Here we go again! Is it time to get off the roller coaster?

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teresak

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Here we go again! Is it time to get off the roller coaster?

Post23 Apr 2012

Hi all, been here before years ago. My husband, whom I have been with for 8 years, is a BK but very much on and off, sometimes he doesn't go for months, then all of sudden it all starts up again. Last time was over a year ago, then his Father passed away couple of months ago! Since then he has been back, packed up smoking which, yeh, is a good thing, but with that has come being a veggie!!

He becomes very distant. I know it sounds weird but I can tell by the look of his face, that's it not my husband the man I love!! Its like a robot. He tries to get me to go to his meeting saying I should take an interest in things he finds interesting, as he does things with me even if he not interested!! I have been in the past only a few times to be honest. One of the big meeting things wasn't too bad, but not my cup of tea. The other time I felt intimidated!!
It is really getting me down now. If I am upset, he wont even come n hug me. It's all about him, but he will say its all about me !!

He was going to the morning meditations, although that has stopped for the mo!! He seems like he got no get up n go, more like he got up n gone!! Is not showering part of the BK ways as well? Just out of interest.

Any advice will be much appreciated !!
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AscensionAddiction

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Re: here we go again. ! is it time to get off the roller Confluence Age

Post23 Apr 2012

Maybe engage with him in discussions about what he is getting out of going to the BKs. Not because you are actually interested in the BK philosophy but because you want to find out more about what is happening inside his head about why he is going. I think the important thing is to engage in whatever way you can with where he is at the moment to prevent the sense of separation that is occurring. Use his BK experiences and beliefs as a way in. Try not to be expressly critical of the things that you disagree with, treat it as a research project into the mind of a BK! Tell him that you would much rather hear about things directly from him than by going to the centre or not a talk.
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ex-l

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Re: here we go again. ! is it time to get off the roller Confluence Age

Post25 Apr 2012

No, not showering is definitely not part of the BK thing! They are super clean freaks and, by the rules, you are supposed to shower and change your clothes even every time you go to the toilet.

That distant, glazed look is typical of many cultic experiences. The non-BK experts call it floating (that is not a BK term), he probably thinks he is meditating ... but to me, picking up on the hint of not-washing, I'd start by wondering if he was suffering from some kind of depression and ought to look for some kind of real help.

As you must know, BKism is a death to real marriages/relationships/love affairs. Don't bow to any mental manipulation to get you sucked into the cult as well. The BKs are an End of the World cult. Full stop. Don't buy into any of the sham facades like "postive thinking" etc, they are just marketing devices which have been developed over the years to suck people in because the real teachings drive people away.

From the brief introduction you have given, it sounds like on top of Brahma Kumarism there is an additional layer of his and your own psychological drama. He might be using BKism as some kind of extra additional leverage in your relationship, manipulation in other words. Don't accept it.

If you husband has problems in his life, dissatisfactions etc, then he - and you - need to find real help not throw your lives away on the BKs merry-go-round.

Does he and you know what they really teach?

Lastly, excuse me for asking, did he have problems with substance abuse in the past, or did he have any genuine religious/spiritual leanings?

What do you think he is getting out of BKism?

Although sex is not on the table, do you think he is ... in a sense ... being seduced away from you by the company of the women at the BK center? It must seem quite attractive to many men, e.g. quiet, clean, non-demanding, non-challenging. A lot of ego stroking goes on in the early phases, IMHO.

teresak

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Re: here we go again. ! is it time to get off the roller Confluence Age

Post26 Apr 2012

Thanks for your replies !!

well, I did wonder if he was suffering from depression after his Father died, even with that though I try to be the caring wife n make sure he is OK, ask him how he is etc, what he has been doing, and all I get is. "I do not want to talk about it, it's upsetting enough without you going on about it". Then he would write me a note, very heartwrenching, how I deserve someone better etc ... it's like he locks me out n pushes me away. I cant win. If I do not ask I am not caring, if I do I am nagging!!

He has never has problem with drugs but think he had a lot of problems in childhood, so I know he has issues. I have made demands before about, "it's them or me", which he has chosen me, although this time he had said that no one is gonna make him choose. He finished with a previous partner because she couldn't take it. He said her n her family though he was a weirdo for going to his BK thing.

