Reflections on Childhood Abuse Prior to Becoming a BK

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leela

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Reflections on Childhood Abuse Prior to Becoming a BK

Post28 Feb 2009

I think it was Joel who wrote somewhere that he comes here to discover himself. I like that. Reading around on here recently, I had an experience of this self-discovery.

The first part of the epiphany is about the role of the BKs in my life and my own recovery from childhood sexual abuse, which I will only summarise here. My experiences of abuse happened in a time and place where public response was a nudge and a wink for the perpetrator, and blame and shame for the victim. The unacknowledged, unexpressed trauma and terror led to a major shutting down of my natural emotional responses.

Being so shut out of myself, I also felt shut out of the whole world. I only knew dysfunctional relationships and I felt desperately lost. I was searching frantically in the only place I knew - outside of myself. Being "found" by the BKs, I felt SAVED. The external God and the future salvation was a perfect match for my external focus. The apparent denial of all human emotion in the BK world was another good fit, and validated my own shut down position.

More powerful for someone who had no idea how to live was the set of RULES. It was a huge relief to be told how to live every moment of my daily life. I had little response to the mediation, but the whole lifestyle served me very well for many years. Until of course it did not any more, and I moved on to other things.

The second part of the epiphany is a clarification of my very mixed response when I read about sexual abuse in these pages. These days, any whisper of a sexual offence brings public outrage, hysteria, cries for blood. There is plenty of that in these pages. I am always a little suspicious of this type of "righteous anger." For one thing, my journey to reclaiming my life has NEVER been about punishing the perpetrators. It has always been about regaining access to my inner world. Furthermore, feeling responsible for the emprisonment or punishment of someone can add a whole other layer of trauma (Read Maya Angleou - I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings). And exposing the experience more widely can compound the shame.

When I read "child sexual abuse" trotted out again and again on these pages, and the anger that usually goes with it, I want to ask what your issues are and what your agenda really is. Sexual abuse is everywhere, and probably less so within the BKs than outside. I don't believe the WHO - whether a priest, a Father, a stranger, or a BK - is anywhere near as important as the HOW - whether there was brutality, injury, rape/penetration, or just some groping. If my experiences of abuse were repeatedly cited in an attempt to "out" an organisation, I would feel violated all over again. Using the experience of a third party to wave the flag of your own agenda can justly be construed as another form of abuse.

If you want to build a case against the BKs, I don't think child sexual abuse is an appropriate vehicle. There are far more valid grounds in the use and abuse of power that leads to mental, psychological, and emotional trauma. There are some very moving accounts of this in the Spanish language thread, and a very insightful summary by Saraquel in this one.

However, all the posts here and all points of view have served me in finding another piece of my puzzle. And now that I see it, I also see that it is blindingly obvious, but is that not always the way of enlightenment. Many thanks to EVERYONE for ALL your posts.

Terry

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Re: Reflections on Childhood Sexual Abuse

Post01 Mar 2009

Dear Leela

Thank you for your directness and honesty. You have articulated clearly something I have often felt reading these pages without fully comprehending the feeling.

When you say of your experience
leela wrote:The unacknowledged, unexpressed trauma and terror led to a major shutting down of my natural emotional responses. Being so shut out of myself, I also felt shut out of the whole world. I only knew dysfunctional relationships and I felt desperately lost. I was searching frantically in the only place I knew - outside of myself. Being "found" by the BKs, I felt SAVED. The external God and the future salvation was a perfect match for my external focus. The apparent denial of all human emotion in the BK world was another good fit, and validated my own shut down position. More powerful for someone who had no idea how to live was the set of RULES.

... this describes not only yourself, but a common reason why many others seek the services of the BKs, and become BKs. Sexual and other abuses within the BKs is often discussed here, but for many the "trauma, terror and shutting down" often comes from life experiences before BKs. Without putting my mind to it I can easily think of 6 people who either had dysfunctional families, or were abused psychologically, or emotionally, or violently, or sexually in their pre-BK life. If I scanned a list I could probably find more names of people who have confidentially mentioned it to me. Most of them are long term BKs.

