XBK Chat (unofficial archive)

marqu · Joined: 29 May 2005 Posts: 15 Location: Amsterdam

Yes, it is possible! In 1988 I joint the BK in Holland. I thank God for that.
It was a wonderful time. I enjoyed every minute of it.
I was working at a school for little children and I could not handle them.
It was only one hour a day and every day I was worn out. They shouted, threw their sandwiches against the wall and fighting with each other.

One day a woman came in. She didn’t do anything. She just stood there and the children were
playing peacefully. One day, two days and after the third I asked her how she did it.
She answered that her thoughts were peaceful and it has an effect on the children. When your thoughts are running around madly, that too has an effect.

My thoughts were chaotic and she invited me to the BK centre and thought me how to think peacefully and positive. After two weeks it worked and me and the children were gentle and serene.

I loved going to the centre and took all the lessons I could get. They talked about God and I was curious. How can you be so sure God really exist?
One of the teachers told me, that she could not tell me. The only way is experience. She told me to open up to God at 4 in the morning. And so I did. At 4 I sat on my bed and opened my arms. “God, come” I said (while thinking: look at me now, what am I doing?) At my big surprise from the right above me, came a use big white light into my head.
I was shocked and shivered under the blankets. That day I felt so loving and light as I had never felt before. It lasted several months. I loved everyone I met. The greengrocer, the milkman, my parents (after years of resentment) and myself.

After a few years I was in Madhuban. For the first time I was going to meet Baba in person.
I was very curious. I sat in front of the stage, put on my glasses. I wanted to see everything.
At the moment we could see Baba eye to eye I stood in a long row of people, waiting to get my dhristy. As I stood in front of Baba a sister gave me a flower to give. The flower felt on the floor, I bended to pick it up and Baba looked already at the next soul.
I was furious. Finely my change to see God and I mist it. I was angry at the sister who gave me the flower. Angry at the situation. Doubting to go back in line with several hundred of people or leave it.
I left the building and sat on a little wall at the courtyard. At that moment again a white light from right above came in to my head and it lasted several minutes I think. I was filled with love and it was almost to much. I said “Stop, I cannot take anymore” and it did not stop.

The rest of the time in India I cried and cried out of happiness. Again it lasted months. The love and the power within me. Everything I undertook worked. I think God wanted to tell me:
“Don’t worry about it, I’m always there. You don’t need to stand in line”

After a few years I realised that I did not like the many rules in the BK family. That the rules became more important than the love. Many of us were doing thinks out of fear in stead of love. People were afraid to be honest about their feelings. I saw them shrink in.
I had learned in one of the murli’s, that it is not necessary to be afraid. But what I saw was the opposite. I remember that one of the sisters told me to be so happy that she was not depended of a man. That she was independent now. A few minutes later she told me, she had to ask the head of the centre at what time she had to be home that night.

Grown up sisters asked how they had to wear there hear and if it was all right to buy a new washing machine of their own money.
A woman that told in the open, she doubted the knowledge was spoken to in a brute manner.
I spoke to people who said they were afraid to tell about there doubt openly.
A friend told me he was out of money, but afraid to quit sending money to the centre.
I told them that they are free. You can always take your own decision about anything.

I asked the head of the centre why she told people how to wear their hair. She said that it was what they need.
I came less and less at the centre. Went my own way after about 7 years. Thankful at the BK what I had learned and I met God.
Now ten years later I live with my woman friend. We have a beautiful relation and I still live with God. We talk and God supports me in everything I do.
There is no guild about not following rules. There is love.
I see myself as an instrument of God. Just as the BK told me. Sometimes I go to the centre for a lesson. I love to see my friends there and they are always gentle to me. (I know they hope I come back).
I organised an evening to speak (in the house of another exbk) about life after BK. It was a beautiful evening. There were a lot of BK’s and everyone was happy to see that it is possible.
Some said they were amazed that I looked so happy and secure of my relation with God, after all these years without BK.
They too want to be open, but where still afraid.
I told them again, they are free!!!! Free people who can take their own decision.
At first we learn to be master of our thoughts. After a while that is manmat and a sin.
So it is not approved to think for ourselves.
The centre thinks for us.

The principal should be to open up to God. Let our intuition work for us. Not the institution.
That is the mistake we made. We let the institution BK think for us and decide.
I have no regrets and I am still very happy about my 7 years in the BK family. I learned a lot that I still use in daily life. And I live with God. There is life after the BK.

Marja Ruijterman
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There is life after BK!
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There is life after BK!

marqu · Joined: 29 May 2005 Posts: 15 Location: Amsterdam

Two times I saw that light. Every time I talk about it, think about it... I feel love. So I love to talk about it.
Sometimes a flow of love makes me gasp of breath. I feel love in many occasions. When I work with people or just be with people.
When I walk in the streets... it can overwhelm me.
A few weeks ago I thought early in the morning, that I never do the same as I did 20 years ago. To open up my arms and say to God: Come!
I speak with God and trust God to be with me... but to do this... I forgot.
So at that moment I sat and opened my arms and said: "God, come!"
Nothing happened. No white light. In stead I went to shower and do my daily things. I felt extremely well. Everything I did that day had a special glow.
In the afternoon I had a puntion taken in my breast. They had found a lump there. On the doctors table I was totally happy and what ever happened. Yes cancer or no cancer I didn't mind... I was oke in both occasions. When I came home, a message on my answering machine:
A spiritual centre I never heard of asked me to give a lecture. The name of the centre: The White Light! At the same day.
Thank you God for the message.

After my BK period I read many books, spoke to many people with other ideas and views of God. Some of them beautiful. People who had messages of God in a different way then Baba's message. The philosophies are for a great deal the same. Only the form of God and the story of the earth changes. That we are souls and are children of God are practically the same.

I loved Baba's message, sometimes I thought it was to strict.
Like: if you leave the BK you will feel like you have fallen from a high building. I don't believe in threatening. And I did not experience such a feeling. In the contrary. I still experience the help of God.
To be honest? I don't know who or what God is. Weather he is a point of light or something else.
The only certainty I have is my experience.
I don't read Murli’s. I read many books and go to lectures sometimes BK lectures. Also others. I give lectures myself about my experience and tell people they can feel their relationship with God if they open up.
Each in their own way. Free as a bird. Marja
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There is life after BK!

flipper · Joined: 03 May 2005 Posts: 14 Location: england

Greetings Marja

Good to read your experiences you appear to be a free spirit. There are so many status hungry BKs those who toe the line I think they miss the point, Good luck keep flying

Flipper

marqu · Joined: 29 May 2005 Posts: 15 Location: Amsterdam

Thank you flipper! It's good for us all to realise that we are free spirits. Full of love and a connection with eachother and with God. We are free!!!!
Marja
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There is life after BK!