Master Cards
An antidote to psycho bollocks.
Best enjoyed using a Chinese or Gangster Accent
Cut out and use at real parties.
This is genuine “Deep ****”.
Warning : Do not use on people who love cuddly toys.
In no particular order:
Purpose
As a Master I know that there is no other purpose that the pursuit of kicks however I do it without ******* in my own or anyone else’s backyard.
Accuracy
As a Master I know that getting things right is a great way of looking cool. Hey man give me five!
Openness
As a Master I know that openness is my goal, I look forward to the day when I can say “Hey take a look, you can’t pin anything on me”.
Knowledge
As a Master I know that I cannot know everything but I know that it is only fools that get caught.
Love
As a Master I know that love is very nice, but I also know that the best kind comes absolutely free.
Beauty
As a Master I know that beauty don’t last so I live it up whilst I still look good.
Generosity
As a Master I know that I sure feel good when I know that I am helping save the planet.
Compassion
As a Master I know that compassion should only be used to comfort those who can’t take a reality slap.
Courage
As a Master I know that I have failed if I have to use courage. Knowing this I close my eyes and flip the coin, death or glory.
Self-Respect
As a Master I know that I am the man, despite what the whole world may think.
Understanding
As a Master I understand what every devious ******* is up to and I take them out first.
Stability
As a Master I know that when everything goes tits up around me it isn’t my fault, so I chill.
Gentleness
As a Master I know that a soft touch is nice but that I am not a “soft touch”.
Introspection
As a Master I know that a mirror never lies. If I look **** I am ****.
Positivity
As a Master I know that positivity is state experienced by lucky people. As a master I take reality “neat”.
Wonder
As a Master I wonder at the supreme ability of my fellow man to **** things up.
Integrity
As a Master people know that what I say I will do, you know what I mean?
Peace
As a Master I know that peace is an illusion caused by a break in the fighting.
Spontaneity
As a Master I know that spontaneity is just something of mine I don’t see coming.
Transformation
As a Master I know that transformation is undertaken by people who think they have screwed things up.
Good Wishes
As a Master I know that “Good Wishes” is another way of saying “You need help”.
Enthusiasm
As a Master I know that enthusiasm is the opposite of depression but unlike depression it rarely lasts.
Creativity
As a Master I know that I have a mind that even surprises itself.
Caring
As a Master I care for myself as I know that no-one else really gives a damn.
Trust
As a Master I know that trust is a risk not worth taking.
Acceptance
As a Master I know that I cannot control everything so I accept that sometimes it is best to duck when the **** hits the fan.
Delight
As a Master I know that people experience delight when they think everything is going to plan.
Strength
As a Master I know that I am only strong when I have stone, paper and scissors.
Respect
As a Master I know I have to respect that other people will not respect me and watch my back.
Royalty
As a Master I know that royal behaviour is an expensive fashion accessory.
Truth
As a Master I know that truth is relative to peoples experiences and dreams.
Self-confidence
As a Master I know that self-confidence is only as strong as my last success.
Freedom
As a Master I know that I will never be free, I only change ownership like a used car, until I am scrapped.
Silence
As a Master I know that silence is only a pause before something better happens.
Harmony
As a master I know that the whole world will never get into key so I just gently hum to myself.
Tolerance
As a Master I know that tolerance is compromise and is a sign of failure.
Farsightedness
As a Master I know that just like in the movies the “injuns” are just on the other side of the hill.
Flexibility
As a Master people know that like a flexible “switch” the more I bend the harder I come back.
Insight
As a Master I know what you did last summer.
Happiness
As a Master I know that happiness is the afterglow of kicks.
Honesty
As a Master I know that no one can take real honesty so I have mercy and remain silent.
Easiness
As a Master I am easy as I can walk out whenever I want.
Determination
As a Master I know that determination can take me a long way but first I check that I am heading in the right direction.
Co-operation
As a master as I know that relationships are a good source of kicks.
Lightness
As a Master I am light as I know that I don’t have your problems.
Patience
As a Master I have the patience of a Vulture.
Balance
As a Master I can wobble gracefully.
Simplicity
As a Master I know that complexity is just simplicity ganging up me.
Serenity
As a Master I know that even death will be serene ... so long and thanks for the kicks.
Tirelessness
As a Master I know that even a good kip is a pleasurable activity.
Contentment
As a Master I know that if I feel content I am selling myself short.
Power
As a Master I know muscles are flash but the ladies prefer stamina.
Forgiveness
As a Master I always forgive but never forget.
Humour
As a Master I know that humour is man’s greatest achievement.
Empowerment
As a Master I remember that once I wasn’t.
Maturity
As a Master I know the difference between maturity and a load of crap piled sky high with age.
Communication
As a Master I know that communication is a means of becoming very excited.
Politeness
As a Master I know that politeness is only a smoke screen.
Concentration
As a Master I know that If everyone could concentrate they would all be geniuses.
Discipline
As a Master I know that there really is too much of a good thing.
Appreciation
As a Master I know the effect of thanks, chocolates and flowers.
Healing
As a Master I know that healing is a good time to reflect on how I ******* up.
Humility
As a Master I have no need for humility, what I get I deserve.
Wisdom
As a Master I know that I have found my own wisdom and that you will have to find yours.
