What's next? Moving on

for ex-BKs, exiting BKs, Friends & Family of BKs and newcomers to the forum.
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Misstks

  • Posts: 4
  • Joined: 13 Nov 2014

What's next? Moving on

Post15 Nov 2014

Hi there,

What about now?
I wonder what each one of you have done regarding the next step.
So BK is lie ... and all of us were trapped for some time ...
After the "break down", after "getting out of the jail" ...
After being disappointed ...
What have you done to "re-socialise"?
What are you interested in?
Have you got any nice hobby?
Let's share the good things we have done to move on.
I have been reading that some folks have lack of passion, no friends, no social life, some depression feelings.
When I joined BK, I was also depressed.
I am pretty sure there are some wonderful people here who can share their experience.
This is a video that made a different in my life, it made me understand what I was going through.

Best Regards

Miss Tks
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Pink Panther

  • Posts: 1885
  • Joined: 14 Feb 2013

Re: What's next? Moving on

Post16 Nov 2014

Dear Misstks,

I have been writing here for a few years and reading for a few more, going back to the original forum ex-BK chat forum.

To me it seems that those who most easily and successfully transition out of the cult mentality are those that do it for positive reasons, i.e. they are moving TO something they are drawn to, outside the BKs, rather than FROM the BKs becuase they are disillusioned (although both can be concurrent).

Some are drawn into a relationship with another person, or a new study or career path or seek to improve their living situation or location, and thereby just keep ”moving on” in life, which is why the BK Seniors are very reluctant to encourage these things. The BKs were seen as a step along the way and not taken to be the destination. BKs believe themselves to be the destination.

The biggest crime of the BKs is the ”entrapment” implicit in the teachings and infect the social relationships they practice.

Those who leave for negative reasons, i.e. to get away FROM the BKs without any clear direction of their next step tend to struggle more. I’d say these are the majority of ex-BKs who had been involved longer term. This is because the BK cult-ure takes over so completely and for so long that one loses touch with oneself and the rest of the world and has usurped one’s autonomy.

Often what keeps the unsatisfied person continuing longer with the BKs is because it provides something, or things, they know they will find difficult if they moved away from BKs. Things like an immediate community they identify with, friends or ‘'playmates" with common experiences, a life philosophy or framework (paradigm), and the inertia of "the familiar”, i.e. feeling sure of what’s what. This is all in upheaval if one decides that BK life and teachings are wrong, or even just ”not for me anymore” (which can be worse as it suggests one has failed).

I was a bit of both, increasingly dissatisfied with BKs but held back by some of the reasons stated, but also having something new on the horizon that I was heading to. My transition was facilitated by my actively studying and applying new views of life (psychology, Buddhism and broader "religious” understandings) - i.e. acting on the "criticisms" I had of the BK deficiencies, and thereby meeting new people when attending various discussion groups or groups with other special interests I had (music, philosophy, art) and making new friends there, as well as making progress professionally, professional development etc. I paid attention to my health and well-being, took up regular psycho-spiritual training learning chan martial arts. A whole of life approach you might say.

I actually sat and worked out a quite clear 5 year plan - for the first 10 years, i.e. I sat down and planned some basic things I wanted to achieve within 5 years, then, when that was up and most had been achieved, did it again. I have not done another one since, just going with the flow since then ... but keep one eye on the immediate, one on the medium term and one on the long term.

This is the opposite of BK thinking, because well, it's all going to be over in 5 years, And 10 years is, well, unthinkable.

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