Would the BKs ever consider surveying their followers to find what proportion had these experiences? And then incorporating their findings into their approach for "serving" them?

I fear that the answer would be, "No".
Most people come to the BKs for "inner work" rather than to learn how to alleviate their poverty or their physical ailments. But because of how it has evolved, the BKSWU, rather than seeking to find better ways to serve their constituency, would try to avoid such an issue, as it

    - a) belittles the reason someone has joined, i.e. they are there because of a negative reason, not a positive, and
    - b) would require them looking beyond their own field of "expertise", and refer people on to someone "outside" & "lokik" - acknowledging the limitation of the Gyan's ability to heal inner wounds, (In other posts - "Hullo from Terry" - I told of how Dadi Janki advised people to look only to the Murli et al for advice, never to look to "lokik" counsellors, therapists, astrologers etc, all had "limited" knowledge and ulterior motives.)
    - c) would require them, in light of any of the above, to openly acknowledge and deal with such cases that happen under their care, and have in place clear guidelines and procedures for "Duty of Care" and other checks and balances which is only reasonable,and to be open to scrutiny
Ironically, for a "spiritual university" it is more straightforward "good karma" for the BKs to deal with poverty and physical ailments (Global Hospital etc) than with trauma and abuse sufferers. Can you imagine them telling a BK they no longer required BK services, that they were to all intents and purposes, cured? In Gyan, no one is ever considered "cured" by them until the whole world is "cured"!
leela wrote:... any whisper of a sexual offence brings public outrage, hysteria, cries for blood. There is plenty of that in these pages. I am always a little suspicious of this type of "righteous anger" ... my journey to reclaiming my life has NEVER been about punishing the perpetrators. It has always been about regaining access to my inner world ... And exposing the experience more widely can compound the shame ... When I read "child sexual abuse" trotted out again and again on these pages, and the anger that usually goes with it, I want to ask what your issues are and what your agenda really is. Sexual abuse is everywhere ...

It is a human enough response that I have found myself guilty of at times. Individuals who within themselves are uneasy, or under pressure, or feeling less than whole, and who can find a common identity (in this case involvement with the BKs) can then collectively find a sacrificial lamb, or scapegoat which allows them to express things, & externalise stuff rather than own it for themselves.

It is why in this forum, and elsewhere, it is valuable to have others pull us up on what we say and do, so we do not lose perspective. This openness, call it free speech, can be ugly sometimes but is preferable to (the wrong kind of) silence. Others' comments led to your comments. Hopefully these will in turn lead to some reflection and some wisdom. It's a beautiful thing.

If it is not asking too much Leela, are you able to (less generally and more particularly) describe how Gyan and Raja Yoga worked for you, and then what led you to move on? Is it a bandage on a wound, or a crutch that supports, while other healing takes place autonomously, unconsciously, or is there an experience of consciously healing through it?
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ex-l

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Re: Reflections on Childhood Sexual Abuse

Post01 Mar 2009

leela wrote:When I read "child sexual abuse" trotted out again and again on these pages, and the anger that usually goes with it, I want to ask what your issues are and what your agenda really is.

Accepting that as a fair allegation put to myself, and answering for myself only, I would like to answer churlishly in the first place, to illustrate the point.

I, by keeping it alive, am doing nothing ... its the leaderships' Karma. Specifically, its the leaderships' karma for taking steps to cover it up and attempt to make sure the name of the BKWSU and child sex abuse were never connected ... even to the point of cleverly worded half-true or misleading statements. What I want to draw attention to here is the double standards at play; when something unfortunately happens to someone else, "its their karma". When "karma" comes back to the Brahma Kumaris, it is put aside, denied, the 'messenger' accused and so on ... its anything but their karma.

And they still have no duty of care programme for their followers.

I have thought of what you are saying but would continue to bring up or discuss the matter because there are many cultures, perhaps like your own, where sexual abuse is still not discussed and the victims victimised more. India and the Brahma Kumaris Pakistan are two of them. I suspect we never discovered the full extent of it. I do not know of any other way to wake up some and protect others.

