Cold detachment

for ex-BKs to discuss matters related to experiences in BKWSU & after leaving.
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Wonieka A. Meuter

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Cold detachment

Post29 Dec 2012

This blog I wrote a few days ago, before I encountered this information. Although it sideways on the Brahma Kumaris is, it has everything to do with it and I want to share this forum, because the insight could be helpful to others.

The cold detachment of the tyrant and how it can be otherwise

Very long time for me were tyrants and the power they exert the most frightening that existed. I had a rather dominating Father whose will was law and who had trouble with my strong will and I therefore often called me a dictator.

For long, power was something dirty for me and what I resisted. Until I came in a position of responsibility during the eight years that I’ve made part of the Brahma Kumaris (around my thirties). The tyrant in me became visible and that frightened me deeply. That what I rejected in my Father so much, did I do myself. I was trying to impose my will on others, working to control them and I could not bear that they did not meet my requirements. I cried rivers of tears. Dealing with power and authority has since remained a topic that every time in my life appeared.

There are many ways in which tyranny and power can be exercised. Both visible in very clear examples of rulers who we know from the course of history and current events, as more subtle forms of oppression and exert control, such as the power that victims exercise. Victims drew attention to itself and helpless behaviour causes others to take care of them.

I have seen many tyrants in my life, because everybody has a tyrant in himself, whether or not visible at the surface. These included employers, an occupational physician, leaders of spiritual organizations, therapists and friends. But even a toddler, I've seen up close and that the tyrant to the utmost knew to introduce up to the refusal of food. A very powerful and intelligent soul, which finely knew where the weak spots are of the people and how he was able to play them. In a small body wrapped, could you just misjudge and then Martin could sometimes seem pretty cute. The strength, endurance and will of the child went further than you usually see in a child less than two and I can not but taken from a previous life.

With Martin in my mind I want to make clear how the tyrant in you and me, and especially spiritual seekers and spiritual leaders can be seen and felt. Spiritual concepts like detachment and illusion play an important role in my opinion, and I want to share how I transformed these forces and concepts in my life.

A few months I have witnessed and cared for Martin intensive and daily. He could scream as he not get his way and was in no way to stop. The extent to which he could exercise his power was more extreme with time. Precisely because it was a child that I had have an intense and loving connection touched me greatly. Martin got me to make a profound and powerful connection with God. By being great in my energy and charisma, I could stop him sometimes. He put me in addition to detachment, so I became no longer attached down to the smallest to any feeling and not to how others did to me. For he made it clear to me that I am too much valued on warm feelings and that I made too important, so I could not look at what happened as it happened and I just was able to be deceived by him. But how I dealt with it was new to him. What was new was, that I showed me a master who revealed sadness and being vulnerable, that every time dropped open her heart, how often also kicked. It brought him into a delay and did something shift inside him. Sometimes tangible, sometimes visible in the eyes. (*)

The detachment, as in many spiritual movements practiced, and I myself have practiced with the Brahma Kumaris, is in many cases a cold, where individual importance of the spiritual experience is paramount. What I show now and what I practice is a detachment which I'll stay involved. I still feel. Everything. Then I am totally for example in feeling and expressing my anger and sadness when nasty to me done. And then, when everything is felt, to investigate what exactly took place. The insights usually come make my heart remains open and I can continue to love the person (s) with whom I initially felt disadvantaged.

In the form of cold detachment, someone has no illusions anymore, so someone sees everything as an illusion, as something that is not true and therefore no value. In various spiritual movements, the entire earthly existence is seen as an illusion. You feel so detached from life gives power, because nothing can still hit. You sit in your own cocoon of purity and light. I see it as a male form of spirituality, because many spiritual leaders through the ages were men. Briefly, the male character is more set to a movement that is directed outward, where the female character is rather inward and receiving.

The feminine way of participating in the life, in which I part my light (my understanding), Martin often answered with arrogance. Though it is an ancient history now and nothing. He felt far above. It looks too ordinary. It is not impressive and it does not seem like something you dread watching.

