Where to go with all the disappointment?

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marley

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Where to go with all the disappointment?

Post12 Apr 2012

Hi, I have been Baba's long lost and now found child for many many years - 18 years ago I came into Gyan - and after all that BKism for 10 years pakkha, I found myself being another person. I was working hard on myself - so they say - but eventually I was just very arrogant and cut off from my real feelings, I must say. Afraid of saying that I cannot be Shiv Shakti anymore!!!!!

I left because I fell in love and broke Maryadas and Shrimat. I could not handle my shame in front of Seniors, Didi Sudesh especially.

The final decision to leave was as follows:

I said, "bye" to Baba from my heart, while he was speaking in Madhuban, left the centre and never came back again. No more contact at ALL - hard times man ... getting phone calls and invitations and feeling panic every time some BK spoke on my answering machine.

I was so afraid of hell and all the horror I have been told ... Now I found myself being able to life my live peacefully and with sex and down on Mother Earth with a spiritual habbit which might be still with Baba, as it seems I do not get him-her-it out of my mind and head. What to do about that, I wonder ... or let it be? I decided to not fight it and change it: I is my capacity of being a spiritual being and a goddess, anyway.

It was good to me to write down the stuff and even daring it to be put into www. Courage and will power for those who want to leave. I am having a great time without BK and feeling thankful for the lesson I learned in some ways and at the same time amazed how I could follow for all these years. Thank god I had my daughter before I decided to follow 150%!!

After 2 years off suffering like hell, I found myself being MYSELF again. The "not being sure whether to leave or not" made me almost ready to kill myself, and I was sucked in totally. The "Dadis and Didis, snakes and alligators" came into my dreams and I could not believe it ...

Nevertheless, my meditations and experiences - some of them - had been the best ever happened to me in this world - and I still can not overcome totally the disappointment in my heart that Shiva is not God and my connections was (is) with whom or what THEN???
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ex-l

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Re: Where to go with all the disappointment?

Post12 Apr 2012

Where to go? To the nearest toilet to flush it all away.

Welcome to the forum Marley ... you will be OK. Congratulations for leaving and seeing through it. Now we are going to really open your eyes to what is going on ... read on!

Speak to you later.
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exbkmember

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Re: Where to go with all the disappointment?

Post13 Apr 2012

Well done Marley. Yes, it is best to stay away from them if they are coming to your dreams still. Dadi Janki and my centre-in-charge were frequent visitors to my dreams and in one very vivid dream Brahma Baba tried to drown me, nothing very benevolent about that! I was told by centre in charge that this was Baba drowning my vices but I think not. I believe it was hostile towards me because from the start I recognised it as a dark entity. That should have put me off but I stayed 5 years out of love for the BK family. It took a long time for me to see I was not safe with them as it uses them as "instruments" for its own will.

Everything about the organisation is designed to erode your identity and make more mindless drones. The further you move away from it, the clearer the truth becomes but it takes time to be free. You can be rightfully proud of yourself for finding the strength to walk away. The system they use is very skilful manipulation to keep people under a spell. Thankfully real love and real virtues are stronger than the false virtues in BK set up. "Maya" is indeed powerful cleverly disguised as a seemingly benevolent world peace organisation.

A devil hiding amongst us disguised an an angel and using its twisted power to persuade us that our fellow human beings are devils, or that we ourselves are devils that need help to become angels. It is a master of deceit. It does not like people seeing it for what it is or for breaking away from its spell. It is a fearful being that like many fearful beings has become a control freak trying to reassure itself by getting praise from others. It is a needy attention seeking pest that, yes, will even invade your dreams, or use those under its spell, to invade your dreams because it is scared of you being stronger than it is. It wants you back under its control so that it feels powerful. Stay away from it long enough and it will lose its hold. Unfortunately, this can mean having to stay away from those who it still has a strong hold of, as it can use them to get to you.

Being a surrendered instrument of this being is highly undesirable and certainly not of benefit to the world. The organisation achieves some good in spite of this being not because of this being. The one calling itself Shiv Baba is a total fraud in need of rescue maybe but at present totally incapable of rescuing anyone else let alone the world.

