Dear ex-l,
Theory is needed to start with. If confusion is there in the theory, then practice will fail too. Practice can fail even when theory is good and clear, but the other way cannot be possible. So, first, we should be clear and sure in this. There should not be doubt, substitution of values, that we change the ideas and start thinking in a wrong way, that whatever is right to prove it wrong etc. It is still better to know what is right, but not be able to follow; some day you may be able. The example is a thief who steals and his heart bites, then he steals again and the heart bites less, then less and less, and for him stealing becomes normal.
So what is normal, what is not? What we should aim for and what we should not? This is of utmost importance. It is only when we have confusion there that we feel sad. For example, if we take the situation with a partner, if two persons are single but one of them things that surely, somewhere, someone is waiting for him, is there for him, i may have not found him, but there is definitely such a person and I am surely to find him, to meet him, then he will feel happy about it no matter he may be alone at the moment and another one may be lonely and sad and feel lost and being left behind ect. It is all a matter of our thinking. If we change this and our world completely changes and our emotions etc. Everything changes.
Regarding the topic raised, the point was that in each situation there is some benefit that we may fail to see. For example, the one who has not tried likes to try and the one who had tried wishes that he did not try. One is likely to turn eyes away from his own situation failing to find what is good there and looking with envy at others.
Many are not happy that in BK there are some rules and one has to follow. Rules in their essence are a good thing and it depends what kind of rules are there. Surely if they are made up just from someone, then they will be proven to suppress and give sorrow to others. Otherwise there could be such rules that may make us free. To be a Brahmin, to follow the code of conduct, may be also a matter of some dignity not in its impure form. It is even an honor if one is able to follow such high rules and standarts. And i feel that if someone sees the BK as just one of the spiritual paths, it is wrong.