BK Ruins Family Life

for ex-BKs to discuss matters related to experiences in BKWSU & after leaving.
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ex-l

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Re: BK Ruins Family Life

Post16 Oct 2017

I'd just like to re-iterate ... "but don't over-react in the first place" and get a good grasp of what BKs is and what its beliefs are *before* introducing her to this site etc.

The BKs have lines of defence prepared to use against objective or critical views and she will find it hard to re-concile the facade of BKism with the inner workings of BKism we might expose, that she will not have seen as yet. Furthermore, BKism might appear to her to be the 'liferaft in a storm' she was looking for and the only way out.

One possible alternative would be for the partner to offer a safe, less nihilistic, better quality liferaft the partner is also in, e.g. guide her to a non-cultic meditation group and join her with it. At the beginner levels, there's no much difference between what one might do there and do at a mindfulness or breathing exercise type meditation and that level of meditation might be all that she needs. Not the entire cult persona.

The BKs are very subtle, tricky and well practised in their gradual manipulation of individuals.

I think it is 100% irresponsible of them to meddle with a young mother and a family and condemn them for it.
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Pink Panther

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Re: BK Ruins Family Life

Post16 Oct 2017

Good point Maui.

Post-Natal Depression is now known to sometimes hit women up to 4 years after giving birth, not always straight away.

The other effect giving birth can have is on how it shifts the mother’s sense of identity, her role in the world. Who she is has suddenly changed.
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Andrew

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Re: BK Ruins Family Life

Post21 Oct 2017

Mr Green wrote:Apart from locking her up which is illegal there is nothing you can do except be there for her when the crash comes. The BKs use powerful techniques to brainwash people, she will have been told stuff in secret from you and she will not tell you! Go away together as a family maybe you'll have a chance

I actually disagree with " there is nothing you can do except be there for her when the crash comes."

There is something else I have been undertaking and just need a last push to complete it: having her speak with ex-BK members themselves who can tell their true story.
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Pink Panther

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Re: BK Ruins Family Life

Post21 Oct 2017

Andrew wrote:There is something else I have been undertaking and just need a last push to complete it: having her speak with ex-BK members themselves who can tell their true story.

Hi Andrew,

Why do you think that would be as effective as you believe it will? Is there a chink in her armour that you think is open to persuasion? The cult mind is not driven by logic, more by emotion and need, ego-identification with a group whom they feel ”community”.

Often they may have an intuition that there is a fallacy or artifice about it all but it makes life or some aspect of it easier for them, it’s a kind of crutch, an addiction which is kind of recognised by the person but which they are unwilling yet (or unable) to give it up.
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Maui

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Re: BK Ruins Family Life

Post25 Oct 2017

I am sorry to tell you Andrew, that I am one who did speak to ex-bks; and heard their true story ... many, many of them. None of that worked with me. One thing Pink Panther says about, "may have an intuition that there is a fallacy or artifice about it all ... unable or unwilling to give it up." That's me. You are so entrenched you hear but it does not mean anything. I had a partner who incorporated themselves into BK life ... to save me ... although I did not know this at the time. I was too entrenched to go anywhere else, do anything else; the community aspect was too strong for me ... I left friends and family. I nearly lost myself. I feel like I am in quick sand; but I know something is intrinsically wrong now; and for the first time I am feeling some asemblance of clarity.
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ex-l

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Re: BK Ruins Family Life

Post25 Oct 2017

Is your change a question of timing ... their message just took time to get through to you or something in your own life changed ... or is it a question of having sufficient support?

For me, what the BKs have always done, by washing away and hiding their past, is keep adherents trapped in a, sort of "two to three years until Destruction ... what if" suspended animation and, where possible, just keep them too busy in service to really think!

But this is a different case and I am concern for the family as there are children involved and, I am sorry to say this, the way marriage and children are presented in BKism is as a kind of eternal 'failure of destiny'. They call "being in bondage", or "mothers in bondage". Trapped from being a BK 'proper' (pukka), unable to surrender fully, unable to "earn an inheritance" for the next Kalpa, and so on.

The relationships are portrayed as bad karma that needs to be paid off, nothing about "love, honour, duty and commitment".

It's all language and concepts that date back to the early days of BKism where, to be quite frank, Lekhraj Kirpalani and his original adherents were in a state of deep delusion.

This case is different as experienced support is involved and, from our side, we are further long the road now. We know far more about the BKs' deception and manipulation of followers.
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Maui

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Re: BK Ruins Family Life

Post25 Oct 2017

I really wish I could answer that, ex-I. I don't know for sure ... and, yes, for me also children were involved, although not young. But the damage was done ... a lot of damage to our relationships.

But I do know there are many, many new ones with young children and they are all being targeted as "family" and Sr. Mohini actually has a phone group with parents; "BK couples" to discuss issues. I was on it only once a few years ago and it seemed general and non-controversial as well as not at all direct. People were afraid to really ask the hard questions, me as well.

As for having specific support, I am grateful that my partner stopped hounding me about all this; went along but unknown to me at the time, was involved to discover truths and gently we discussed over time. I also found this site but did not register for years ... couldn't believe what I am now finding. Your continual support is more than greatly appreciated, ex-I, Pink Panther and others because you planted a seed. That seed grew and, at least for me, I became more questioning about just what I was being manipulated about. I really, truly did not see it. I am a professional and am embarrassed to say that.

I just did not see it.
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ex-l

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Re: BK Ruins Family Life

Post25 Oct 2017

What held you in addiction to it?

Something emotional that the BKs played and preyed upon?
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Maui

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Re: BK Ruins Family Life

Post25 Oct 2017

That's not only a very fair question but an extremely valid point ...

