Relation with God after BK?

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Relation with God after BK?

Post02 Jun 2008

Relation with God after BK? - posted by: marq on May 31, 2005

Yes, it is possible! In 1988, I joined the BKs in Holland. I thank God for that. It was a wonderful time. I enjoyed every minute of it. I was working at a school for little children and I could not handle them. I was only one hour a day, and every day I was worn out. They shouted, threw their sandwiches against the wall and fought with each other. One day, a woman came in. She didn’t do anything. She just stood there and the children were playing peacefully. One day, two days and after the third I asked her how she did it. She answered that her thoughts were peaceful and it has an effect on the children. When your thoughts are running around madly, that too has an effect. My thoughts were chaotic and she invited me to the BK centre and taught me how to think peacefully and positively. After two weeks, it worked and the children and I were gentle and serene.

I loved going to the centre and took all the lessons I could get. They talked about God and I was curious, how can you be so sure God really exists? One of the teachers told me that she could not tell me, the only way is experience. She told me to open up to God at four o’clock in the morning. And so I did. At four o’clock I sat on my bed and opened my arms. “God, come”, I said while thinking, “Look at me now what am I doing?” To my big surprise, from right above me, came a big white light into my head. I was shocked and shivered under the blankets. That day, I felt so loving and light, as I had never felt before. It lasted several months. I loved everyone I met; the green grocer, the milkman, my parents (after years of resentment) and myself.

After a few years, I was in Madhuban. For the first time, I was going to meet Baba in person. I was very curious. I sat in front of the stage and put on my glasses. I wanted to see everything. At the moment that we could see Baba eye to eye, I stood in a long row of people, waiting to get my Drishti. As I stood in front of Baba, a Sister gave me a flower to give to Baba. The flower fell on the floor. I bent to pick it up and Baba was already looking at the next soul. I was furious.

Finally, my chance to see God. and I missed it! I was angry at the Sister who gave me the flower, angry at the situation, wondering whether to go back in line with several hundred people or leave. I left the building and sat on a little wall at the courtyard. At that moment, again a white light from right above came into my head and it lasted several minutes I think. I was filled with love and it was almost too much. I said “Stop, I cannot take anymore” but it did not stop. The rest of the time in India I cried and cried out of happiness. Again it lasted months, the love and the power within me. Everything I undertook worked. I think God wanted to tell me: “Don’t worry about it, I am always there. You don’t need to stand in line.

After a few years, I realised that I did not like the many rules in the BK family; the rules became more important than the love. Many of us were doing things out of fear instead of love. People were afraid to be honest about their feelings. I saw them shrink in. I had learned in one of the Murlis that it is not necessary to be afraid. But what I saw was the opposite. I remember that one of the Sisters told me that she was be so happy that she was not dependant on a man, that she was independent now. A fe minutes later, she told me that she had to ask the head of the centre what time she had to be home that night.

Grown up Sisters asked how they had to wear their hair and if it was all right to buy a new washing machine with their own money. A woman who said openly that she doubted The Knowledge was spoken to in a brutish manner. I spoke to people who said they were afraid to tell about their doubt openly. A friend told me he was out of money, but afraid to quit sending money to the centre. I told them that they are free, you can always make your own decision about anything. I asked the head of the centre why she told people how to wear their hair. She said that it was what they need. I came less and less to the centre and went my own way after about seven years. I am thankful to the BK’s for what had learned, and I met God.

Now, ten years later, I live with my woman friend. We have a beautiful relationship and I still live with God. We talk and God supports me in everything I do. There is no guilt about not following rules. There is love. I see myself as an instrument of God, just as the BKs told me. Sometimes I go to the centre for a lesson. I love to see my friends there and they are always gentle to me. I know they hope that I come back.

I organised an evening to speak in the house of another ex-BK about life after the BK’s. It was a beautiful evening. There were a lot of BKs and everyone was happy to see that it is possible. Some said they were amazed that I looked so happy and secure in my relationship with God after all these years without the BKs. They too want to be open, but were still afraid. I told them again that they are free and can make their own decisions. At first, in the BKs, we learn to be master of our thoughts. After a while, that is Manmat † and a sin. So thinking for ourselves is not approved. The centre thinks for us.

The principle should be to open up to God, let our intuition work for us, not the institution. That is the mistake we made. We let the BK institution think for us and decide. I have no regrets and I am still very happy about my seven years in the BK family. I learned a lot that I still use in daily life, and live with God. There is life after the BKs.

Administrator inserted notes:

† “Manmat” - literally “mind’s direction”. In Brahma Kumari usage, to say that something is manmat means it is someone’s personal opinion or idea, as opposed to God’s guidance. Therefore, to say that someone is following manmat is to express disapproval that the person is willfully disobedient and wayward.

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