Problems with Alcohol, Over-eating, Drugs after leaving Gyan

Good morning to all.

I've got an urgent question; Did any of you during the recovering-past BK phase ever fall in the trap of alcohol, "binge eating" (overeating) or taking light drugs like hashish, marjuana. And if the case what did help you and how did you get over it?

As for myself I am having problems "just" with over-eating since 1 year but I went to seek professional help.

Thank you in advance for your sharings. I am looking forward to them.

Much love and best wishes.
ADI

Hello Adi,

As I said elsewhere I am "a meat/fish/garlic/onion-eating, alcohol-drinking, loving husband and Father" and can identify with some of what you've said. For the relatively short time I was more committed to the BK, I tried to stick to the Maryadas on pure diet. In hindsight this did not do me much good at all, certainly in 2004 my body was much lighter than it is now. It's probably true to say that I've always had a tendency to "comfort food" and not had a great diet, but this was balanced a high metabolic rate.

However, once I decided that vegetarianism wasn't for me, my body weight has varied a lot but generally gone up significantly over the last two to three years. I've come to see this as a natural rebound effect - it's very common when the body has been deprived of sustenance for extended periods for it and the subconscious mind to (over)compensate by stocking up for the expected next tough period.

This means that I've not sought professional help with this but have a much better appreciation of the balance between diet, exercise and lifestyle than I had 5-10 years ago. Personally speaking the main insights I reached along the way were the needs:

1. For the mind to be consciously aware of and respect the body
2. To get over any hang-ups about food which my BK-time had introduced or reinforced
3. To enjoy my choices regarding food and drink
4. To increase my exercise levels (this has mainly involved cycling)

Overall I'd say that you just need to be loving to yourself and seek to be build and appropriate support network - it can take quite some time for you to achieve a new mind-body balance after the source of sustained stress/imbalance has been removed. Sharing through this forum can be an important step along the path ...

Love and best wishes

Thanks adikarisoul and pilatus. Your sharing made me think about my issues along similar lines. I guess that all of my life i have had an 'eating disorder' though it is one at the opposite end of the spectrum as adi has so bravely shared, however a problem nonetheless. Gyan did NOT help me to address this issue neither was i ever under the impression that it was meant to help.

As far back as I can remember I have had an almost criminal disregard for my body in as far as food intake is concerned. I can go for days eating very little without suffering any visible side-affects - apart from maintaining a slim appearance. Anorexic? I do not quite know the science or psychology of anorexia so I wont even attempt to self-analyse but I used to say - with some foolish pride - that eating was a much over-rated pastime! Was I screwed up or what!

But over the past year or so I have begun to reflect on these things and one big, big surprise (turnaround) is that i no longer feel comfortable treating my body in this way. In fact, this might sound odd to many people but I have discovered that being without adequate food intake feels really, really awful! It is as if my body is finally able to get a message through to me. Brother, it says. for heavens sake, eat something!

With my history, I confess that this awakening has been a great shock to my system. So i started to look around into my past (especially childhood and early adulthood) for clues as to where this unbalanced attitude towards food may have its roots. This self-examination is a work-in-progress but i am picking up some interesting clues.

I feel certain that this much welcome opening in my psyche has come hand-in-hand with my exiting BKWSU phase. NO, I am not blaming the BKWSU for my ills in this area but I wonder a bit about the negative personality traits and personal habits I allowed to persist despite of receiving the most elevated instruction about ... everything? Maybe I gave greater importance to so-called spiritual enlightenment over ensuring that I maintained a body 'fit and proper' for the soul to be resident in. Ah well.

Yesterday i tipped the scales at 69.85322498Kg (11st), the heaviest I have ever been in my life I am quite sure. Talk about being shocked, pleased and proud of myself all at the same time But what has changed i wondered? I still skip many mealtimes but i no longer place any great store in this destructive tendency, especially whenever i recognise those hunger pangs. Oh and I have started to exercise again (jogging) and plan to re-incorporate some of the other physical wellness stuff that i never made time for whilst a BK student.

Overall I think that from childhood i have allowed myself to be conditioned by restrictions and prohibitions through which my all-round personal development has been arrested. The journey out of or toward a more self-determined association with the BKs may be indicative that I am growing-up and so need to break free of the shackles - which were at one time supports that i clung to for dear life. And yes, I too will need professional assistance.

Because i am not a bona-fide ex-BK yet this feedback does not really focus on what one might coin as "post Gyan traumatic syndromes" but as a matter of personal record regarding diet and the like I felt motivated to share. As for alcohol and drug experiences ... to be continued at some future date maybe.

Perhaps this topic may lead us down a path in which we explore if/how some spiritual lifestyles prey upon whatever tendencies toward addiction, compulsion, and other forms of self-abuse we may have in our psyche. Sort of like, instead of reforming holistically we simply find our weaknesses disguised or rendered dormant in the name of God, Service or an institution that promises Spiritual transformation without really looking at the nitty gritty.

Thanks again and apologies for the length of this post.

Hi, I heard of legal and illegal drugs, meaning alchool, sleeping pills, whatever, being utilized by BKs, before, after and during their association with the organisation!

And whilst in charge of centers ... another taboo topic. More later

I Want A New Drug by Huey Lewis & The News

I want a new drug - one that won't make me sick,
One that won't make me crash my car, or make me feel three feet thick.
I want a new drug - one that won't hurt my head,
One that won't make my mouth too dry, or make my eyes too red.

One that won't make me nervous, wonderin' what to do.
One that makes me feel like I feel when I am with you, when I am alone with you.

I want a new drug - one that won't spill.
One that don't cost too much, or come in a pill.
I want a new drug - one that won't go away,
One that won't keep me up all night, one that won't make me sleep all day.
One that won't make me nervous, wonderin' what to do ...
I am alone with you, baby.

