Today is a blessed day

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rayoflight

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Today is a blessed day

Post18 Mar 2009

Today is a truly blessed day for me because I found this website, as well as xbkinfo.infogami.com and bksuwatch.com. I can finally speak my mind and know that I am not alone in this. I believe that the truth always reveals itself and anything that is false will eventually crumble. But as some of you have already realized, the Brahma Kumaris was not a place we ever expected to speak against. It pains me to write this and I must admit that the pain brings up tears of sadness but also relief - for it is as if I have broken out of shackles.

I used to be a very open and trusting soul and, after a painful divorce, all I wanted was relief from my broken heart. What I found was meditation at the BK organization which at first gave me such sweet love and peace that I miraculously recovered within six months ... or so I thought. Seven years later I am writing this message because I never intended to ever be part of this group. I have never been religious in the slightest bit so that was not what attracted me. It was seductive and so "right" in so many ways that I was swept away by the vibation and The Knowledge I felt I always knew in my heart.

So how did I get here today? As always, by a sequence of events. I ended up moving to Europe and then going to Madhuban although that was never a dream of mine. I met some charismatic BK leaders and started having strange mystical dreams and experiences. I was going into trance and I felt possessed by a force that seemed to be taking me on a journey that I honestly did not want to be on. I was so angry with God about it but the more I yelled at him the more visions I would have.

When I shared my experiences with Jayanti and Dadi Gulzar in Madhuban I was nothing less than humiliated and told that I needed to just forget about everything. I sat there in utter shock and dismay at the incredulous coldness of these "spiritual" leaders and went off with my tail between my legs. That was the beginning of the end for me although it was over three and a half years ago. That is how long its taken me to break the "spell", or whatever it was that intervened in my life.

I tried to get help from several BK Brothers and Sisters and was told that it was all ego. I continued to seek a kind soul to help me and finally found a lovely Sister who said that even after 25 years some Brahmins don't get visions, so jealousy became an issue immediately. I would give these jealous Brahmins my visions in a second because all they caused me was grief and confusion.

I have met some lovely souls on this journey but so many of them are confused, irrational and just downright immature. I have seen grown men and women behaving like 12 year olds, abusing their spiritual power in order to control their childish behavior. My good sense told me a long time ago that there was unethical business going on in the organization and behavior that I did not find very spiritual to say the least, but I could not break free for some reason. I prayed regularly and at times I was so confused I did not know who was hearing my prayers - I was that afraid of the manipulation.

Was the real God hearing my prayers or was the spirit of Brahma Baba still controlling me? What was it? I started to be slightly paranoid but I hung in there because I am a rebel at heart and I have strong instincts. But I often found myself in what felt like power struggles or energy wars mainly from people who were afraid of me for some reason. I have always been outspoken and direct which apparently was not appreciated. Well, I eventually learned to keep my mouth shut about my thoughts and opinions and began to wear a mask like everybody else. This was a violation of my own self respect and I knew that I was being controlled. I lived in fear in a foreign country for many months whilst having been completely abandoned by so called "BK friends".

There are many people that I resent for having pulled me into this organization and I too am ashamed for having pulled others into it as well. If I have learned anything about myself it is that I was too open and trusting in many ways. The hurt I feel is that I have been taken advantage of in the most important way that a human being can be violated: at the soul level. Perhaps it has been my "karma" or perhaps I chose this for some reason. In any case, it is now part of my history. Like any marriage, there is the honeymoon you never forget; the blossoming of the relationship and then at times there is the breakup. I have chosen to leave this "imposed" marriage which I put into quotation marks because I feel that I was somehow swept up in something that I cannot describe in any other way. The BKs are predators and they prey on the weak and the vulnerable. I was such a person when I met them.

Many BKs I have met have issues with their families and are seeking a place to call "home" and a group to call "family." The most important day for me was when I was in London and Dadi Janki was talking about the importance of family. She was obviously talking about the BK family but something clicked in my mind that made me think of my own family. Her words made me realize how important they were to me. I do not give her credit for this by any means. I had such a difficult time breaking away from the BKs that I ended up needing my family more than ever.

