Marriage in jeopardy

for ex-BKs, exiting BKs, Friends & Family of BKs and newcomers to the forum.
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V78

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Re: Marriage in jeopardy

Post23 Aug 2015

I completely agree that she has completely violated sacred marriage vows courtesy her blind faith. Neither rationality nor reason come into this.

I wished at least she was honest either to her marriage or to her faith NOW ...

Regardless, it is time for me to move forward ...
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ex-l

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Re: Marriage in jeopardy

Post23 Aug 2015

You can tell her from me, it's not her dippy "BK Brother" or centre-in-charge that she should bother about as a BK, it is Dharamraj she will need to explain herself to.

Dharamraj is the BKs' "Judgement Day" when they are all judged for their sins by a strict form of Lekhraj Kirpalani or BapDada. There will be no sweet talking and flirting with him.

By their theory, she will have to answer for her lies and misrepresentation and the years of your life that she wasted.

One thing to note here is how "BK family" alliances take precedence (considered more important) than worldly morality. In this example, the BK "Brother" getting off on an ego trip protecting his BK "Sister". The BKs foster this "us and them" mentality and many individuals bring in their own biased and corrupt morality and values, e.g. like caste prejudices or keep face.

Therefore, although what she is doing is absolutely wrong and sinful and will bring her dismerit with the BK system, their first instinct is to protect her in order to protect the face of the Brahma Kumaris to outsiders.

That's number one in their value system.

Screw you, the years of your life, your family, your children ... they'll always put the face of the BKWSU first, they are that vain, collectively self-contred, and conceited.

The mother, in particular, would know the rules.

If you have shown her in black and white what actual BKWSU publications and their god spirit says, and she still wriggles around and tries to manipulate things to her benefit, then you really do want her out of your life. That is just too much hard work to be wasting your time with.

Good luck with your future. Stay away from cult members, but do learn a little about how cult mentality works, e.g. read upon Lifton's theories of thought reform.

If you want to vent, please try telling the BKWSO leaders what you think of them and what she did to you in a very serious letter. If nothing else, it will make her BK life a little harder too - as they will demand extra disciplines of her and not give her privileges - and perhaps by doing so you will have done her a very big favour about considering other people's lives.

If you do, and I seriously hope you do, do not hold back on the details.

The BKs, and the BKWSO in particular, really needs to get it through their thick heads that they do not have a right to mess around and manipulate other completely innocent people.

I write this as we've had problems with the BKWSO before in this department with their corrupt center owners (Hansa Raval), their domineering and obese leader (Mohini Panjabi), and know of one centres where there was a lot of screwing around going on whilst outsiders were told they had to be celibate.

Hansa Raval, known for attempting to falsify visa applications for well paid Indians and secretly marrying another BK herself, actually left her infant child behind with her husband to join the BKWSO and rise up its ranks.
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ex-l

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Re: Marriage in jeopardy

Post27 Aug 2015

From my friend, Mbbhat.

It would apply to daughters as well. A reflection not just onto marriages but also charity to non-BK causes.

Here, "God" is telling parents if they child wants to get married, they should not waste a paisa (one hundredth of a rupee) on their child's marriage, simple tell them to 'join the BKWSU, or get out'.

"One should be so detached."

It's an interesting comparison with the whitewash and amelioration some teachers come up with ... or even as they "bless" some weddings (in order to reap donations).
Mbbhat wrote:BKWSU SM Rev 12.01.1975

"Father says that a huge task of establishment is to be accomplished. Even a paisa of amount involved in this service should not be given to anyone. Marriage of sons is not an excuse. (One must tell his son that you can) Stay with us if you want to remain pure, otherwise get out. One should be so detached."
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Pink Panther

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Re: Marriage in jeopardy

Post28 Aug 2015

What he is saying is, don’t spend money on your kids, their weddings or dowries, give it to us - and if you can give them to us too, all the better.
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ex-l

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Re: Marriage in jeopardy

Post28 Aug 2015

Mbbhat goes further, and I believe he represents an accurate, orthodox view of BKism. It's not just about the money.

