Today is a truly blessed day for me because I found this website, as well as xbkinfo.infogami.com and bksuwatch.com. I can finally speak my mind and know that I am not alone in this. I believe that the truth always reveals itself and anything that is false will eventually crumble. But as some of you have already realized, the Brahma Kumaris was not a place we ever expected to speak against. It pains me to write this and I must admit that the pain brings up tears of sadness but also relief - for it is as if I have broken out of shackles.
I used to be a very open and trusting soul and, after a painful divorce, all I wanted was relief from my broken heart. What I found was meditation at the BK organization which at first gave me such sweet love and peace that I miraculously recovered within six months ... or so I thought. Seven years later I am writing this message because I never intended to ever be part of this group. I have never been religious in the slightest bit so that was not what attracted me. It was seductive and so "right" in so many ways that I was swept away by the vibation and The Knowledge I felt I always knew in my heart.
So how did I get here today? As always, by a sequence of events. I ended up moving to Europe and then going to Madhuban although that was never a dream of mine. I met some charismatic BK leaders and started having strange mystical dreams and experiences. I was going into trance and I felt possessed by a force that seemed to be taking me on a journey that I honestly did not want to be on. I was so angry with God about it but the more I yelled at him the more visions I would have.
When I shared my experiences with Jayanti and Dadi Gulzar in Madhuban I was nothing less than humiliated and told that I needed to just forget about everything. I sat there in utter shock and dismay at the incredulous coldness of these "spiritual" leaders and went off with my tail between my legs. That was the beginning of the end for me although it was over three and a half years ago. That is how long its taken me to break the "spell", or whatever it was that intervened in my life.
I tried to get help from several BK Brothers and Sisters and was told that it was all ego. I continued to seek a kind soul to help me and finally found a lovely Sister who said that even after 25 years some Brahmins don't get visions, so jealousy became an issue immediately. I would give these jealous Brahmins my visions in a second because all they caused me was grief and confusion.
I have met some lovely souls on this journey but so many of them are confused, irrational and just downright immature. I have seen grown men and women behaving like 12 year olds, abusing their spiritual power in order to control their childish behavior. My good sense told me a long time ago that there was unethical business going on in the organization and behavior that I did not find very spiritual to say the least, but I could not break free for some reason. I prayed regularly and at times I was so confused I did not know who was hearing my prayers - I was that afraid of the manipulation.
Was the real God hearing my prayers or was the spirit of Brahma Baba still controlling me? What was it? I started to be slightly paranoid but I hung in there because I am a rebel at heart and I have strong instincts. But I often found myself in what felt like power struggles or energy wars mainly from people who were afraid of me for some reason. I have always been outspoken and direct which apparently was not appreciated. Well, I eventually learned to keep my mouth shut about my thoughts and opinions and began to wear a mask like everybody else. This was a violation of my own self respect and I knew that I was being controlled. I lived in fear in a foreign country for many months whilst having been completely abandoned by so called "BK friends".
There are many people that I resent for having pulled me into this organization and I too am ashamed for having pulled others into it as well. If I have learned anything about myself it is that I was too open and trusting in many ways. The hurt I feel is that I have been taken advantage of in the most important way that a human being can be violated: at the soul level. Perhaps it has been my "karma" or perhaps I chose this for some reason. In any case, it is now part of my history. Like any marriage, there is the honeymoon you never forget; the blossoming of the relationship and then at times there is the breakup. I have chosen to leave this "imposed" marriage which I put into quotation marks because I feel that I was somehow swept up in something that I cannot describe in any other way. The BKs are predators and they prey on the weak and the vulnerable. I was such a person when I met them.
Many BKs I have met have issues with their families and are seeking a place to call "home" and a group to call "family." The most important day for me was when I was in London and Dadi Janki was talking about the importance of family. She was obviously talking about the BK family but something clicked in my mind that made me think of my own family. Her words made me realize how important they were to me. I do not give her credit for this by any means. I had such a difficult time breaking away from the BKs that I ended up needing my family more than ever.
