Hi - I am a newcomer and want help with my relationship

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sukhi

friends or family of a BK

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Hi - I am a newcomer and want help with my relationship

Post17 Feb 2009

Om Shanti Everyone,

I am very glad to find this website where you can speak freely and just be yourself ... please forgive me for my English, as English is not my mother tongue but I will try my best here.

I am in a big dilemma/problem and would also like to know if is there anyone here like me who is facing a guiltly conscious problem after marriage but, before I speak about it, I guess I should tell you something about myself. Mine is a very long and happening story and I will try my best to be short. Please forgive me if I am writing too much here as today I really want to vent everything out and want to be free of things that are hampering my mind constantly ...

I was in Gyan before my marriage. Initially me and my younger Brother we both came into Gyan followed by our parents. The only reason I got married and left Gyan was that in India there is lot of social pressure about getting married once you reach the age of marriage, and even though my parents were in Gyan they had their own theories and were not at all supportive of my views of not getting married. They were worried about issues like

    1) the social pressures on them that what would people think if their daughter is not married and is still single?
    2) they did not wanted me to become brahmakumari. When I asked permission, they said, "NO" and said that we know everything inside out story of BKs, that life of Brahmakumari is very hard and not your cup of tea, and certainly as a parent we would not let you go there and see our own daughter go through tough times in her life. I told them that Baba would take care of me. But I could not convince them enough as even I knew partially of the facts that why my parents are against my wish of surrendering. Some Brahmakumari's life is real tough as I live with lot of Sisters at the centre and was very close to them so I know pretty much ... (not going in details about this).
    3) they certainly did not want me to live a single life as they wanted a social security for me, so with all these the only option left with them was to marry me to a decent guy.
I was not at all happy with their decision, was crying for days and had a big fight about this with my parents but they knew my emotional nature and kind of respect that I hold for elders as right from the early childhood we were taught to respect our elders and worship our parents just next to GOD so ... I really respect and love my parents a lot and would always wants to see them happy. I thought of making a little sacrifice thinking of those early childhood teachings given to me and also the big sacrifices our parents made in raising us, so it was my time to kind of repay them and also all those promised that I made to myself. So I kind of agree to their view.

Now with all this I was still going to the centre and praying to Baba desperately for some miracle to happen to either change my parents view or something or to find a right person for me who would respect me and my wish, and one also believes in GOD etc ... then may be I, with Baba's Yaad (rememberance), can change his mind and we both can live like an adarsh (ideal) couple in Gyan.

I thought it would be easy as I had similar example like me happened to one of the Kumar ... he got married under his parents force and changed his newly-wed wife's mind convincing her and the next day they both went to the centre and surrendered themselves ... They both are very well-known for their service, so I kind of thought of taking some inspiration and started having dreams that I will too find someone like this ... meanwhile my parents were keeping their eyes open for each and every guy they were looking and screening them. Even my friends, friend's friends or anyone close in our relatives etc ...

Finally I had a friend studying with me. We were having group projects together and so spent lot of time doing group studies. My Father liked him very much and I kind of liked him too as he was always sweet and kind to me, and helped me in studies. Whenever we had any debates, I usually used to win so I just thought that I could convince him about Gyan ... and I started doing so ... telling him about BK and everything. But he was not convinced with me totally ...

I don't know how and when but I started feeling true love for him. I mean we had that chemistry between us. I thought, well, I will convince him one day and we decided to get married and I am a married woman now. But even after our marriage I was not able to convince him as he would agree on all but not one thing "celibacy".

NOW MY PROBLEM -

Believe me if I tell you that it's been more than one year into our marriage but still I am not involved with my partner 100% in physical relationship. I just kept postponing saying I am not ready yet and can we live for couple of days or months like friends. Believe me he loves me so much with his whole heart and he is such a nice person, loving & caring and I just have no words to describe his greatness. So he waited till date for me to get ready mentally and psychologically as he knew my past that I was so much spiritual and all this is against it ...

We live like true friends helping each other with routine activities and understanding each other more better ... and the more we understood each other ... the more our love grew but now he had his enough, he cannot control his emotions anymore, and we have fights every now and then on this issue ... in saying so I do want to admit here that we have kisses, hugs and and masturbating each other to attain sensual pleasure as, even though I had Gyan, I knew when I was in Gyan I was repressing my sexual thoughts and desires. I guess everyone in Gyan must be faced by this but after marriage I thought it's OK - so we had all like kisses, etc but whenever we are about to make love or decide to make, my guilt conscious just won't let me do it and so we are just not going anywhere in our relationship ... and I don't know what to do?

