Jokes

for discussing science, relationships, religion or non-BK spirituality.
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ex-l

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Re: Jokes

Post01 May 2008

VEGETARIAN (noun).

(Definition) ... ANCIENT TRIBAL SLANG FOR THE VILLAGE IDIOT WHO cannot HUNT, FISH, OR RIDE.

    ... I am a super strict one!
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bansy

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Re: Jokes

Post24 May 2008

Circulating in the WWW :

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still cannot think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won. :mrgreen:
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bansy

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Re: Jokes

Post31 May 2008

During work, Raman and Narayan were chatting:
Raman: Narain, I've been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.
Narayan: oh!
Raman: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night courses you would know this.

The next day, the same discussion took place:
Raman: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.

The next day, once again:
Raman: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this.

This time, Narayan got irritated and said: And you, do you know who is Balakrishnan Kuppuswamy?
Raman: No
Narayan: He's the guy who's visiting your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know.


"There are 'some things' more important in life than Work and General Knowledge."
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john morgan

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Re: Jokes

Post05 Jun 2008

One day a very pious man prayed to God and asked for blessings not for himself but for the fools that surrounded him.

God spoke to him and said "Birds of a feather flock together."
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john morgan

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Re: Jokes

Post11 Jun 2008

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ex-l

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Re: Jokes

Post12 Jun 2008

Concerned scientist released new evidence today about the dangers of intensive factory farming ...
Family farms are being squeezed out of business by their inability to raise the capital to compete with huge factory farms. Traditional family farming is labor intensive, but factory farming is capital intensive.

Farmers who do manage to raise the money for vast confinement systems quickly discover that the small savings in labor costs are not enough to cover the increasing costs of facilities, energy, caging etc.

BK_factoryfarm.jpg
BK_factoryfarm.jpg (27.68 KiB) Viewed 10678 times

Pictures of factory farms being developed by massive investment by multi-national interests in India today
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bansy

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Re: Jokes

Post12 Jun 2008


Thanks for the fun. Women are great drivers, it's just that the rear view mirror is usually too small for checking their hairdos and for putting on lipstick, and the pedals are too small for those ultra high heels :mrgreen:
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arjun

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Re: Jokes

Post14 Jun 2008

A joke from the June'08 issue of Purity magazine published by BKs:

A politician was making a loud speech:

"The other party has been robbing you for ten years. That's why we are asking you to give us a chance now!"
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bansy

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Re: Jokes

Post01 Jul 2008

Shallbe gone for a while, so will leave you with some jokes :

1. Losing all your friends

    Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
    He shoots his friend and kills him.
    Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends."
2. Brother wanted

    Small boy wrote to Santa Claus,"send me a Brother"...
    Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER" ...
3. Meaning of WIFE

    Husband asks, "Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means 'Without Information Fighting Everytime'!"
    Wife replies, "No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!"
4. Importance of a period

    Teacher: "Do you know the importance of a peri od?"!
    Kid: "Yeah, once my Sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away."
5. Confident vs. confidential

    A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?"
    Dad says, "You are my son, I am confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential!"
6. Anger management?

    Husband: "When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?"
    Wife: "I clean the toilet."
    Husband: "How does that help?"
    Wife: "I use your toothbrush."
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ex-l

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Re: Jokes

Post15 Jul 2008

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ex-BK Heaven
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newlife

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Re: Jokes

Post15 Jul 2008

Why does the man always die before the woman?

Because he wants to ...
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ex-l

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Re: Jokes

Post26 Jul 2008

God was showing two newcomers around Paradise before settling them in ...

"And over here we have the Jewish Zion ... and over here we have the Celestial Realms of the Buddhists ... but I must ask you to keep very quiet and not make a noise when we pass around the next valley!"

"Why is that?" asked one of the newcomers?

"Oh! This region is named 'Sat Yuga' especially for the Brahma Kumaris ... and they think they are the only people here.". ;-)
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ex-l

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Re: Jokes

Post26 Jul 2008

Alternatively

The devil was showing two new sinners around Hell before settling them into their eternal punishment and damnation ...

"And over here we have the hell for the torturers of the Christian Inquisition ... and over here the dark and godless realms for the Communists and Atheists ... but I must ask you to keep very quiet and not make a noise when we pass around the next cave!"

"Why is that?" asked one of the newcomers?

"Oh! This is the hell reserved especially for the Brahma Kumaris leadership ... and they think they are in heaven".
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bansy

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Re: Jokes

Post26 Sep 2008

Did someone say we need some jokes of late ... oh well, here goes ... apparently it's been circulating the net and so if it hadn't reached you by now well now it has ... And Brothers, it's a nice one to talk with with mothers and Sisters in the Yagya ... and also Dadis ...

What Religion is your Bra?

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."
'What type of bra?' asked the clerk.
"Type ?" replies the man, "There's more than one type?"
"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.
"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from."
Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied: "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?"
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple ... The Catholic type supports the masses; The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen; The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright; and The Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

A) Almost Boobs ...
B) Barely there ...
C) cannot Complain! ...
D) Dang! ...
DD) Double dang! ...
E) Enormous! ...
F) Fake ...
G) Get a Reduction ...
H) Help me, I've fallen and I cannot get up! ...

There's also the German bra. Holtzemfromfloppen.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. (Anon) :D
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dilaram

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Re: Jokes

Post07 Oct 2008

More Ironic than funny perhaps (sorry) but it gave me a wry smile ... Possibly worth keeping this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumour.

Socrates.

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day, an acquaintance ran up to Socrates excitedly and said, 'Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?'

'Wait a moment,' Socrates replied, 'Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test.'
'Triple filter?' asked the acquaintance.
'That's right,' Socrates continued. 'Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?'
'No,' the man said, 'actually I just heard about it.'
'All right,' said Socrates. 'So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?'
'No, on the contrary ...'.
'So,' Socrates continued, 'you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?'.
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued.' You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?'
'No, I don't think it is ...'
'Well,' concluded Socrates, 'if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?'
The man fell silent and pensive. This is however the main reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem ... yet apparently never found out that Plato was having an affair with his wife !!
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