So much wants to come out now that there is a forum to speak openly about this terribly manipulative and destuctive cult. For those of you still questioning if it is for you, please keep your eyes and ears open and always trust your own instincts. And may those who committed suicide please rest in peace. Their deaths will not go unnoticed.
Peace.
I used to be a very open and trusting soul and, after a painful divorce, all I wanted was relief from my broken heart. What I found was meditation at the BK organization which at first gave me such sweet love and peace that I miraculously recovered within six months ... or so I thought. Seven years later I am writing this message because I never intended to ever be part of this group. I have never been religious in the slightest bit so that was not what attracted me. It was seductive and so "right" in so many ways that I was swept away by the vibation and The Knowledge I felt I always knew in my heart.
So how did I get here today? As always, by a sequence of events. I ended up moving to Europe and then going to Madhuban although that was never a dream of mine. I met some charismatic BK leaders and started having strange mystical dreams and experiences. I was going into trance and I felt possessed by a force that seemed to be taking me on a journey that I honestly did not want to be on. I was so angry with God about it but the more I yelled at him the more visions I would have.
When I shared my experiences with Jayanti and Dadi Gulzar in Madhuban I was nothing less than humiliated and told that I needed to just forget about everything. I sat there in utter shock and dismay at the incredulous coldness of these "spiritual" leaders and went off with my tail between my legs. That was the beginning of the end for me although it was over three and a half years ago. That is how long its taken me to break the "spell", or whatever it was that intervened in my life.
I tried to get help from several BK Brothers and Sisters and was told that it was all ego. I continued to seek a kind soul to help me and finally found a lovely Sister who said that even after 25 years some Brahmins don't get visions, so jealousy became an issue immediately. I would give these jealous Brahmins my visions in a second because all they caused me was grief and confusion.
I have met some lovely souls on this journey but so many of them are confused, irrational and just downright immature. I have seen grown men and women behaving like 12 year olds, abusing their spiritual power in order to control their childish behavior. My good sense told me a long time ago that there was unethical business going on in the organization and behavior that I did not find very spiritual to say the least, but I could not break free for some reason. I prayed regularly and at times I was so confused I did not know who was hearing my prayers - I was that afraid of the manipulation.
Was the real God hearing my prayers or was the spirit of Brahma Baba still controlling me? What was it? I started to be slightly paranoid but I hung in there because I am a rebel at heart and I have strong instincts. But I often found myself in what felt like power struggles or energy wars mainly from people who were afraid of me for some reason. I have always been outspoken and direct which apparently was not appreciated. Well, I eventually learned to keep my mouth shut about my thoughts and opinions and began to wear a mask like everybody else. This was a violation of my own self respect and I knew that I was being controlled. I lived in fear in a foreign country for many months whilst having been completely abandoned by so called "BK friends".
There are many people that I resent for having pulled me into this organization and I too am ashamed for having pulled others into it as well. If I have learned anything about myself it is that I was too open and trusting in many ways. The hurt I feel is that I have been taken advantage of in the most important way that a human being can be violated: at the soul level. Perhaps it has been my "karma" or perhaps I chose this for some reason. In any case, it is now part of my history. Like any marriage, there is the honeymoon you never forget; the blossoming of the relationship and then at times there is the breakup. I have chosen to leave this "imposed" marriage which I put into quotation marks because I feel that I was somehow swept up in something that I cannot describe in any other way. The BKs are predators and they prey on the weak and the vulnerable. I was such a person when I met them.
Many BKs I have met have issues with their families and are seeking a place to call "home" and a group to call "family." The most important day for me was when I was in London and Dadi Janki was talking about the importance of family. She was obviously talking about the BK family but something clicked in my mind that made me think of my own family. Her words made me realize how important they were to me. I do not give her credit for this by any means. I had such a difficult time breaking away from the BKs that I ended up needing my family more than ever.
So much wants to come out now that there is a forum to speak openly about this terribly manipulative and destuctive cult. For those of you still questioning if it is for you, please keep your eyes and ears open and always trust your own instincts. And may those who committed suicide please rest in peace. Their deaths will not go unnoticed.
Peace.