I told this to my best friend who's in Gyan and is living single, she told me that I have got only two solutions ... one is to leave him and return back to Gyan and another to give myself fully to him as I am not only ruining my life but also of the other person who loves me so much (that could wait for more than one year for me) and wants me to live life fully; that I have got no right to spoil his/his family's life. I feel totally screwed up and as if my life has become totally sandwitched ... as I am not able to forget Baba and his Knowledge and also don't want to live my husband ... I know he will be totally shattered if I do so ...

My life has become terrible and my dreams have shattered ... sometimes I felt so bad about myself ... and have negative thoughts ruining my mind and I even thought of committing suicide ... but back up because it will not put an end to my problem ... in fact, I will bind more karmic bandhans and God will never forgive me for that ... but at the same time I feel so bad and pity for my husband as I have screwed up his life too and his dreams have shattered ...

I am not able to see him like this ... he is not able to concentrate in his job etc ... also on top of this, because of all this stress. my health is deteriorating day by day ... I mean I have started having serious health problems which I did not used to have before and all the doctors told us one thing it's stress!!! They all want to know what kind of stress is bothering me ... and what can I say to them??? As everyone who knows us, envies us as we are both are made for each other and don't understand what's bothering me???

Sometimes I felt, why did Baba chose me??? I asked the same to my Grandma and bestfriend they say it was my part and this is how Baba wants you to do service in your new married life ... that may be if not now but in future after few years down the line you will be able to bring your family into Gyan ... and when I am too low say me that Baba loves me unconditionally ... He is Great God and knows everything and if he is God, then God's love should be unconditional and so i should not feel so bad for my self or feel to much guilty etc ...

But it's still not convincing enough for me. I say that but all the Murli points that Baba used to say that if we enter into lust we will be terribly punished etc, etc and that those people are like demons, traitors, etc ... I don't exactly remember it word by word but the gist is something like this only from all his Murli points and I just do not understand if God's love is unconditional and if he loves his each n every child then how can he say so discouraging words for his children ...

Well, if we consider that humans are supposed to make mistakes and let's consider or agree that I made a mistake by getting married but I do not want to back up now and really want to move forward and accept the life's biggest challenge, make our life happy and peaceful and do good things for us and for world around us, then should not the Great GOD forgive us and accept us as we are? I have seen so many parents in this in real world who are not having obedient kids and they just chose wrong path in their life but when they realise or accept their mistake their parents readily accept them and even though they do not come back they just love them unconditionally.

Whatever the major thing bothering me is my guilt conscious??? Where can I get rid of it??? Is there any solution to this??? Please, please, please help me with this!!! :sad:

I don't want to live my husband and hurt him anymore, or ask him to wait for me anymore, and still want's to keep remembering GOD in his original form (of course I am not going to the centre but am still remembering HIM by meditating etc) ... how can I do that??? How do I try to be positive in my life and keep balance ...
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paulkershaw

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Re: Hi- I am a new comer and want help with my relationship

Post17 Feb 2009

HI Sukhi

I hear you ... and a warm welcome to the forum - you're in the right place and I am sure that just as soon as they can see their way clear, you'll be receiving some guidance and thoughts from various members.

I commend your courage to post here and I understand your dilemma and will post some reponse to you, in the form of whatever I can do to assist you, as soon as I can. Keep writing whatever's in your heart though, its really good therapy to do so and many people herein have experienced what you are going through, so please do not feel alone in this.

I wish you well and hope to be of support to you in any way I can.
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yogi108

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Re: Hi- I am a new comer and want help with my relationship

Post17 Feb 2009

Om Shanti Sukhi,

It was good to read your post. Here is what I have to offer ... Like your husband gave you a year of celibacy, to be fair should you also not live with him for a year like his wife ...?

I know how tough it is not to have guilt with listening to Murli and the senior Sisters and what will they say in the center etc. I do not know where you live in India etc ...

My advise to you will be to take a break from Gyan, live the life fullest with your husband, that way he will also see you as someone who is willing to sacrifice for him ...

And believe me YOU WILL NOT GET A LOWER STATUS IN Golden Age

So, please, go ahead and in fact even move cities if you are able to find a job in these trying circumstances that way you will be away from the local center ...