So much wants to come out now that there is a forum to speak openly about this terribly manipulative and destuctive cult. For those of you still questioning if it is for you, please keep your eyes and ears open and always trust your own instincts. And may those who committed suicide please rest in peace. Their deaths will not go unnoticed.

Peace.
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joel

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Re: Today is a blessed day

Post18 Mar 2009

Welcome.

jann

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Re: Today is a blessed day

Post18 Mar 2009

Hey rayoflight, good to see you here, Welcome!
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ex-l

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Re: Today is a blessed day

Post18 Mar 2009

Instant 'classic post'. Well done for making it through and welcome.

Yes, that really is just about the whole of it - apart from all the money and free labor they got off you in the meanwhile. Your little vingette of Jayanti's and Gulzar's blankness (I am not going to use the word 'detachment' as the BKs would see as a virtue) is well painted. Depsite both being key psychic mediums and having gone through similar experiences, knowing fine about all the corruption and "roadkill" damage, they don't know what is going on, how or why it happens, how to fix things and don't want to look at the most likelihood of it all ... some sort of psychic influence they are in denial about.

And as for all the "expert University Faculty members", the BKs, you describe their modus operandi very well ... "If in doubt, turn it on the other and put them down". I will be very interested to read of your experiences and your making sense of them. I can share others and the experiences of non-BK psychics I know.

I will tell you another truth, straight from a horse's mouth, after 10 or 20 years some BKs are not having ANY exprience. And I am thinking of one that also left having had a center mortgage in their name and paying thousands and thousands. Not me, I might add.

Your story makes me wonder if mediumship or possession might be a wider experience that we might have thought but is guarded by those in power who can do it. Elsewhere, we read that they were training up some young girls to take over after Gulzar dies ... no one could give us any further details about that.
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paulkershaw

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Re: Today is a blessed day

Post18 Mar 2009

Welcome Rayoflight, your post is truly beautiful and thank you for sharing from your heart. You will find a good home here.
I believe that the truth always reveals itself and anything that is false will eventually crumble.

This too is of importance and, yes, I feel to share with you that you are correct. Your integrity is still in place and that hasn't been taken from you.

Celebrate and live life!

duty bound

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Re: Today is a blessed day

Post18 Mar 2009

Welcome and thank you for your honesty. Take care of yourself.
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Mr Green

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Re: Today is a blessed day

Post18 Mar 2009

Welcome.
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tom

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Re: Today is a blessed day

Post18 Mar 2009

dear rayoflight,

today it is also a blessed day for us, that you have found us, we have found you. Welcome to this forum, where i consider that my true friends on earth have gathered.

Your post fills my heart with peace and love because almost all of the points you have experienced and are sharing with us are deeply integrated into me. We all shared these feeling of healing during first months. And the frustration later on until one day we woke up from our Kumbakarna sleep.

I was blessed also as i found this forum after leaving the BKs, reading only the posts helped me to pass the transition period without any pain, understanding that so many friends here have survived and are feeling good now, so can I also.

I experienced during long years some visions in deep meditation and saw how this was a taboo even for the 30 years Gyani Seniors who never had any similar experiences and they were a sort of afraid to listen to them.

But the ones like Sister Jayanti and Dadi Gulzar, who have a living full of these experiences, are afraid to think about and to talk about as you are precisely describing, because as ignorant as they are about all spiritual knowledge in the world. They don't know where these visions are coming from and are afraid that other serviceable Seniors (servants!) would be jealous and become disheartened.

They are telling us that it is Shiva Baba in Brahma Baba's angelic forehead coming into Gulzar Dadi and speaking the Avyakt Murli, but they are not knowing and accepting that this relationship is a spirit attachment or possession since Om Mandli days and since most of the Kumaris and Dada Lekhraj got willfully attached to or got possessed by the earth bound departed souls.

