Here, here tinydot!
I think it’s important that at some point in our life we do accept that the world and everyone in it is to blame for our pain, if that is what we believe. Familiar with the serenity prayer
Full Original Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)
God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
I know, Cristian mumbo jumbo, but reading this one day, after leaving the BKs, something clicked. “Taking, as God did, This sinful world as it is, Not as I would have it”.
This world sucks. The people are unjust and selfish. I was born into this world into pain and hardship that I certainly don’t remember choosing to be born into it before I was born. So this world and everyone in it is to blame. That’s it.
I am to be blamed also for not being perfect? Basically everything is to be blamed, including my expectations for expecting anything good.
Well, I think accepting this for me was a starting point. Yes, this world is no picnic, and for some it's just hell. Our entire childhood should be totally blamed on our primary caregivers. It was their responsibility to care and train us.
OK, they were messed up, then their parents and the parents of their parents are to be blamed as well. On and on, until the whole society and world is to be blamed for my personal pain and unease.
By the age of about 21, our cerebral cortexes becomes fully developed, and this is when we fully acquire the ability for making personal decisions and judgments. Of course, a lot of people because of past experiences aren't aware of this and just continue to go through life like a leaf being blown about by every wind but the fact remains is there comes a time in our life that we have to take the bull by the horns and say, "OK, this sucks, but I can change it". Change means to swim against the current; there is no easy way to do it. Perhaps, also, we don’t discover our right to make our own decisions until very late in life. This, of course, sucks.
I believe deeply, at least from my personal experience, that a process of really becoming aware of the blame and pain is needed to grow but to be stuck in it, suppress it or just strait deny its existence, keeps us from growing.
Of course, I am not saying this is what's right for everyone, but a lot of the time people get stuck with either blaming others or blaming the self. Neither is usually ever absolutely true. It takes 2 to tango, but when were readying to move on, its about accepting who did what, and then do what's needed to change and make things right. Responsibility.
Excellent to have you here john morgan.