Experiences of those surrendered, living at the center?

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Mann

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Experiences of those surrendered, living at the center?

Post25 Oct 2015

I have been living at BK centers (3 so far) for a while and I have experienced some unpleasant, unfair practices. I have been reading on this website for as long as I have been in Gyan. It's helpful to find that others too have had same doubts. But I have not come across any section or topic on the experiences of those who live at the center.

Please share some thoughts on :
    1. How do they manage personal expenses - who pays? Especially if it's not as per the routine life of the center residents?
    2. Are they expected to donate all their wealth after the trial period of 5 years?
    3. What happens if you leave the center quietly?
I will be glad if I can learn from other's mistakes or lessons.

Keep Smiling.
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Pink Panther

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Re: Experiences of those surrendered, living at the center?

Post26 Oct 2015

I can’t help with any details. But it appears like a franchise system, which, like most franchises, sees those at the bottom working hard just to stay in the game while moneys generated flow upstream, paying for the ”licence holders’ lifestyle and expenses so they can go around and do ’their job” of supporting and promoting the franchise.

The ΒΚWSU is the best example of the McDonald’s franchise system applied by NRMs (new religious movements).

Most franchises are not what they seem, e.g. in a tradesman franchise, the franchisor does not work at any trade (even if they started that way) - the business is actually a booking agency.

People think MacDonald’s business is a hamburger franchise. People think the BKWSU is a spiritual meditation group.

MacDonalds, at its core, exists to make profits from real estate. MacDonald's is a property developer. They make more money from rentals on the properties, augmented by royalties (tithes - a percentage of the franchisee’s income) and from sales of the ingredients needed for burger production which they are obliged to buy from HO. The franchise agreement is a form of lease conditions the tenant must abide by.

The BKWSU has accumulated more real estate than it knows what to do with. Those who buy into the system pay their royalties, tithes (which originally meant 10% - what most devoted BKs are expected to pay from their incomes) while those surrendered in centres but who hold a job ‘outside’ can pay up to 100% of their income into ”the bandarra”. Like McDonald’s franchisees cannot buy ingredients from other suppliers, so too a BK library cannot contain books other than BK published books. (You’d think a ”Spiritual University” would at least have a library containg the major world scriptures, Plato, Descartes, The Tao Ti Ching, Spinoza etc)

Money donated may go to renting a centre, if its not owned outright or being paid off. Cases have been reported where BKs have ”donated” their house for use by BKs but retained title, then used moneys donated to pay off their mortgage. Other cases where a person lets BKs use their home then over time, the BKs take it over, the owner is talked into moving out ...

All extra moneys flow upstream supporting the comfortable lifestyle of the ”fully surrendered” - travel, equipment, gadgets ... all mod cons (sister in charge).

And that's why BK Gyan is the 'fast food' of spiritual understanding.
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ex-l

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Re: Experiences of those surrendered, living at the center?

Post26 Oct 2015

We've had a few centrewassis post here in the past. One, Mr Green, ended up being refunded about £20,000 after the BKWSU finally admitted abuses. Another suffered serious injury when they were working and weren't covered by any insurance. That second element would be one of my main concerns. It's happened many time (serious accidents - fatal more than once) and the BKWSU just wings it on a sort of "it's your karma" clause.

You are working for them, albeit unpaid, but you're not covered by any insurance or pension fund.

There is also an employment law concern about the number of hours and the lack of rights and protection, holidays etc but no one has thought to pursue it. Exhaustion has led to mental/emotional breakdowns (it happened to my center-in-charge and other) and one of the accident mentioned above.

I've only ever lived in a few "Brothers' house" and so I cannot comment about centre finances. It all seems to be 'case by case' with more corners being cut in the early days of establishment and it's not discussed. In the first small centre I was at, the two Sisters both worked outside and contributed to a dodgy mortgage in someone else name who also had to top it up.

They paid to be there but had no personal space, no privacy, the centre opened for 4am meditation and stuff went on to 9.30 pm to 10 pm at night.

