Psychological problems after wife joins Brahma Kumaris

for concern over cult-related damage, institutional abuse & psychological problems.
  • Message
  • Author

manojag22

friends or family of a BK

  • Posts: 24
  • Joined: 22 Aug 2010

Psychological problems after wife joins Brahma Kumaris

Post10 Feb 2013

Hi,

I am 48 year old lives in Mumbai, my wife joined BK as student three years back. Initially I objected to the lifestyle she started following in short time, including cutting of husband-wife relationship. Gradually she started refusing outings with friends, lost interest in going to the office etc.

She also become very close too the of BK Sister Ansula at Parla center, though we live in Powai. Ansula and her Sister Anu, head of Ghatkopar, started giving VIP treatment to her and started manipulating her psychologically. She became a puppet of them in no time. They started giving her projects in Powai area to promote and teach about BK.

During this period, she started hating me since I would object her activities like getting up at 3.30 am then 2-3 hours meditation and reading, half an hour call from Ansula at 6 AM. Then in the office (she goes to off with me) she will get 5-6 calls from BK sisters-students ...

Evening, she will spend 3-4 hours on reading BK stuff or watching videos of BKs.

During end of December, I complained this to BK Ansula that her so much involvement in our life is affecting my family life through a SMS message, upon which she called up my wife.

After her call to my wife, she fainted and we had to admit her to the nearby hospital where she went through psychological treatment costing us 1.5 lacs ruppees. Not a single person came from the BKs during her 11 day stay at the hospital. During her stay, she was in a hysterical state of mind as I complained to her BK Sister. Even now, after 8 weeks, she is in similar state of mind, she threatens me that if restrict her from the BK she will commit suicide. She still undergoing psychiatric treatment however there is hardly much improvement in her life. I took her to a very senior psychologist in Mumbai and, after talking with her, the counsellor says she can try treating her but her case is extreme and she is so determined to follow the BK's path that counselling may not be successful.

I am personally with two sons and we are going through this phase of life where we do not really know what to do, most of my and her family members lives in Kolkata. She does not even want to go and stay with her mother for few days, she thinks that she will be ridiculed by people around her family.

ex.brahma

  • Posts: 79
  • Joined: 02 Aug 2012

Re: Psychological problems after wife joins Brahma Kumaris

Post10 Feb 2013

This is a typical case of BK syndrome victim, and similar to many cases where the husband/wife has been enculted and which puts the whole family in a real jeopardy, if we want to avoid using the word ... disaster ..!!
User avatar

ex-l

ex-BK

  • Posts: 10426
  • Joined: 07 Apr 2006

Re: Psychological problems after wife joins Brahma Kumaris

Post10 Feb 2013

I am very sorry to read your post, manojag22, and my heart goes out to you. Sadly, as ex-brahma writes, this is such a common incident, it should be called "BK Syndrome". However, in your case, you have one of the more severe cases of which I have read.

Yes, there have been other cases where adherents have had complete mental breakdown and lost their sanity, at least for sometime, and the religion keeps or publishes no records about how many cases, what their cause is or how they are best treated ... except to say that in our experience, the religion tends to just dump such individuals back with their physical families or into hospitals.

Specifically, the Brahma Kumaris and their god spirit or guru literally calls such cases, "weak bricks which explode in the oven of BKism".

In truth, they have little concern for the individual, except as to what the individual can contribute to them, and will never ... except without going to the law ... accept responsibility for them. In this case, I think you have a good legal case of "Undue Influence" to sue the BKs and if you ever chose to go down that path I will assist you.

In the meanwhile, I would advise going to their highest representatives in your area and creating a big fuss for them. Do not allow the head BKs to silence or control you. Although the law may be the final way in which handle such matters, generally the BKs will crumble sooner in order to keep face.