I was wondering about the effects of BKism onto the children of BKs; in this specific case, Lekhraj Kirpalani's son who was about 10 year old when Om Mandli and God Brahma exploded onto the world, therefore just about to hit puberty.

Now, I know a very little about how felt and what he thinks about the BKs (and it is not flattering). But, imagine for a money, growing up in a household where your Dad is God, has dumped your mother for a teen age girl eternal wife and surrounded by a harem of adoring gopis, society is picketing your front door, and the spirits speaking through his mediums at seances are able and willing to expose every naughty thought you have.

(He used to literally sit at the door of the room so he could run out!).
Any feeling is a failure unless it goes in the direction to develop a soul [[i[i.e. adhere to BKism as debatable BKism is "developing souls"[/i]]. So, has there been any hindrances for the child to become soul conscious - this is the real thing that matters.

It's demented attitudes such as those - and they are by no means personal to that individual - that confirm for me that Brahma Kumarism is a danger to children and in compatible with bring up a family.
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ex-l

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Re: Marriage in jeopardy

Post03 Sep 2015

From, "The Real Gita" published by the BKWSU.

I presume it was a sub-conscious insertion but the symbolism is stunning ... penises as "cobras" thrusting poison into innocent virgins' blood.

Wow.

Jagdish ought to have gotten out more. Women actually enjoy sex, penetration does not equal death. But this is what the BKs have been pumping their virgins full of for 70/80 years.
Jagdish Chander wrote:Honeymoon is a poison moon

Just as a man who is under the shadow of an evil spirit is unable to understand that he was acting wrongly unless he has been exorcised upon, even so the Copper and Iron-Aged human beings, who act like mad chaps under the "instinct" of lust, cannot understand that their cupidity is leading them into Hell.

You, My dear Yogin children, can clearly understand that, in fact, they celebrate poison-moon, though they are unable to understand this reality for reasons explained to you. A man and a woman who molest each other under the perverted instinct called lust, go into gutter, so to say and, instead of enjoying the Nectar of Godly Knowledge, they butcher each other, in a way, because lust is the greatest violence from which all other kinds of violence are born and bred up.

In Golden Age and Silver Age ... regeneration was by Yoga Power or, what you may call, 'the union of mouths'.

You can call husbands of those memorable times as "Gurus" ... because they did not thrust their half-partners down the gates of Hell by attacking their purity and chastity with the double-edged sword of lust.

"Biting snakes" ... just as a cobra injects poison in the veins of him who it bites, even so, the husbands, to whose care the innocent virgin is entrusted, thrusts poison into her blood alas!

V78

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Re: Marriage in jeopardy

Post03 Sep 2015

I was just thinking if any global channel like CNN, BBC can show a program on this cult and the way they destroy families so that more people can be saved from these brahmakumaris ...

Just a random thought as precious years of my life has already been destroyed by them ...

avidbkhater

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Re: Marriage in jeopardy

Post14 Oct 2015

Hi All,

I am on the same boat as V78 except that
    a) I have a 5 year old son who I love so much and cannot bear to not have him with me, and
    b) we are in States and my wife doesnt work so she has no money.
She got attached to BK 2.5 years ago when we had a big fight due to family misunderstanding and since then she is getting more and more involved. She also pulled her younger Sister into this and now they both are totally into BK.

I can totally relate my situation to V78's. My wife doesnt want any sex or physical intimacy whatsoever, not even kissing.

If I ask or try she denies role of BK and blames on me our lack of emotional attachment. So I tried many times in patches of few weeks to be really caring and sensitive to see if we can improve our relationship but it didnt happen and somehow I get angry or frustrated and then she gets a chance to blame me all over again and The Cycle repeats.

