Newcomer/Exiting BK/Questioning BK

for ex-BKs, exiting BKs, Friends & Family of BKs and newcomers to the forum.
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bkchild

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  • Joined: 10 May 2018

Newcomer/Exiting BK/Questioning BK

Post10 May 2018

Hi all,

I was born and raised as a BK. From the ages of 1 - 12 I attended morning class at local centres, went on retreats at Oxford, joined BK youth groups, went to Mount Abu etc etc. However, as I have grown up, I have begun to question the BKs and their teachings.

I am now 19 years old and am left feeling confused. Confused about what is the truth, confused about faith, believe, science. I am scared that my entire life and belief system has been a lie. If it was, what is the truth? What do I do now? I've believed something my entire life and all of a sudden it is all crashing down on me.

My main purpose for joining this group is to find someone that can talk to me, help me with what I am feeling. I feel as if there is no one on earth that can help me with these feelings apart from BKs.

A message from a BK, existing BK, questioning BK or ex-BK would help a lot.

Thank you
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ex-l

ex-BKWSU

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Re: Newcomer/Exiting BK/Questioning BK

Post10 May 2018

Hi BKchild.

Welcome to the forum. We have all been through similar experiences and states of mind as you have, although I would expect not as intensely. I know there is at least one "child of a BK family" or second generation BK on the forum, I'll contact them to see if they are will to share. Many of us have been part of the BKs going back decades, and witnessing first hand how it has evolved, a few have even been surrendered BKs, part of coordinating groups etc, so we have seen BKs from the inside out. Most have been so called "teachers".

As an aside, if you are in the SE of England, there is a "Family Survival Trust" meeting next month entitled, 'What Can We Learn From The Children of Cults' presented by cult expert Dr. Janja Lalich. It focuses on the work from her new book 'Escaping Utopia: Growing Up in a Cult, Getting Out, and Starting Over', original research with sixty-five cult survivors from thirty-nine cultic groups in more than a dozen countries discussing precisely your situation.

Where can we start ...

Firstly, categorically, can we say the Kirpalani Klan - the inner circle - has presented a false history and interpretation of the history of BKism and the development of its philosophies? Yes, absolutely. There was no God Shiva in the religion until after 1956.

If you remember the version of the history that they tell in, say, the 'Adi Dev' book, you'll understand how this starts to breakdown all their claims, eg how could the Seniors be purifying themselves remember Baba, when there was no Baba in the religion? Lekhraj Kirpalani claimed himself to be God.

Second, have we discovered numerous false predictions of Destruction that were hidden and covered up by the Kirpalani Klan in WWII, 1950, 1976, 1986, 1986 to '96 and did the leadership predict it would happen around Y2000? Yes, absolutely. (No, it was not a "sense of urgency" or a "misinterpretation" by students, and all the other excuses they give ... it came from the top). Yes, they have been re-writing the Murlis to suit.

Therefore, please allow me to ask you the questions;
    "Can an Age of Truth be created out of Lies, Manipulation and Exploitation?", and
    "Would God Lies and Manipulation and exploit its followers, or would it even all its 'highest' representatives on earth to do so on its behalf?"
Yes, I am sorry to say, answering those questions logically and recognising that you and your family have been consistently lied to, manipulated and exploited for money and free labour will be upsetting. It is likely that any social upheavals that follow will be so too, and so you will have to consider your situation well ... but will it be worth it in the longer term? Yes, I think so.

We can discuss the likely responses and consequences.

It is very saddening for us to witness individuals like yourself still coming forward after all these years ... despite the leadership knowing damn fined that they have been exposed, that a bigger truth is seeping out.

I personally think it is deeply unethical to subject children to such pressures and few of us have raised the issue with the Seniors such a Jayanti Kirpalani. Her response? ... To ignore the issue. Or in the case of the child sex abuse case, to cover it up for as long as possible.

What they care about most is their public face.

You can speak honestly here, you are anonymous and will remain so ... did you really believe in the 5,000 year Cycle?
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Pink Panther

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Re: Newcomer/Exiting BK/Questioning BK

Post11 May 2018

Hi BKchild,

I hope the person ex-l mentions is able to contact you, if it is who I think it is. they will be very helpful for you.

All I’d like to say at this stage is that it is not uncommon for children of parents of any faith to reach a crisis point when they grow up and realise they do not see the world or the beliefs in the way they were raised anymore. And very closed environments like the BKs is found even among some Christian denominations, let alone all the other cultures, sub-scultures around us.

Know you are not alone and that your questions and confusions have been had by many of us and worked through by many of us, and others. And they do need working through. Unlike BKs and other ‘believers’ they won’t be fobbed off, dismissed as Maya or manmat, you won't be told they are distractions or to just "do this and that” and it’ll pass.

You can read through this forum’s past discussions and you can contact people here via the PM (private message) facility or email, as per their setting.