Lastly, for this post, where I stated the issue was to debunk, yet again, the inane promises or falsity of the Murlis (the channeled messages allegedly from God) and the senior Sisters where we were promised, like the kittens to the mother cat, "not a hair on our heads would be harmed". Baba's holey [sister in charge] umbrella of protection.

    And here is was going on in the holy of holies Madhuban ... fit that into your paradigm and explain it to me.
All BKs should be painfully aware of, and examine, this dissonance. Why does "God" lie ... make false promises ... get it wrong or whatever? We got the pseudo-official explanation ... "it was their karma", it was "even better karma for it to happen in Mount Abu".

Terry

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Re: Reflections on Childhood Sexual Abuse

Post02 Mar 2009

ex-l wrote: We got the pseudo-official explanation ... " it was "even better karma for it to happen in Mount Abu"."

Did they really say that? Is that statement documented, a first hand account, or hearsay?
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joel

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Re: Reflections on Childhood Sexual Abuse

Post02 Mar 2009

Courageous that you can write about your history here, Leela. I've been thinking how our neuroses are related to the way we attempt to protect ourselves internally, to keep some part of ourselves alive.

As far as the tone of the forum, the emphasis on abusive behaviors within the BK organization, when I first began posting I thought everyone would be using the forum for a kind of therapy. I see that there is also a place for outing and blaming (often deservedly) the opportunistic culture of predation that masquerades as doing God's work on Earth.

Terry

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Re: Reflections on Childhood Sexual Abuse

Post02 Mar 2009

joel wrote:I've been thinking how our neuroses are related to the way we attempt to protect ourselves internally, to keep some part of ourselves alive.

Neurosis is protecting ourselves FROM the internal to the point of twisting our behaviour. It arises when the ego is rigid or too dominant so as not to allow a healthy flow of life force from the unconscious.

That barrier can be a natural response for a while, to enable a person to function rather than be overwhelmed by a trauma or bad experience or similar. But if neurotic symptoms appear, it indicates that the time has come to work through those things. It's akin to using a tourniquet to stop the bleeding,but if it is not loosened regularly, and there's not proper treatment of the wound, permanent damage can occur (like seemingly permanent change of character and personality, obsessions & phobias etc).

BK culture, like a lot of therapies that only work on the level of consciousness, encourages the reinforcement of the ego structure - not a bad thing for some who need that for a while, but not ideal if the underlying cause is not addressed. Hence my question to Leela, asking how it served her after her traumas from before Gyan. Hopefully she will find time to read and reply.
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desi_exbk

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Re: Reflections on Childhood Sexual Abuse

Post02 Mar 2009

I guess everyone on this website has their own agenda. But, we all share a common thread - we are affected by BKWSU (for better or for worse). As for me, I would like to see BKWSU close their shop in India. That I know, is not realistic - unfortunately, just by looking at the members on this website, I can see why cults like BKWSU not only exist but thrive. Next best thing we can hope for, is that they change. Yeah, let's fix BapDada. BapDada - He/she/them - is (are) pretty good in taking the feedback and rolling it into Avyakt Murlis. So, I am always ears when someone talks about a plan on how to get that accomplished.

Also, for folks like me, English itself is a limitation. Spanish posts or threads are Latin to us :D. I will be curious to know/read their experiences.
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leela

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Re: Reflections on Childhood Sexual Abuse

Post03 Mar 2009

First let me thank you all for interesting and stimulating replies. There a number of points that I want to follow up on, but I will have to do so bit by bit due to time constraints right now.
Terry wrote:You have articulated clearly something I have often felt reading these pages without fully comprehending the feeling.