Before I have told him I have read thing on sites about BK and he says you are obviously not reading the right website as a lot of them say things that are untrue about the BK. He wont have anything bad said about them. I have suggested to him perhaps he should be with a women from the BKs that way he wouldn't have any conflict. I do not really understand it, and their beliefs.

If anyway every asks about it he goes on and on, but you cant win with him because he is always right !!

I don't think he is in it for the women, he is more worried about losing me, n always makes some sarky comment about other men!!

Thing is, it's getting to the point where I lose it n say something then he will change again, but I am sick of the upset he puts me through, do I really want to be doing this for the rest of my life?!
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AscensionAddiction

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Re: here we go again. ! is it time to get off the roller Confluence Age

Post26 Apr 2012

Sounds like you're ready to move on?
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ex-l

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Re: here we go again. ! is it time to get off the roller Confluence Age

Post27 Apr 2012

It is bizarre, teresak.

Look, the Brahma Kumaris are probably the most anti-sex, anti=affection, celibate religion in the world. If he is following them, there is no way on earth that he should be living with or chasing a woman (you), never mind having worked his way through two.

It is beyond "having his cake and eating it". He is supposed to be celibate in body and mind, so what does he want you for ... a surrogate mother ... an unpaid house servant? Is he just a weak man who needs a strong woman to prop him up?

If you want to keep him ... and I might ask "why?" ... go and confront the local center-in-charge and tell them to keep their hands metaphorically off him. Tell them they are ruining your family life and to stop it. Don't listen to them ... they will only try and suck you in ... just tell them. Which center it is?

You will find a more honest and complete documentation of Brahma Kumarism on this website than anywhere else on earth. He cannot be a BK and have a sexual relationship. From the BK point of view, he is worse than a failure, he is a traitor. An impure soul.

It really sadness me when I read of the BK messing about with couples or families like this. They should have a strict rule about not chasing any adherents who are in a relationship and refuse any that are until it is naturally over or fulfilled, or without both agreeing ... with full understanding what it means, e.g. separate beds and rooms, no eating non-BK food, no sex, no affection etc etc etc.

You can tell him from us, that is "says in the Murlis ..." he is not following Brahma Kumarism properly and doing worse than wasting his time. Strictly speaking he is "defaming Baba" and earning bad karma for himself.

What do you get out of the relationship and could you get better elsewhere?

teresak

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Re: Here we go again! Is it time to get off the roller coast

Post27 Apr 2012

Funny thing is, he has been on'n'off with the BKs for 15 years. It's like he can go for ages without going, last time before this spell was over a year, then something kicks it off and he starts again. His personality completely changes. l feel like he is pushing me to the stage where I WILL FLIP. Normally, once I have done so, it normally snaps him out of it, like a few weeks back he was going to the centre every morning getting up at 5.30 am. I put up with it for couple of weeks, not saying in this time I didnt have a few snide remarks, then one night we were going to bed n I said to him you, "getting up early tomorrow?" He goes, "yes". I went, "in that case, I will sleep in the spare room as I don't want to get disturbed again." Since that night, he hasn't been to his early morning ones!! It's like If he thinks he gonna lose me, he will change ... although, if we have a row, I will always have it thrown in my face that I stop him from going as I think they are all a bunch of weirdos!!! His words not mine!!

The centre he goes to is in UK, Essex ...

I told him the other day that his whole face chnages when he gets in to BK AGAIN. I went, "look at photos of us together then look in the mirror at your face now!! See the difference."

Last night I made myself something to eat and he comes out and goes, "where's mine?" I went, "you do not eat my food, you normally cook for yourself!!"

I couldn't confront the centre. I think that is the quickest way to push him away. It's like they know then that I am getting wound up by it all. I like to think it will run its course but it just the next time and the next time ...

Yeh, I stick with him because I love him, and when he not going we do have fun ... although not a lot this year. Could I get better? There's a question. Who knows ... just take it as it comes !!
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ex-l

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Re: Here we go again! Is it time to get off the roller coast

Post28 Apr 2012

I guess by now you know what to expect then. Do you understand now what the life of a BK means?

