The Song of Uddhava

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The Song of Uddhava

Post02 Jun 2008

The Song of Uddhava - posted by Uddhava on January 30, 2005

I was feeling some dissatisfaction with material life, reading books about Yoga, saw an ad for meditation classes, went along, did various courses (self esteem etc) then the Brahma Kumaris seven day course (actually one day a week, so it was more like seven weeks).

When I did the seven day course, I didn’t immediately take it all as true, or have any profound experiences that I had found the Truth, but I tried to remain open-minded / hearted that it might be the truth. I listened to Murlis for some time outside the morning class, on my own or with a few other newbies. This was a kind of half-way house in preparation for attending the Morning Class. I was a bit wary of taking the next step of going to the morning Murli Class, as this seemed to be for ‘full on’ BKs, which I didn’t consider myself to be.

After some more months, I eventually took this step on the basis that maybe I needed to hear The Knowledge in that spiritual atmosphere in order for it to sink in. The idea was that after a few months of this I woul be ready to be a full on BK. So the fact that I didn’t have a BK world-view wasn’t a problem at this time, and I did share with the BK’s a spiritual view of the world. At the high point of my BK activity, I was attending classes three or four times a week and doing a modest amount of service in helping with public programs. I heard amazing stories from those who had come back from Madhuban and I wondered when I would go there.

However, after a further period (perhaps 12 or 18 months), I wasn’t much closer to the BK world view and by now this was becoming a problem for me. I felt uncomfortable with the belief gap between myself and the full-on BKs, and this was starting to outweigh the spiritual benefit. It wasn’t just small things in The Knowledge that I had a problem with but the big fundamental things; for example, I didn’t feel that God was speaking to me in the Murli. I guess this feeling of discomfort built up over time until eventually I felt like I didn’t want to go to the classes anymore. But this was not an easy situation, and it was some time after this until I actually summoned the resolve to stop going.

This whole thing took about 4 years. I often wanted to talk to one of the Seniors privately to say, “Look this is where I am at, I get this but not that etc”, but I never felt that this kind of open two way communication was possible. I was always one way traffic. It was OK to say BK stuff but I don’t think they wanted to hear anything that was off-message. This is fair enough in a way, but not being able to speak freely meant that I didn’t feel able to speak my mind / heart about how I was feeling, so I just stopped going, without giving and explanation

So I never considered myself a full on BK. I guess I am a strongly grounded person, which is maybe both a blessing and a curse. Perhaps, because of this, my BK experience has not been traumatic and I have no major grievances or hang ups. However, I can see the potential for problems in a playing with fire kind of way, which is not just a BK thing but is a problem with all intense religious groups. Of course, BK can be a high pressure environment, and I was sometimes put under pressure but, on the whole, I dealt with this OK.

I do accept the possibility that the BK view is true and that I don’t get it because I am not still enough, my meditation has never been great. I still occasionally go incognito to a public program just to stay in touch with the vibe. I would say that my consciousness now is not as peaceful as when I was in BK but I am at peace with my decision - i.e. that the previous situation was untenable.

I guess in a way I am kind of disappointed that the BK thing didn’t work out for me and that the BK world view may not be true. I have quite broad experience now of various religious ideas and I don’t think there are any other contenders out there for being the truth in a complete sense.

So it is back to life being a mystery, which is kind of unsatisfactory. And I know that maybe that is just the way it is and always has been, and I will make the best of it - but still it is second best. I guess the only reason that I ever thought that BK might be the truth is not The Knowledge as such, which never really made sense to me, but that that there is clearly some kind of power in the Brahma Kumaris, for which I don’t have an explanation and which I haven’t experienced elsewhere. Also, I miss being part of a spiritual community. If I’m not a BK, I haven’t yet found what I am.

....

I have heard BKs on many occasions say that they don’t read anything except the Murli. In fact, maybe this is one of the requirements of making it as a BK. I remember one of the Dadis saying that, when she was at school, she didn’t understand the point of subjects like science and history, and thought they were a waste of time. I can see this point of view, but it’s not something I can subscribe to for myself, it’s not my life. I agree with the idea of avoiding negativity, but I don’t agree that the only subject that is not negative is BK. Anyway, two key BK beliefs that I had trouble with are:

1) That the world is (literally) only 5,000 years and we know this because God tells us so.

2) That the world is about to end and only BKs will be saved.

I always thought it was strange for God to talk about wearing badges. This seems a very gross thing for God to be concerned about.

Obviously, there is an element of Indian nationalism in BK – that the centre of the world is India, and that the language in the Golden Age is Hindi. For Westerners in Eastern religions, there is always the danger of getting into the exaltation / romanticising of all things Indian, and the corresponding lack of appreciation for their own culture.

Administrator inserted note:

* These were two posts made by Uddhava. They are separated by the elipses ... but have been counted as one, because they were made on the same day and the second post continues along the lines of the first post.

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