And how impressive a tyrant seems, he is not free from his past, he carries his burden still with him, while he creates new charges by the power he continues to exercise. I see in pictures and movies gurus, masters - or whatever they call themselves - bless others, if they have the power to change the life of others on that way. They sit on a throne or not, whether or not in special clothes, separated from their listeners. Unapproachable. Separated from the life. Not accountable for their own behavior, which after all is infallible. The really lively sparkling celebration of life is often lacking and is not visible in the eyes. They are detached, their eyes mostly empty, as if they were no longer on earth.

How important the tyrant, guru, spiritual leader, etc., and the greater his power became, the more his life is at stake, depending on as he became of his position. The true face of the tyrant you do not get to see. "Errors" and omissions will never be admitted, because then you show you are weak and you are vulnerable, so you could lose esteem.

In my life with others, I show that I can be vulnerable, by sharing what is happening in my life, also the moments of confusion or doubt and where I see things colored. I show that I keep it up, keep me faithful and that I just get stronger from, because for me there is nothing to defend and nothing to lose.

I also exercise power, it escapes no one. A strong person with many insights into life and in others always has power. Since I am quite aware of. In my intention to live from unconditional love, I continue to feel, I stay investigations, I continue to participate in life without attachment to how things should look, that it should look like a certain way or a desired outcome should have. If I may be permitted I use my power from a warm and committed heart for the benefit of you. I hold you and I let you go, any time. Until enough or until the road is clear.

(*) As Martin still could not speak much of what I write about him based on my observations and interpretation by what I clairsentient and clairvoyant way to see him and have read and which is recognized by those who were there.

© Wonieka A. Meuter

Published in dutch on http://ontwikkelennaarheelzijn.wordpress.com

dany

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Re: Cold detachment

Post30 Dec 2012

Scars in personalities of leavers of the so called "spiritual cults" can always be noticed, even after many years of disassociation. This is the reason why cults such as BKWSU should be dealt with in a more serious manner by those who have authority, exactly like any dangerous and destructive drug ... !

Wonieka A. Meuter

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Re: Cold detachment

Post30 Dec 2012

If it is true that someone comes to power, prestige, respect, etc. then that someone does not give up so quickly. I have experienced a lot of cold in the BK and especially to those in charge. They feel that they have to do so and that it is correct. Probably too much tightened in lies and in their power to still be able and wanting to bend. The importance of this in order to maintain is too large. It looks like you (still) want something from them, they do not want to give.

Leaders will be there as long as there are people who give them power. It has given me a lot to investigate the tyrant in myself and to explore all aspects of power and powerlessness by feeling. That has made me free.

Such experience that we have gained in the BK where we stepped into with much expectation, it can make you no longer dare to believe that it is possible to heal yourself. It requires an enormous effort, but one thing I know is that they's from BK are enormous effort makers!

With love, Wonieka
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ex-l

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Re: Cold detachment

Post30 Dec 2012

Wonieka A. Meuter wrote:I have experienced a lot of cold in the BK and especially to those in charge. They feel that they have to do so and that it is correct.

I wonder too how much of this cold detachment is just a power game and how much is an adoption of unself-realised Indian tendencies which has nothing to do with wholeness of spirituality? Perhaps even tendencies going back to the 1930s/40s when the BK attitudes and conformal behaviour were set?

As we write, India is being rocked by two death following shocking rapes. Thousands are protesting and some believe their deaths may be a turning point in the nation's attitude to women. Change is unlikely to come quickly ...

India obviously has big complex problems with sex, affection and inter-sexual relationships ... with most of the blame falling on the male side. I can see how from the BK perspective in India putting up a big wall up is the simplest and easiest response to the problems they bring up.

However, I think it is a bit of a joke that Indians think they can teach the world about relationships and I think it is a joke that magically sitting on you butt will somehow rewind all the world's problems back to a perfect age or perfect behavior.