Ditto. I have been aware in myself of a reluctance to criticize the BKs and a resistance to the "blame them" tone that is often used on here. Being as honest as I can with myself, I can only find gratitude and appreciation for my BK years and what it did for me even though some of it was difficult. "Coming out" to myself as one of the many traumatized individuals who find some kind of refuge from themselves and the world within the BKs does seem to belittle and invalidate the profound and powerful 'spiritual" nature of the experience. This is the question I find myself in the middle of right now. Can the two things coexist without contradicting each other? Have I romanticized the memory? I shall reflect some more on that. The details you ask for about how exactly I was served by the BKs I will go into next time.
Joel wrote:I see that there is also a place for outing and blaming (often deservedly) the opportunistic culture of predation that masquerades as doing God's work on Earth.

Maybe so, if that is truly your experience. It was definitely not mine. My original point I would like to reiterate, and maybe an old BK addage is appropriate. When you point one finger at another, three fingers are pointing back at you. I find that to be true for myself - when I repeatedly blame someone else for my own unhappiness, it is a clear indication of where I am not present to myself. We may like to think we are serving others by outing the opportunistic culture of predation, but are we absolutely sure we are not guilty of opportunistic predation (ie citing the abuse experiences of others) in our projection and blame that masquerade as outing?
again, Terry wrote:This openness, call it free speech, can be ugly sometimes but is preferable to (the wrong kind of) silence. Others' comments led to your comments. Hopefully these will in turn lead to some reflection and some wisdom. It's a beautiful thing.

Absolutely! I am more and more appreciative of the process.
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leela

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Re: Reflections on Childhood Sexual Abuse

Post04 Mar 2009

Terry wrote:If it is not asking too much Leela, are you able to (less generally and more particularly) describe how Gyan and Raja Yoga worked for you, and then what led you to move on? Is it a bandage on a wound, or a crutch that supports, while other healing takes place autonomously, unconsciously, or is there an experience of consciously healing through it?

It was interesting to contemplate this after all these years. I can unequivocally say there was NO experience of consciously healing while a BK. I was pretty dismissive of the impact of rape and molestation at the time, and would have denied any connection between past trauma and being a BK for the reasons that Terry gave - that it seemed to belittle and invalidate the whole BK experience. I can remember being quite defensive and insistent that there was no connection.

Trying not to analyse too much from today's perspective, here's the list I came up with of the way I remember benefiting from Gyan:

    God answering my prayers- I absolutely heard it as God speaking and telling me what to do. I had no choice but to follow the path, even though I was terrified of joining a group and having to interact with people.
    Rules to follow - I cannot over emphasise the importance, the relief, at having God-given rules for how to live.
    Knowing the Truth - In the beginning, I heard the teachings as the Absolute Truth and was thrilled to be enlightened.
    Promises - of becoming whole and perfect, of experiencing God in meditation (never happened!)
    Purpose - to serve
    A Community - that was unthreatening and comfortably undemanding in terms of emotional interaction and personal contact.
    Positive Confirmation - in being different. As in, no wonder I was so dysfunctional in the world. God always had other plans for me.
    A Sense of Identity and Pride - especially in being single and celibate. A sexualized child becomes sexually precocious and the development of any other sense of personhood is derailed. So it was a sweet discovery and a source of amazement to live amongst so many celibate people - (until I moved to London after about 7 years and discovered it wasn't so!).
It may sound like a bandage or a crutch, but since I was in denial about the effects of abuse, it was not at all experienced that way. I still today credit the BKs with picking me up, putting me on my feet, giving me inner strength and discipline, and pointing me in the right direction. One of the major themes in my leaving - a very protracted and painful period - was a craving for emotional reality. It sounds a little ironic today as I feel I only really discovered what that means recently. For many years, the discipline I learned from the BKs, the spiritual arrogance, the belief that certain practices would lead to certain experiences, carried me and served me. Until it did not any more - and for that story you can read my posts in Anything Goes - New Openings Triggered by Gangaji. (I really must learn how to make links.)

