Feeling better

Hi

Feeling much much better today. Went through a storm yesterday where I just cried and cried and cried. However, today there is calm after the storm and I feel so so relieved and a bit more at peace with myself.

This recovery process is such a roller coaster ride that I don't know if I am coming or going.

I would like to ask if anyone who may have been in a similar position to myself, in that they were children under the age of 10 who were practically brought up with the influence of the BK organisation and lived most of their adult life in it as well, how are you all coping?

Do you have any advice or suggestions that could help me on my journey? I think with me, I woke up so late in my life to what was going on and started therapy at such a late stage in life that it was only recently that I realised the impact that all of this has had on my life, my well-being, my personality, my stamina, my career, my relationships and the list goes on.

I think that the older you are, the much harder it is to deal with. I just keep asking myself, why did I not see it earlier? But I think that I was so so conditioned by the time I was a teenager that I couldn't even think for myself. I got stuck in that age of being a teenager. And right now, I am living my teenage life in an older body. Has anyone else had this experience? If so, how do you deal with this frustration aside from having professional therapy?

yours

Enlightened

Feeling much much better today. Went through a storm yesterday where I just cried and cried and cried. However, today there is calm after the storm and I feel so so relieved and a bit more at peace with myself.

I am glad to hear today is better than yesterday. You felt your emotions, trusted them and went with them. You followed your own inner wisdom. You need no other "advice". You'll get suggestions and other ideas, and if you use the same intuition, follow your emotion, it will guide you.

Your experience reminds me of the story of Psyche and Eros. It is, if you like, a feminine Hero myth. It reveals the feminine approach to "overcoming". It carries deep wisdom. (I will share it if asked, or it may begin a new topic - what do people think? or add it to "Hullo from Terry Thread?)

Despite the marketing as a feminine/feminist organiation, the BKs are a patriarchal religion, with patriarchal structures & values, and mostly divorced from the feminine.

right now, I am living my teenage life in an older body. Has anyone else had this experience? If so, how do you deal with this frustration aside from having professional therapy?

Me too, being a BK from 19 years of age to well into my 30's, I matured in other ways but emotionally and sexually I was still 19 when I came out the other end. What do you do? Do what you have to do. It is essentially about trust, in Life, in your Self in others. Some suggestions to build on :

- Differentiate the natural responses from the "learned" ones, follow those.
- Expand your circle of friends, follow up interests. How?

- Make a list of all the things you've wanted to do, places you've wanted to go, the kind of people you want to be with.
- Set the goals and plan the steps to get there. Keep it where you see it daily. Tick off your achievements as you go. If new ideas come, add them. Don't let too much time go by without a new tick.
- Opportunities always arise, so when Life offers something to you, say "Yes, Why Not?" and go for it. Don't be afraid to make "mistakes".
- Don't hesitate from saying "No" to things/people/habits from the past that you want to move on from
- Take a bit more risk than you might normally. Be sensible but not over-cautious. You'll be surprised how most people respond positively. start with little things and build up - talk to the person next to you on the bus, compliment people more freely (that's something that worked for me).
- Stay in close touch with nature, animals, children, close family & friends, no need for a reason.
- Make improvements to your home environment.
- Go and see "Yes Man" with Jim Carrey. A Hollywood "feel-good" flick - fictionalised from a book by a person's real experiment with saying, "yes" to absolutely everything. Its a bit of fluff, but also a fable that might encourage you. It cannot hurt (and the thing with the old woman is something that was in the book).

Nothing you can do that cannot be done. All you need is love

Hello enlightened,

I am happy to hear you had a better day. I was not a child in Gyan, and I know there are some important differences for those who were. But I do relate to many aspects of your recovery journey that you describe. I was deeply "hypnotised" by the whole thing and it was a slow and painful process for me to leave and find a life for myself outside. I have written a little about it elsewhere.