I am talking here in my posts repeatedly from "earth bound low level departed souls" and cannot say that these are elevated spirit guides because the results of their over 70 years long teachings and strong attachment, possession or relationship with the Seniors are here in this forum documented, and are witnessed personally by all of us in our BK lives and afterwards. These teachings - despite being mixed with some gems of Sufi wisdom and gems from other sources about virtues - are not for the ultimate goodness of humanity.

In the contrary they are for the destruction of the personality, willpower and self respect of the believers and ultimately for the Destruction of all livelihood on earth.

The visions some of us experienced could come from those spirits or from higher sources depending on which feelings they evoke in us. If these are evoking fear and anxiety in us, we want to get rid of, they cannot come from elevated sources. But if these visions and experiences fill our heart with great bliss and love to God and to all livelihood, we know that we are blessed at that moment.

We are enriched with your entrance rayoflight, thank you for your sharing and welcome again.
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paulkershaw

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Re: Today is a blessed day

Post18 Mar 2009

Tom wrote: "The visions some of us experienced could come from those spirits or from higher sources depending on which feelings they evoke in us. If these are evoking fear and anxiety in us, we want to get rid of, they cannot come from elevated sources. But if these visions and experiences fill our heart with great bliss and love to God and to all livelihood, we know that we are blessed at that moment".

Thanx for highlighting the 'bliss and love' required aspects of trance visions Tom ... I remember though that old Dada Lekhraj was supposedly very disturbed by his earlier visions of a world war ... but also to say that world famous seers such as Edgar Cayce also had hugely prophetic visions of a world at war and of complete calamity and they weren't exactly filling him with love and peace.

... A point to add here is that some of those visions experienced during our Gyani meditation times may have not 'been in-line' with Gyan teachings we were working with, and may in fact have gone against the teachings. I too had a few 'visions' which of course I excitedly shared with the 'other's' but was then subject to fairly deep questioning about it by the sister in charge, which I took to be great interest, and not anything else at the time. My how naive is one sometimes eh?

So along with aforementioned jealousy, let's also add some 'control' damage on the part of said Seniors when they heard of these visions. It just wouldn't do to think or experience anything else but that which is in the teachings.

Hey, I live in a country that STILL has some of its older people thinking exactly what they were taught in their school years and believe and practice their white supremacy. Same same, different day. The hsitory books have been re-written but still you'll always find someone that just continues on and on in the same old ways.
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rayoflight

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Re: Today is a blessed day

Post18 Mar 2009

I just want to say thank you to all of you who took the time to read my post and reply with such kindness and support.

I've always been intuitive and I have the ability to read people quite accurately, but when I joined the BK I discovered I was psychic and I could literally read people's thoughts. It scared me but now I realize that it actually helped me tremendously with the BKs. It's the reason that I have been able to set myself free because otherwise I would still be "tied up" in the force that was following me and wanted to possess me.

There was a day when I went into trance during one of Dadi's visits. Everyone was chanting "Baba" and all of a sudden I felt something come over me, pulling me up with a gentle force I couldn't resist. I tried to fight it but there was no competition. When I opened my eyes I was "royal" and Dadi was pointing her finger at me and telling Jayanti that I had gone into trance. Dadi was staring at me in a way that made me feel invaded not loved. She looked at me with such curiousity that, if I really cared about all this, my ego would have been thrilled, but somewhere inside I felt danger.

I had a "feeling" that this invasiveness had something to do with replacing Dadi Gulzar someday. The next day in class she said that, "some Sisters go into trance but all the time I have been a yogi I have never gone into trance". I knew she was talking about me. Was this meant to make me feel "special?" I had no ambition of being anything with the BKs so, thankfully, this helped me in the long run. So thank you ex-l for mentioning that they were training some girls to take over after Dadi Gulzar dies. I did not consciously know this but it's never too late to receive confirmation for something that seemed to "be in my head."