I've never heard of a "5 years" trial period before but, perhaps it was one of those unspoken about things. How does that work ... if you work for nothing 24/7/365, don't complain and don't raise issues for 5 years, do you go "on the books" officially for the rest of your life?

In the old days, a lot of compromises were made because Destruction was going to come in 1986 or between 1986 and 1996 and save them from the consequences. I know a few of my generation have ended up living off benefits or pension in social housing, others who gave up their properties and everything are having a very hard time financially as they become older and, of course, don't have family. I know there are at least two who don't believe any more but remain in BK and BK property because they don't have anywhere else to go. Balwant Bhai in London has apparently been given a "grace and favour" apartment to live in as janitor/security for Global Cooperation House but that's after about 40 years.

Most of the BK world works on the basis of "you (or your husband) pay" to work there with no benefits, no contract, no security - and the demand of a 24/7 commitment - unless you are either a "fee earner" like Jayanti and Janki who brings in the big donations, or a unpaid cook or housecleaner who enables them to swan around chasing VIPs.

If you can find out how the system works, I'd be really interested, e.g. in another topic, I've just shown how BK Mohini Panjabi takes $55,000 a year out to run "her own private business" (which I suppose means cover her expenses as a BK, but who knows?).
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Mann

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Re: Experiences of those surrendered, living at the center?

Post26 Oct 2015

Yes, ex-l, after 5 years of being at the center, you fill up a form (Seniors too have to approve besides your parent's approval) and then, finally, a file with your name gets created at Madhuban. You get a ID too.

I have heard that you are expected to sign some kind of declaration but I don't know for sure.

I agree with most of the description of a typical day at center. The tricky thing is that, if I wake up at Amrit Vela, listen to Murli etc, then I am absolutely in possession of "something/someone" and the feeling to leave the center subsides. And I am mentally, socially, physically occupied by spreading the religion, recruiting more and more, even chasing VIPs, to convince others to donate more etc ... It's amazing how this "thing" works.

I am personally against it and but now for the last 3 months or so I have not been regular with Amrit Vela, Murli and now I feel coming back to my normal self. Which means I see myself at complete odds with what I have put myself into willingly.

But I can not sustain being myself for long because either reading Murli, giving course or some other "service" happens in which I come under the spell immediately and though I am not completely aware of what I say, after the class finishes I can see people completely moved, touched or say under the same spell. It's like an anaesthesia effect.

This thing in Murli which says Baba (or whatever it is) enters the body and does "service" is so true ... I am struggling with it for almost an year ...

Where can I find other surrendred centerwassis's experience on the site?
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ex-l

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Re: Experiences of those surrendered, living at the center?

Post26 Oct 2015

What does the form say about leaving? Are there guideline? I'd like to see a copy of it.

We've been pressurising the BKs and they have responded by becoming more "professional" to protect themselves, however, that does not go as far as offering workers rights, security or benefits, e.g. in the case of illness, old age or leaving.

From memory, and to the best of my knowledge, the following individuals were all surrendered, lived at centres, or in some case actually started them; primal.logic, joel, Mr Green, bindi, bkti-pit, paulkershaw. Mr Green was the individual who suffered abuse by a centre-in-charge and was finally given a sizeable refund. joel ran a centre in Asia and was shock and left soon after one of his students becoming seriously mentally ill and the Seniors not being able to do or say anything about it.

Yes, I understand what you mean about feeling like you are possessed or overshadowed by some other energy. I, too, have experienced that when guiding meditation. The BKs claims that either their god spirit or some deceased senior members are flying around invisibly and entering the bodies of followers to do service through them.

Whether this is true or not, or whether it is some other phenomenon such as a hypnotic effect or even another part of ourselves, perhaps we shall never know. But the experience is like that ... you are a puppet on a string to be picked up, guided and used.

Did you have to give over any dowry or any money to the BKs? Do they offer you any real training or education, or do they just use you as free labour?

Thank you ... Look after yourself and consider your long term future as they have been spinning this "Destruction is coming any minute now" for a long time. In fact, all of their history. Don't give up the opportunity for real education or training and think of your own future. If you don't, you will end up in their system whether you like it or not simply because you have no where else to go and can do nothing else.

