Hi Sarah, thanx for your honest and open writing, as has been suggested I too would recommend that you take the time to really look in some of the older posts on this forum and you will probably discover very similar posts to yours, meaning that you're not alone. Please permit me to say to you that GOD is not an external being, despite what you have been told and taught by the BKWSU.
My history with them goes quite far back but suffice to say that I was once a 'teacher' with them years ago and I too, like many beautiful people on this forum, bought into the whole story, it was my entire life, despite all the hurt it caused my family and my friends. You are very very fortunate indeed to have a husband that cares so much for you that he's been willing to stick with you. Lets be practical shall we?
(Hey GF!) You're also very fortunate that they did not make you ditch your cat ... ) I am so laughing out loud at the image of them feeding your cat out of a tin of tuna, them thinking that you'd better be worth it in the end, they must have washed their hands plenty after handling the cat food ... its a real lol moment for me that!
I want to comment that anything that destroys is not Godly, it is not Divine in nature and we do not need other people telling us how to feel or how to behave or even what to eat. Your own heart will tell you that won't it? If your heart is telling you that the BKWSU teachings and belief systems are not for you then LISTEN to it and work accordingly. Over the last few years, I facilitate a weekly spiritual meditation group, not stuck on any particular belief system or religious/spiritual following, but simply work from the heart, you can do this too I am sure. It does so much for me personally, it makes me grow in every aspect and I am amazed on a daily basis as to what info, energy and spiritual sustenance comes my way. Give from the heart and one will receive from the heart ...
One doesn't really need to go to an external group in order to receive spiritual support and 'divine inspiration' you know, you can do it yourself if you want to, there are plenty self-help cd's, books, dvd's, material available for both you and your husband to work with and for BOTH of you to grow with. Its sounds like he's a keeper so why not ask him if he'll join you in this process?
Why not create a specific time to sit together in the evenings and listen to something spiritual or just focus on your breathing, as do the buddhists you mention. Its all there for you, inside waiting to come out and play so enjoy this healing time that has emerged for both of you.
A question for you? Why not consider opening up your home once a week or twice a month to hold a spiritual support or dicussion group and then invite people from your area to give talks and meditations to whoever is present. In this way, you'll be holding open and honest communication with each other and can decide together if its right for you or not. Remember that you have just learnt a huge lesson "that the surface does not always show whats inside" - You may even choose to go to hatha Yoga together (I do! and its awesome; for me ...) and I am determined to never allow anyone ever again to tell me whats right or whats wrong for me.
God loves me and I love God kinda thingy is going on in my life and I wish that for you too ... suggestion that maybe you can both go off and learn Reiki healing or do some massage therapy course together - these are all forms of divine and spiritual expression and one can find much fulfillment on deep spiritual levels. This way you'll never have to hide anything from husband John. You'll never have to give anything up. You will simply find your way through to the things that will answer the questions you have.
Having all these spiritual questions is a wonderful thing for you do you know that? Without them, you wouldn't need to seek deeper answers and so find fulfillment for yourself.
I hope I've made my point.. I certainly cannot even think to say that what's good for me is also the best for you - its not. You must and will find your own way, but don't allow any group to dictate, order or change anything that doesn't feel right or causes external and internal damage. Divine guidance brings powerful inner change that will build you up and will let you know that you're already a Master soul. a beautiful child of the Universe, one who is beloved and one who can eat whatever you choose to do, because you will change it when you're ready to; if YOU need to. And another thing to mention here, poverty consciousness will keep you poor, so when someone tells you you're impure and you believe it, guess what, youre going to stay that way.
Overcoming Impurity is a matter of loving the self beyond all else. For someone to call you impure, means they have judged you and that their ego has told them that they;'re better than you. Thats a big spiritual no-no in any world we choose to live in. Now thats their impurity for ya! Send it back ten-fold I say and just be you.
I truly hope to have given you some insight into your current experiences. Please open yourself up to wider thought and wider processes and you will see, in just a little time, that what you have been taught by the BKWSU is in fact very restircting and not loving in its nature at all, despite what they say.
If I can help in any way at this time, I am open to comment or to private messages if you prefer. I am told that my viewpoints are always pretty direct but also will give you an alternative way of perceiving current things and events for you.
In the meantime I wish you much aloha (spiritual love light and blessings) ...