Thinking of going back
Posted: 15 Mar 2010
Hi All,
It's been awhile since I wrote on here, a lot has happened since, I have practically left the BK life behind and returned to my "normal" life. Problem is, there was a huge problem with my "normal" life - I was missing GOD!
The BKs provided the idea that I had finally found him/her and I did experience a kind of rest from searching. Now, that I have given up the BK lifestyle etc, I am wondering if I have thrown the baby out with the bath water.
Is it worth trying to salvage a relationship with God through the BKs? There are so many good ideologies etc in Raja Yoga, ideologies that suited me which was perhaps the reason why I got pulled into all of it in the first place. I don't know if it is God who enters Dadi Gulzar, I saw it, I felt something but I am not sure.
There are many human imperfections in the BK organisation but when I used to sit with God alone on my mind it wasn't even Shiv Baba really - it was just God who I saw as a loving/forgiving and accepting entity. I drew strength from that, I felt that I was becoming a better person because I had more control over myself, I had less arguments and my friends saw a huge difference in my temperament.
Now they see another difference and it is for the worse I am sad to say.
Am I mad for thinking like this?
It's been awhile since I wrote on here, a lot has happened since, I have practically left the BK life behind and returned to my "normal" life. Problem is, there was a huge problem with my "normal" life - I was missing GOD!
The BKs provided the idea that I had finally found him/her and I did experience a kind of rest from searching. Now, that I have given up the BK lifestyle etc, I am wondering if I have thrown the baby out with the bath water.
Is it worth trying to salvage a relationship with God through the BKs? There are so many good ideologies etc in Raja Yoga, ideologies that suited me which was perhaps the reason why I got pulled into all of it in the first place. I don't know if it is God who enters Dadi Gulzar, I saw it, I felt something but I am not sure.
There are many human imperfections in the BK organisation but when I used to sit with God alone on my mind it wasn't even Shiv Baba really - it was just God who I saw as a loving/forgiving and accepting entity. I drew strength from that, I felt that I was becoming a better person because I had more control over myself, I had less arguments and my friends saw a huge difference in my temperament.
Now they see another difference and it is for the worse I am sad to say.
Am I mad for thinking like this?