Has your wife been giving them money etc? Usually it is so. Somehow, she is susceptible to their hypnotic induction and has entered what they call the "Honeymoon Period" or "Intoxication Phase". These are specific terms they use for what the adherent become high, highly emotional, highly open and susceptible to influence and easy to exploit. It is an experience as if "being in love" (infatuated) or on drugs ... and very hard to break. Indeed, the BKs have built up over decades a false history in which they use any criticism or attack of their methods during such a state of mind to increase that state of mind via the concept of 'victimhood'.

Paradoxically, and on the basis of my experience only, I would guess that what made your wife faint was the stress of being told by the BK center-in-charge to honor you and her family commitments because in theory the BKs say BKism is "the family path" and adherents must honor worldly (lokik) responsibilities.

However, I will warn you, what the BKs really mean is not to honor family or worldly responsibilities, as you understand it from Hinduism, but to slowly and subtly take over all the family, its material goods and assets, and convert them to use for the Brahma Kumaris.

Usually, when adherents are in such a state of mind, they are like a young girl in love with a movie star, the movie star being the BKs' Baba. All they want to do is throw away everything in their life and run to their new husband and lover as if he was Krishna. They believe that life will be much better, simpler and easy if they do. As you have learned, BKism intensely re-conditions the mind of the adherent and puts it against every other influence. Every other influence is seen as "impure, ignorant, deluded" or even evil; hence you may have a hard time. They are encouraged to deny all other influences as "body-conscious" and inferior.

I would also like to say this though ... I think you are also being played simply by "feminine guiles" and she is acting up to gain attention and control of you. Be warned, behind the scenes, the BK Sisters will be feeding her ideas and methods "yuktis" they have learned to beat you.

It's possible that she is afraid of "being ridiculed by people around her family" because her family would see through this and get to her. It might be your best strategy. They can be strict with her where you, perhaps, cannot.

One of these yuktis is to "fake" defeat temporarily and to encourage her to go back to you in order to gain your trust and then slowly work her way back to the BKs. They will advise her on the most personal of matters, e.g. how to cut off sexual, emotional and affectionate relationships with you. You will be caste as an evil "Ravan" in her mind.

Sadly, 1,000s of couples and families have been broken apart by the BKs since their very beginning decades ago. This is what they do. They are social parasites who feed off other families' children and wealth. They even leave their own children and runaway to the cult.

We have even documented cases where the Sisters conspire to encourage other women to divorce husband and take properties, they properties are then given to the BKWSU and the women assured "peaceful" lives, or the BK side demands and get regular money to live off from the non-BK victim.

We can show you how what the BKs tell their adherents from the beginning is false and it make shake her faith. We can provide you and her therapist with actual, factual information about what the BKs really teach. You should encourage a complete cut off from the group, their members and their TV shows, especially, ensuring that she gets no money to give to them. Do not support her to support them. If you can, create such a big stink for the BKs that they ban her from their centers. Do not allow them to take control over her mind.

Know that you are not the first, will not be the last, and that you should fear the worst possible outcome. Even if she leaves them now, the memory and emotions will linger like a 'first love' in her. If she does seek to leave you, do not feel any guilt, shame or responsibility and demand that she leaves everything and that the BKs take care of her.

Regardless of what they say, for the lack of any real profession or skills, the things the BKs need and want most is money, then property, then free labour for their empire. If they can get yours or your families, they will take it.

If you have any more specific questions about BK beliefs, please ask them.

I hope all BK adherents and BK apologists read this and are disgusted at the damage their religion and leaders does to others.

dany

  • Posts: 192
  • Joined: 11 May 2012

Re: Psychological problems after wife joins Brahma Kumaris

Post12 Feb 2013

We read news about People, who suffered, mentally or physically as a result of joining and following the teachings of "Scientology", which is a cult very much resembling The BKWSU, and are suing the cult in The USA for damage. Some have even demanded the complete closure and banning of the cult.