She had stopped eating outside but then recently she has started again as I reduced helping her in kitchen and she too hates to be in kitchen all the time.

I know I still love her but gradually it is fading and I am losing love and respect for her. I am very stressed as I do not know what to do. I have a son and in another few years he would start understanding that our relationship is not healthy.

I like to enjoy my life by means of travel, eating out, sex, sports, movies etc ... I cannot live a life of BK and it is so frustrating that I cannot enjoy with my wife. Being married with non supportive partner I am stuck and cannot seek out the company of other couples or ladies.

She is a great mother and she takes care of the house well and she makes sure to provide me good cooked food. But other than that we have no connection at all. Hate this life everyday.

V78

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Re: Marriage in jeopardy

Post15 Oct 2015

I can understand what you are going through. Based on my experience control your anger as it may push your wife more into BK. Try to gain as much knowledge about BK on this website and start challenging the blind BK beliefs of your wife. You have to be very tactful and before you start any intervention try to get idea of extent of her BK involvement contacts regarding other BKs etc. If you have access to her email or phone you can get lot of information as these BKs send lot of Murlis, videos via emails and have what's app group etc on phone.

Your wife will always put the blame on you regarding the distance between both of you but will never acknowledge role of BK.

There is lot of information on this website but you have to be very careful as one wrong move can jeopardize everything.

If she is financially dependent on you you may have more leverage in cutting off her BK contacts, BK Sisters etc. She may need therapy to come out of these BK delusions. If possible take few weeks vacation and try to take her away from the BK contacts where if your non BK family members can drill some sense into her mind.

And if everything fails then I will be frank divorce may be best way out.

Good luck !
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Pink Panther

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Re: Marriage in jeopardy

Post15 Oct 2015

Avidbkhater,

Ask her, ”is this what we promised each other when we married? I don't feel the marriage vows we made to each other are being respected. It feels to me that your love is directed to another, something's come between us. It may not be another man, physically, but the effect is the same”.

All other religions sanctify the monogamous marriage, sex in marriage, children, devotion to family first, charity, harmony and even world peace beginning at home. The BKs say that outwardly too but their inner culture is to separate BKs from any family and friends who are not BK or BK -friendly, i.e. they make themselves more important to the person than their own family, friends, jobs, even their own children. The international head, Dadi Janki, gave away her own child to join the group.

I would also leave out, intending to be found, a printout of things that make a cult - you’ll find a number of these lists on this site or online, or magazine articles. Find ones that suits the BK mould more.

As for BK moral hypocrisy, major churches too are, after all, also just cults that have gone mainstream. Just as churches covered up child abuse, violence, financial impropriety etc - so too do the BKs. Just as churches & religious movements accumulate much more wealth but distributes less, so too the BKs! (Their land holdings, particularly in India, is something else!) And to that point, the Western BK model is a tiny fraction of what BKs are about.

99.5% of BKs are in India, the Western form of it is a pretty wrapping, a paired back, "New Age", more open, positive thinking movement that exists mainly to be a PR bolster to the Indian BK empire. The structure, hierarchy, teachings and values practiced in India are not as pleasant ”universal motherhood” statements as they are in the West. Far mor fire and brimstone, VIP chasing, social-caste and wealth conscious ...

That your wife has no work or financial independence means that the BKs may be providing her with a social life and an avenue to express herself.
    Is your wife from a Roman Catholic background?
    Is she having a slow burn, low-level post-natal depression? It’s been shown to last for years.
    Is she possibly experiencing early menopause?
This aspect of vitality/psychology/hormones is important as it may be why she feels comfortable with this group of people. BTW, most BKs are actually very pleasant (at least on the surface) and are very good at ”offering friendship and support”.

You may wish to encourage her to take on part-time work or volunteer in community service where she can meet other regular people - because that is something the BKs will invite her to do - what they call ‘service' is just promoting BK-ism, and the more time she invests with them and the more she hangs out with them, the more of that group-think inveigles itself into her mind, so they become ”normal" and the rest of the world is ”other".