Best wishes and blessings from the heart.

Yogi
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tom

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Re: Hi- I am a new comer and want help with my relationship

Post17 Feb 2009

Dear Sukhi,

Welcome to forum. I wish you a beneficial stay here, would recommend you reading previous posts of our members which are dealing with the same problem.

Forgive my direct way of speaking but you are very well on your way to destroy your life and your husband's life and to drive both of you crazy. It is in your hands to change this direction.

Why have you not considered a third option? Searching for help and going to a good psychotherapist, a marriage counselor, which should be the first option. There is nothing to be ashamed of telling your problem in all aspects to an expert. All over the world there are countless couples - according to some researchers more than one third of all couples - are having sexual problems with roots going back to their childhood or going back to reasons coming from their belief system, or from other emotional reasons. Here in this forum you don't need to go into so much private details. We understand your situation.We all have been brainwashed with the same wrong suggestions.

Whatever the reason is, if the brain shuts down against something, you need professional help if your will and desire is not strong enough to convince your brain to do something which was thought to it once not to do. It is like telling some Muslim in the restaurant who enjoys his dinner, that the meat he has eaten was porks, and watching him omitting. Because his brain has got the suggestions from his belief system that pork is impure and has shut up against pork. Your autonomic nervous system is rejecting the full sexual intercourse as a result of your self-suggestions and BK suggestions, that sex is lust.

What sort of God is this, you still believe in, who forbids his children the only way to survive on earth, which is the greatest happiness and a bliss sometimes, a well matched sexual relationship between lovers?

I agree with yogi108, stay away from the center and from the BKs.

Help yourself Sister, help your beloved husband and rescue your marriage.

With my best wishes
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paulkershaw

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Re: Hi - I am a new comer and want help with my relationship

Post17 Feb 2009

Grretings again Sukhi,

I'd like to say here, now that others have joined in too, that you're already having a sexual relationship with your husband, wheter or not you're indulging in full intercourse or not, and this says to me that you're also willing to allow this to happen.

Sex is not the problem, the problem is the guilt that you associate when doing so, and this guilt has been forcefed to you by forces that have no right to do so but on some deep level, you (and many of us here) have allowed.

The advice you receive in this forum is a good guideline. SEX IS A BEAUTIFUL God-given right FOR ALL OF US TO CHOOSE TO ENJOY and participate in but we cannot do so when we are guilt-ridden. Guilt belongs to the Dark Ages and this is the 21st Century, even though the area of the world that you live in may not always conform to this.

If you have not already informed your husband of what the problem is, I am going to suggest you take a deep breath, go and sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel and WHY you are feeling this way (and also inform him of the Gyani background of why you're having this experience) and be totally honest with him. Its not your fault but it is your responsibility to do something about what is obviously tearing you apart.

He sounds like a wonderfully patient and loving man and you can say to him that you're prepared to work through it and then come into action in order to create the healing expereince you truly need. Whilst it may be painful emotionally, it will certainly free you to live a proper and honest life and this could perhaps make your relationship stronger and more valid.

The suggestion to go and get some therapy from a professional therapist, either with or without your husband there, is the best advice and will certainly free you in the long run.

Hope to have been of some assistance and let me honestly say that I will try to support you from this side, as the steps you're making are big at this time and yes I can tell you, is life-changing for you.

In light
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ex-l

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Re: Hi - I am a new comer and want help with my relationship

Post17 Feb 2009

Hi Sukhi.

Yes, many here have all been through similar situation and we are here for you, we have experience within Gyan going back to the 1970s and 80s, some of us have been centers-in-charge or responsible for many centers, other surrendered and living in a center. Some are still living in centers. Congratulations for speaking up and please know that in speaking up you are giving strength inspiration to hundreds of others that read these forums and hear of them.

Firstly, I would like to ask you. As long as this forum or a similar forum is here ... please don't commit suicide. Please don't even think of it. Come back and be as crazy as you like, send personal messages if you do not wish to write online ... but don't throw your life away. I knew a very beautiful, talent, sensitive Brahma-kumari girl who did just that, we have read of others in India, and it has hurt us more than anything to think we were not there to help them.

Firstly, if you really need it, there is a Murli quote where BapDada says clearly, "it is better to marry than to burn". I cant remember the date but it will appear. So that is OK. If you believe in The Knowledge, even Dadi Janki rose to be who she is after having married in very similar circumstances to yours. Her family was also in Gyan. And so, the precedent has been set. Look at her example and your life and don't listen to all the self-proclaimed gurus in between.