The beautiful music, meditations, cooking and blessings etc can do good but only because true love works through good hearts with pure intentions. Forming a deep connection with this energy is beautiful and has nothing whatsoever to do with Baba/shove Baba/BapDada. That entity pretends to be the source of the lovely energy and experiences. It is a liar. The lovely energy and good things come from love flowing through human beings. The entity is consumed by fear the opposite of love. Send it good wishes maybe but do not feed it or aid it in its and stay away from it.
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leonard

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Re: Where to go with all the disappointment?

Post13 Apr 2012

We read quite a few tales such as these of moving experiences from people who feel they have been manipulated or misled by BK, and there are others who do not write but feel the same. I do not think that this is deliberate on the part of BK Seniors, but an attempt to follow what are considered 'highest principles'. But at the same time safeguards are not there to attend to proper talking when things go wrong. But if people are keen for reform in BK, in your country you could begin what is called a class action. That is to say a group who feel strongly that they have been led into giving their time, money and maybe careers, by wrong information from BK, and that for years together they were told untruths about the true history of BK, in order to make it easier for them to accept The Knowledge and commit themselves personally and financially to BK, could form a class action. It only needs a small handful in your country. And a lawyer. But it could help along reform in BK.
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shanti

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Re: Where to go with all the disappointment?

Post14 Apr 2012

Hi Marley - I too was cut off from my feelings after leaving Raja Yoga. When powerful negative feelings of distress and disappointment arose I had no resources to deal with them and so found myself escaping into anything that would stop me from facing them. Disconnected from my body and emotions, my life spiraled out of control for many years until I finally became physically ill. I stopped running, sought professional help and gradually learned that feelings are nothing to be feared and denying, suppressing and ignoring them is unhealthy.

In retrospect, I would have liked someone to let me know that leaving Raja Yoga was very going to be very confronting and to expect a huge release of fear, anger, sadness and grief.

Finally, after getting help, I began to realise that while negative emotions are unpleasant, they are not harmful in themselves. They do not have any meaning unless we give them meaning. I believed in my heart I was a failure and so I fed negative emotions and kept them alive. Stress became a huge burden until I came to realise that leaving Raja Yoga is not the greatest evil and, in fact, was the best move for me. Raja Yoga teaches detachment from the body and emotions however this is unhealthy, acknowledge and feel the emotions of who you are right now and enjoy the bumpy ride, it too will pass.
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marley

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Re: Where to go with all the disappointment?

Post14 Apr 2012

Thank you sooo much for all the comments - altogether it is an awakening and I am glad to get your compassion and the feeling of being well understood. lots of love
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ex-l

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Re: Where to go with all the disappointment?

Post14 Apr 2012

marley wrote:I left because I fell in love and broke Maryadas and Shrimat. I could not handle my shame in front of Seniors, Didi Sudesh especially.

I am sorry I have not had to much time to respond. This sentence in particular jumped out for me. Look how far into our minds they have invaded. You really should celebrate your falling in love and lover because they saved you from many wasted years of your life. You should thank the real God for them.

What right on earth do a bunch of old, uneducated, unrelated Indian ladies ... who have falsified a religion, lived off others every day of their life and not even done a day's worth of real charity work ... have to know about your love and sex life?

It is insane when you think of it. Do they tell you all the crap they get up to? No. It is all one way. A classic control mechanism.

It is even more insane, especially when you consider they come from a culture which bans and punishes "falling in love" and controls the sexual marital relationships of their children according to financial and property interests (the arranged marriages the BKs all ran away to escape).

What do you owe them? It is they who owe us for feeding, dressing and clothing them.

But, somehow, they managed to do it ... and I know it is true. I remember seeing other BKs in a terrible state for less of a "sin" and banned from going to Madhuban for 6 months or a year (and then they allow some other Texan center-in-charge to get away with carrying on a sexual relationship and secret marriage ... just because she happens to own the center building!)

For me, falling in love with someone who loves you back is one of the best human experiences you can have ... and it is a sort of destiny where two individuals are drawn to each other for some particular reason (if only to learn, grow and procreate the species). Thank God for it. The world is a far better place for people being in love. What right do the virgin crones of the BKWSU have to spoil that ... they who know nothing of it? It is equivalent to an old homosexual or child abusing Catholic priest controlling the sexual urges of the working classes. It is terrible.