Is not high time that similar steps be taken in this part of the world, to ban the destructive BK cult ... once for all ..!!??

ex.brahma

  • Posts: 79
  • Joined: 02 Aug 2012

Re: Psychological problems after wife joins Brahma Kumaris

Post12 Feb 2013

In certain countries, laws are very strict and would not tolerate cults and similar organizations.

Brahma Kumaris have a bad reputation for being a dangerous cult. To get around it and sail smoothly in a certain country, they 'wear' a Raja Yoga mask and claim to be an innocent meditation center, which teaches peace, self development and promotes values.

Once the deceived member swallows the bait, the enculting procedures start ..!!
User avatar

ex-l

ex-BK

  • Posts: 10426
  • Joined: 07 Apr 2006

Re: Psychological problems after wife joins Brahma Kumaris

Post13 Feb 2013

You are correct, and they modify the mask to suit which every culture they enter into ... usually through the safe 'back door' of Sindi connections. I agree with you, the Brahma Kumaris are to India what Scientology is to America. One adopts a more indirect feminine approach, the other adopts a more direct masculine approach but they are surprisingly equal.

India is littered with cases against the Brahma Kumaris, including numerous suicides. All it requires is someone to come forward and start collating them all. I hope someone does soon.

As the BKs generally tend to target the wealthier middle class, perhaps someone will come forward with legal connections who will not be bought off by sweet talking and holy sweeties, invitations to free retreats or money?

Manojag22, what condition is your wife in now?

When individuals are enculted into the Brahma Kumaris and experience "intoxication", they fill their minds with largely fictional and revised histories. This provides a model in the adherent's mind of what they are to expect and how they are expected to reaction, e.g. she made have read stories of the early days of the movement, when it was called "Om Mandli" and their "persecution myth" ... and be projecting this on you as a persecutor. We can show you and her how that story is largely made it or false.

I am thinking it would be good to know specifically what was said on the telephone call that made her faint.

Thank you and good luck.

leonard

  • Posts: 83
  • Joined: 18 May 2011

Re: Psychological problems after wife joins Brahma Kumaris

Post13 Feb 2013

'numerous' suicides' as mentioned above as occurring in BK group I would say is overstating. Yes suicides have happened (as they happen in world).This would be 'some suicides' not 'numerous suicides' would it not ?
User avatar

ex-l

ex-BK

  • Posts: 10426
  • Joined: 07 Apr 2006

Re: Psychological problems after wife joins Brahma Kumaris

Post13 Feb 2013

On one hand, it's about the demonstrable nature and connections of the suicides to the organization, Leonard, and, on the other hand, it is about how the organization copes with and responds to them.

Can you show us one reference to the potential dangers of Brahma Kumarism in any official document or website, and any evidence whatsoever the BKWSU has investigated both these incidents and the mental breaks, worked out why, how to treat them and the long term implications? Does the BKWSU keep records of the incidents and have any idea how many it is?

They are dabbling with the inner cores of people's minds and social relationship, do they really have any real world experience or qualifications to do so?


Reading manojag22's experience reminded me of the case in Japan where the woman went completely psychotic and required hospital treatment and the response of the BK zone-in-charge. Again, the family had to pay for it in all ways. The BK zone-in-charge, also a "doctor" - Dr. Nirmala Kajaria, just shrugged the event off.

You cannot use everyday life as an excuse or reference point. The BKs claim they are the most divine and self-realised of human beings and are directly led by God himself who has promised in writing that "not a hair on your heads will be harmed".

Why then is there such an environment that these things happens ... that people feel they cannot speak about their pains and problems ... that people have no one to turn to ... that the organization hides, covers up and closes the door (literally in two cases) to quite terrible suicides?

Are the BKs going to cover the costs of this family's problems? Of course not, they are all about, "take, take, take ... then walk away" and accept no responsibility for their actions. They are told to believe it is merely the karma of the individual "weak brick" and there is nothing to do about except do even more BK mediation.