Today, this journey into myself feels like a gentle freefall leading to deeper truths and greater freedom. As long as I don't sit down for too long in, or hold on too tightly to, today's truth, it seems there is always something deeper to discover. I am happy to be here and be a part of this forum.
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leela

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Re: Reflections on Childhood Sexual Abuse

Post05 Mar 2009

ex-l wrote:What I want to draw attention to here is the double standards at play; when something unfortunately happens to someone else, "its their karma". When "karma" comes back to the Brahma Kumaris, it is put aside, denied, the 'messenger' accused and so on ... its anything but their karma.
And they still have no duty of care programme for their followers

Could this be the Law of Karma in action - yours and others' efforts are being met with an equal and opposite force? After reading Eugene's long saga with the BKs over establishing a duty of care policy, I eventually felt great admiration for his persistent efforts, and nobody can dispute the necessity for such a policy. But my first reaction to it was quite different.

When there appear to be elements of personal issues, a grudge, or a chip on ones shoulder behind a campaign to effect change, it is not surprising that the efforts are met with a "not my karma" kind of defence.
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tom

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Re: Reflections on Childhood Sexual Abuse

Post06 Mar 2009

enlightened wrote:I am totally confused.com with this website now. There's too much bickering going on. It's all getting a bit too complicated for me. I like to keep things simple and to the point. I don't even understand most of the discussions that are going on let alone keep up with them. It's doing my head in, help. Maybe I should just concentrate on getting out of my depression and traumas. I don't know who is telling the truth on this forum, I don't know who is genuine either. I don't really feel I can express myself and what I have lived and witnessed in the days of my life as a BK which is a shame

You are right dear enlightened,

i don't understand also how some posters who should be in the red forum are taking over in this forum giving confusing messages and making meaningless pundit discussions in BK paradigm. These posters seem not to be genuinely interested to take or give any help, they seem to have much free time to spend with chatting here. I am not reading them any more because I don't understand what nonsense they say. I feel frustrated too.

Much harm is done to the forum's positive and friendly energy lately by leela. Despite of being a helpless victim in her childhood herself, with no other choice to shut down her reactions, her anger and her emotions, blaming herself but not the perpetrator, as all small children do who are sexually abused from close relatives. Without getting any help and treatment, just trying to stay alive, she met BKs and found refugee in a cult with the most maniac, twisted theories about whatever violence happens to somebody; one has to become introverted and make Yoga to burn his/her impure karma. Whatever violence happens to others, one has to turn the back and walk away. Multinational factory of zombies.

So leela is, thankful to the BKs as they indoctrinated her, suppressing her emotions further and letting her not blaming anybody but her own past impure karma. Kumbakarna sleep is sweet. Without having processed her traumas, after leaving the BKs, her mindset is still in the pukka BK conditioning and instead of having empathy and understanding to other sexually abused children, within the so called BK family, who were victims of their so called BK Brothers or BK Sisters. Leela jumped into the discussions like an elephant into the china shop, as an arrogant BK lawyer of the perpetrators, she paralyzed and frightened the victims who hardly speak here with great difficulty maybe with only one sentence about the incredible event.

Leela with her frozen and suppressed emotions, in denial of the violence what happened to her and to others, wrote blaming posts and targeted me also as I was the only harsh accuser of the perpetrators.

I repeat here again, I want the pedophiles and the responsible ones who covered them up within the BK world to be exposed and brought in front of the court. My personal wish for the responsible ones is that they get according to the law because of protecting the perpetrators' years long sentences and they should not be allowed to run any organization. For the pedophiles, I don't see any other punishment and treatment but only castration. These monsters can not be cured, as soon as they get out of the jail they do it again. Children must be protected from their criminal urge.

At one point of my life before Gyan, I did for a period voluntary work in one NGO for children's rights. We worked together with lawyers and experts on this field. There I learned that more than 90 per cent of children who were sexually abused in their own family were not talking and the perpetrators were never coming in front of the court. The child's childhood and innocence was stolen and the pedophiles were not punished because they were close relatives and the child could not blame them but only himself or herself.

Contrarily to leela's assumptions, according to the international laws, there is no difference between rape and/or groping if it was done with sexual intention and has affected the child's psychology badly.

leela needs some professional help to process her traumas and to become alive again with her emotions. She needs also some information about the international laws for children's rights. This website can help Karisable.com - Child Abuse.