I wonder how many of them are in such a position?
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Mann

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Re: Experiences of those surrendered, living at the center?

Post27 Oct 2015

No, I don't have a form. And I remember signing one of the similar ones in the first week of my stay at the center. You need to sign a similar form to even start living at the center. It says something like, "if you fail to follow Maryadas etc you will asked to leave". I was too intoxicated at that stage to even consider reading that part of it carefully. Practically, the only reason why somebody is asked to leave if they cannot be celibate.

As far as I have seen, nobody has been asked to leave, though some emails are circulated to inform about who has been recently banished which includes his/her picture too.

Some of the factors affecting this affinity to the unseen but known-felt power are beyond my control. Students who listen to me are so attached as if I am myself God. It's a lot of responsibility. But, at other times, "it" does not possess/come in to offer solutions and then, eventually, "to have more Yoga" is the only advice one is left with.

My biggest obstacles in continuing to be at the center is the chase for VIPs, unequal treatment to the students, constant lying to get more funds for the center and careless spending. It's like living a comfortable life with the money robbed of others. Only difference being they are brainwashed into giving. And they go asking from corporates under the pretence of social service. It's humiliating when the ones who donated ask for details of how their donation was used. I don't like to lie. You need to say another thousand to cover up. So I just don't respond.

I not so young as others and am well educated, I have 14 years plus of professional experience before I came into BKs. I have not given any dowry or any money. I have contributed on my own twice for the price of quality of food I have eaten at each center while I was earning. Because I could not host them, so I chose to settle the karma by paying for the food. Since I did not eat much so practically, it must be still less than $200. I will never donate in the future too. I am not buying God's love. Even if it indeed is on sale. ;)

I play an important role in bringing VIPs and money to the center so I live a very comfortable life as compared to others. But, yes, I don't earn anything and my personal lifestyle is slightly above the rest, so I need to ask (almost as begging) for whatever I need beyond the normal. This is followed by justifying it ... It feels bad if it rejected or post-poned.

Nobody speaks about Destruction. And teachers, students alike live life as if there will be no Destruction. In fact, even if somebody raises the point, the conversation is redirected to values, positive thinking etc ...

If you look at it from their point of view it makes sense. They have mounting expenses and no fixed income. The only way is to lure more rich people into the system and get more and more out of them. I know some very educated Sisters who wanted to work and some who still do but all the Seniors compel them to resign and surrender fully.

So some of them want to earn their money rather chase it but because of the constant pressure most of them do leave their lokik jobs. So what you are left with is practical life - find ways to bring money. It's similar to finding opportunities to increase income in the outside world. The only difference is the rules of Yagya don't permit them to work.

I agree with what Pink Panther has to say about it. It's like a franchise plus lot of dishonesty. They are almost running it under so many layers of pretensions.

I once asked a very senior Brother about the lies being covered as yuktis. And how can one become full of 36 divine virtues because honesty and truthfulness are also among them. He basically did not give a clear answer but justified lying if needed during service. If you are lying it's alright, but if others lie to you it's Maya ???

Is there a separate link to find other surrendered people experiences so can I search with the names provided ?
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ex-l

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Re: Experiences of those surrendered, living at the center?

Post27 Oct 2015

Mann wrote:As far as I have seen, nobody has been asked to leave, though some emails are circulated to inform about who has been recently banished which includes his/her picture too.

That would be interesting to see. Are you told what they did wrong or why and are BKs disallowed from speaking to them? What happens to them?
My biggest obstacles in continuing to be at the center is the chase for VIPs, unequal treatment to the students ...

Yes, that was my last straw too. It was embarrassing how some of the leaders acted like teenage girls chasing VIPs and the all the speculation of which BK was going to become a BK. Of course, none did.

And, in my day, there was not so much money chasing.
I play an important role in bringing VIPs and money to the center so I live a very comfortable life as compared to others.

