Baba's Yugul Couples

abrahma, takes his shoes off outside the door of the BK 3sq ft of cyberspace on this Brahmakumaris.info web site and knocks politely. On entering the forum, out of the virtual reality of Baba's eyeless gaze the Godrej lock on aBeK's third-eye is unlocked and Baba is heard to ask: "Sweet Child, have we met before?".

Elsewhere on this forum I mentioned the Yugul phenomena within the BKWSU student ranks and maybe if this one takes off a link can be made from there to here. This topic is an attempt to initiate a discussion between BKWSU Yugul Couples and the rest of the world.

Personally, I will not take anything said on this topic as marriage guidance, but rather as contributions toward us gaining an appreciation of how the study of Raja Yoga contributes to creating happy hearts and so happy homes (a BKWSU slogan i think?).

Amongst other things I envisage that my feedback here is gonna be based on posts on this site by Jannisder, Di, and katie.

I will see if my BK contacts can help with materials or any in-house correspondence as relates to BKWSU Yuguls; but in the meantime if you anyone out there is able to do the same then please post or contact me via pm. Thanks.

So over to you.

Thanks, In Baba's Yaad Pyar, Om Shanti. Abek

I am not at all downbeat that this topic has not had any BK input yet because elsewhere on the forum there are a few quite interesting questions being asked about the experience of marriage between BK partners.

For instance: Do you and partner sleep in separate beds or separate rooms?

For instance: Do you and partner sleep in separate beds or separate rooms?

I am amazed that people who happen to be BKs would reject the opportunity for warmth and mutual comfort that sleeping together provides. Especially since sleeping together needn't be (and often is not) sexual at all.

In Western cultures, children often sleep in their own beds in their own rooms from an early age, whereas in Eastern cultures, children often sleep with the parents. In Japanese this custom is called, "sleeping in the shape of the ideogram for 'river.'" The character for 'river' has two long strokes on either side, and a shorter stroke in the middle, thus resembling a child sleeping between its parents.

The benefits of this old custom have been rediscovered by some Western specialists. You can find a link in this forum (or in a search engine) if you look for "co-sleeping."

BK couples who don't sleep together, probably don't sleep with their children, either.

On the other hand, when I've heard BKs use the term 'yugul', to my ears the word has always carried a sense of warmth and closeness.

BK couples who don't sleep together, probably don't sleep with their children, either.

is not there a word for this "skinship" as well? Wasei-eigo?

It would be worth looking into this, bringing in the entire element of how BK parents feel about the physical bodies, physical contact and affection with the 'entirely independent souls with their own karma that have incarnated in the bodies of their physical issue' ... aka their children.

Poverty and keeping warm at night was and is a fairly universal reason to have to sleep with others to this day. It appears to be that the affluent "middle class" element of BK-ness has created its own sub-religion of lifestyle based on the opportunity of available wealth that might not reflect "the truth" at all, i.e. it is only those that can afford a spare bed or separate room that get to sleep in one. So, for the anthropologists amongst the BKs, how is BK practises in the villges of India or Africa?

Thursday 3rd may 2007. 78 Views / 4 replies from F&F and Exes. Not a BK response to be seen. Amazing. The idea of this topic is quite simply to be a space for BKs to share their experiences of how they make the yugul relationship work. Surely Baba must have some outstanding showpiece couples that can illuminate us on this aspect of Gyani life. After all, He says in the Murlis that, the BK couples are living examples to the pundits, sages and holy men that it is indeed possible for a man and woman to live together in the same home as Godly children with no trace of vice or of being captivated by the name and form of each other.

So BK Brothers and Sisters the world is watching and waiting and waiting. Who will be as Arjuna in this matter?! If you see elsewhere on the forum there are non-BKs experiencing living hell in their relationships with BKs. So where is your merciful form?

And just in case the world thinks that all this Yugul talk is just a figment of Abek's over-active imaginagtion here is a lightly edited extract of a correspondence from co-ordinators of the group to BK student members of said group (please do not ask me how i came by this)

BK Couples Group is a voluntary group providing a forum for BK couples to interact. Formed in 2002 with inspirations from Dadi Janki and Sister Mohini of New York, it holds regular meetings locally and annual retreats in Mt Abu. The aim of this group is to encourage self progress by following BK disciplines as couples and making homes into heaven.

Reading the above, I notice that the extract refers to BK Couples Group rather than Yuguls. Same difference really but for the fact that the word couple may be more accessible and meaningful to English language spekers. However for the purposes of this topic the active phrase in the quote is: The aim of this group is to encourage self progres by following BK disciplines as couples and making homes into heaven.

So couples/yuguls you make your home into heaven by ...

So couples/yuguls you make your home into heaven by ...

...disciplining each other, obviously.

Being single, let me tell you what BK couples seemed to me from the outside. Take for example Madhubhan. I always saw behaviors such as wandering about either glued to each other and thought, "man, not even in the mountain ashram do they take full benefit of some oxygen and individual space!", showing a lot of dependency, as in Walt Disney cartoon of the Siamese cats!