Dear enlightened, my advice; read only the posts of those from whom you are learning something, and with whom you want to share something. Ignore the others. So do I. So there will be as usual no answers from me whatever they will write.
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paulkershaw

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Re: Reflections on Childhood Sexual Abuse

Post06 Mar 2009

Hi Enlightened,

My response to you would be to say that what you are going through on this forum is also part of the re-alignment process and life post-gyan, one has to learn to live with what one chooses to live with. In other words, don't try and keep up with everything on the forum, you are correct that you will be dragged into the 'lively debates' ;). So do what I do, choose what you want to respond to or create your own threads.

In one way, one has to be careful that one doesn't replace the restrictive, compulsive and obsessive lifestyle of BK styled Gyan with another - including the connection to this forum, and the way it changes and alters all the time. See your life as an organic process still in progress and just focus on being on the forum when you want to do or when there is a valid process that it offers you but there's no need to keep up with it all. Nor is there need to answer every post, or even allow others' 'bickering' to affect you. It's their 'stuff' not yours, we others here can make a difference between each other and also we shouldn't be replacing one system with another, but rather finding our own unique individuality within. And, my goodness, this forum really has some unique personalities in place.

My suggestion really is to say to you to take care not to replace your ex-gyan life with this forum but rather see it as a slice of a large cake. Enjoy just a slice here and there and go off to enjoy the other parts of the cake during the rest of the day. In this way you'll feel more balanced and be able to still continue on your path of what I essentially see you've already achieved, "enlightenment".

Note that I said cake and not toli, OK?! I mean, really, in Gyan one gets a little sweet every day, but darn it Gladys, I want the whole cake! (What was that I said about obessive compulsive behaviour ... :D).

Now off to the pub with Mr Green for a balancing act we go. If he'll have us of course - we may be way too far a noisy bunch for him to share his beer time with.

Terry

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Re: Reflections on Childhood Sexual Abuse

Post06 Mar 2009

tom wrote:Leela with her frozen and suppressed emotions, in denial of the violence what happened to her and to others, wrote blaming posts and targeted me also as I was the only harsh accuser of the perpetrators.

Tom - You feel unjustly "targetted" and it's only a few words on a page. I find emotionally attacking a victim of sexual abuse for dealing with it in their own way a very low act indeed. Way out of order my unknown friend. Besides, she was responding to a question I asked, and she answered honestly for herself, not to please you.
... I want the pedophiles and the responsible ones who cover them within the BK world should be exposed and should be brought in front of the court.

We all do. You keep saying "should". I asked you before, are YOU willing to fund a case? Are YOU willing to find someone and convince them to go through the trauma of digging up their past, of confronting cross examinations, and then funding their further therapy to bring about closure of the reopened wounds? Or will you just crow about it when it happens?

I mentioned the girl here in Sydney who became a hero for insisting on prosecuting her rapists. They were strangers, she was a teenager, but everyone knows even that took a lot of courage and stamina - dragged out for years through a number of appeals - that's why she was lionised. She had lots of moral and financial supporters (mainly women's groups) throughout the ordeal, and she still found it very difficult.

Here we are talking about child abuse victims, who usually know their attackers. It might be someone they actually love, or someone that is no longer around, were very young at the time, there is little 'evidence". Imagine how difficult that would be for them individually, and legally. They'd need lots of support. Can YOU offer it?

Leave aside the child abuse. You seem convinced that there is enough evidence to bring a case on other matters too. Why not fund and run that one? Use your energy against your real bete noir rather than transferring it onto another victim. A forum can only serve certain purposes. One is that such victims have a chance to express themselves in safety and with support.
making meaningless pundit discussions in BK paradigm ... I don't understand what nonsense they say.

Is that partly a response to my posts? Do my contributions upset you too? Did you not think that maybe it is of interest to others? You can see the number of views and replies tallied. Topics die when there is no interest. You don't need to follow ones that you are not interested in.