Looking at all the videos that are being uploaded of the BKs in India, it appears to me that more and more the BKs are ageing and it is a religion of middle age to elderly retirees, probably previously from arrange marriages, in which all this is essentially a non-issue.

I am not against celibate lifestyles and I came from a northern country in which people were not particularly warm and affectionate towards each other simply because the weather was so bloody cold and wet and one aspect I found particularly weird in the BKWSU was how the Indian males could be so affection towards each other, and so too were the old Indian women and the Western females.

Poor white Brothers were left a little bit out of it like sanyasis.

One has to question whether there is any truth to the idea that we need to be touched so many times a day to remain healthy and balanced.

Wonieka A. Meuter

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Re: Cold detachment

Post30 Dec 2012

What strikes me in your writing is that you seem to look for answers, you want to understand what went wrong. What has made the BK is as it is.

Leaders will be there as long as there are people who give them power.

We are all together this world and this world and the people who live in it have become distorted. They have become far off their spiritual identity. What can I do? I have long fought like a Don Quixote against the windmills and it has never worked. Not for myself and others went only in resistance. Did not listen to me. I became exhausted. What else can I do but heal myself and show in everything I do, that it is possible to live unconditional love, that it is possible to be in connection with others and that it is not necessary to abuse your power? What do I contribute if I keep fighting and keep blaming others? Do I have the right to speak and to demand that others change or will be sincere if I do not do myself?

My choice is that I always want to be honest with myself and with others. That I myself always can see straight in the eye.

With love,

Wonieka

Wonieka A. Meuter

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Re: Cold detachment

Post30 Dec 2012

I wrote a blog about Don Quichote, perhaps it is interesting for you, ex-l. I have translated it in English for you.

With love, Wonieka

http://ontwikkelennaarheelzijn.wordpress.com/2012/04/21/don-quichot/
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ex-l

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Re: Cold detachment

Post31 Dec 2012

It's a long time since I read Don Quixote and I cannot remember the analysts' interpretation of it. It's still considered one of the greatest works of literature and, of course, everyone from literary giants to Jungian soothsayers make much of its meaning.

In English, a "Don Quixote" is someone who is seen as an "impractical idealist bent on righting incorrigible wrongs", chivalrous but engaged in a futile act. I think I can accept that. But "tilting at windmills", which we take from Cervantes's story of Don Quixote (kee-ho-te), means "attacking imaginary enemies" ... and in the case of the Brahma Kumaris, they are very real ones.

Partly, I accept the futility of taking on a big, rich and well dug in "enemy" such as the Brahma Kumaris, but, on the other hand, we've changed them slightly and saved or made a difference to a few lives.


I have no idea how much of an effect we have had ... except from the strength of reaction of numerous irate BKs ... but I suspect many people in the West have been spared allowing the Brahma Kumaris to waste their lives ... or, at the very least, gone into the BKWSU with their eyes opening knowing which questions to ask. Some people say we have really saved lives as a number of ex-BKs have felt suicidal at the time of leaving. I am sure we've encouraged BKs to leave.

What have you done?

I tend to find the people who devalue what we do here are those who keep good relationships with the BKs or are what I call demi-BKs, i.e. they have left outside but are still in inside, or those for whom the BKs are useful, e.g. the New Agey business BKs who benefit from the social and business association, but I am not accusing you of being either of those.

I don't know ... would my own personal life benefit if I just walked away from the BKs? Very slightly is the answer ...

But then, why does anyone do anything for anyone else in this world? It's my little specialist service to the world I suppose. My charity. My "role in the Drama" the BKs tell me. I think they think I might be the lead of the Anti-Party reincarnated or something!

What do you think?

Wonieka A. Meuter

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Re: Cold detachment

Post31 Dec 2012

For me the detailed information that can be found on this forum and on the corresponding site, had been very helpful to have clearer to get what I already knew in part. The 8 years at the Brahma Kumaris have been of vital importance for my development. No waste of time. That would be if I would blame the BK about my life and I would do anything with myself. All the experiences I've gained, however painful, have enriched my life. Furthermore, it is also nothing new. These things happen in many spiritual organizations around the world. This is what our world has become.