I often felt like I knew too much anyway and when I shared it, it was, as you may all guess, denied. It was "Maya". I have even been told that I needed to be careful not to attract "dark forces". I laugh now at how ironic that is. I felt like I was in a secret society that enjoyed watching people squirm. Is that light or dark? Such cruelty is a result of sexually frustrated people who can only "get off" on tormenting others. I am sorry to put it this way but healthy people don't behave this way.

I am thankful for my survival instinct which is after all the animal part in me, not the angelic part. The angel in me trusted these "angels in disguise" and got hurt. I used to work in the media and I always felt that I was being used for some reason but when you have experience in the media you meet all kinds of opportunisitc and egotistical people and they were no different. They just showed less skin.

Although I was able to see through these puppeteers, there are many who cannot and are truly blinded. There are those who truly enjoy it and then there are those who keep trying to convince themselves that they are "right" even though perhaps warning signs have come up for them as well. Those who have invested time and money, and who have shunned their friends and family yet know deep down that they are prisoners, are those I feel the most sorry for. Yes, they are the same ones who turned a blind eye to me, but yet I still feel compassion for them.
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ex-l

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Re: Today is a blessed day

Post18 Mar 2009

Could you explain "royal" and your other experiences as time allows? Obviously that term is a BK-ism. I will offer what I can from my experiences and others we have recorded.

I am very much of the thought that these experiences are not 'of us' but externally invoked and that anyone with any discernment can tell the differences between the two orders of experience. The problems is that such phenomena brings up such strong feelings in others; worship, envy, denial etc that it is hard to have a seriously explorative discussion about them.

On one level, it is strange for me that such a spiritualist movement does not discuss and explore its spiritualism and such experiences ... on the other hand, it is not strange at all, They are deliberately down playing it and hiding it. Are you really tell me that the Seniors have never sat amongst themselves and never discussed it ... that there was no discussion around the various trance mediums (there were a few not just Lekhraj Kirpalani, including we heard Janki's Sister at one point) and mediumship going on before?
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rayoflight

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Re: Today is a blessed day

Post18 Mar 2009

Hi ex-l,

To respond to your question, I use the term "royal" because while I was in trance I saw my body take on a new position, like a a queen or a princess, with the kind of poise and grace that we ascribe to royalty in fairy tales. Whilst being in that pose, I remember feeling a stillness inside that was neither peace nor did it fit any other virtues that we have labelled such as love, kindness, compassion etc. I just was. And I was able to observe everything around me from an feeling of "elevation" as though I were a bird on a wire taking in the scenery. And what I saw from that point of view were children playing.

Although everyone was clealy an adult, I remembering thinking, "the children are playing," and feeling a sort of pride in that. Yet I must add that there was also another observer in me watching the scene that was happening within me, like the dreamer observing the dream. While this "entity" was giving me an experience of perfect stillness (or as perfect as I have known) in watching the others, I was watching the "entity" and so I was still aware on some level.

It is certain that the Seniors sit around and discuss this kind of thing amongst themselves, and I do understand what you mean about these experiences bringing out feelings of envy, worship, denial etc. as I have witnessed them all. I have shared my experiences with many people and often felt regret about it because I was met with these negative responses and worse yet silence.

The initial vision that started the confusion was when I randomly met a Brother who initially frightened me for some reason, but then while we were talking I suddenly got a vision of Lakshmi and Narayan. I was not immersed in the BK life yet so I did not know what it was. I was filled with bliss for the next two months and I couldn't sleep because I often felt like "something" was in my bed. I was terrified and demanded that God explain to me what that vision was because the Brother was showing up in my dreams too.

Well, one night while I was sleeping I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I immediately woke up as it was so gentle and loving and full of virtue. It was as though I had never been sleeping. But I KNEW it was God so I said, "what do you want from me now?" There was a pause and then the image of Lakshmi & Narayan was flashed at me again. I was not happy about it and demanded to be told what it was. I heard, "I want you to go into the Golden Age," to which I responded, "well, I don't even know what that is! What do you want from me??" There came another pause and then I heard, "you know what you have to do," which was go to Murli every morning because I wasn't going. So I started going. The rest is history.