Until there is a disbanding of the BKWSU, whether brought about by legal cases or anything else, I see that breaking down the teachings, showing how it is a corruption of other teachings as very valuable. Some others may too. Whatever kind of BK each of us was, there will be others like that too who may be reading. I say again, I wish there was something like this forum when I was 20 years old and getting involved ...

Now, back to the healing.
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ex-l

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Re: Reflections on Childhood Sexual Abuse

Post06 Mar 2009

Terry, your thinking is a skewed and you are not listening ... no one needs to "fund" a criminal case. Criminal cases are funding by the State. What are you talking about!?!

A much more interesting, valuable and cheap project to work to do ... and one that you are capable of and could do ... would be to approach the leaders of the BKWSU at all levels from center-in-charge ... working your way up The Tree ... asking for their comments to camera, what thought, what they did and what they are going to do about such allegations.

You might expand it to other revelations such as the historical revision, the PBK persecution, the allegedly dodgy finances etc. A sort of Michael Moore of the BKWSU. Let the world look into their eyes, see their faces and decide or themselves as they talk about, say, Ranjana and Sharad's suicides. Do the documentary. You might even be able to sell it.

So, to put the boot on the other foot ... what are YOU going will to do?

Please ... your whole projection of lawyers and the legal system as some kind of 'saving angels of justice' is ridiculous ... have you ever dealt with any?
tom wrote:I want the pedophiles and the responsible ones who covered them up within the BK world to be exposed and brought in front of the court. My personal wish for the responsible ones is that they get according to the law because of protecting the perpetrators' years long sentences and they should not be allowed to run any organization.

I actually have to agree with this. The world has too many mouths to feed, so why feed or "employ" pedophiles as the BKWSU did? ... That child sex abuse happened "under the umbrella of Baba's protection" is one thing ... that the offenders remained within the system making children feel uneasy and abusing other is another (I do not know if the subsequent abuse was done by the same individuals or others) ... but that the leadership covered up and denied it later is unforgivable and they are not fit to be responsible for others lives.

This underlines one of the big problems with the BKWSU ... the leadership are 'unaccountable god-like pharaohs' and they have created a situation where their position in front of their mental slaves is unquestionable.

As for leela, all this discussion is work in progress. I am sure she can speak better for herself terry, and allow her own thoughts and feelings to evolve. But what are we attempting to do here? Decide what is acceptable sex abuse and unacceptable sex abuse within the BK movement rather than come to terms with the fact it happened within "Godly University"? I am willing to get into the specifics if others are ...

(I say "employ" here because I do not want some lawyerly BK supporter, or BK lawyer, picking up my words because they were surrendered or voluntary workers).
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cypress

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Re: Reflections on Childhood Sexual Abuse

Post06 Mar 2009

Tom wrote:Much harm is done to the forum's positive and friendly energy lately by leela.

Tom, I don’t understand your feelings. I have found Leela’s posts (on this thread and in others) to be heartfelt and insightful. To me, she is being courageous and honest in exploring her abuse, how it may have contributed to her being drawn into Brahma Kumaris, and is now exploring what healing needs to be done; including re-examining the impact of Brahma Kumaris on her life. This forum seems to be exactly the place for this kind of exploration.

I have also done some work in the area of child sexual abuse. One thing I have learned is that there is no one “right” way to healing, but many paths. The experience is as varied as the individuals, their circumstances, support systems (family, friends etc.) and culture. Leela is working on her healing in the way that seems right for her at this time. Your anger is also a valid response – one that I often saw in family, friends, advocates etc. Yet I am confused that you seem to direct this anger toward Leela.

BTW, castration is not any kind of “solution”, or even an appropriate punishment. Child sexual abuse, like rape, is a crime of power, control, domination – which I personally believe has some of its roots in how human societies see the role and value of women and children.

Leela,

Please continue with your courageous explorations in the ways that feel right for you, both on and off this forum. I have appreciated and learned from the many things you share here.
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