Personally, I think the guy is actually in a terrible state. If he has been hanging around on the side of the BKs for 15 years, going to morning class to listen to the Murlis and failing all the time (falling to the evil spirit of lust, as they say) ... he must feel like crap inside. Has he ever been to India?

If we tell you all the rules he is meant to be living up to, do you want to become his "center-in-charge" and make sure he is doing so? Is there anything specific about "The Knowledge" that you do not know or understand?

Here's a joke for you, the Brahma Kumaris shop in Chelmsford called Inner Space has a special class on Sunday 27 May 6.00pm-8.00pm. It is called ...
Trust me, it will be a load of half-truths and new agey BS designed to pull people in so they get a taste of the meditation which they hope will hook them. Second shop on the right. It looks grim.

Essex-Inner-Space.png

jann

friends or family of a BK

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Re: Here we go again! Is it time to get off the roller coast

Post28 Apr 2012

I was reading the post on the this link ... A common link amongst the women.

It is amazing how similar all woman stories are. Teresak maybe you can get some idea how to deal with it.

Stay strong Jann.

teresak

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Re: Here we go again! Is it time to get off the roller coast

Post30 Apr 2012

Hi, no, he has never been to India, although he has mentioned that he would like to go for a holiday. Never had the money to go!! That's where he goes to, the Chelmsford one. I did see a brochure with the meeting on the 27th May.

I understand some things, all to do with the soul being re born. Is it something to do with how good you are in this life, which will determine if you get a body in the next?? If that is the case my question is, If I cant recall what or whom I was in my last life! Why would I be worried in this life as to what I am going to be in my next life!! If you know what I mean ...

I think he gets confused and he normally starts going to his meetings when he gets down, although my husband has started to re appear this weekend, actually went out Friday evening for a few drinks!! Not saying that we are over this yet, will just see how its pans out. As I say, the morning meeting have stopped !! Although I always get the blame him saying that I stop him from going !!

He has always said that he not sucked in by them that he just takes the bits he feels benefits him, so, yes, I suppose he is failing them.

I know the rules are not eating meat, avoiding alcohol, not having sexual relationship. He is not eating meat, but as for the other 2 we have always maintained a intimate relationship on that side of it !! I said to him about they are supposed to be celibate and he reckons its not true as a lot of them a his centre are married n have kids !!

I do find it a bit confusing with what they believe, as he wont have anything bad said about them or their classes.
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Mr Green

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Re: Here we go again! Is it time to get off the roller coast

Post07 May 2012

ex-l wrote:Here's a joke for you, the Brahma Kumaris shop in Chelmsford called Inner Space has a special class on Sunday 27 May 6.00pm-8.00pm. It is called ...Relationship Intelligence Trust me, it will be a load of half-truths and new agey BS designed to pull people in so they get a taste of the meditation which they hope will hook them. Second shop on the right. It looks grim.

Hahahaha, that's the Chelmsford one. Yes, hardly pretty like the Cambridge one ... hahahaha.

Echo

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Re: Here we go again! Is it time to get off the roller coast

Post15 May 2012

Theresak's story is sounding very familiar to me, although my Brother is very definitely out now, the tale you tell is one his wife confided in me many times. It sounds like he is tempted by the spiritual aspects but intelligent enough to realise the baggage that comes with it. I watched my Brother go from a sometimes troubled but mostly straightforward individual into an emotional, turbulent wreck. The thing that removed him In the end was the focus on the cleansing/Destruction at his meetings. He couldn't give himself over that completely to believe in it, however it was described.

xephani

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Re: Here we go again! Is it time to get off the roller coast

Post06 Jun 2012

I really feel for you - I was involved from 1981 - for roughly 11 years and have kept in touch since then. My husband joined around 1983 and was involved for about 5 years - we meet a few years later in 1995 - but luckily he wasn't the sort to be hung up about sex or disengage and stare at a wall for hours on end! LOL :) You can only try and talk some sense into him - I imagine that he is disconnecting from reality in order to avoid the pain of life - you might remind him that avoiding the pain of life also means avoiding the beautiful connection he has with you and the chance to make love ... :).

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