I have very precisely written to you what I do and what I did, but it may be that it has no value for you because your interests are different. I have told my story, that's enough for me. Maybe someone will recognize something or that someone can look with a slightly different view through what I've written. Then I am happy. I have no interest in keeping many reminiscing after 16 years. It's over. I live now. I do not judge what others do or what you do. That is not for me. I think everyone on earth is gaining experiences which they want to do, otherwise they would do it differently. You do this work because it apparently gives you something.

I do not think in right or wrong. Something happens and something happened. There are perpetrators and there are victims, usually in the same person. Each has its own responsibilities and has to justify. That is not for me. It is up to me to my own heart to keep open so that I can be compassionate to my fellow human beings. That is what I choose.

With love, Wonieka

clearernow

Re: Cold detachment

Post31 Dec 2012

I have told my story, that's enough for me. Maybe someone will recognize something or that someone can look with a slightly different view through what I've written. Then I am happy. I have no interest in keeping many reminiscing after 16 years. It's over. I live now. I do not judge what others do or what you do. That is not for me. I think everyone on earth is gaining experiences which they want to do, otherwise they would do it differently.

Dear Wonieka,

Certainly you have given a different viewpoint which to me personally sounds like coming from a truly loving and honest heart which is the core of spirituality. What touched me from your story is your non-judgemental approach /attitude, taking full responsibility for your choices in life, focussing on present and not putting the blame on others. Thank you very much for sharing your story.

Also a very happy new year to you (and to all the readers/members of the forum).

Cheers

Wonieka A. Meuter

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Re: Cold detachment

Post31 Dec 2012

Thank you for your reply and for your wishes!

Also a happy new year for you.

With love, Wonieka

arzu_468

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Re: Cold detachment

Post09 Jan 2013

Om Shanti

detachment does not mean to be insensitive, it means being conscious while maintaining relationships and facing situations. if u constantly remain aware of your original qualities and remember that you are a soul, you can deal with people or situations from a third party's point of view or a witness(sakshi). wat u gain is that- u bcum unbiased n deal with everything as if u r not a part of it. the judgement or the decision u make becomes correct. now all that needs to be practised with daily meditation and will not happen in a day. it cannot be proved with a scientific formula as spirituality is beyond the five elements. u have to realize it n experience it...Om Shanti
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ex-l

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Re: Cold detachment

Post09 Jan 2013

arzu_468 wrote:wat u gain is that- u bcum

I can cope with brainwashed cult members repeating what we have all heard 1,000 times ... but I cannot cope with brainwashed cult speaking in txt language.

Arzu, speak proper English here.
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howiemac

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Re: Cold detachment

Post09 Jan 2013

arzu_468 wrote:wat u gain is that- u bcum

Arzu, speak proper English here

seconded!

Patzcuaro

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Re: Cold detachment

Post11 Jan 2013

Wonieka,

I fully support your attitude and approach to most of the posts. I can see years of hard work in the right direction. The results are clear and, even mixed with other cults (which always helps), I can clearly see BK's essence footprint in your view, which is no more than self compromise with silence, love, respect and compassion towards own and world's gradual trasformation into something closer to human's divine origin.

Congratulations and thank you very much

Patzcuaro
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ex-l

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Re: Cold detachment

Post11 Jan 2013

Patzcuaro wrote:... world's gradual trasformation into something closer to human's divine origin.


The Brahma Kumaris definition of "gradual transformation":
    • death of 7 Billion human beings (all non-BKs and other religions)
    • a blood bath civil war in India
    • the sinking of all continents except India through violent collapse, earthquakes and tidal waves
    • final all out nuclear war depleting the stockpile of nuclear weapons.
All within "2 to 3 years" (... also known as WWII, 1950, 1976, 1986 - 1996 and Year 2000).

Of course, the world their god spirit uses inside the religion is "Destruction" not transformation.

This is partly why it instruct its adherents to develop "cold detachment" from all human beings, not just family and friends.
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