Fear

for ex-BKs, exiting BKs, Friends & Family of BKs and newcomers to the forum.
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sampada

  • Posts: 1
  • Joined: 04 May 2013

Fear

Post04 May 2013

Om Shanti Sister Shivani,

please help me out, I am not able to get rid of my fear. I am into relationship with this guy from last 4 yrs. In between we were separated. He proposed another, he told me about this girl as I was not ready for marriage with him he told me that he likes some another girl but as the circumstances turned and the girl refused but even today they are friends and he is back to me (as I wanted him back).

I accepted him into my life. He never does anything without telling me, so now when I know he talks to that girl I am ensured. He has told me that he loves me very much but once I asked him what if that girl would have not rejected you would have been with her ? Answer he replied, "yes of course" and those words are not living my mind now, my mind has been creating lot of fear and such things which I know is not a truth.

I have joined Brahma Kumaris from last 1 year but I am not able to go there often ... few months back I was meditating into the (Brahma Kumaris) center and I saw something which I never saw and from that day I am not able to meditate properly. I am afraid to look inside me there are lot of things even related to my past childhood I was been abused physically and emotionally by my relatives. Today everything is fine between our family but I just cant forgive them because they just spoiled my life and I fear what if about my physical abuse somebody gets to know about that. As even my parents don't know what anything as they are working and in my childhood I use to stay with my auntie house.

Please help me, I have been looking for help . I cant talk into the center with those Sisters as my parents go there too.

Please help,

Om Shanti
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Pink Panther

  • Posts: 1885
  • Joined: 14 Feb 2013

Re: Fear

Post05 May 2013

Hi Sampada

Unfortunately Shivani does not write here, although she may read, for all we know.

I am sorry to hear of the abuse you have endured. It may partly be the reason you are feeling so insecure about your current life relationships. When a child experiences that even those who are its guardians are unreliable or a threat, then their whole world is always on the edge of calamity. That is, psychologically, the attitude is developed that all things are fragile and unstable, so they learn to cling to whatever/whomever makes them feel safe, even if it is not really the best option.

That may be the case for your attitude to your friend. It is good at least that he is honest with you and he shows respect for you by not lying to you. I daresay it even shows that he has a personal strength and integrity that sees honesty and straightforwardness as an essential element in a relationship, and that should not to be seen as a negative.

For the kinds of issues you have, the BKs (including Shivani) are not the best place to be seeking advice or help from. Their main response to all such questions is to do more meditation, more seva at the centre etc. As you know them, I am sure you can guess what they'd say. They will encourage a sense of all things being fragile and unreliable, on the edge of destruction, and encourage the view that they are the only safe harbour in such a dangerous world, encouraging dependency on them. Anyone else or any other knowledge that is not BK is seen as inferior, and drawing you away from salvation.

The BKs unfortunately, even when well-meaning, see that what benefits them is always what benefits the other. That is, if they can engage you more deeply into the BK life and activity, they gain "spiritual points" for good karma and a better status in the sat yuga.

Even if they are well-meaning, they do not have any other training to help people, they know only one medicine, they sell only one brand. BK Shivani, for example, is intelligent, but she is an electronics engineer whose current job is as a PR/media frontperson for the PBKIVV - which means her main duty is to promote them in the best way possible. If she had any real advice that worked for someone with real problems, that would be fortunate coincidence only rather than an educated and experienced judgement.

You would be much better off, given your history, seeking support from a trained counsellor, doctor or psychologist who has no interest in exploiting your vulnerability and trust They should be able to help you over time to sort out some of the subconscious fears that confront you when you sit and look inside, and which manifest in other ways in day-to-day life. Try searching on the internet for such local services (that said, they too are human - some are more experienced and professional and some have wider knowledge than others - so don't assume they are all the same).

People here are always willing to correspond on forum or via the private message & email functions as well.
Good luck
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ex-l

ex-BK

  • Posts: 10661
  • Joined: 07 Apr 2006

Re: Fear

Post05 May 2013

sampada wrote:few months back I was meditating into the (Brahma Kumaris) center and I saw something which I never saw and from that day I am not able to meditate properly.

May I ask you what it was you saw?

If it was something person, e.g. a flashback from childhood, then you don't need to answer specifically, however, if it was something else relating to the BKs, then I am interested to know.

Our experience with the Brahma Kumaris is that although they exploit people's problems to promote their business of religion, because they are not proper trained therapists they do not always observe full and proper 'client confidentiality'. In short, they gossip. They are also not trained to deal with situations like yours ... for your benefit; they are trained by the cult to exploit them ... for their benefit telling you becoming one of them is the cure for all your problems.

My response to your direct question is there may be another billion fish in the sea ... but not all of them are near you nor will ever pass you by, so you have to make your choice at some point of later. To find a man that is honest to you in such a kindly manner is a good thing, not all are, but to make the choice of a partner for life is a big thing. I don't think you can blame him for the situation which arose in the past, his response appears to be reasonable; he is obviously ready and wants to settle down ... and you were his first choice ... but it appears to be that in your mind, perhaps you still have unresolved emotion fears from your past which are blocking you from embracing him.

The Brahma Kumaris are entirely the wrong place and people for you. Their business is to promote Brahma Kumarism and gather subjects and servants around them for their kingdom. The likes of Shivani and their Seniors are not qualified to respond to situations such as yours, as Pink Panther says, their job within the BK system is to promote BKism and becoming a Brahma Kumari, in your situation, is a bit like turning the whole of your life into a desert by neglecting to water it, just because you found one weed.

Especially if your family members are involved in the Brahma Kumaris, keep away from them and keep your problems away from them.

I know that it is difficult to find help with such private issues. In some places, or via telephone support lines, there are women's groups or groups to support victims of child abuse, I think it would be better to start there. Even a genuine religious group not seeking followers might be a better place to go.

If your relationship with this man is strong, he has good prospects, and you are attracted to him then, good, perhaps you might explain to him when the time is right if it is blocking your relationship. On the other hand, perhaps you are asking yourself if he is really "the one" or whether you can find anyone better ... which begs a difference question, e.g. do you have feelings of not being good enough?

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