If you know her old friends and family, get them to socialise with her and to have deep and meaningful conversations with her about life, and to have her meet & mix with younger, vibrant adults with broad interests, i.e. use the carrot more than the stick.
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ex-l

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Re: Marriage in jeopardy

Post15 Oct 2015

avidbkhater wrote:If I ask or try she denies role of BK and blames on me our lack of emotional attachment.

Welcome to the forum. I am very sorry to hear of your problems. This is terrible to read again. It's such a carbon copy of another case we had just recently, it's impossible to exclude the Brahma Kumaris' influence, and that they are colluding or guiding your wives. In other such cases, we know that they have.

This statement above is absolutely untrue, or at the very least incomplete. It's wicked that they are placing the blame on the husband or partner. BKism teaches and leads to emotional attachment. Robotic detachment is their thing. Not eating outside is also part of their religion.
She is a great mother and she takes care of the house well and she makes sure to provide me good cooked food. But other than that we have no connection at all. Hate this life everyday.

If she fully swallows BKism, that is all you are going to get. A robot Sister "fulfilling her duty" with a one conversation, "Baba". Actually, something we've discussed and the BKs teach is even to "service their husband's lust" by offering robotic sex too, literally just lying back and remembering their Baba as you relieve yourself. It's that bad.

And, trust me, they have decades worth of experience in separating couples and families, teaching women tricks (or yuktis) to deal with husbands and family.

As I am always warn individuals such as yourself, in whatever way you can, protect your family's assets; your property and wealthy, otherwise it will go to them. Put it in your child's name or something. Although they see themselves as above the world, they are not above using worldly divorce laws to benefit themselves.

I wonder if the lack of other fulfilment in their life, e.g. work, furthering their education, purpose etc is part of what pushes individuals to BKism as something to occupy themselves with? May be, if your child is old enough to go to school, she needs to go back to working or something else to fully occupy her mind?

In the beginning, once an individual is hooked upon BKism, it's like a drug addiction. During that period, their minds are then re-structured. You, the "old world" and "lokik family" is removed from their core, and Baba, BKism and the BK "family" put in its place as the "real family". They live in a sort of imaginary fairy world which, if you accept it fully and don't think or question like they tell you, is sort of less difficult and demanding than real life. Everything is pretty much decided for them and the most important thing that they have to do is just nothing (sitting "remembering Baba").

It's only something we are starting to observe now but I wonder how many of these wives, use BKism to extract themselves from a marriage and then discard BKism later along? In the West, that would include living a comfortable life as a kind of half-BK being allowed to enjoy the pleasurable retreat centres and feel-good classes but avoiding the grind of daily 4am meditation and 6am class.

How did she get hooked in the first place? How deeply is she involved?

avidbkhater

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Re: Marriage in jeopardy

Post15 Oct 2015

Thank you all.

Being able to communicate about this problem is a relief. I have not been able to tell this to anyone not even my or her parents. She somehow has got her Sister also hooked up.

We have had a good relationship of 6 years before getting married, it was all nice and good. We got married in 2007 and after that it has been a roller coaster ride. Frequent fights and arguments due to incompatibility with family and culture and traditions. We had a fight in 2013 which she turned into a big thing and left for her parents place and stayed there for 4 months, keeping me away from my 2.5 year old son at that time.

I couldn't bear the distance and gave up and bought a separate apartment where she wont have to interact with my family. I was hoping things to improve but during that time someone introduced her to BK and she got attached in just few days. It has been the same story since then.

She doesn't have Catholic background. I don't believe she is experiencing early menopause, she is only 32. She was emotionally low for few months after we had a fight in 2013.

She promotes BK ism to her friends and neighbors but fortunately nobody has become serious yet. I am hesitant to bring this out in open to our family and friends.