There is a strong attraction to so-called family and connection - a deep feeling of belonging. I see clearly now how that was played and preyed upon at moments of weakness. I always enjoyed that as well as doing service with others. I was treated with much VIP status at first but when I became aware of how unequal that is, I made myself one among many.

That's one of the things I hate and stand up for others, that I see being abused much to Sr. Mohini's chagrin. Gaytri and Mohini always put us in front as white couples amidst a sea of Indians' and wanted to show that 'BKs did not break up families. That's when, when I realized what they were doing, and stayed away from any and all functions.

I am still connected in a helping way with others but have decided to no longer go to Madhuban with this service. There is an attachment to some, I have made some deep friendships among BKs ... knowing that if I leave, how they would feel about me then as well as association ... so I guess, is that really friendship?

I still become mesmerized with deep Bhattis, AV, being a part of it all. That's why I am trying to stay away and limit most communication both by phone and email with all my connections.

You said it well, ex-I ... emotional addiction.
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Pink Panther

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Re: BK Ruins Family Life

Post25 Oct 2017

Maui wrote:There is an attachment to some, I have made some deep friendships among BKs ... knowing that if I leave, how they would feel about me then as well as association ... so I guess, is that really friendship?

What I found is that there are some, a very few, who are what I would call direct, actual friends. As a psychologist once wrote in an article I read year ago, being ”friendly” with other kids in the school playground is different to true friendship. As social creatures we befriend whomever we are with and get along and enjoy ourselves but only form deep bonds with a very few, if any.

There is a sense of being able to talk ‘deeply' with other BKs whilst being a BK but there’s only those very few, if any, who will talk deeply in non-BK terms, dispassionately, honestly and critically about BKs as a group in the same way they’d discuss any other thing, other groups, poltics etc. Most put truth a distant second behind being "nice”.

Many ex-BKs want absolutely no BK friends, many will even avoid other ex-BKs. They want nothing to do with anything from that time. Each has to do or decide based on their needs, the individuals involved etc.

I suppose the real test is the old touchstone of ”a friend in need” versus ”fair-weather friends” i.e. If you were not a BK at all, how much would they be willing to put themselves out?

BKWSU encourages BKs to help each other as it fosters that ”family” identity” but unless it is to try to win an ex-BK back to the fold, they do not encourage association or time spent with them other than minimal "duty” based fulfillment. In fact they fear that ex-BKs will contaminate BKs.

I know from my personal experience that Dadi Janki treats ex-BKs as Orwellian ”non-persons”, they no longer exist and are not to be mentioned, regardless of what they have contributed in time and skills etc.
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Maui

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Re: BK Ruins Family Life

Post25 Oct 2017

From your personal experience, Pink Panther, was that painful for you to be treated with that lack of regard, a "non-'person"? It would be for me from some I am close to, but not from Dadi Janki.

Met and been with her many times, have seen her in action ... I have lost total respect for her. You raise good scenarios re: friendship. It's humbling to realize there may not be many at all, or only for duty's sake.

Thank you for this to think about.
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ex-l

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Re: BK Ruins Family Life

Post26 Oct 2017

Pink Panther wrote:BKWSU encourages BKs to help each other as it fosters that ”family” identity” ...

It a paradox, is not it. One would to be "perfectly" friendly with the emphasis on being well mannered ("royal" and "divine"), and forced to be so to people you might never naturally have any interaction or not "like" at all, but not really being friends.

I always thought normal friendship was serious Maya creeping in, could only occupy a forbid space consisting of slacking off from surrendered "service", and becoming attached.

I cannot remember any BK I knew showing or voicing personal "need" that might have been match by real friendship. My recollection is that personal problems were always channeled via the senior Sisters, presumably if someone was having a hard time, they went to speak to them.

Was there more mutualism in smaller centres away from the big Seniors, or after I left?

I remember being exploited by one BK for their own personal gain or convience near the very end of my time, and it being one of the last straws, but that for the most part we were all very guarded about liking particular others.
... but unless it is to try to win an ex-BK back to the fold, they do not encourage association or time spent there other than minimal "duty” based fulfillment.

I know from my personal experience that Dadi Janki treats ex-BKs as Orwellian ”non-persons”, they no longer exist and are not to be mentioned, regardless of what they have contributed in time and skills etc.

Yes, "contagions of rationality" ... dangerously lucid detergents of the collective delusion to be handled with rubber gloves and goggles on in case they caught your Maya too.

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Pink Panther

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Re: BK Ruins Family Life

Post26 Oct 2017

Maui wrote: ... was that painful for you to be treated with that lack of regard, a "non-‘person” [by Dadi Janki] ?
No, it was not me I was talking about. If I was a non-person to her I would have no contact and no knowledge. What I was referring to was an incident whilst still a BK about another who’d left.


It was the last time I saw DJ. She was leading the meditation from the gadhi. I was in charge of playing the meditation music. I played a track recorded by Eugene Romaine recorded when he was a BK but he had left BKs a few years earlier. After about 20 seconds in, she recognised the song and his voice, interrupted the meditation looked at me and instructed me to stop the music, said he does not exist anymore, he is dead to BKs now, to play something else. I was taken aback and did as instructed but the moment was significant.

We have actually discussed other Orwellian traits of the BKs in other posts.
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Maui

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Re: BK Ruins Family Life

Post26 Oct 2017

How awful ... how very disturbing.

I had a friend that had left to find out about the PBKs and joined them. No one reached out to him from the BKs and, as of now, I am still in touch with him and he is thinking about leaving them too. But I had overheard my center in charge say to another that he was a traitor; make no contact.

This was a wonderful, elderly gentleman who served so much and was loving to everyone he came in contact with. He still tells me to say "hello" to some of the others. I don't have the heart to tell him what they really feel.
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