There is plenty of evidence that meditation does cause some people mental problems, do the BKs even publish a warning or disclaimer of this (like cigarette manufacturers have to)?
User avatar

Pink Panther

  • Posts: 1784
  • Joined: 14 Feb 2013

Re: Psychological problems after wife joins Brahma Kumaris

Post14 Feb 2013

Dear manojag22.

This is a sad event. I offer you my encouragement in maintaining your compassion for your wife and supporting her through this difficult time. I agree with the main points offered by ex-l in the first reply above.

Many years ago when I was a young follower, I got to know Ansula in Vile Parla centre. That centre was established the year I went to India for the first time and, over a number of years, I went via there en route to or from Mt Abu.

Vile Parla centre was purposely built there as it is one in of the affluent seaside suburbs of northern Mumbai, where many upper middle class and rich & famous people live, including sports stars and movie stars - so you'd understand its raison d'etre. It superseded the previous VIP-oriented centre near the airport at Santa Cruz but was by then more down-market demographically. At the time it sucked up a lot of cash to buy it and fit out to match the area's "standards", lots of marble etc ..., and then, of course, to maintain it.

In particular, I spent a month there one year on a project - around '82?. Yogini was her superior at the time at the centre - but I believe she's been promoted to responsibility for a larger area. Both Yogini and Ansula are charmers, sweet and amenable maneaters/love-bombers, you know what I mean.

Yogini is more in the straight-down-the-line "serve the yugya at all costs" mentality - an efficient dedicated bureaucrat, a bit lazy - but she will jump to attention and fawn to get a pat on the head from Seniors - she was a bit of a 'teacher's pet" type among her rank & generation. Ansula back then was young and pretty (and she knew it). She had that cute, slim almond-eyed look that makes you think of the Nepalese or Assamese (although she is neither).

I often felt she had that edgy nastiness that comes from repressed intelligence, sexuality and closeted potential - like what you get in insular villages where opportunities and stimulation are few and far between. She was an eyelid flutterer and first grade flirt, mainly for her own ego-gratification but also for manipulation. And Yogini went behind my back to make problems for me over a certain situation not worth repeating here; suffice to say she was unnecessarily nasty and uncooperative.

That Ansula would still be in her position in that particular centre indicates she fulfils the specific 'brief' of Vile Parle well. But the BKs are very much seen by the educated Indians as "god-botherers', the Mormons of Hindu society, or at best, equally worthy (no more and no less) than other gurus and groups.

Most people tolerate them to their face but prefer to avoid them. They rarely get the really big fish to stay connected, relying more on the "aspirational" classes (who are impressed when they read VIP service news) to keep up cash flow, make contacts through with and to fund events targeting such VIPs.

Based on what I experienced of Ansula and Yogini in particular, on reading Manojag's post, my hunch is that Ansula would have been primarily concerned to keep the money coming in. It sounds like the couple are established middle class professionals, and what was likely to be the cause of the fainting might possibly have been some hinting (or blatantly saying) that she should consider her place*, maybe even consider "servicing" her husband's needs - lie back and think of Baba? - as well as maybe being told that it was disservice to cause such problems.

*There is another dynamic that goes on among Indian BKs, born out of their caste-system socialisation. They seem ready to accept that their BK Seniors are already of a higher status, and as long as they don't end up too far down the rung in the "next life" they are happy to be minions thereby assuring their future by association with the "obviously" worthy. When I have seen conflict in BK Indian centres (and I saw some in Vile Parla) there is often a pulling of rank that happens, sometimes overtly, sometimes covertly.
Leonard: 'numerous' suicides' as mentioned above as occurring in BK group I would say is overstating. Yes suicides have happened (as they happen in world).This would be 'some suicides' not 'numerous suicides' would it not ?
There have been suicides, assaults, murders, child sexual abuse, bullying, psychological abuse. Yes, I agree it is all to be expected because BKs, despite the beliefs they have about their extraordinariness, are just ordinary, even ornery.

