How I felt myself alien to this world

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gumbowumbo

ex-BK

  • Posts: 20
  • Joined: 11 Nov 2009

How I felt myself alien to this world

Post11 Nov 2009

Hi there lovely beings,

First of all, I'd like to thank you all for your comments and also I'd like to apologise if my English is not that perfect but I am sure you will understand what I've got to say.

I am a so called "indigo child", so I was born with a deep, natural, spiritual awareness. I felt myself alien to this world searching for answers practising various types of religion and when I came in contact with BKWSU I thought I found a home. I made an unusual carrier in this organization according to my natural spirituality. After two months, I was a teacher myself and gave "knowledge" to students. It was in a really nice little center, run by two worldy families (two mothers and their daughters). I found a place where I found something I lacked - the warmth of a mother. Well, I had one but she was possesed by one of those wandering spirits, who make "fun" of people by suggesting to them Jesus would speak to them. Very traumatic story, but years of psychotherapy helped me to get over it and to forgive.

But soon I remarked, that there is a big difference between teachings and behaviour of BKs. I saw this huge machine of worshipping older Sisters and all the women who are in love with the image of Lekhraj Kirpalani. They teach to be detached and to give up sorrow and your shadow but I soon recognized that most of them were burning in hate for themselves. How can a journey with God be without joy and love for yourself?

I, myself, felt guilty and dirty for my sexual desires, e.g. it's important to mention that I was a drug abuser before coming to BKWSU but there I replaced one drug with another. I felt negative consequences for my body caused by a huge lack of sleep. And I had to raise my daily dose of Meditation. I was, what they call a Brahmin by intellect and not with love in the heart. Or a deceptive Brahmin. So I left a few times, going back to drugging myself and having a lot of sexual escapades, caused by suppression of my natural desires, and coming always back with feelings of great guiltiness.

One day I decided it was better for me to be a sincere "devil" than to be a deceptive angel. Well, I taught "knowledge" but I never felt, that it is God speaking through DG.

I also have to admit that I have gotten some helpful education on how to act as a loving human being. Karma Philosophy works great for me and even if it would be wrong, it helps me to respect myself and other beings. It's like in every religion you can find positive and negative sides. Jewism teaches lawfulness, Buddhism tells about the god within us, Christianity has the essence of love for yourself for you can love others, Islam has the essence of God's face and bodilessnes, and Hinduism shows us all different aspects of God.

The most important teaching that I've learned through a Murli is, that the biggest service to the world is to transformate oneself for it can transform the world to a "better" place (for to speak in terms of dualism). And I don't need morning classes to do so! And even less I need Sisters with badges made of Gold and Platinum, growing bigger every year.

We don't need the BKs to be a friend of God. God is our friend by nature and if you tell him to be with you, he surely is. That is what remembrance means to me. Remember your own power to create.

Thank You

audacity

ex-BK

  • Posts: 28
  • Joined: 30 Oct 2009

Re: How I felt myself alien to this world

Post13 Nov 2009

Hi Jeevanmukti,

Thanks for your post. I am glad to hear that you have honoured yourself, and broken free from the BKs.
I soon recognized that most of them were burning in hate for themselves. How can a journey with God be without joy and love for yourself?

Your observations are spot on. You sound very positive now, how did you manage to re-connect with yourself and God in a positive way?
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gumbowumbo

ex-BK

  • Posts: 20
  • Joined: 11 Nov 2009

Re: How I felt myself alien to this world

Post03 Dec 2009

Well, I did not have to reconnect in a positive way, cause there was always a positive connection. OK, I was angry and so I told God. But God is always positive and forgiveness itself. I told him/her to prove that I am able to feel love again. I felt as I was an emotional cripple unable to get past that dominating fear. And I began to confront my shadow.

I think that if you always turn your head to god, then "devil" sits always in your neck. But if one turns around to stare in the "evil" face of one's shadow, then god is right behind or beside you to support and protect you.

So I had a hard time in psychotherapy to get rid of my hurtful relation to my mother. It was very painful, but it is worth it. Only by pulling the shadow into light of conciousness it disappears. And in consequence, my desire to sit in a small secure emotional cage disappeared, whether it was a cage made of drugs, or a BK drug-like cage.

As a part of this I decided to find a woman with whom I experience love with. Sexual and spiritual. In my six years in "Gyan", I had a lot of sexual partners. It was my need for tenderness and my fear of getting hurt that drove me into promiscuity.

So I decided to give it up and to risk to get hurt again. And you know what? Now we are in love for two years. It's not easy all the time, we also had some crisis, but that's life. :D

The one who loves risks to suffer. The one who doesn't love is suffering already.

starchild

ex-BK

  • Posts: 113
  • Joined: 23 Apr 2009

Re: How I felt myself alien to this world

Post03 Dec 2009

Gumbowumbo wrote


Only by pulling the shadow into light of consciousness it disappears


Carl Jung wrote:

One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.
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gumbowumbo

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  • Joined: 11 Nov 2009

Re: How I felt myself alien to this world

Post03 Dec 2009

And Freud said, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." ;)

Just kidding ... :D

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