Yes, she is financially dependent on me. Currently we are not in India, but in USA. Since she doesn't have financial freedom she cannot go to India for some Baba is coming program in Mt Abu.

Currently she is on a dependent visa so she cannot work and even if she can, she doesn't want to. We are planning to return to India in 2017, I am worried that in India she will have more access to BK resources and people.

After returning back I would like her to work or do something but anytime I bring that up she accuses me of wanting her money. So I stopped asking her to start working. She has a computer science degree followed by MBA in marketing. I fail to understand how can an educated person like herself fall into this kind of trap.

Regarding donations, 3-4 months ago we visited a center in NY and she donated some jewellery that her parents had given her. I did not want her to but again I had no control.

I think she is very much involved. She wakes up at 4, does meditation for 1 hour and then watches videos for at least couple of hours every day. Until now I had a hope that she would realize and come back but that hope is thinning now. She even started wearing whites on a daily basis but she stopped in few days, I don't know why.

Every time I try to take a tough stand by saying no, she threatens me of going back to India with my son. She knows he is my weak point.

Thanks again for your inputs and support.

As suggested, I will try going through some materials on this site and see if I can counter question her views.

Not that I haven't tried, I have, many times, but whenever she doesn't have answer she challenges me to go to center and ask to Sisters.
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ex-l

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Re: Marriage in jeopardy

Post16 Oct 2015

Thank you for the background. I am sickened to read the BKWSO in the USA is taking gold jewellery off Indian women as well. This is something they've been doing since the 1930s or 40s in India. Think about it, on hand it is not just the material value of it, but it is also the traditional significance of it as the women's security; an extension of her inheritance from her family and the emotional value of it. Symbolically, it's like surrendering the connection to her family - and the even the material value of that - to the Brahma Kumaris.

And what it means in practical terms is that Mohini Panjabi or one of her minions will have to slope off to the local pawn shop to get a fraction of actual worth back in USA dollars they can spend on self publicity.

I knew this went on in India, where young girls and poor villagers were encouraged to hand over their jewellery, and that it is all stored somewhere or turned into gifts for, or given to, rich and power VIPs.

Also bear in mind, Avid, that the other leading BK in the USA - BK Hansa Ravel of Texas - actually left her husband and infant child behind to join the BKWSO and it was only by doing so - neglecting her child - that she was able to ascend the ranks of the organization. Had she been consumed by looking after the welfare of her child, she could never have done so.

In the long run, that might be an option for you to refer to.

How did she become involved with the BKs? Was it in the USA, or in India? Who was it via?

In the first place, as you learn more about the BKs, you need to be a little cautious and not rock the boat. Let's answer your questions and explore the options.

I am sorry to say it does sound as if your wife is hooked and deeply involved. That already the separation has taken place. Do you know which courses she has been through?

On a purely practical side, I know USA immigration law has recently changed depending on which visa you and she has to allow work, e.g. both L1 and H1B workers.

Please also bear in mind that there are two elements involved here; one is the negative influences of BKism which can and may well will completely destroy your relationship and, secondly, simply personal male-female or familial interpersonal issues. That is, issues which may have arisen anyway between you or personality issues that either of you have.

Of course, the BKs will exploit and exaggerate the smallest of cracks or differences and utilise them to further encult her, whilst supplying a barrage of well practised defences and deceit to defend themselves.

Although we cannot offer you legal advice, or even formal counselling via this website, please also remember that there are some very strict laws regarding the parental abduction of children under the Hague Abduction Convention, e.g. using the Children's Passport Issuance Alert Program (CPIAP) to prevent a possible abduction.

If it is possible to gain any evidence of her treats to do so, e.g. emails etc, then I would do so quickly but quietly. It will also show her that, a) you are not impotent and alone, and b) it will not be easy for her to act, as the BKs are fond of doing, above the law. Thankfully, the USA is not India.