I feel very vulnerable writing this because I still don't know if it will be used against me. But as I write it I am thinking that Brahma Baba, or whoever the entity is, decided he wanted me and that was the beginning of the trickery that I felt and the confusion that causes the psychological problems.
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paulkershaw

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Visons and Energies

Post18 Mar 2009

Well shared Rayoflight. It just may be worth-while for you to consider that you are receiving these 'vision's from the energy systems of the people surrounding you at the time. For example, Dadi Janki is very deeply focussed on what she (may or may not) believe to be the future aspects of the world. The BK man you describe may have an affinity for Lakshmi and Narayan and you being so clairvoyantly sensitive and intuitive as you are may be picking this up in a 'vision' or what I call 'image experience' - i.e experiencing images others are projecting through their will or intent.

Do or have your 'visions' happen around other people too? If so, check the 'energies' of the next vision you experience and see who is around you, especially those who may practice other spiritual ways and are non-BK in their energies. Perhaps you may want to have a 'casual' discussion and enquire from such persons as to their belief systems and spiritual practice.

It's is quite possible that you are 'picking' up the focussed energies and intentions only and these things may not be "actual" visions. It happens to me in certain ways by the way which is why I am responding so quickly to your post. I can even receive these images and experiences from strongly willed personalities who are on the TV and do not have to be near me so this may be worth trying for you. I can even shadow 'read' psychics who are doing a reading for people in other rooms or places, anyway this is not about me, it's about you and I"m only trying to get you to understand that your visionary powers can also simply be other people projections. It's a malleable but powerful ability.

Truth is what we make of it, if we understand it's depth more but if we don't understand it it then could possibly give other people great power over one, and yes you are right can affect one's psychological processes needlessly. At the end of the day it is highly inaccurate and deeply invasive for anyone to do this to another person, but in my guess, the BKWSU followers do not even realise that this is possible, which makes it even more dangerous (and usable for those with misaligned intentions) too.

Please understand that during my time in the BKWSU I would consciously make a decision to 'show' how powerful I was and during guided or on-on-one meditations, would use my 'abilities' to take people into other realms or give them visions of themselves in other worlds. Wow, how powerful is this, eh? and wow, we've certainly got closer in just a few posts too.
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rayoflight

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Re: Today is a blessed day

Post18 Mar 2009

Hi paulkershaw and thank you for your insight. I really appreciate it. I want to understand because I need to move on with my life and find the strength to completely cut any remaining psychic links that are causing me to stagnate. I cannot seem to move forward and I feel stuck in a rut. It is causing me to panic.

I understand what you are saying and may have intuited some of it too. I eventually became a sort of spy especially with the Brother with whom I would get visions and eventually found the very vision I had seen posted on a wall in his office. So I know what you mean about picking up on others' imagery and intentions. But what do you make of the "dream" I described while I was sleeping (previous post)? There was no one around but my cat (lol) and although she was quite magical to me I don't think she was sending me visions of Lakshmi and Narayan ;).
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ex-l

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Re: Visons and Energies

Post19 Mar 2009

paulkershaw wrote:Well shared Rayoflight. It just may be worth-while for you to consider that you are receiving these 'vision's from the energy systems of the people surrounding you at the time.

My emphasis would on being "question if" that is what it was ... I am afraid that I am more of a literal when it comes to this stuff. Folks used to have visions when I was talking them through the course. Sure as hell I was not doing them and they had no relevance to the individuals obvious "paradigm".

I go for the "overshadowing" theory. That I was being overshadow by some other spiritual being ... and that in those kinds of atmosphere, those spirituals beings find it easy to come and go.

So, basically, I am dividing potential causes in two. The passive-receptive psychicism, as you are describing, and the active channeling or overshadowing, as I am suggesting. The feeling of being overwhelmed rayoflight describes suggests to me the later but it is open for discussion.
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