. Om Shanti, Sam.
Tete Joined: 26 Jan 2005 Posts: 169 |
Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2006 9:15 pm Post subject: Welcome |
Sam, Welcome...this is such a noble thought I will give you a welcome gift. I will surrender the avatar you chose. Some one being so willing to help others is truly a beautiful being.
Quote:
Having read many of the posts on the forums, I know that I will be able to help many XBKs as well as they will help me, as I struggle and wrestle with now being an XBK myself. I come from a mostly positive attitude and I have had much experience of spiritual seeking, meditation, psychic experiences, and the spiritual life in general. I think it is a great thing we are doing, helping one another in this way as an on line community.
Regards, Tete
Sam Joined: 18 Feb 2006 Posts: 47 |
Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 7:36 am Post subject: Than you Tete |
Thank you so much Tete for your kind gift. When I chose my avatar I did not realise it was yours! I had thought that the system would tell me that the avatar I chose was already in use. Later, on reading more of your posts, I realised my mistake, but did not know what to do about it. Now, problem solved thanks to your generosity. Maybe we share some unconscious common ground indicated by having chosen the same avatar originally. I certainly have enjoyed reading your posts and feel you are a great benefit to the web site. Best Wishes, Sam.
Tete Joined: 26 Jan 2005 Posts: 169 |
Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 10:07 am Post subject: |
Sam, I look forward to reading many stories from you in days to come. Regards, Tete
Sam Joined: 18 Feb 2006 Posts: 47 |
Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 12:30 pm Post subject: my story in part |
In 1986 I married a BK. We married because we felt a deep soul connection and sensed a shared destiny. We did not fall in love or feel physical attraction. Until the turn of the century I had no interest in the BKs. I visited a centre once and thought they were good hearted people, but that is all. In 2001 everything changed. I met a dadi who offered to give me drishti. I live by my own intuition, trusted her, and agreed. In the drishti I came into total union with shivbaba. This yoga lasted fully six months with no effort on my part. I decided to become a BK. I adopted the brahmin life and made pilgrimages to madhuban. I met baba in person and formed a close friendship with Brahma Baba. All went well until early last year when I began to find the murlis boring. I also developed my own ideas about the knowledge. I loved my brahmin sisters and brothers. I did not want to hurt them. Many of them are deeply damaged and insecure people. If I spoke my mind I was taking away their support. I am a compassionate soul. So I simply thanked them for their love and told them the institution was not for me. I emphasised that I love baba and baba loves me. There were upsets and tears but all went well eventually. I no longer go to classes or lead a brahmin lifestyle. I am an XBK since late last year. I still meditate and have good yoga with shivbaba, although my idea of who or what shivbaba is does not correspond with the BK beliefs. (Although sometimes I wonder if the seniors know more than they are telling. Maybe they are not so naïve as they seem. There are many hints at this being the case which I have picked up at talks and seminars, but rarely from the everyday BKs, just from very senior players). Brahma Baba is still my friend. My spouse is still a BK and I fully support this. We are still very happy together and intend to be a married couple for the rest of our lives. Brahmin life came very easily for me. It felt very natural, as if I had done it all before. However, I prefer to go it alone, I am a naturally solitary person, The BKs believe I will return to the brahmin family one day. I do not think so, but maybe they are right. Now I am feeling much happier out of the institution. If ever I do decide to join again I will of course let you know and resign my membership with you. For now I thank you again for giving me the opportunity to have a spiritual life and the freedom to speculate and express my own ideas and tell of my own experiences with integrity.
wahl Joined: 19 Jan 2005 Posts: 187 Location: Essex, England |
Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 7:27 pm Post subject: |
om shanti sam
Quote:
I met baba in person and formed a close friendship with Brahma Baba.
I am interested to know how your relationship with Shivbaba differs from your relationship with BrahmaBaba. What do they 'feel' like to you? _________________ om shanti wahl
Sam Joined: 18 Feb 2006 Posts: 47 |
Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2006 6:45 am Post subject: feelings |
Om Shanti Wahl, Thanyou for asking me how I FEEL. That has made me go back to my yoga and really try to feel my way to an answer to your question. I can be a bit of an armchair philosopher at times. BB feels like the near presence of a close friend. He is like a guide also and sometimes like a father if I feel low. He comes when I ask and he gives me mostly feelings in response to any questions I may ask. I never hear his voice but sometimes I feel he has put a thought form into my mind, which I then translate to words for myself. Two or three examples. When I first walked round his tower, where his ashes are interred, in Madhuban. I had the thought come into my mind “What do you want?”. When I was standing in front of his picture in my room in Gyan Sarovar I asked him “Am I doing the right thing, going in the right direction in my spiritual and worldly life. For a few seconds I saw myself as he sees me. We swapped views for a time. I have never in my life felt such love. When I came back to myself I was wobbly and tears were streaming down my face. At home in my own bed I was feeling sorry for myself because I wanted to be at Madhuban and to live there. He did not answer, it was not a question. He just held me in loving arms until I slept. As for SB that is very much more difficult to describe. I have an out of body experience. I go to another world, a world of light. SB is the source of that light. The closer I get to SB the more light I absorb. If I can merge with SB then I am out of time and space altogether and it is beyond language. Only experience close to it is drishti from a very senior yogini.
Mr Green Joined: 08 Sep 2005 Posts: 41 |
Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2006 8:37 am Post subject: |
hi sam and welcome
wahl Joined: 19 Jan 2005 Posts: 187 Location: Essex, England |
Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2006 12:19 pm Post subject: |
Quote:
BB feels like the near presence of a close friend............ He comes when I ask and he gives me mostly feelings in response to any questions I may ask.
This is my experience too. My connection with Shivbaba is not so solid though! Welcome to the forum Sam _________________ om shanti wahl
Tete Joined: 26 Jan 2005 Posts: 169 |
Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 10:37 am Post subject: Commitment |
Sam, Yes, I would agree in that a commitment to another is quite a deed, emotionally and spiritually. Even more so when both have had a spiritual calling in their lives, it transcends the physical in many ways. Often connecting is more on the intellectual level, creative level and mind interaction. This I know all too well...
Quote:
"A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water".- Eleanor Roosevelt
A friend sent me the above quote recently and how true it is...... Sam,
Quote:
My spouse is still a BK and I fully support this. We are still very happy together and intend to be a married couple for the rest of our lives.
This has been the hardest thing for me in that the ones in always reach out... If one has a family it can be a bit upsetting at times.... Sam,
Quote:
The BKs believe that “once a brahmin, always a brahmin”, and that Ex BKs will return to gyan before the end of the cycle.
Regards, Tete P.S. A Vanilla report is explaining Gyan in simple terms to NBKs (non-BKs) like me....or posting an explanation in the dictionary.
Sam Joined: 18 Feb 2006 Posts: 47 |
Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 11:34 am Post subject: No notification |
I don't know why but I have not been getting email notification of threads I have started or am watching. I will contact the adminsistrator and get back to you all when I have read your posts and thought over them. Thankyou for your messages. Please see my message on the private forum. Sam.
Sam Joined: 18 Feb 2006 Posts: 47 |
Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 7:20 am Post subject: time |
I am very active in helping the friend I describe on the private forum at the moment, so I do not have so much time for general discussion. Be sure I will be posting on all the other forums as soon as I feel my friend is OK. Love to you all. Sam
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