Regrets of the Dying

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ex-l

ex-BK

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Regrets of the Dying

Post04 Aug 2011

There is nothing like death to underline finality and the terminal nature of life. I've often wondered what dying BKs really think and go through, either dying and coming to realise that Brahma Kumarism was not what it was cracked up to be and considering what they did with their life, or dying still within the mental framework thinking that they had failed and were going to miss out opportunities to "earn their inheritance" and "share the Confluence Age with their God".

This are from an individual who spent much time caring for the dying, Inspiration and Chia and a reply from People Skills Decode. Nothing too deep and intellectual, just the blogs of two ordinary people.

I pick out one makes both list ... "I wish I did what I wanted instead of what others wanted me to do" and remember the time when I decided I wanted to leave the BKs orbit. I have no regrets about doing that at all. I have many regrets about going alone with the temporary insanity of the Brahma Kumaris leaders' status grabbing obsession, and allowing them to have any influence over me.

I still remain a little mystified how I ever got sucked by them. Of course, it takes a little time to see what is going on and by that time, I suppose one is bound by friendships, the commitment of shared accommodation, the hold of some kind of need or another, one's own honour even ... but, looking back, I think it is far better to live one's own life and learn one's own lessons at one's own pace instead of being used as fuel for another's megalomaniac dream to rule the world.
Bronnie Ware wrote:Regrets of the Dying

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

    This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled ...
I wish I did not work so hard.

    This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship.
I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

    Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

    Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

I wish that I had let myself be happier.

    This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits ... Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness
Eduard Ezeanu wrote:Regrets as Life Lessons

The Essential Three Regrets

I wish I did what I wanted instead of what others wanted.

    I had many people telling me things such as:

    “I wish I didn’t study and work in Engineering because my family wanted me to do so. I whish I had chosen Sociology instead, which was my real passion.” ... “I wish I didn’t get married so fast because all my friends were getting married and expected me to do the same soon. I wished I had stayed single longer.”
I wish I didn’t take what others thought of me so seriously.

    When people look back at how they have lived their lives, many tend to discover they’ve spent a lot of time worrying what others thought of them. Of course, they also discover this was a huge waste of time, because most worrying was pointless.
I wish I’d spent more with the most valuable people in my life.

    A vast number of people discover they misallocated their time resources. They didn’t spend enough time interacting with the most valuable people in their lives and they’ve spent too much time interacting with part of the rest. Why? Because they falsely believed they didn’t have a choice ...
There is one key difference between the regrets of the dying and the regrets of the living. The dying don’t really have the time left to correct their mistakes. They can only teach others valuable lessons, about people skills and life.

The living on the other hand do have the time; but they need to stop every once in a while, look back at their lives and ask themselves: Is this how I want to live the rest of my life?

Cue predictably kitsch soundtrack ...

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