Secondly, it sounds like you have found a very wonderful man who will stick with you and be so gentle and respectful. Of all men that you could have been stuck with, it sounds like you have a good one. So give him his love and respect from me.

Lastly, let us talk frankly about sex. Will it kill you? No. Will you go crazy afterwards? No. Will it destroy your karmic fortune forever? Absolutely no. Will it make you evil or ill? No. Will it possess your soul? No. Do you really believe that simple human love is worst that the corruption and abuse that is practised by some of the Brahma-kumari leadership? Please ... no. Not in a thousand years. It is a simple thing. When you are hungry, you eat. When you have had your fill, you stop. Once you have tasted it, you will know what it is and be the master of it, to pick it up or put it back down.

You have to see the talk in the Murlis, that bit which is Lekhraj Kirpalani speaking and not God, as relative to the place, time and community he was living in. If you wish, I can go into great detail about this. Times have changed. Your world is different. You are aware that not all the Murli is "God" speaking and some of it is Lekhraj Kirpalani, aren't you? They did tell you that, did not they? This was made very clear to us.

Times have changed and moved on. The cult that has been created around the Brahma Kumaris no longer represents the true path. The true path is your own path. You need to be confident about this.

Please speak your mind more. For what you have written very well, you have expressed for us the many problems that women in India and subject to the Brahma-kumaris experience. If I am honestly, I see many problems that you will have to work through that have been caused by a false and deluded society. This is a huge accusation. Forgive me for it and give me a chance to explain what I mean.

I am not a therapist, and so I should not take such liberties but if I was, I would point you to look at yourself for a while ... to stop and give all thoughts about what others say ... what others want ... what society thinks ... what The Baba says ... forget it all for a minute. Step back and let it all go. What ever it is and what ever value it may or may not have ... it is of no value right now.

I think Yogis advice is very good if it was possible. Time away by yourselves ... would it even be possible to find work abroad for some time? As far away from "India" as possible?

In my heart, I think you have committed to this path and should follow it through now. It will not be the end of the world. It really, really wont. If there is any doubt in your mind, take a look at the other pictures of the other committed BKs who have seen through it all and recently gotten married. Tell me if they look like demons ... and tell me why there are other high ranking BKs at their wedding? There are two sets on this forum right now.

To return to a BK point of view, what is the worst thing that could happen to you? That you do not become one of the 108 or receive a high status in the Golden Age? To be honest, so what? To be honest, there are so many people in Gyan wasting their time, suffering, getting no where and not being happy ... even defaming Baba (I can think of one so-called senior center-in-charge that carried on sexual affair dishonestly even whilst still carrying out her BK duties) ... that, to be honest, there will be PLENTY of room in the Golden Age for a happy, honest, caring couple.

All you are doing, is being honest. There is no sin to that.

OK. Enough for just now. Have a think about things and tell us how they go. If you want to talk about the realities of sex, we can do that as well on or off the forum. Take it slowly, make it special, and something to remember as good not evil. Men need a little help and guidance sometimes, it is harder for them to do well. The woman must become their teacher and guide.

India has HUGE problems relating to sexuality which are only used and exaggerated by the Brahma-kumaris in order to control people rather than thought through properly. Those are not your problems. In many way, most Brahma-kumaris are not even qualified to talk about the subject. Don't listen to them if they do.

You need to spend sometime removing all other people's clutter from your mind.

Best wishes.
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paulkershaw

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Re: Hi - I am a new comer and want help with my relationship

Post17 Feb 2009

Hi Sukhi,

Paul again! Just saying that whilst I was on the web a few minutes ago, surfing for some other info I am working with at the moment, I came across this information about what the Dalai Lama has to say about guilt: (website is ode.com by the way).
Dalai Lama on guilt

Here's a little anecdote: A friend of mine once saw the Dalai Lama speak at a conference. He told me that from the audience several questions arose, and one of the people was asking something about guilt and how to deal with it. Then, to everyone's surprise, this lengthy conversation started between the Dalai Lama and his interpreter. The Dalai Lama just did not understand the question and kept getting back to his interpreter to clarify. In fact, as it happened, the Dalai Lama was not aware of a concept that we call "guilt!". is not that wonderful? Guilt is the emotion that one has done something wrong. But: what if you just don't do something wrong?