Look after yourself

PP
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GuptaRati 6666

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Re: Newcomer/Exiting BK/Questioning BK

Post12 May 2018

Hello BKChild,

I send you wishes for self improvement. May have a power gift with you; it's your youth. Another is this period in world affairs. This is the Information Age and it is a very exciting time for science, technology, mathematics, and the humanities.

I know that you will have to undergoing some type of spiritual cleansing to rid yourself of the toxic information and experiences from BKism. Find the divine contract within you the one you formulated as you were negotiating as your soul made your entrance into your physical family. Live life naturally and achieve all the clauses or items of your divine contract.

For all of us who entered BKism it was a learning experience and for me a part of my spiritual growth. I have moved on to higher spiritual learning.

The age at which you have exited BKism is the age I entered BKism. I have always been an advocate of higher education and/or apprenticeship for acquiring credentials.
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Pink Panther

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Re: Newcomer/Exiting BK/Questioning BK

Post12 May 2018

That's a good point GuptaRati,

I too was 19 when I became a BK. Most Western BKs I knew joined in those late teen and early adult years. I had consciously rejected my parents devout Christianity when I was about 12 or 14, and was exploring the many changes and ideas around me at the time, locally and globally.

There is a discussion, here on site somewhere, where we go over how people grow up in one tradition and as they grow they see the faults in that tradition, usually in the way their family or community practice it, and look outside it where they tend to see the romanticised or ”glamourised” version of another ”path”.

Christians will become Hindu (I'd include BK, T.M. and Hare Krisna etc in "Hindu"), Muslim or Buddhist. And Buddhist, Hindus or Muslims may become Christians - and any of them may become anything else - or leave all labels behind to become ”an ordinary citizen”, a secularist or an atheist or whatever!

The search for truth is linked very much to what someone desires. If what you desire is ”the real” - something that can accommodate not only facts, evidence and science but one’s personal values, ethics, compassion, ambition, talents, validates oneself at no one else’s expense, values every life equally, understands that all philosophies are inadequate in themselves, all truth is provisional, i.e. alterable when better ”truth” presents, you are open to change.

If the path or tradition you are in fulfils your desire, you stay with it.
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ex-l

ex-BKWSU

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Re: Newcomer/Exiting BK/Questioning BK

Post12 May 2018

I am interested in BKchild's experience growing up inside the BK bubble ... or rather, their mother/Father's bubble, inside the BKs' bubble. How they coped with living in two worlds, eg conforming to their parent's desires to conform to the BK world view, and the influence of ordinary, secular society and education?

In the 'BK child sex abuse' topics, there are replies from the "Brother of the young girl that was abused talking about how difficult their split experience was (only one of their parents were a BK).

I've questioned the ethics of the BKs' enculting children or even more, enculting mothers when they have young children and dividing or conquering the family with the leadership ... but they just ignore it. They conscience it under the guise of "saving valuable Brahmin souls", even if it means just the mother and discarding any child that questions or rebels.

Then there is the next phenomenon, where mothers enforce their desires upon their young daughters, eg forcing them to become "perfect" virginal surrendered BKs, "surrendered" their children to the BKs ... like offering their child to their god in order to achieve "benefits". To a life of unpaid labour for the BKs, 24/7/365.

Even just recently, within a month or so, I quoted the Murli where their god spirit was encouraging young girls not to get an education but surrendering their intellect to the extremely limited confines of BKism.
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FireExit

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New chapter....

Post13 May 2018

I've had a similar path to the one you described.

I empathise with your predicament of confusion and uncertainty. It can feel incredibly isolated and scary to have your worldview challenged. For me it felt like the ground disappeared under my feet and everything was surreal and I did not know who to trust and I did not feel I could trust/rely on myself. I felt unsupported and mistrusting of others.

Questioning beliefs can be a Santa Claus situation, or perhaps even The Matrix.

There's plenty that can be done to bring you to a sense of trusting yourself enough to choose your own beliefs rather than just accepting those given to you as if they were facts. And also to build a more solid trust in your own conceptions.

This is a process and it involves testing beliefs against reality, accepting ALL of your feelings without classifying them as good/bad negative/positive etc, welcoming all that life has to offer, becoming more accepting of all parts of your experience. Be patient with your self.

Sure enough BKs have their dogmatic beliefs and if you seek their help they'll most likely soothe you and re-affirm those tall tales they tell. They're also likely to blame any divergence from their stories on your 'weakeness' or another literal/metaphysical/metaphorical entity 'Maya' 'Raven' etc or prescribe you redouble your efforts by consuming more of their standard medication. Being overly attached to a belief system is generally a losing strategy.
Non-BKs - some have their own stories/dogmas but most are open minded. By and large people (and progressive societies) change their outlook throughout life; as they learn grow and experience they adjust their beliefs about the world to encompass all of that.

A healthy belief system is flexible, changes according to new information /experience/situations, encompasses all aspects of reality, accepts that there are some things which don't have conclusive answers, relies on testing itself against reality, allows for growth, allows for multiple perspectives, accepts that it is fallible, welcomes change whilst tolerating the pain of change, is conducive to meeting the needs of the person, doesn't put the person/group at odds with the world at large by 'Othering' them, treats the self with respect, respects the boundaries and rights of others without judgement ...