How does this system work now? How are people picked ... on good looks, qualifications? You probably don't know them but it sounds a bit like the Scientologists' "Celebrity Centre".
Nobody speaks about Destruction. And teachers, students alike live life as if there will be no Destruction. In fact, even if somebody raises the point, the conversation is redirected to values, positive thinking etc ...

It's still in the Murlis though, is not it? What explanation do they have now for the Destruction of Kali Yuga and the Creation of the Golden Age? They used to say it will take 50 years ... but they're long overdue on that now. No time for Krishna to grow up and become Narayan. Do they still claim Golden Age will start in 2036?
The only difference is the rules of Yagya don't permit them to work.

Really, what do they make them do instead? Someone should start a workers rights union for BK workers. Is there any retirement or exiting plan for BKs now? If a BK wants to leave, are they helped at all, or just dumped.

I wonder what sins they "banish" people for?

I guess non-working will change when they start to run out of corporate sponsors. It's strange they disallow them. Are these young women you are talking about? Perhaps they are afraid they will meet someone nice and leave the BKWSU. I see quite a few BK profiles on jeevansathi.com these days.

Do you do the SML courses for corporations? How much to they charge for them?
Is there a separate link to find other surrendered people experiences so can I search with the names provided ?

On each person's page, there is a link for their posts. Best go back to the earliest ones. There are not many similar to your experience as they are all Westerners and Western BK centres tend to be very small and without surrendered Sisters.

What originally interested you in the BKs?
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Mann

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Re: Experiences of those surrendered, living at the center?

Post27 Oct 2015

The reason in one of the letters was in vague terms mentioned as 'indiscipline" or not following Maryadas. I did not pay much attention to it because I m sure the affected person has his/her share of the story too. I don't know what happened to them. Once I heard somebody narrate another Sister's tale (who was banished). She later found a small part-time job. We never know what really goes on. Money is a part of the story but dreams, hopes, expectations are much than that.

People don't get picked up by the organisation. People pick up the organisation because they are blinded by that "love".
Accepting them into fold or not is the Seniors' choice. But they are so under-staffed that almost anybody can get in provided the basic dharnas are met. The ones who are smart, cunning, educated enough to increase the business are of course accommodated, though most of such don't stick around for too long. Except if they have come from families who are in Gyan too.

The general preconception about Destruction is that "Destruction is somewhere close but nobody knows for sure when. Golden Age will start after that". Most of the old students don't really care and the new ones are just glad that they have time for racing ahead. Nobody really thinks about these topics ... Even if it's there in the Murli, it's just read like a recording.

The concept of worker's right, retirement, insurance etc don't arise because it's often compared to being a big joint family. Everybody does their part. Servants are paid a salary, family members have a right over Father's inheritance ... :-?

Yes, one of the reasons I think Sisters are disallowed to work and Brothers not as much could perceived fear "impurity".
Once they do leave jobs, they are like other Sisters doing the regular stuff. But the educated ones usually do office work, accounts, PR, advertising etc.

I have not personally done any SML although I do give lectures for corporations but I select the topics myself. I have not asked for anything unless they give themselves.

The piece of information I am looking for here is that how did the ones who live at the center finally leave. I cannot just pack while others are sleeping.

If I do inform the center-in-charge, she will never want me to leave. I am very important to the center. She is equally stuck as anybody else. A soft-spoken, submissive, quiet lady who does not even know how to raise her voice. Nobody listens to her. I once asked her when we faced a difficult situation in which more than 2 people were lying to show off to Seniors how committed they were, because she kept quiet the blame came on her. So I asked her directly does she not wonder what is she doing with cheats like these? It was then I could see that she is in no better situation than me.

Whenever I do go up to her to talk about these situations, either I get a compensation or I simply get mellowed down by the same 'power' ... It's similar even when I start to plan for life after leaving. Soon enough a gentle elderly advice comes from inside telling me the advantages of being at the center ...

The reason I got interested was same as what you all must have heard, experienced yourself. Search for God ended when I came to the center for the first time. Followed by the "childhood' or "honeymoon" period high ... and then slowly the mighty crash !
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Pink Panther

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Re: Experiences of those surrendered, living at the center?