I would absolutely reiterate what Terry said. Feel your emotions fully and unconditionally, do not judge them, do trust them and follow them. My response to Gyan was to completely cut myself off from my emotions - that is how I interpreted the teachings. It has taken me a long time to learn to feel anything again. I can say with conviction now that emotions are absolutely the way home. What I have learned is to simply experience the physical sensations of my emotions. If I don't try to resist them, if I don't think about them, if I don't judge them as good or bad, I simply feel what I am feeling, this always returns me to peace. And I am much older than you are.

One "method" that has helped me immensely, and you might like to look at, is The Work by Byron Katie. (I know! Another BK!) It is a simple and powerful tool of self-inquiry. By questioning all your painful thoughts, complaints, beliefs about life in a systematic way, they cease to have such a hold over you. I don't know how to make a link here, but if you google the name, you will find the website.

Be kind and patient with yourself. Each person's journey has its own momentum and its own unique directions. Your commitment to it is admirable and I wish you well. Here's a quote I like from A Course In Miracles - Infinite patience leads to immediate results.

Be well, and keep posting. There are many people here to support you on your way.

Hi, everybody, I had no Internet available for a while, but I am alive and happy and always grateful and close to this valuable community in thoughts!

Welcome to all the new members that might have joined in in the meantime.

Despite the marketing as a feminine/feminist organisation, the BKs are a patriarchal religion, with patriarchal structures & values, and mostly divorced from the feminine.

I strongly agree with this statement, always knew it is just PR. All this "keeping the women (with moustache, beards and the worst typical masculine defects being enacted!) in front, giving girls a chance. To do what, to develop ego and authoritarianism, so that they can climb the SS's heart as well as the BK's hierarchic ladder?

If you are loving, supportive, kind, soft, if you empathize, sustain and care for others, and students in particular, you will attract a lot of envy from those who are uncapable to give and accept variety of souls (unconditional love). You will be accused for not being strict enough, and labeled as one who has attachment.

The impression I get is that the BK attempts and often succeeds in turning humans into icicles, into barren deserts, by closing their heart chakra, if you allow me to define this process in few words.

In fact, if you reject the chauvinistic model and its dogmas, if your being a shakti means something more trascendental and genuine, strong in spiritual powers, firm in your principles but gentle, you encounter plenty of disapproval, from the big mother Yagya. Because it s a male monster of Kaliyug that feeds itself with Iron Aged values.

Because of that felt choked in such an organization. This divorce, disharmony, seems artfully designed to make people unbalanced and out of touch with their true self. They create artificial roles: women that act like pushy and bossy men, men that have to turn into subservient eunuchs.

The concept and rule of "obey and do not question" is central in this sect, like in any dark, medieval society. I suppose the idea is deny your own self and feelings and adhere to a superimposed "true original nature" that we teach you, custom made according to the needs of the organization, whilst you trample on yours! So, shaking off this metaphorical burka, makes one feel better!!

Thanks to everyone for your kind advice whether on public forum or by pm. I really really really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.

Yours
Enlightened

All the best to you,

I was a fully surrendered member, the kind that would have called you a second birth Brahmin and all that nonsense. The centre where I was at had some very young students whose parents were morning class material.

I, personally, always tried to at least make the experience fun for the kids and not sombre and serious. To look back now, I wince when I think about the 5 year old girl that was so lucky to be able to do seva in Baba's palace, dusting etc.

I, personally, always tried to at least make the experience fun for the kids and not sombre and serious. To look back now, I wince when I think about the 5 year old girl that was so lucky to be able to do seva in Baba's palace, dusting etc.

Yes, it could make one wince when those who are like deccani and enlightened could have been indoctrinated by those who have now left the BKs and are now in this forum .

Enlightened,

There is nothing wrong with, there was nothing wrong with you and there won't be anything wrong with you. Believe in yourself that everthing has been right, and everything will fall into place. Forget the age sex race aspect of it all. Just be who you are, and don't compare, it is your choice to do what you want, and you feel you haven't found what you are yet capable of, so give yourself space and time.

Wish you much luck and love.