But, as ex-l says, if they are to pronounce about certain standards and ideals, they should not only do everything they can to live up to them in public relations terms, they should also do everything in their power to minimise it. That would include acknowledging it when it happens, having policies in place for procedures when such events occur, encouraging whistle-blowing and open discussion about it so that the culture of dirty secrets is ended.

The pretentious culture that "such things don't happen in this Godly institution" gives comfort to the abusers.
User avatar

ex-l

ex-BK

  • Posts: 10426
  • Joined: 07 Apr 2006

Re: Psychological problems after wife joins Brahma Kumaris

Post14 Feb 2013

Pink Panther wrote:Based on what I experienced of Ansula and Yogini in particular, on reading Manojag's post, my hunch is that Ansula would have been primarily concerned to keep the money coming in. It sounds like the couple are established middle class professionals, and what was likely to be the cause of the fainting might possibly have been some hinting (or blatantly saying) that she should consider her place*, maybe even consider "servicing" her husband's needs - lie back and think of Baba? - as well as maybe being told that it was disservice to cause such problems.

As you are a married man, Manoj, you will forgive me speaking so openly as it will help others who also read this. If you want to discuss matters privately, you can also 'private message' me. This is based on personal experience within the cult and on the experiences of other non-BKs. Most or all of it you will not find written down anywhere in BK literature. There is a lot of secretiveness and double meanings within BKism. They will say they don't force or coerce anyone that anyone who follows them does so of their own choice ... but I don't think that is true.

The Brahma Kumaris will, if they can manage, extend their control and influence over your wife right into your bed.

They will also, in a covert and secretive manner, encourage your wife with numerous "yuktis" or tricks encourage her to detach from you mentally, physically and emotionally.

This will happen, roughly speaking, in three ways:
    • From old and senior BKs giving 'inspirational' or fundamentalistic talks from their high seats (... often these are exaggerated or romanticised versions of their own life or historic event).
    • Officially, in private discussions with center-in-charges or higher ranking BKs (... this is an encourage system calling "taking Shrimat" where lower ranking followers go to them with their problems to take advice which they are told is "equal to Gods" and which, if they follow, will be successful or have no negative karma).
    • Unofficially and unaccountably between junior BKs followers encouraging each other, sometimes to illogical ends or excesses.
Yes, shockingly, for a religion which claims to be celibate, the leaders will sometimes encourage a wife to give sex to her husband ... while remembering their Baba ... in order to wean him off slowly. This is generally done secretively or covertly and not spoken about openly.

Other tricks I have heard about are wives going to bed with their husband but wearing full pyjamas, in one case with socks and gloves, to avoid skin contact with them which might lead to "lust" and going from one bed to two beds, to two bedrooms. I remember one husband telling me how their neophyte BK wife would change all her clothes and take a bath if he touched her. Allegations of BK encouraging wives to divorce husband taking the house exist (I believe these to be true but it is impossible to prove).

What I have seen as more common is non-BK husbands essentially becoming involuntary servants to their BK wives, and made celibate; their homes slowly being turned into BK centers. If they cannot convert the husband, they will try and make him "cooperative" and they have the theory that if a husband helps financially or in other ways they will earn a spiritual inheritance by doing so. We have read of wives taking money from husbands to give to BK centers, wives neglecting their children and leaving younger children with others ones to take care of them. Even in one case, a wife using her home address for a BK Sister to apply for credit cards etc.

Something else to know, if that women with children are basically seen as handicapped or second class within the BK system, regardless of what the BKs might say, and this can lead to sadness and resentments. BK life is one big competition to "earn a fortune" by doing service and having more meditation before the End of the World comes. Having children is seen as an obstacle to that. The elite are all childless virgins or, in some cases, left their children to surrender to the cult.
User avatar

ex-l

ex-BK

  • Posts: 10426
  • Joined: 07 Apr 2006

Re: Psychological problems after wife joins Brahma Kumaris

Post14 Feb 2013

Further more, *all* non-BKs are called "Shudras" and, basically, seen as unenlightened and the enemy. They use the words "soul-conscious" versus "body-conscious" for what you and I would understand as "enlightened" or "ignorant". Non-BKs and their advice are seen as suspect, even if it is their parents.

