11 Dec 2011
From Ex Brahma Kumaris: Ex miembros de BKWSU familiares y amigos
Retreat Experience
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For several years I practiced Raja Yoga meditation. Luckily I walked away after seeing the double standards that exist in the organization. Taking part in their retreat helped me to see how it works inside BK. I liked the meditation. I used to have very nice experiences. At first I was scared a bit because my body felt lighter and I had the sensation of floating, as if out of my body. I felt I was flying lap of my spiritual Father. Sometimes I do not know if it was a product of fatigue but I felt that God was watching me and filled me with love.
The retreats were exhausting. We used to work hard in preparation. We made purchases of provisions, decorating scenarios, cooking, cleaning and catering for many people, especially former teachers and guests from other areas. We slept a few hours and got up to the meditation at 4.00 in the morning. Then some cooked and prepared the breakfast room for all, or the classroom (sound and lighting, cleaning). After these strenuous tasks, we would go to class and group meditation sitting auque lieth us. During the class were "subtly punished" with phrases like "purity in thoughts is what gives energy", "fatigue is impurity", "must be more aware of the soul", and many others.
It was assumed that these spiritual encounters were for personal and spiritual strength to share the interests of knowledge among all members. They were "great opportunity" for several days without the distractions and responsibilities of the world with people with similar interests to meditate and reflect on Raja Yoga.
The retreats routine was exhausting. 4.00 to 5.00 in the morning meditation, from ending until 07.00 and no time to cook breakfast or shower and prepare for class. Meditation again from 7.00 to 7.30 and class (Murli) until 08.30. Presentation of topics of the retreat, guests, etc. 9.00 breakfast. 10.00 Class on the topic of retirement. 11.30 break (which is usually served fruit or tea and sweet pastries). 12.00 continue the class until lunch time, which could vary between 13.00 and 13.30. After lunch, some rest and take naps (a group kitchen preparing dinner and snack, others clean). 16.30 to 17.00 Afternoon tea and then meditation group (45 to 60 minutes). Evening class and meditation from 19.00 to 19.30 (sometimes the class continued until after 20.00). At the end of each class gave us a toli (Sweet Home). Dinner and tidy again. Some retreats are offered special meetings or extra meditation after dinner. Clean, sleep and start over yet again!
We used to joke privately about the fatigue that we always felt at the end of the retreat, participants were encouraged to share experiences and it was inevitable to see that they made jokes in private, in front of everyone saying how they felt mild, full energy by Baba (God) spoke about the deep thoughts that were due to classes (even thought they slept in their seats through half of those classes). There was such pressure not to complain that many "created" fabulous stories of experiences during meditation. I remember the case of a woman who suffered from depression, was dissatisfied with the person who coordinated the activities, which was publicly humiliated and isolated task "important." She used to have an artificial smile on her face most of the time, spoke of the wonderful subtle experiences she experienced, how God had transformed her life. Those who knew her best, knew perfectly well that her life was falling apart. She had lost her husband, had no steady job, no family support. I sensed loneliness and anxiety, but listened and applauded after hearing "their wonderful experiences ".
I have no words to describe the fatigue I felt after these retreats. I used to joke after saying "never again, next time I have to be invited to remember this moment and say, no thanks". Of course, I turned and went back through it. I needed to "serve God", to "do the right thing". It was like an addiction, no matter how I felt. I was continuing to get sick.
One thing that always struck me, which was avoided as the members make extended meditation in the morning or afternoon. When putting on special meditation programs called "Yoga Batti", they used to attend a few, sometimes none ... (local residents only). Of course, classes were always full of demands and expressions with respect, for the need of this special meditation which was so necessary to "burn the sins of many births" and "transform". Not all were attracted to sit and meditate for hours. In general, women (teachers and coordinators) were hyperactive, moody, controlling and anxious. Men tended to be submissive, competitive, dependent and avoidant.
Eventually, I could see the resulting relationships between coordinators and head teachers and common students and new. That disenchanted me a lot. Of course, when I spoke to told me that it is "normal". If more would have remembered the feelings of "the days of my childhood" (spiritual childhood, that is, when I began to meditate), understand that with time and the need to create the subjects of the kingdom of Heaven. I discovered that BK is a great pyramid in which those at the bottom only have to obey those above, they have no choice. Only a member must obey or not. I chose to walk away and not belong to a system that lies to the newcomers, offering free classes, peace, love and equality.
The hardest thing was to stop meditating. At first I felt very guilty. I felt I was wasting my time, I lost my spirituality. I would wake up at night with nightmares about the end of the world. I had trouble concentrating during the day. I had a sensation of floating while doing any task. I felt anxious and scared. It was hard to accept that the BK meditation I was doing wrong.
I appreciate the opportunity to share this experience. I think important to warn the general public about BK. They are not what they seem.
Loneliness