posted by Marco Visscher on 7/ 2/2007

So can we also assume that if someone is teaching us philosophies and spiritual ways that make us feel guilty, then they too are certainly not living truthfully and have no basis of truth in their own understanding either. Make sense? You are doing nothing wrong - just struggling with living your own truth at this time. Ironically enough, aspects of this inner struggle is what made many of us 'ex-BK's' join the BKWSU when we did. ;)

Terry

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Re: Hi - I am a new comer and want help with my relationship

Post17 Feb 2009

HI Sukhi

Welcome. I am in a kind of reverse situation to you. Different in that I am definitely ex-BK and am not influenced by their values. My wife was, and became again, a BK, and she experiences much of what you do. But, funnily enough, when I told her about your post here and some of the replies, she surprised me when she said, "She [you] should run a mile [from the BKs)".

Each marriage is unique. You both sound like you have found a great partner in each other. The other replies are all sound, and you will respond and take heart from those points that resonate with who you are, at this point in time.

I believe my wife's reaction comes from the fact that she feels unable to imagine her life outside of Raja Yoga. It has been a rock for her in a very troubled life. She knows it is a kind of dependency that she is (at this time) unable to break. I think she really admires those people who can live a fulfilled "normal" life, but she feels she doesn't deserve that (there is a life-long history here).

The point I am making is: I understand the strength of the dilemma. It exists because of opposing feelings. The pull to change versus the pull to stay the same.

    Do you see yourself being the same person that you are now for the rest of your life?

    Do you think you will always believe what you believe now, in the way you believe it now?
If you understand that change is life, and that life is change; you will allow life. If you remember the different stages of your life, you may see that to hold on to what you were might be to dishonour what you can be.

What you believe is important to you. Besides reading the topics here that directly relate to your situation, a more general browsing may lead to you discover ideas and perspectives that shift your beliefs, without breaking them. Use your mind, your brain, your heart, your instinct.

The woman that ex-l refers to, who suicided, I knew her well too. Everyone who knew her loved and admired her beauty, talent, intelligence. She was primarily afflicted by the social pressures of the BK so-called "family", the play of approval and disapproval, and accepting guilt projected at her, as if that somehow would make a difference to them. More of her story is here on the forum.

One thing I learned about my own parents and siblings - despite their opposition to my being a BK at the time, or anything else (lots!) that I have done in life - it has never affected their love or respect for me. They have always been there to help me, never any protocols required or pre-conditions placed on that. Unlike the BK "family" which seeks to keep one as a "child" (known as a Puer complex in psychology), my family encouraged all of us to mature, find our own feet, be independent, and live to simple universal values. Your parents sound sensible and mature. I am sure they will support you in whatever way they can.

One last thing - about guilt. I went to London as a BK partly because I had heard of Dadi Janki's reputation. I was impressed at first, but over time, saw many holes in her facade, and each time, the pedestal came down lower. One of those holes was the way she used guilt and fear to influence people. Many BKs were obviously unhappy, but to her there was only one way to BK, and she used her "approval" or "disapproval" to influence them to do things her way.

I was never like that, meaning I never felt influenced by her. She used to say quite empowering things to me, I think possibly even respected me (maybe she wished I played the game more to her rules so that I could go "out front" more?). One day, she held my hands, gave me long dristi. I felt "special" that she spontaneously was giving me extra time over others. Slowly she began to shake my hands up and down, and looking fully into my eyes, she said, "you should learn to feel guilty". I said, "what?" She repeated it. I couldn't believe it! In fact, when I left the room I laughed. It was so absurd!

As I have a similar situation, if you wish to email or use the private message facility, I am happy to correspond. I am not willing to share all my private matters and experiences publicly.

I admire your courage and commitment to find resolution - it is a sign that it will happen.
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desi_exbk

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Re: Hi - I am a new comer and want help with my relationship

Post17 Feb 2009

Hi Sukhi,

I am from one such Indian family. We all kids followed our parents into Gyan. Some of my siblings are surrendered. I, for one, chose to get married. Guess what, I am happy and now I highly recommend marraige to everyone!! You seem to have found a nice guy ... patient, understanding, and we can see you are in love with him. So, what are you waiting for? Sex is simple, natural and pleasurable. Needless to say, I recommend that to everyone!