Or, other extreme: apart from the arrival to the departure day, so you ask the Brother if he has seen his wife (wouldn't it be normal to ask that?) and he will tell you he hasn't seen her in days, doesn't even know in which bhawan she's staying!! Playing heroes of holy detachment. Made me feel that they were all imbalanced and that being single I was missing nothing!

I have seen a few examples of BK couples - nice people to hang around with!! - that could inspire anyone to come close to RajaYoga spiritual path and system; very loving, close and detached just enough to be able to maintain awareness and avoid total blind merging. After all 1 free spirit +1 makes a strong unit, doesn't it?

Don't be surprised about BKs not replying, they are busy in their paranoias and since they probably don't have much to share or teach in general, would they do it on the Forum which they probably consider a minefield ( too sincere + honest + knowledge + experience based sharing happening here for them to handle. They are immersed in avoidance, denial, rules) thereby dodge as devil's premises?

No, no show case, no satisfied couples that with a lot of love and mercy can show others "The Way". And how and what can they show their children? Selfishness on the basis of "each one has his part\karma" and hips of not caring detachment. Growing up in such families, kids sure don't have a bright future in relationships, cause here we are witnessing the legitimization of dysfunctional couples.

Reading Sweet Sjani's sincere mails about her family situation convinced me further that the BK life is a hiding place for all disturbed people, including couples that had problems and did not want\were unable to face them. The BK rules and system possibly suppresses conflicts, usually just "freezes" time and problems, doesn't solve them or transform people in a positive way. Love is the power of transformation, take that out, the plant wilts and dies.

As in Black Uhuru's lyrics:

We need One Love, all over the world
Shine from above, shine on, Oh Oh!
Just One love, One Love, all over the world
Shine from above, try Love

Just like the rays of Sun,
Love is healing
There’s room for everyone

I have seen a few examples of BK couples - nice people to hang around with!! - that could inspire anyone to come close to RajaYoga spiritual path and system; very loving, close and detached just enough to be able to maintain awareness and avoid total blind merging.

You mean 2 spiders on the one web working to trap non-BKs!?! Oh, I am cruel. You are lucky. I cannot say that I have seen good BK couples. In fact, I cant think I saw any couples, only partners where one was in and the other not being dragged around painfully. I also did see the Seniors (Janki) make effort to separate couples apart.

Surely, we are talking two co-habitant yogis in the same building here? It is not possible to be married or 'a couple' on the path of knowledge. But if it stops the women gossiping and nagging, I would be all for it. My guess is that instead the men would just be nagged about Gyan and the gossip be about the Yagya. For me it is all window dressing and PR again.

But seriously, real BKs come to the fore and discuss your experience.

I am desperately waiting for some information on seeing how BKs successfully make a marriage work.

I am afraid I have not witnessed nor experienced any of the power or light or any effect of making the home into heaven. In fact, by adhering to Shrimat, it has done nothing but make this home a living hell, both for him, me and the children.

So please, all you happy BK couples out there, who manage to incorporate The Knowledge with your partners, tell us the means by which you make home a heaven.

Omshanti.

ShivBaba compares the yuguls with the two wheels of a vehicle. Even if one of the wheels is not working then the life becomes difficult for any married BK/PBK. ShivBaba also speaks of the BK+non-BK couple as a swan (hans) and a heron (bagula) because one like celibacy while the other wants to indulge in sex-lust. But he also says that a BK/PBK married to a non-BK should practice perseverance and maintain a balance between lokik and alokik responsibilities. But some take The Knowledge in literal sense and cause trouble for themselves as well as their non-BK family members.

I know that Sweetsajani's story may not be an isolated case of a family getting disturbed due to wrong application of Godly knowledge by a BK/PBK, but there is no dearth of happy BK/PBK families the world over. I personally know many such families. There are also such families where only one of the members is a BK/PBK, but they are living harmoniously.

As regards ShivBaba's views about such families (expressed through Baba Virendra Dev Dixit) in one of the recent discussion classes He said that such single BKs/PBKs should not feel tense about their family members not following the Godly knowledge. He said that it has been said in one of the Avyakt Vanis that if one family member has become a BK/PBK then all other members would certainly become BK/PBK sometime or the other in future. They should view them as BKs/PBKs only. Baba was answering to a mother's question as to whether any PBK whose family members are not PBKs should take care of them or not. Baba said they should definitely do so. (I think it was Disc. CD no.248 at Calcutta mini-Madhubans)

Regards,
OGS,
Arjun

I cannot wait, let's have it!

Does Baba ever bring couples together to do service and study together? As in a pure situation and in ever pure love for each other? It is not done I believe. Should BKs not love everybody, no more or less then everybody else?

See my love bombing days are over ... see the detachment today. It hurts. How do BK's cope with that? Does hurt to an other ever hurt them in any way? Do they care or just be detached and let you go ...? Waste of time??? Am i a waste of time???

Jan.

Does Baba ever bring couples together to do service and study together? As in a pure situation and in ever pure love for each other?