An antidote to psycho bollocks.
Best enjoyed using a Chinese or Gangster Accent
Cut out and use at real parties.
This is genuine “Deep ****”.
Warning : Do not use on people who love cuddly toys.
In no particular order:
Purpose
As a Master I know that there is no other purpose that the pursuit of kicks however I do it without ******* in my own or anyone else’s backyard.
Accuracy
As a Master I know that getting things right is a great way of looking cool. Hey man give me five!
Openness
As a Master I know that openness is my goal, I look forward to the day when I can say “Hey take a look, you can’t pin anything on me”.
Knowledge
As a Master I know that I cannot know everything but I know that it is only fools that get caught.
Love
As a Master I know that love is very nice, but I also know that the best kind comes absolutely free.
Beauty
As a Master I know that beauty don’t last so I live it up whilst I still look good.
Generosity
As a Master I know that I sure feel good when I know that I am helping save the planet.
Compassion
As a Master I know that compassion should only be used to comfort those who can’t take a reality slap.
Courage
As a Master I know that I have failed if I have to use courage. Knowing this I close my eyes and flip the coin, death or glory.
Self-Respect
As a Master I know that I am the man, despite what the whole world may think.
Understanding
As a Master I understand what every devious ******* is up to and I take them out first.
Stability
As a Master I know that when everything goes tits up around me it isn’t my fault, so I chill.
Gentleness
As a Master I know that a soft touch is nice but that I am not a “soft touch”.
Introspection
As a Master I know that a mirror never lies. If I look **** I am ****.
Positivity
As a Master I know that positivity is state experienced by lucky people. As a master I take reality “neat”.
Wonder
As a Master I wonder at the supreme ability of my fellow man to **** things up.
Integrity
As a Master people know that what I say I will do, you know what I mean?
Peace
As a Master I know that peace is an illusion caused by a break in the fighting.
Spontaneity
As a Master I know that spontaneity is just something of mine I don’t see coming.
Transformation
As a Master I know that transformation is undertaken by people who think they have screwed things up.
Good Wishes
As a Master I know that “Good Wishes” is another way of saying “You need help”.
Enthusiasm
As a Master I know that enthusiasm is the opposite of depression but unlike depression it rarely lasts.
Creativity
As a Master I know that I have a mind that even surprises itself.
Caring
As a Master I care for myself as I know that no-one else really gives a damn.
Trust
As a Master I know that trust is a risk not worth taking.
Acceptance
As a Master I know that I cannot control everything so I accept that sometimes it is best to duck when the **** hits the fan.
Delight
As a Master I know that people experience delight when they think everything is going to plan.
Strength
As a Master I know that I am only strong when I have stone, paper and scissors.
Respect
As a Master I know I have to respect that other people will not respect me and watch my back.
Royalty
As a Master I know that royal behaviour is an expensive fashion accessory.
Truth
As a Master I know that truth is relative to peoples experiences and dreams.
Self-confidence
As a Master I know that self-confidence is only as strong as my last success.
Freedom
As a Master I know that I will never be free, I only change ownership like a used car, until I am scrapped.
Silence
As a Master I know that silence is only a pause before something better happens.
Harmony
As a master I know that the whole world will never get into key so I just gently hum to myself.
Tolerance
As a Master I know that tolerance is compromise and is a sign of failure.
Farsightedness
As a Master I know that just like in the movies the “injuns” are just on the other side of the hill.
Flexibility
As a Master people know that like a flexible “switch” the more I bend the harder I come back.
Insight
As a Master I know what you did last summer.
Happiness
As a Master I know that happiness is the afterglow of kicks.
Honesty
As a Master I know that no one can take real honesty so I have mercy and remain silent.
Easiness
As a Master I am easy as I can walk out whenever I want.
Determination
As a Master I know that determination can take me a long way but first I check that I am heading in the right direction.
Co-operation
As a master as I know that relationships are a good source of kicks.
Lightness
As a Master I am light as I know that I don’t have your problems.
Patience
As a Master I have the patience of a Vulture.
Balance
As a Master I can wobble gracefully.
Simplicity
As a Master I know that complexity is just simplicity ganging up me.
Serenity
As a Master I know that even death will be serene ... so long and thanks for the kicks.
Tirelessness
As a Master I know that even a good kip is a pleasurable activity.
Contentment
As a Master I know that if I feel content I am selling myself short.
Power
As a Master I know muscles are flash but the ladies prefer stamina.
Forgiveness
As a Master I always forgive but never forget.
Humour
As a Master I know that humour is man’s greatest achievement.
Empowerment
As a Master I remember that once I wasn’t.
Maturity
As a Master I know the difference between maturity and a load of crap piled sky high with age.
Communication
As a Master I know that communication is a means of becoming very excited.
Politeness
As a Master I know that politeness is only a smoke screen.
Concentration
As a Master I know that If everyone could concentrate they would all be geniuses.
Discipline
As a Master I know that there really is too much of a good thing.
Appreciation
As a Master I know the effect of thanks, chocolates and flowers.
Healing
As a Master I know that healing is a good time to reflect on how I ******* up.
Humility
As a Master I have no need for humility, what I get I deserve.
Wisdom
As a Master I know that I have found my own wisdom and that you will have to find yours.