How does it happen?

I think it is something natural in human behavior that the BKs have learned to manipulate and control. Women seem to be better at it, mothers to children perhaps even moreso. There is very little to nothing "mystical" about it. By placing their adherents in a child-like or immature state of mind, and cutting off any other influences, they are able to control them as if they were children. By focusing all the followers mental and emotional attachment onto them and their god spirit, their control intensifies.

The old Sindhis have a saying, "to be like sugar in the milk". It means melting or adopting into any situation sweetly but invisibly. This is what they do. You have psychic vulnerabilities, like a sense of sexual shame from teenages, and they have learned to invisibly adopt to them and use them. It makes me wonder what the BKWSU does in Roman Catholic societies.

Of course, falling in love has ups and down; its highs and heartbreaks. That is part of being human ... it opens us up to feel and empathizes for others, it teaches us to control emotions, sometimes it breaks our shells apart. Of course, it may just be a drug ... but who cares? It is to be human and you would be a very, very, very much sorrier person never to have experienced it a few times in your life.

I think when you discover how corrupt and manipulative the BKs leaders have been, you will stop feeling any shame at all. You "sins" are zero in comparison to theirs. They are not even sins.
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marley

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Re: Where to go with all the disappointment?

Post14 Apr 2012

It is insane, indeed. Thinking back still makes me feel a bit tense as it was a struggle to get out - to get Baba out of my life - and to allow myself to be as I am. A woman with feelings, desires and a longing for sharing you know!! The treatments in Madhuban, some of them, where like heaven on earth. Now I see that this was real heart to heart connections, which hasn't got to do with the organisation.

All the information which have been shared here are a real eye-opener!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean it from my heart and it helps me to grow and see what BKs experience all around the globe ... not just me ... thanks.

!!! I am so glad to be out of it, down on Mother Earth sharing love and peace naturally. !!!

ps: Paramdham - does it exist - for me it is still real and I wonder what you think ???
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shanti

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Re: Where to go with all the disappointment?

Post15 Apr 2012

I decided to not fight it and change it: I is my capacity of being a spiritual being and a goddess, anyway.

You most certainly are a goddess.

Raja Yoga is so caught up with fear and karma: right and wrong, good and bad, us and them - they constantly keep you focused on everything that doesn't matter. They seek perfection but that's a very difficult spiritual path of distancing the self from our humanness, however it does enable people to be controlled. Dive into who you are. Be happy with your life, follow your dreams. If your dreams involve spirituality, trust the direction your own spiritual journey is taking you.
Paramdham - does it exist - for me it is still real and I wonder what you think ???

Trusting to me means asking questions and allowing answers to come in ways that you understand. There is so much of God in this world. God is not in some trance light, He/She is right here with us, talking to us through the books, the people, the experiences we have every day. To answer your question, for me ancient Taoist philosophy helps me sense Paramdham as part of the innate simplicity and balance of the universe. One can sense the 'oneness' from which we originated contrasting with the 'many' that we experience on earth and that's a beautiful thing.

Love Shanti
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jann

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Re: Where to go with all the disappointment?

Post15 Apr 2012

That is nicely said Shanti.

I always wondered why people seek teachings of others (which are sometimes good only because we are not writers or philosophers and we recognize the intention) while everything is right in front of one. They might say, "you will be free, just follow our rules", to me that is not free. To be really free is to understand how things work in your own life, to recognize your ups and downs, everybody has them ever so now; and that its just what comes with a healthy human being.

To be free is not to have to feel guilty about it because you do not fit the dogma. Freedom means that every emotion is allowed also when beauty moves you to tears and anger might save your life or that of others. That is what makes us who we are. We are not a point of light, we are what we have become that makes us great and amazing. And it's just right in front of our eyes. We just have to see it and wanna see it.When you do that's freedom and in that you will find balance.
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marley

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Re: Where to go with all the disappointment?

