Psychic Illness after Leaving the BKs

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Psychic Illness after Leaving the BKs

Post02 Jun 2008

Psychic Illness after Leaving the BKs
July 2nd, 2005 Email this post
Posted by: double_light
On July 7, 12, 13, 27, 2005
Forum: “ex-BK issues…for ex-BK’s ONLY”

I wonder if someone has the experience of psychic illness after leaving the BKs. I understand that many have suffered from confusion, probably leading to depression. So did I, but not only that. When the depression got so deep, at some point it turned into a psychosis; disconnection with reality and the real world. Suddenly, I thought I was an angel, I could see light around me. I was almighty and announcing that the Destruction was to come, wanting to tell everyone that they were to become angels. When ii became so obvious that I was ill, I was taken to the mental hospital. I was there for two and half weeks This was three years ago. After that, I have been through a process of learning again how to think with my own head, and not let anyone tell me how to live my life or how to be happy.

All these processes were painful. The confusion was total sometimes. I didn’t know what to believe any longer. The BKs was an experience that I chose and the spiritual experience that I had longed for. I have some very good memories from the BKs but it was after leaving that the “real” journey of getting to know myself started

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I know that many XBKs and even BKs deal with depression, disconnection from reality and guilt - guilt all the time. Sometimes it feels almost like it was a trap. Everything was so smooth in the beginning of my time in The Knowledge; to be around spiritual people, the Murli, I really thought I had found a path that would take me directly to God. Unfortunately, with time, the other side started to show itself, and that was not a pretty sight.

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I believe that many of the persons who stay with the BKs after the meditation course do so because they somehow feel connected to the peace they experience. I was in the BK’s for a year and a half; a short time, but I was there with all my heart from the first day. By talking with many of the BK’s, I got to know that most of them experienced severe depression, both before and after finding BKs. The answer from the elder Brothers and Sisters to this problem was meditation; depression comes from old karma and old sanskars, Baba will “clean” everything without pain through meditation. I never heard the mentioning that, in severe cases, maybe a therapist or a doctor would be needed.

Today, I know that I am manic-depressive, so what I was experiencing was actually disease and I couldn’t run away from it as long I was without treatment. After leaving the BKs, all the feelings of guilt and unworthiness became so unbearable that, in the end, the answer from my unconsciousness was a psychosis. But yes, psychosis can happen to everyone. And I really believe that the BKs and other similar sects are going through a mass psychosis. They are totally disconnected with the real world.

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To quote Marja, “In the beginning, they teach you to be master over your thoughts. Positive thinking. For me it worked almost immediately. After a while, it is Manmat to think for yourself and you are pressed to think the thoughts of the BKs. And there you lose your self. Now I understand the difference between Manmat and intuition.”

I agree with that, and I really think you have a very good picture of how it works. The scary thing is that you see extremely intelligent people falling into that trap. I think that pressure was what made me listen all the time to what the elders had to say, when I was a BK. And the fear of betraying God all the time, of not listening to what he had to say to us.

I don’t know about other ex-BKs, but for me it was very important to realize that where there is brainwashing and control there can not be the “hand” of God. I really truly believe that God wants us to keep thinking with our own heads, and to be able to speak and love everyone around.

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Unfortunately, there are many people who feel attracted to The Knowledge because they are already feeling depressed. It feels like such a nice place to come to when you’re sad; loving people who look non-judgmental…feelings of peace. Unfortunately, all those nice feelings that most people get when they arrive won’t last - and absolutely not when leaving the BKs. I really don’t wish anyone to experience what I have been through after leaving - even though I don’t regret anything. As I said, I searched for that experience. I am happy I had it, so I can move forward with my life. And I don’t think about it anymore! Light and Love.

Administrator inserted note:

* These five posts were made by double_light. They are separated by elipses ... but have been counted as one, because they were made in the same month by the same person, and deal with the same subject.

One Response to “Psychic Illness after Leaving the BKs”
Paul Says: February 6th, 2007 at 5:35 pm

I just left the BKs a week ago and I appreciate reading your essay. Like you, I feel the experience, although at times painful, has granted me the opportunity to be in touch with a deeper side of me. It all has been part of that “real” journey to know the self. Thank you.

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