To be honest, your parents seem to be worldy-wise. Believe me, they have spared you a life of repression and slavery - mental as well as physical. Please don't listen to your Gyani friends - they are least qualified to be marraige counsellors, let alone giving you advise on how to live your life in a REAL world.
sukhi wrote:I just do not understand if God's love is unconditional and if he loves his each n every child then how can he say so discouraging words for his children ...

You are absolutely correct. God's love is unconditional. Otherwise, he does not qualify to be a GOD, does he? So, stop feeling guilty. BKWSU philosophy is wrong. It is almost abusive when you tell a child that world is going to end soon or sex is voilence.

As they say, "two is marriage and three is a crowd". Try not to let GOD interfere in your marriage. Put HIM in his place!!

Your English is just fine. I appreciate your courage in speaking out and also your honesty. Do remember that you are not only helping yourself but potentially lot many people in similar situations like you. Keep sharing ... and questioning. Have a wonderful married life.

Welcome Sakhi - my friend.

Regards and love,

deccani

bansy

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Re: Hi - I am a new comer and want help with my relationship

Post17 Feb 2009

Dear Sukhi

You need to sit down more with your husband and your families. A bit of Asian complex here. Put the BK aside for a while. Review that later.

If you cannot clear your family or your husband, then this Asian guilt will hang over you.

You need to sit down a lot lot more with them and face them, you cannot hide it even from Baba. It will not go away but will just follow you. So deal with it even face on even if it hurts. Don't be afraid to tell them everything.

Because you, him and they will listen to one another. They only think what they are doing is right for you, so you have to discuss with them what is wrong.

If you love him and you love your family, you will know what to do.
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tom

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Re: And what is the meaning of life?

Post17 Feb 2009

Hi again Sukhi,

Nice messages, warm friendship you got here. Without knowing each other we all said the same, give a break with the BKs and live your life.

Heal yourself and your husband. Get some help.

Allow your instincts and hormones to work properly without any blockages of your previously conditioned mind.

Probably you will enjoy besides satisfying sex, other joys of life you might have been deprived from during your BK life, like sports, arts, vacation trips for two to romantic places, and after a while a longing for beautiful children.

We are here waiting for your new messages. Enjoy every moment.
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ex-l

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Re: Hi - I am a new comer and want help with my relationship

Post18 Feb 2009

Can I ask everyone here, including Sukhi, is one of the problems in such a situation that the individual in question has no other vision of how life COULD be? (And, of course, the Brahma Kumaris have not only promoted false visions of reality (failed predictions of Destruction in WWII, 1950, 1976 etc) but deny any other visions. Any other lifestyle is portrayed, literally, as "demonic".

In such a situation, there is only the vision of the immediate family (who probably grew up in a closed community and had an arranged marriage) and then the terrible, manic, absurd 19th Century vision of the Lekhraj Kirpalani and the early Brahma Kumaris.

Here is a vision of one, I hope, very happily married BK couple, Brian and Kazemaru and another, Marneta Viegas who I think still even lives right under the noses of the BKWSU on the lands of their English country mansion house.

I remember reading one of Jagdish Chander's treaties against sexual congress that used all sort of absurd stories from medical books going back to the 19th Century. God knows he must have had fun trawling through them to find what he want for the sakes of his propaganda. Jagdish was central to the BK movement in creating such ideas for old Sisters who were not at all educated in any manner. Some being unable to read.

In one of those stories, it included a tale of one woman who found sex so pleasurable that she passed out every time it happened. Lucky girl I thought, even at the time. A lot of women would be very grateful for that experience! Life is so sad and bitter, for so many people on this planet, that I always encourage people to have as much "limited" happiness, as it is called in the BKWSU, as possible. Very much any couple in love share that love with all around them being equally happy, silly and wonderful. "The cup that overflows", it is called in the West.

Relationships do have ups and down. That is part of life and cannot be avoid, only used, worked with and made into an art. Sex and loving also moves and changes us on an emotional or spiritual level. It can brings us down to earth where we belong.

sukhi

friends or family of a BK

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Re: Hi - I am a new comer and want help with my relationship

Post18 Feb 2009

Hello to Everyone who has replied to my problem,

First of all, heaps of thanks to you all ... :-) for all your warm wishes and welcoming me to the forum, understanding my situation and giving me wonderful encouraging advice and suggestions.

Believe me, as I was reading to all the replies ... my eyes were full of tears and I was just crying like hell ... all your messages and encouraging words have touched my heart deeply and I am feeling a kind of secure feeling that there is someone who cares for you, or is who feeling to help, and that it's not the END of life but instead it's a new BEGINNING!