Post15 Apr 2012

A devil hiding amongst us disguised an an angel and using its twisted power to persuade us that our fellow human beings are devils, or that we ourselves are devils that need help to become angels. It is a master of deceit. It does not like people seeing it for what it is or for breaking away from its spell.

This fact makes me feel very concerned and it seems so so mad to me- how they make it all work so soft and bright!!!!! The more I practised Yoga the more I felt that I am a sinner and I need purity and more Yoga. More and more and more it seems like an addiction to be honest. Thanks for explaining things so clearly and honestly.
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marley

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Re: Where to go with all the disappointment?

Post17 Apr 2012

leonard wrote:We read quite a few tales such as these of moving experiences from people who feel they have been manipulated or misled by BK, and there are others who do not write but feel the same. I do not think that this is deliberate on the part of BK Seniors, but an attempt to follow what are considered 'highest principles'. But at the same time safeguards are not there to attend to proper talking when things go wrong. But if people are keen for reform in BK, in your country you could begin what is called a class action. That is to say a group who feel strongly that they have been led into giving their time, money and maybe careers, by wrong information from BK, and that for years together they were told untruths about the true history of BK, in order to make it easier for them to accept The Knowledge and commit themselves personally and financially to BK, could form a class action. It only needs a small handful in your country. And a lawyer. But it could help along reform in BK.

Hi Leon, thanks for your idea of forming a Classs Action. My experience was that BK Seniors well know KNOW what they do, so I would not say it is not deliberate, sorry - they are so clever and that is it.

For me, it was a huge battle to get out of BK, 3 years.

No way I'd like to involve myself again with BK at all, still your idea is a great one and privately people do get together to get over it, as much as I know. To contact a lawyer and have a go, I wonder WHO would start it?? I am not so strong to do that, still I appreciate this idea.
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tommytommy

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Re: Where to go with all the disappointment?

Post03 Jul 2012

Hiya Marley

Hope you OK, I have been left BK now for a few years and went through lots and lots of confusion with it all so I know what you been going through, my final question though does any one know who Shiv Baba is? Now I am over it all, would love to know who the entity is? Debbie
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ex-l

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Re: Where to go with all the disappointment?

Post04 Jul 2012

Sorry to hear of your battle, Marley ... sadly, you are not the first and you will not be the last. Yes, I agree, the Seniors know damn well what is going on.
    How many generations of BKs have they gone through?
    How many time have they gone through the same problems?
    How many times have they watched someone go from being insanely intoxicated to falling apart and falling out?
    How many couples or families have seen broken up?
Time and time again in every country they go to ... they are hardened to it. They have to be.

Do they really believe they are handing out eternal inheritances, or are they just cynically running a business that pays for their food and lodgings and which takes a couple of years and a 10% out of most of the people and a lifetime and a 100% out of a few of them?

Debbie ... I hope we never find out who "Shiv Baba" is. I hope at some point the light of truth just burns them away and it and they just stop parasiting off a small element of humanity. However, I do not think it or they will stop because I think they are addicts to it and I do not think they will ever give us an answer.

Quite honestly, looking at the evidence, I think it and they are shape-shifting, soul sucking, spiritual vampires and pyramid builders ... conscienceless twisters without any integrity. Whether Shiv Baba is an entity, or just a technique or trigger mechanism, it does not really matter too much. It is unprovable. But the effect is of an addiction which wears off by which time a certain % of people are so conditioned, and so cut off from other people, that they stay.

For me, it is the same dynamic as other abusers, like child abusers; a child is abused and grows up to abuse and so the circle is repeated.

All we can do is build a big enough and strong enough wall of awareness around them so that everyone in the world knows who the BKs are and what their game is ... to keep them away from those that they would abuse.

Marley, would you mind telling us about your 3 years, what you went through and why it was so difficult that you never want to have anything to do with the BKs again so strongly? I feel similar although for me I think it lasted longer because in my time we were still living under future predictions of Destruction.

Now they are so far their predictions of Destruction, and we have found so many other failed predictions, that they just appear ridiculous ... they are like professional thieves to me, con merchants with no interest in reforming, so their "god" must be their Fagin.

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Mr Green

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Re: Where to go with all the disappointment?

Post04 Jul 2012

hi marley, no time right now but will respond
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