Post28 Oct 2015

I cannot just pack while others are sleeping.

Well, they would do it to you if they wanted to be rid of you.

There was a BK (now ex), whom I know well, who decades ago was going through a gradual but serious deterioration of his mental health. He was displaying increasingly erratic behaviour and speech. He was at one stage in a Melbourne "Brothers’ bhavan” but due to this erratic behaviour, like vacuuming the floors and fulfilling other duties late at night or at 3 a.m. which upset residents, including now-famed BK Brian Bacon, who complained.

He was a tradesman who worked all day, earned decent money and always was a very good worker & contributor to the BKs, so rather than lose an "exploitable resource” by helping him understand that BK life was counterproductive to his well-being, he was instead "promoted" to the centre in Adelaide which needed money and muscle. He was there as a centrewassi for at least a few months when one day he came back after a day’s hard work and was met at the door by the center-in-charge who wouldn’t let him in.

Instead, the center-in-charge held his bag that the center-in-charge had packed during the day and threw out the door at his feet. Only one divine sentence was spoken, which, translated, amounted to ”Fcuk off, you’re not a centrewassi anymore” and the door was closed and locked. No toilet, bath, bed, place to go, little money, no friends or relatives in that city ...

This guy who had given years of hard work, time and money went back to Melbourne where he was from, and after a few days at least had the self-awareness to check himself in to a mental health facility where he stayed for a month or so.

He was diagnosed with depression and mild schizophrenia. Over many years he has gone through the (few) ups and (many) downs that the life journey any single man with such a condition and few ”attachments” would travel. I am happy to say that after decades of differing levels of treatment, care, living conditions, fluctuating states of mind etc he seems to be at a good place, finally found (or rather he was found by the Community mental health unit nearby) the right medication and routines which see him fitter and better than he has been for a very long time.

In all of these years of ”adventure”, from the day he was ejected from Adelaide centre till today (at least 3 decades), the BKs have indeed contacted him on a few occasions; ... when they wanted someone to do some painting or physical labouring at one of their properties.

During those days (not weeks), they'll tolerate him and, if it's a retreat centre, they’ll provide food and board (never pay for his work). At no other time do they show any inclination to contact him, not even to ask how he is.

OK, his mental condition and social circumstances are such that any such activity is probably good for him; he helps elderly neighbours and a few invalid pensioners near where he lives freely and generously. Some of them return favours, some give him gifts, dinner or a few dollars in return.

He is the opposite of mercenary (opposite of the BKs), often he’s given away his last dollars to homeless people then gone without food himself till his next pension day.

The BKWSU? You don't exist except when they expect something from you, even if you were a centrewassi. A black hole draws everything in, sucks the light and life out of people. If BKs did not wear white they’d be invisible.
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Re: Experiences of those surrendered, living at the center?

Post28 Oct 2015

When and where will they stop?

The biggest hurt is when you realize that you have lost your youth and precious years of life following a deception. They crush the inner faith and paralyze the individual's beliefs. You are left with nothing in your life including GOD.
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ex-l

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Re: Experiences of those surrendered, living at the center?

Post28 Oct 2015

Mann wrote:The piece of information I am looking for here is that how did the ones who live at the center finally leave. I cannot just pack while others are sleeping.

You seem to see through the system very well, the elders being as trapped but lacking the courage or willpower to leave to themselves. A BK leaving is obviously a challenge to everyone else as part of them wants to too.

In my case, of just leaving a bhavan, I was trapped by the lack of money to get alternative accommodation and had to just keep quiet until I had saved up enough and then left. I did not discuss the matter with anyone. Like many BKs, I had a low paying career, which left me free to do service, and gave the little extra I had in donations to the centre so there was a difficult time for me until I could be free.

Part of deciding to leave is also decided to not allow these - excuse my strength of language but - idiots to have any power or influence over me any more. When I finally got out it, and was free, it was like being re-born and looking at the world with new eyes again.

