Could the anger be self-directed?

for ex-BKs to discuss matters related to experiences in BKWSU & after leaving.
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BraveAthena

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Could the anger be self-directed?

Post30 Dec 2009

In reading many of the posts on this site, I perceive many ex-BKs as angry and bitter, even after much time has lapsed. It makes me wonder if perhaps that anger is really directed at ourselves for having believed and dedicated so much of our lives (money, energy, etc.) to the BKWSU?

How could we be so easily deceived, played upon? And consequently, the loss of faith is in ourselves and trusting our own judgments ... Could this be a part of it?

I have questioned this in myself. However, unlike many of you, I have no regrets, harbor no anger, even though some of the worst and most traumatic experiences of my life were while being a BK. At the same time, some of the most beautiful, sublime and heavenly experiences of my life were while being a BK.

It has been propitious for me to have found this site at the close of this calendar year ... Although it has stirred up many things in me and brought back a lot of stuff I would rather forget, it may indeed be the time for me to finally heal all wounds and close the BK chapter of my life for good. Having been a very spiritual being all my life, I see the BK chapter as a stepping stone of sorts. I learned and experienced a lot spiritually, I discovered myself in many ways, and now I must use that to move on to my true life's path.

I wish the same for all of you recovering BKs: freedom, forgiveness, renewal. Let's let go and put all this past us. Our new life and world awaits.
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ex-l

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Re: Could the anger be self-directed?

Post31 Dec 2009

BraveAthena wrote:I perceive many ex-BKs as angry and bitter, even after much time has lapsed. It makes me wonder if perhaps that anger is really directed at ourselves for having believed and dedicated so much of our lives (money, energy, etc.) to the BKWSU?

I don't know ...

I suspect that, as one Dr. John C. Gunn once wrote, intoxication is "a flame which soon subsides, and leaves nothing but ashes of self reprehension and bitter reflection behind it". You might be right in this case.

The only thing that "angers me" (it is not really anger) is constantly being accused of by the deceitful and corrupt Brahma Kumaris that I am "angry" or "aggressive" when what they really mean is 'principled' and 'persistent'. What do you do when a liar accuses you of lying ... ?

    (The answer to that is usually to disengage and run ... liars are far more skilled and more practised at lying).
Personally, it was always a) the principles of the matters, and b) the genuine victims of their abuses that motivated me. The reality of both of those is inarguable.

There is a small degree of disgust at what they turned out to be and a large degree of genuine public concern about their agenda that I cannot ignore. I am also concerned that such stereotyping of ex-members is a key defence in any cults armory ... and we have heard it many time.

Yes, I think some ex-s are angry - and being angry could well be an important phase of escaping the BKWSU oribit (as in, it might not even be "anger" at all but rather a "powerful resolve") but usually just with one or two people that did them wrong. Is that wrong?

I think the other question I have to ask you, if we are to be honest, and that is ...

    how much time and money did you put into them?

because.parmeshwar

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Re: Could the anger be self-directed?

Post31 Dec 2009

ex-l wrote:• how much time and money did you put into them?

The anger really comes out when I start thinking about time and money we put into them. I remember when I was active BK, I was rushing to put money (whatever) in to the service, thinking that I am building my fortune. In fact, I was not putting even a single thought for this.

Here I can openly appreciate my father for stopping me from donating our old house to BKs. The physical service I was hesitating to do because of fear and guilt consciousness of not accepting the service by bigs. So I remain doing the service of brooming, taking adherents from one place to other on my vehicle, getting the leaflets printed etc ...

There I've noticed one thing, the vehicle which belonged to the centre are supposed to be used by centre niwassis only. And they took it as their own property.

Still going to centre, they are noticing my change ... I am noticing theirs ...
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BraveAthena

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Re: Could the anger be self-directed?

Post31 Dec 2009

Just a few more thoughts, and then farewell even from this site ...

The flip side of this possible self-directed anger is to see that we are valiant souls who are indeed EX-BKs! Folks, WE'RE OUT!! We had the valor and wisdom to finally "see the light". We must view ourselves with love and pride! Besides, for the majority of us, we only went on that path because of our great love for God and humanity ... that is a NOBLE side of ourselves which now we must fortify and remember... Congratulate yourselves on the eve of this year for being such courageous, special souls!

P.S. If you read the heading of my posting and my words carefully, you will see that it really doesn't have anything to do with anger towards the BKs. If you wish to express that anger, please start your own posting. This one is intended to be of finding peace with ourselves, nothing more ... Happy and Beautiful 2010 to all!!
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ex-l

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Re: Could the anger be self-directed?

Post01 Jan 2010

Thank you for your comment. Yes, I understand. I see what you are saying, i.e. to own any personal emotion as one's own and not project it to others ... how to work with it, transform it etc.

Really I just wanted to suggest to folks that perhaps it is not actually even "anger" ... the expression of which has this terrible connotation coming out of the BKWSU.

I try to get people to see it as the "rocket fuel" required for individuals exiting the BKWSU to escape the orbit of the BKWSU. It is a natural part of the process of internally contesting all the BK programming within them. It is not "bad", per se. It is just natural.

Yes, what you say is right on all counts. It is wiser, one needs to be more gentle with oneself, it is better spiritual politics not to. But, I did honestly wonder if there was a connection between how much of oneself one put into the BKWSU and how emotional exiting was.

I did not really put much in and so I was not too upset to leave. I just did not like all the chasing VIPs stuff and felt that it was all very unspiritual and therefore very uncool.

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