Lastly, for just now, as we do not know you, her or the full circumstances of your circumstances, nor do you know the Brahma Kumaris well, can I urge you to do two things;
    a) Take this threat to your family and especially your child's welfare very, very seriously. As it stands, you are facing a very high probability that your marriage is already over. Your "vehicle" (family) has already been hit by the far bigger Brahma Kumari juggernaut (cult) and is in the process of tumbling and disintegrating right now with you in it unaware. The Brahma Kumari is highly experienced in driving others off the road and walking way not just without blame, but also with the victims' wealth.
    b) In the interim period, whilst you attempt to regain control by understanding what is going on, basically do nothing or say nothing that would in anyway arouse her or make her defensive. Remember that at the core of the Brahma Kumaris is a male-female persecution myth and that any misplaced attempt by you to save your marriage is likely to be re-intepreted as "persecution". making the myth appear more real to her and strengthening her bond to the BKs and their god spirit as her saviour.
Unfortunately, there is no one magic pill or bullet that we can give you that will awaken her; and once hooked, it is a very difficult fever or addiction to break out of until it naturally passes through its full course. Unfortunately, for many, they are so re-structured during that "fever" (the BKs call it "Honeymoon Period") that they never get out.

One thing I might consider at some point is a direct approach to the centre-in-charge or zone-in-charge to tell them to leave your life alone ... but you will need to be prepared to do so. Not ask. Tell. And ask for her property back.

This has been successful in the past when done so with professional legal action. However, it is a risky strategy as if it is not successful it will probably cost your relationship. Therefore, it is probably a last hope strategy best done in two stages, a polite approach, then a firm legal letter (it's a question of "undue influence" and we can give you the background and evidence to support it).

We can tell you what will happen if you go to the centre, what they are likely to say, and how they are likely to act so you can prepare yourself and defend yourself from it (they are going renege all responsibility and claim they have no influence over her, and say it is all her choice).
Abductions

The United States does not have exit controls, so you should ask the advice of a qualified attorney who can help you to get sole custody of your child. If there is any possibility that your spouse or your spouse's family will abduct your child, you may want to get a custody order that prohibits the removal of your child from the United States by your spouse or anyone acting on his/her behalf. Without a specifically worded custody order with minor child travel restrictions, law enforcement and airline personnel may not act to prevent your child from being taken out of the United States.

If your child has just been abducted and is still in the United States, or is enroute to another country, our officers may be able to:
    Work with law enforcement officials to prevent your child from departing the United States;
    Work with our overseas embassies and foreign officials to stop your child from entering a foreign country.
    Facilitate your communication with the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC), http://www.missingkids.com, which plays a lead role in responding to abductions within the United States
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ex-l

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Re: Marriage in jeopardy

Post16 Oct 2015

I was logged out by the website/internet (yes, it happens to me too folks), so I might have lost something in the last post. Appreciate whereas you may have lost your wife, you are also fighting for your child who, otherwise, will grow up entirely within the BK sphere.

I don't know you or the circumstances, and I don't know the US law, but I do know the BKs and a little about the problems of international child abductions. Clearly you have far more legal rights in the USA than you were aware of.

The advice I am reading on related website is clear; a) take it serious, b) gain legal child custody, c) report the threat to the police who should instruct her of the criminal nature of it, d) take control of the child's passport.

I don't know if you can gain legal custody whilst you are still living together yet, you would have to take legal advice on that, but perhaps going down this route will shock her significantly to wake her up and knock some of the conceitedness the BKs will encourage in her out of equation? For example, some courts requiring the potentially abducting parent to post a financial bond or turn over the child’s passport to the court or a specific third party.

I think that in the USA you will find the cult element stronger than elsewhere and we will be able to find your professionals to support that. BKism is not Hinduism, it has been acknowledged as a dangerous cult in other countries. You could probably use that, e.g. they have a large network in India where BKs have been known to abscond and disappear from the law into with the complicity of the leadership.

