Der ema,
Thank you for your sharings.
What comes to my mind whilst reading your posts is that they show how you have got all the answers inside of you, finding them as you go along.
You describe that you "cannot read anything of theirs" and how you look back on how you where so different thinking Raja Yoga is THE answers. Well, I think I understand - not too long ago I woke up knowing I won't do any "studies" in any of the BK Centers anymore. I knew it was right and no "Maya" by the way I felt at that moment: calm, contented and safe. What scared me was when I started thinking, thinking of all the things, ideas & concepts about right/wrong that had come from outside - at least thats my observation. And what safeguards me, taking step by step, is something I might call an inner compass - that point out "yes", feeling just right. Often this is accompanied by exhalaling and/or other sensations of width. This is how I navigate myself. The problem with training not to be "body-consiousness" is that it tends disconnects us from this refined perceptions as we will only sense though the body - all emotions are known to us
thruogh the body.
When it comes to the question weather it is God speaking the truth via Murlis - how could we ever know? I, personally, do not think it is God speaking - not anymore - this beings teaching are just not what I guess God would be like ... What I do know though is that trying to follow the "Murlis" content for ten years resulted in something very close to a breakdown so it is definitely not beneficial for me. I feel so free, content and alive after leaving that behind and trust my gut instincts. When I got in I promised myself that I would stop practicing when I reach a point where I felt that I would regret having lived like this if I was to die that night. So I stopped. Also you may find it helpful to read Steven Hassans "
Releasing the Bonds", which I found very helpfull in order to understand what I was experiencing.
Also I think it is a very good sign for your relationship that you can and do talk with your husband about these things. So thank you again for sharing and I really feel you are on a good journey, so no worries about "Maya" - trusting oneself, ones own feelings and perception, is so worthwhile, beatifull and really human - have a good journey.
And finaly coming back to your topic - I would describe my life
after the BK-experience and leaving this whole mindset behind very fullfilled and alive - I am back to human :-) - feeling, caring and sharing - there is so much beauty in all the encounters of daily live.