Once again A BIG THANX TO THIS FORUM AND YOU GUYS WHOM I DON'T KNOW PERSONALLY BUT STILL PROVIDED YOUR HELPING HAND IN SAVING MY LIFE ...

I really felt very light from within and more clarity in my thoughts after reading your replies and would like to add and reply to your posts here:

1) Including BK Yogi108 and others who wants to know where I stay in India or abroad? Well, I have lived abroad since last 3 years or so, and so not having so much touch with centre here. It's close to our place and hardly meet some BKs occasionally, purely by chance, in some weekend markets where they too have come for the shopping. They usually invite us to some kind of programme at centre but even though I feel like going to the centre I don't go usually, as my guilty conscious was so strong, which stopped me going there. I visited the centre here just for 3 or 4 times but when I returned home, I was feeling more sad and having mixed emotions and feelings.

So as even though I was away from centre, and did not had any contact, I was never ever able to run away from my "guilt" and I really need to do something now before it's too late for me, as I cannot bear the blame on my shoulders of destroying the life of someone whom I truely love - my Husband. But I guess I have found help here.
tom wrote:2) Why have you not considered a third option? Searching for help and going to a good psychotherapist, a marriage counselor, which should be the first option.

I truely agree with you here, as even we did think of considering this option, as my husband also suggested me the same but I just kept dragging it and said we will go but let me try first to find the solution myself. As I knew the cause - it was my deep rooted guilt consciousness which I was holding so strong. And I also thought that if I knew the cause may be I would be able to convince myself better than any other. But it did not work and I realised that I really need some help of an expert, or someone who has been in my situation, can understand my situation and I am very much willing to do it. Meanwhile, I found this website, read some posts and some how felt to discuss my problem here with you all.

The other reason why I was able to share my problem with you all here, and was not willing to do with psychotherapist, was that I thought that the therapist would not understand me better as they don't know about BK, Baba, BK's teachings or anything and how would he be able to comment on Baba's Murli points or convince me if I ask him anything. So I was always looking for someone who was/is in BK and would able to understand me ... because I believe those who have passed through similar situation or pain knows about it better and can have the same feelings and can guide you more better ...

And believe me if I say here, I am not boasting here but each and everyone of you here are the best psychotherapists or the healers.
ex-l wrote:3) Can I ask everyone here, including Sukhi, is one of the problems in such a situation that the individual in question has no other vision of how life COULD be?

Well, to answer this, I would say that sometimes when you are really feeling too low about your own self, I mean having so many depressing and self-destructive thoughts that you are just not good enough and GOD will punish you so hard, etc, etc ... then you just think that your life is not worth living and you cannot see a better picture of either yourself or your life ... but thank GOD that I have got wonderful people in my life and friends that when I feel too low. I would just go to them and I did not need to say anything. They would just give me few words of positive dose and then my mind would start thinking in right direction and I would say that I really dreamed of a better life full of happiness and love for us. And I am more hopeful now about this after reading your replies ...

Feeling much much better and kind of relieved as if someone has just lifted a lot of burden from my head, heart and soul ...

I cannot tell you or express it here but am truely grateful to you all for all your best wishes and kind advice to me.
All your suggestions have proved so much helpful to me and I am just reading them over and over again.

I have started convincing my self on this but still need some more light and thoughts on - that GOD will not punish me and will understand me for who I am.

Terry

ex-BK

  • Posts: 389
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  • Location: OZ

Re: Hi - I am a newcomer and want help with my relationship

Post18 Feb 2009

Hi, just commenting on Terry's message, I am his wife Trish. There has been a misunderstanding. I did not say you should run a mile from the BKs I don't know where that came from. If we choose to stay in relationships for whatever reason, for friendship, for the sake of the children etc ... We should be able to live what is in our hearts. I love being a celibate BK and I have a right to be that. I greatly appreciate Terry for respecting that.
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ex-l

ex-BK

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  • Joined: 07 Apr 2006

Re: Hi - I am a newcomer and want help with my relationship

Post18 Feb 2009

terry wrote:Hi, just commenting on Terry's message, I am his wife Trish. There has been a misunderstanding.

Trish, you are very welcome to come onto this forum and comment on terry's massage technique ... but please make your own user account or it will become confusing. Channeling other spiritual beings, like yourself, does fit into terry's paradigm.
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