The BKs will erode all other influences as being negative except their own and, essentially, encourage their adherents to fool or trick those naturally closest to them. They will also target the children of any such marriages and hope to entirely indoctrinate them into the religion too, if needs be separating the children from their non-BK parents and making them look down upon them.

Do you enough about the basic beliefs of the Brahma Kumaris? The most important is to know that they make everything they teach seem essential under the influence of a soon to happen "End of the World" scenario, a total "Destruction" of civilisation as we know it and the death of all humanity except for BKs. They have been saying this will happen in two to three years for decades and their god spirit has made many false or broken predictions.

BKs will hide this from non-BKs and call it "Transformation" instead. They call this world "the world of the dead" and encourage their followers to "die alive from it".

dany

  • Posts: 192
  • Joined: 11 May 2012

Re: Psychological problems after wife joins Brahma Kumaris

Post14 Feb 2013

ex-l, May be it is BK curse following you all the way ...

You spent the first part of your life, hypnotically marching behind BK cult flag ...

Now you are spending the other part, consciously EXPOSING BK cult ... and doing a good job in achieving that ...!!

manojag22

friends or family of a BK

  • Posts: 24
  • Joined: 22 Aug 2010

Re: Psychological problems after wife joins Brahma Kumaris

Post15 Feb 2013

It's two months now, she is on a high dose anxiety and psychotic drugs, hardly any improvements. The Dr. says it will take some time. She is determined not to leave or stop following BK, whereas Dr. says she has to stop this in order to come out of her current state. She still wakes up at 3.30 to 4 am and does the meditation part and in afternoon she does reading (BK) and watches Dadi's and Bhai's video (BK) for 2-3 hours.

How does a 1/2 counseling once a week will work where the input is of 20 hours a week. Personally, I am totally fed up and feeling like leaving her to live separately. Let her face realities of real life.

Sunny

manojag22

friends or family of a BK

  • Posts: 24
  • Joined: 22 Aug 2010

Re: Psychological problems after wife joins Brahma Kumaris

Post15 Feb 2013

Today, Dr. also said she has been psychologically manipulated.
User avatar

ex-l

ex-BK

  • Posts: 10426
  • Joined: 07 Apr 2006

Re: Psychological problems after wife joins Brahma Kumaris

Post15 Feb 2013

She most certainly has and is continuing to, in essence, hypnotise herself. Is there no way to break her access to BK literature and videos?

What I will say again is that this is an extreme case but by no means extra-ordinary. Part of the Brahma Kumari myth is a "persecution myth". They teach their adherents how they were "persecuted" in the beginning of their cult ... but, having investigated this ... it is not as they say.

However, the persecution myth will strengthen her faith. It will make her feel as if she is being persecuted for her faith and make her fight back.

I would say either you are stuck with attempting to cut all BK influences or, as you are proposing now, just to drop her completely and let her experience the reality of life and the reality of BKism. To do so it will mean you will have to stop financially supporting her too. She will have to find her own way in life ... and find out that the BKs will not support her.

They 'want' from her (time, money, free labour), they won't 'give' anything to her. They won't even accept her as a "surrendered Sister" given the history.

Would you be able to take care of your children? How old are your boys? You want to avoid them being sucked into the cult as she and the cult will use them against you if possible.

Is her mind open at all to discussion the faith and religion? We can show how it has been falsely created and manipulated.

I am sorry to read of your problem but thank you for reporting them to us.

I don't know if you have access to specialist anti-cult therapists. I don't know if there is such a think in India. I would say though that a standard psychiatrist will find it difficult to understand what is going on without a specific briefing on Brahma Kumarism. Perhaps we can help there?
Next

Return to Abuse & Recovery