I did make a statement to my centre about why I was leaving but I did it during a social event/performance so they thought it was part of a funny act. It was because I wanted to do some real good in the world, where people really needed it, rather than chasing after VIPs etc. I had been critical of that before at an important service meeting, supported by the class, put put down strictly by the Seniors for having said it - having challenged their authority and ideas over self-promotion and chasing VIP - and it was at that time I knew I did not want to be their servant any more, that they were not truly spiritual or enlightened.

And that was back when they and the Murlis were preaching Destruction in 1986. I had no idea the Murlis were being re-written and altered by them to keep us hooked.

Some BKs keep a half and half relationship, leaving, getting married or having a relationship, and going back when they want. The BKs have come to accept that but there are always the strings attach to try and pull you or your family back in.

My decision, for me, was proven to be the right one as Destruction did not happen in 1986, or 1986 to 1996 as they preached "God" was saying. It was all just a scam, they playing the same scam today, and they will still be playing the same scam in 2036 when the Golden Age was supposed to start.

There is some kind of psychic power in BKism, I do not disagree with that. But "power" and "goodness" or "enlightenment" are not the same things. There is a sort of psychic which has been built up over the decades but it is more about gaining worldly power and wealth. That is what has been proven to me by what they have become.

They are still lying and deceiving and manipulating ... and none of that is "pure" or "good" or "spiritual". By now, the Iron Age should have been destroyed and the Golden Age be in the process of being built and they are no where near karmateet. Indeed, for all they have done, they are deeper into Karma than they were before.

Therefore, my strong advice would just be to do it quietly. Say nothing, discuss nothing until you have left and then tell them, in a letter or whatever, why and how things are ... you determine the relationship. If you want Murlis or texts or invitation then accept them; if you don't, then tell them clearly.

Take a break and see how you feel. You can always go back if you want. Trust me, you won't be gaining or losing "a place in the 108". That's just kids' stuff to keep people at that level hooked.

As Pink writes, "they are a family when they want something, and an organisation when you need something" (meaning it's a one way relationship, and you won't or cannot have anything back). I, too, know numerous individuals who have been locked out of centres after having given for years to it.

Some people re-adjust quickly and put BKism behind them, start a normal life and relationship again. Many have children etc. Others find it difficult. If you do, we will be hear to discuss things with you.
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Mann

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Re: Experiences of those surrendered, living at the center?

Post29 Oct 2015

Thank you everyone for reading my long posts and replying back in equal earnestness. I felt a huge burden lifted off me l since yesterday evening - when I read rayoflight's "when to tell a friend to wake up" and ex-l's reply in the same thread.

The "drop everything and run tomorrow" part was direct and it made me smile.' ;)

I have been in Gyan for a little over 3 years and half of that has been as a surrendered one. It's a short but very, very intense time period for me. I did have clues everywhere since beginning to have my share of doubts since the first day. But I guess I was too blinded then and put it down to general human inadequacies. Seniors too were human after all. But the idol-worshiping of these living Seniors was ridiculous. Once Sudesh behan was nearly worshipped as a Goddess at the entrance of a center with lighted diyas ... !!!

The VIPs is the final straw ... I just can not stand it anymore.

Today morning when I went for a walk I did look at the world as if I was re-born. I felt free because last night before going to bed I made my plan to "escape". It's funny and ironical at the same time that I am using this word "escape" as if I am really in a prison.

I just don't want to be a servant to mentally-sick people who seem half-possessed and still very arrogant.

PInk Panther and ex-l you both put it out so well ... When I need something they says it's an ashram and when they want something it's a family.

I have enough money to live my life in a small town without ever having to work. So that's not an issue. Well ... then what's holding me back are my apprehensions which I borrowed from Murlis or more from the talk of the Seniors. So, basically, I have nothing to hold me back.

I remember my Brother so often in my last vacation was trying to cross question from different ways as if he was trying to wake me up. He just kept repeating, "How can people with such scientific background believe in BKs?". Both my parents too are in shock over my sudden conversion ... and I am glad I have gone afar neither have I lost energy, money over this lesson in my life. Though it did cost me nearly 2 year of work-life.