I think that you may find in the history of the Yagya that these situations may have arisen and been sanctioned from time-to-time - for the sake of service obviously - however it ought to be noted that 'pure' means that celibacy MUST BE maintained. Any typical husband & wife regard is never on the agenda (maybe the yuguls can help us out here). Otherwise said couple wil be breaking Shrimat and that will never be 'blessed' so to speak.

A strict interpretation of this BK orthodoxy would be something along the lines of "if we are meant to be having all relationships with Shiv Baba then what the purpose in diverting a portion of that love to a fellow human who should also be having all relationships wth Baba." Such desires may show a lack of committment to Baba and once that crack appears who know what else may wriggle through. Anyway within recent times (2 years) I do know of a newly wed couple who came to the BKWSU and offered themselves to the Baba as service companions. The offer was accpeted by the Seniors.

Should BKs not love everybody, no more or less then everybody else?

Maybe we can take a step back and ask whether the love you are talking about is romantic, platonic or love and respect for all mankind sort of thing. Definitely the BKs do not have anything to do with romantic love. I even know of parents that were blessedly relieved that their child reneged on an engagement. That relief was in no small measure due to the fearsome prospect of having to confirm said pending nuptials to the senior Sisters.

See my love bombing days are over ... see the detachment today. It hurts. How do BK's cope with that?

Some BKs may say that if detachment hurts then it aint detachment. (I was meant to post some thoughts on the this detachment business). In my study of BKWSU Raja Yoga I am ALWAYS mindful that the term/concept is 'detached and loving'. One appreciation of this arena is that once we master keeping love as an ever-present in our attitude of detachment then there will be no pain/no bondage. In fact, one may even question whether any bondage situation can ever really be seen as love! How do I know that what I am referring to as love is not in fact the "golden chains" of attachment to some sort of Golden Deer? (in borrowing the Golden Deer analogy I refer of course to the story of Sita being tempted out of the circle of protection that her beloved Rama cautioned her to remain within. He left her there while he went off into the forest after the most beautiful deer she had ever seen (at Sita's request!).

Of course, it was a ruse to separate the 2 lovers so that Sita was eventually kidnapped and thereafter the story unfolds with many battles along the way till they were eventually reunited. Does your course of action also contain the risk that you may be similarly "kidnapped" by the BKWSU or in fact your very own sweetheart ? How did you say: I get in or pull him out ... Anyway by all accounts the story of Rama and Sita has a happy ending. You are great Sister

Back to loving detachment, have you ever said to a loved one, "Oh how i miss you?" or "I cannot live without you?" Typically these are seen as sweet terms of endearment that beloved's speak to each other however when the pain of longing and missing becomes unbearable one can easily imagine that same 'love' leaving a bitter taste in the mouth. What then will we speak of such love?

Does hurt to an other ever hurt them in any way? Do they care or just be detached and let you go ...? Waste of time??? Am I a waste of time???

You are not a waste of time. If i cause another pain then it may be the settlement of a karmic account or the creation of a karmic account (who knows). Of course, the experienced BKs may offer some thoughts on how to check these aspects however one shorthand view would be: Do not give sorrow; neither ever take sorrow. And everything will be just kewl!

OS

P.S I just realised that this is the Yugul's thread! and i promised to leave this as a space for them. Forgive me people because this post is about loving detachment rather than how to make home into paradise as a yugul couple. Anyway perhaps they have to practice loving detachment amongst other things as part of that process.

Baba's Yugul Couples, How to make home into paradise? Share with us.

... You children know that when a couple get married and are called husband and wife, they become a lover and beloved to make one another impure. They are aware in advance that they will indulge in vice. You children have now become lovers of the one Beloved who is the Beloved of all souls. All are lovers of that One.

... The Father has come and cancelled the tying of the bracelet you had for the exchange of poison. He says: Renounce all of those things and now remember me.

... Nowadays, children have courage and take responsibility to help someone. Baba, such-and-such a child is beaten a lot and so in order to save her,we will get married. OK, that is fine, but you need the power if Yoga and you also have to imbibe knowledge well.

... There are many such couples abroad too. They remain pure, as companions. Then, the husband would give all his property either to his wife or to a charity.

Does Baba ever bring couples together to do service and study together? As in a pure situation and in ever pure love for each other? It is not done I believe. Should BKs not love everybody, no more or less then everybody else?

How great is the drama! As i said elsewhere on the forum, when God's children ask a question of Him he surely does answer. We only have to stay silent and listen attentively. Jannisder would have found the answer to her question in today's Murli from which I posted a few extracts pertinient to her question. It might be a little out of order of me to mention this but it is the second time that I have observed the Sister to ask a question and soon after that a specific Murli point has covered the query.

In my personal experiencing of studying Raja Yoga with the BKWSU these phenomena ought not to pass one by becaause they highlight one of the amazing aspects of spiritual study with the BKWSU. Sometimes it is very much as if God, Himself can hear us!

Therefore I would urge Jannisder to keep asking questions - not in a manner of doubting everything but rather as a child seeking clarification along her journey. The Father is always bound to answer His children because He is the Ocean of Knowledge.

So Thank you Jannisder for serving us that we might me to to focus on these aspects; what a lovely classroom we have here.

Is this how Yugul's study together so as make home into heaven?