It would also show her you have a brain and some balls.

To be honest, if I was in your shoes, this is the route I would explore. But, as I say, you know yourself and the situation better than I do. You just don't know how persistent and devious the BKs are yet, and how they see themselves above the law.

If you chose to do so, and you will have to take responsibility for its outcome, what I would emphasis to you again is ... don't say anything, don't make empty threats, don't give away any clues. Keep it quiet, and just do it.

The reason for this is that she will run to the BKs for advice and they will feed her mind with numerous tricks and temporary conciliations designed to dupe you for long enough whilst you are softened up. Their aim is turn you into a BK, or at the very least a "cooperative soul" (funder/financial support of your BK wife, and a free laborer for them).

From Dad's Divorce website ...
U.S. Parental Kidnapping Laws

In all 50 states, laws have been enacted to address the interstate and international kidnapping of children by a parent. These laws were designed to also protect the parent who has been left behind.

Children are not property or a living “bargaining chip,” even though they are often regarded as such by an abducting parent. In the case of a child being taken without permission across state lines, the home state of the child and primary parent is always granted preference and priority by the courts.

Child custody laws also afforded the home state the highest jurisdiction.

From Child Abduction website (a very serious and comprehensive source).
What a Concerned Parent Should Do

Take Threats of Abduction Seriously

It is not unusual for a parent considering abduction to threaten to take the child(ren) prior to doing so. These threats are often made to the child’s other parent. To prevent witnesses from hearing or viewing threats, they may not be made in the presence of other people. The threat may be stated as a lone comment or as a method to coerce the other parent’s behavior. Examples of threatening comments include “I’m taking my son and you will never see him again,” “If you leave me…don’t give me the assets during the divorce… if you get involved with so and so… I will take the child” or “No court is going to tell me that I cannot see my child when I want to. I’ll just leave.”

It may be difficult to convince a court that such comments could be construed as serious threats. This is especially true if these comments are only heard by the other parent. It becomes a situation of one person’s word against the other. Parental rights and parental access are held in high esteem and are not generally restricted by the court based on unsubstantiated comments. It is imperative that the threatened parent takes these threats seriously, even if the courts do not. (S)he should try to obtain legal custody of the child with very specific requirements regarding contact and removal from the area. If the parent hasn’t already done so, he or she should develop a file containing pertinent information about the child and the other parent in case the child is taken. This way, up-to-date information will be readily available
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Pink Panther

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Re: Marriage in jeopardy

Post16 Oct 2015

Sorry to hear your story. From the sound of your story, not only has she left you physically but she doesn’t want you around. That she even considers using your child as leverage is the sign that you and her are no longer ”one”. In fact, you are something to be negotiated and worked around, an obstacle.

Many women marry for security and biology - that attraction is mistaken for love. Once they have what they wanted, when it's not true relationship with the real person, or when the romance dies shall we say, the real person comes out, on both sides.

Unfortunately, she now has her baby and, along with that, she has the ‘promise' of a greater, eternal spiritual security that you cannot provide. She has an ideal lover who she can turn on and off with her thoughts. You, a real person, have needs, while "god" only has needs when the believer remembers them. How convenient, to only have to care or compromise for someone when it suits you!

You can never compete with the imaginary friend, the perfect lover upon whom she can project her Krishna fantasies, her cosmic father-figure emotions and self-hypnotise with affirmations of an eternal ego.

If she has shown no signs of love for you nor regard for you in recent times, the BKs have her.

Best you move on, it's over. If you spend time trying to win her back, you will be only anguishing yourself and wasting energy and time. You can’t be better than her ideal ”husband”. She broke the marriage vow - get her to be honest about it, agree to separate, make acceptable terms for child access and get on with life positively.

PS, I agree fully with ex-l’s advice. You should take note, and get your own legal advice. It will end up being cheaper in the long run, emotionally and financially, doing it as quickly and as cleanly as you can.
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