But I am very happy that I seem to free of trap, I know I am leaving very shortly. I just want them to fix my broken gadgets with the excuse that I need for serving VIPs. While I collect information about which city I am going to move to, accomodation etc.

I would like to thank you all for uncovering the facts.

Hugs, kisses to all.
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ex-l

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Re: Experiences of those surrendered, living at the center?

Post29 Oct 2015

As Pink has written before in the past, we get trapped because they supply - at least initially - something we are missing in our lives on an emotional level, not an intellectual level; and provide what is - at least initially - a seemingly safe and fairly neutral environment, e.g. for women where they will not be harassed by men, for people with sexual/emotional or familial difficulties, or for individuals going through a transformational period in their lives at that time.

I think also, if we are honest, they catch us by our egos, albeit subtle or spiritual egos; our desire to feel special and be involved in the excitement of something special. For example, this is what all this VIP activity provides. It does no spiritual good for anyone, it's just makes us feel like we are involved in something special because some 'here today, gone tomorrow' VIP has their hand held by Dadi. It's a puppet show to keep the troops entertain.

I was analysing the Priyanka Chopra affair and wondered what was all the point when in her next movie she went off to have steamy sex with a stranger in a car seat and acted out being a sexually confident and demanding woman? What if they had spent all the time, energy and money they did on catching her for 5 minutes on feeding starving children or truly uplifting women from lower castes?

For me, I had to admit, the sub-concious appeals were a) the big ego trip of being on a mystic search (although, strangely, inside me I never really believed in all their teachings such as the 5,000 years ... It was all just a sort of game I was playing, or "acting out"), and b) the infantilisation ... it was like being a child again. I became stupid - professionally and intellectually lazy - but sort of happy in it like a spoilt child playing, living for some little "gift" or recognition from the Seniors or in the Murli, but not actually growing up and facing or accepting the realities of life.

The big ego trip of being a "spiritual teacher" handing out weird and wonderful experiences trapped me for a while ... until I saw where the top of the pyramid was, e.g, try my whole life I could only rise to be and do what the Seniors were.

I wanted to do more, see more, learn more in life. I got to a point where, like your family, I could not believe how we all believed we were on such an extra-ordinary mission ... feeding the Dadi's egos.

Then I realised it was all about bringing the money in, in order to keep the balloon inflated.
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bkti-pit

Independent, free thinking BK

  • Posts: 504
  • Joined: 14 Jun 2007

Re: Experiences of those surrendered, living at the center?

Post31 Oct 2015

Hi Mann!

I am glad that you will soon be free.

I came across the BKs in the early 1980's and joined the clan as a pukha BK 3 or 4 years later, getting fully involved in allround service. It was with great enthusiasm that I became full time surrendered resident in a main regional center around the turn of the century but I began considering leaving the center a few years later when it dawned on me that it did not run as a family but rather like a business. It did however take 5 more years before it got to the point where I could no longer resist the call of my conscience.

Since I had an important role at the center I felt it would not have been right to just pick up my bags and leave. I thus gave my center-in-charge a one year advance notice of my departure. It turned out to be a good thing for me too as it gave me time to look for a job and a place to stay.

My aim was not to leave the BK life altogether but rather to be an independent BK and live my BK life according to my conscience, values, ideals and principles. My losing faith in the BK God and his teachings came later and it did feel like coming out of a dungeon.
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Mann

  • Posts: 24
  • Joined: 25 Oct 2015

Re: Experiences of those surrendered, living at the center?

Post03 Nov 2015

Today morning I announced my decision to leave the center to my family. My mother was happy and my Brother too. They feel as if I have woken up from a dream.

And soon after I finalised my decision clearly to the center-in-charge. I had to. She listened carefully and offered a lot of alternatives, read "baits", to continue being here. But I persisted and she offered me support to my future endeavours. I did not want to just disappear. I, personally, have nothing against anybody. I wish everybody the best. It's just that I can not be what they system expects me to be..

I am so glad ... I feel free !

Thank you all ...
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