Ex-BKs have lived and experienced both worlds, and crucially the stage of questioning their worldview and making/choosing their own belief which best models reality for them.

Tell us some more about your questions and let's start this process.

I also urge you to learn more about this process of questioning beliefs to establish a sense of truth
And especially to educate yourself on 'Cults', new religious movements 'NRMs' and other 'high demand groups'.
And to meet & question those who have questioned their beliefs (including BKs who decided to stay BKs).

Build a trust in yourself, your Instinct, your intuition, your heart, your logic, your analysis, your feelings etc etc - this bit can be most confusing after being involved with a strongly influential personal/group because those I fluences may still be present many years later until they've been dismantled, preferably with self-care, self-love, compassion, and support of others who respect your right to be yourself.

I would suggest that you've been strongly influenced by groups (eg family, community, religious group) to believe in what best suits them, rather than what best suits you personally. That suggests that they haven't helped empower you to be confident in your own decision&belief making skills beyond accepting theirs as being the correct ones.
Its natural for kid's outer layers/behaviour to be somewhat shaped/moulded, consciously or unconsciously, by their environmental influences in order to be accepted.

A clue of if this is the case for you is to consider if there might be any changes to the way you are perceived, judged, accepted, rewarded, treated, (and what they might say about you when you aren't there) and valued by those people if your beliefs/worldview /direction were to change. If your changes would bring about a decline in your acceptability or a decrease in your standing/value/status within the group, that's a sign that your value to them is related to your compliance/conformity /obedience/usefulness.

Being a member of any group (eg family, a circle of friends, a club, school, social society, community, political party etc) creates a conflict of interests; those of the group Vs those of the individual which can create an inner psychological tension. Learning through practice to notice&manage&tolerate this tension, favouring your own interests&safety as priority whilst finding a healthy relationship to group interests, is part of growing up in a society in which people have membership of multiple competing groups.

A straight forward but painfully torturous unfulfilling, way to resolve this tension would be to collapse all personal will/interests/individuality/self-determination/choice by wholly adopting those of the group - I'd say this is a losing strategy except for in cases of survival in extreme examples of danger eg being held captive/prisoner. Groups that expect this of their members are generally unhealthy and have dysfunctional dynamics especially interpersonal (eg not communicating, many taboo subjects, pretentiousness, not talking about difficult realities such as conflict, passive aggressive behaviour, overexaggaration of the 'positive' whilst not acknowledging the 'negative', vicious underground gossip, judgemental attitudes/language, vast difference between public&private face/attitudes). These groups can be especially destructive for individuals caught up in them, and are most destructive on those who are most reliant on the group.

A healthy way of managing selfVsgroup interests is to know & be committed to your own personal interests, and engage with a group to the extent that your needs are being met, not to the point at which your needs are being compromised.

Some groups allow higher/lower levels of individual freedoms than others. It's all too easy (partly because we are psychologically & biologically programmed to be part of a tribe, for safety & survival) to conform with any group we are member of.

I'd suggest that a vital part of your journey at this point is to find out who you are; the person undernearth all the social conditioning of the groups which have most influenced you, and then to nurture those aspects of yourself.

And to start thinking about and writing your own personal truth, pen and paper, about what you value in life, what you love, what interests you in life & nature, what kind of relationships/friendships you like, what makes you feel happy/sad/angry/love/motivated/demotivated/afraid etc etc

I believe that an essential part of any fulfilling life is a process of non judgemental self discovery, valued individuality, trusted reciprocal close human relationships, flexible beliefs which are aligned to fulfilling personal meaning&purpose, and personal growthful change. Part of that process involves actively tackling this. Your post here makes me believe that you have started that process. Congratulations and welcome to the free world

I was born and raised as a BK. From the ages of 1 - 12 I attended morning class at local centres, went on retreats at Oxford, joined BK youth groups, went to Mount Abu etc etc. However, as I have grown up, I have begun to question the BKs and their teachings. I am now 19 years old and am left feeling confused. Confused about what is the truth, confused about faith, believe, science. I am scared that my entire life and belief system has been a lie. If it was, what is the truth?
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GuptaRati 6666

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Re: Newcomer/Exiting BK/Questioning BK

Post20 May 2018

As I sailed through pre-medical training and sometimes carefully navigated the academic and intellectual mine fields of four years of medical school, many in the BK top brass, would remind me that Kali yug would soon end and in Sat Yug all will be healthy and there will be no need for medical doctors.

I wanted to change careers many times, but my karmic destiny and my spirit guides over rode the opinions of the BK top brass disguised as Shrimat.

When I graduated from medical school in the mid-80's still in my 20's, the BKs understood they had less control of me as they realized that there were spiritual forces guiding my path, they could not dare to manipulate.

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