I want a new drug - one that does what it should,
One that won't make me feel too bad,
One that won't make me feel too good.
I want a new drug - one with no doubt,
one that wont make talk too much or make my face break out
One that won't make me nervous, wonderin' what to do. ...
I am alone with you, I am alone with you, yeah.

I've got an urgent question: Did any of you during the recovering-past BK phase ever fall in the trap of alcohol, "binge eating"(overeating) or taking light drugs like hashish, marjuana. And if the case what did help you and how did you get over it?

Thanks for bringing up this question.

I don't think that there is any simple answer. Therapy has played an important part for me. Many excellent therapists include other than speech channels of communication. Pictures, dance, dramatic enactment can reach the deeper parts of the self. I know that I drew pictures that I hated; my therapist wanted to keep copies! She saw so much of me expressing myself. The first thing she asked was for me to do a drawing of my family and home when I was growing up. By drawing I was able to use to reveal so much of myself to myself.

I certainly fell into binge eating soon after I came into Gyan. It was awful. I put on so much weight, for the first time, it was uncomfortable. Exercise was "banned" as being body conscious whilst being fat was acceptable. Any time you had was for service or meditation. Apart from the one, may be, prescribed picnic a year.

I suppose it was a simple sublimation of other desires and for women it was advantageous because it made them less sexually attractive to men and made them feel less attractive or reduced their self-esteem. I think we are quite unconsciously effected by the examples that are/were around us and there were a lot of unhappy, unhealthy puddings sitting in white saris in the centers I went to.

Personally, I think BK taking sleeping pills or tranquillisers is evidence of a complete failure of the practice. I do not mean that they are bad people but that it is a sign that something is out of order.

Personally, I do not use any. I like the smell of beer and have only "tongue tasted" alcohol out of an attempt at politeness in a social situation once or twice (I am not very good at polite but I try!) and I do not have anything against drugs from a moral point of view. To be honest, I see them all in the same category whether they are in a bottle, prescribed by a doctor on bought on a street corner. I am not denying it but I was not aware of such behaviour.

Just an observation:

Does anyone think that if drug and alcohol usage were NOT banned by the BKWSU that its members would not use them?

If you look at the amount of food that is consumed by MANY (not all) BK followers and the obese size of some of the people then they certainly are replacing something missing within themselves with an overdose of food.

Often I've heard that drugs and alcohol usage are forms of escapism. Great! However, overusage of food must surely fall into the same category, it feeds something missing within. And if one is not getting what one wants, one will want it more until satisfied. I understand that perhaps food to me, if I am not careful, is a replacement or an escapist form of UNCONSCIOUS unfed desire. Its called Greed. Or maybe Denial?

On another thought level, its also a form of punishing the self is not it? A way of making sure that no-one will look at one or than no-one can love one, if you look (and weigh) a certain way (weight) Way=Wei-ght? Then if no-one will love you, you won't have to face the issues associated with that 'love' either ... more denial of self. An so a cycle of 'need of love, feed the need' commences ...

Darn it, I just ate some chocolate, now why did I do that ...(!)

heheheh lets just say that marijuana smoking may have taken place at shanti and shakti bhavans let alone after Gyan heheheheh

Heheheh lets just say that marijuana smoking may have taken place at shanti and shakti bhavans let alone after Gyan heheheheh

I never thot to even ask ...

I never thot to even ask....

Bhavan boys and girls Takin it easy. Would you believe it? .

I remember catching a whiff of marijuana in the indoor air of an evening, whilst at one of the BK retreat centres. I am certain however that he or she wot inhaled was not a BK.

p.s. i got the giggles.

If you look at the amount of food that is consumed by MANY (not all) BK followers and the obese size of some of the people then they certainly are replacing something missing within themselves with an overdose of food ... chocolate.

"I am not loved, therefore I eat, therefore I get fat, therefore no one will love me, therefore I will eat ..." yup, mothers that give children food or sweeties instead of love and set up lifetime cycles of misplaced dependency ...

Food is a great way to knock out your mind, dull feelings, drown depression and, for women especially, to block and deny their sexuality with. Wasn't it the Buddha that was recorded to say it was better always to be a little bit hungry, only eat to 2/3 full or something?

There is an African tribal myth of how humankind used to live in happy contentment separately from bellies, and bellies lived wandering amongst the log grasses. One day, belly trick or talked humans to pick them up and carry them. (I cant remember the deal). Ever since then human kind has been motivated by some hunger or another and has to keep moving all the time.

There must have been something in the Murli about food the last few weeks. My friend is acting really stupid about food lately. As in not eating at all! Just some fruit and "pure stuff" to fill the stomach. (I, as lokik, cook for him).

He feels weak and sick, pain in his head ... no wonder!!! I try to get some food in and mostly works but has to be pure and simple, but just not enough to keep this man strong. That worries me.

He feels weak and sick, pain in his head ...

Nah, nah ... that is the meditation that is doing that!!!

Thanks ... you always make my day!!!

There must have been something in the Murli about food the last few weeks. My friend is acting really stupid about food lately. As in not eating at all! Just some fruit and "pure stuff" to fill the stomach. (I, as lokik, cook for him).

Denying food is a characteristically BK way of showing disinterest toward their body and the world. If all love is for One, one needn't hardly eat at all. This, the ecstatic follower tells himself, will be true bravery. He believes sufficient self-denial will give him kind of halo, a purity that will attract others, possibly leading to higher recognition in the BK pecking order. Lacking social skills to climb the BK ladder, he hopes to be recognized for spiritual merit and bravery, or for having a 'good stage', for something other than simply loving give and take, which can be its own reward. Denying himself food is the way he declares his bravery for one and all to see.

It's like the flu among BKs when those points come in the Murlis.