Please help friend of a BK

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Emilyjj27

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Please help friend of a BK

Post30 Jan 2017

Hi I am new here. I've done so much research about BKs. I have a friend's mom who is BK.

Please I need help understanding how or why this person is choosing to Not be a proper parent anymore. Who has given up on caring if their kid goes to school, who is money crazy and only cares about BK. Doesn't even let other family members cook food anymore if it involves meat and likes to put down others.

Please help explain I need advice because I don't know what to do. They are brainwashed really well, they don't want to hear anything from anyone unless it's a BK member.

Ever since she started BK for about 3/4 years now she has lost her mind!
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Pink Panther

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Re: Please help friend of a BK

Post30 Jan 2017

Hi Emily

Where are you - or rather where is she? How old is she? What's her background?

Although these things matter some and it would be helpful to know, but they are also sort of irrelevant. There is enough common experience across many cultures and demographics to give you some sort of answer that is common to most, if not all, BKs.

Basically what happens is that people go along to a BK program or to do their courses, usually advertised as ”positive thinking” or ”spiritual values”. They are introduced to a simple meditation technique which is, TBH, quite effective, especially for people for whom it is a first taste, or who otherwise don’t get much personal time or have never given themselves time to ”look within”. The calming effect can be quite pronounced in these cases.

The technique is fairly universal, basically simple, rhythmic affirmations about oneself in a mellow atmosphere. It makes one "feel good inside”. The loss leader, as it's called in supermarket marketing, or "the convincer” as its called by grifters and fraudsters, is that it is all offered for free. It gets people in and get's them trusting. They are treated kindly, respectfully and with generosity which is simultaneously sincere and has an ulterior motive. The BKs call it ”service” which, in blunt terms, means doing what is necessary to gain converts and new adherents. The sincerity comes because they believe it is in the person’s best interests to become a BK like them.

Then when the newbie attends more sessions, they are gradually introduced to increasingly more ”esoteric” teachings, less ”universal", things which identify the BKs as having distinct beliefs and identity. That sounds mysterious, spiritual, profound but, in fact, ”esoteric” just means "insider” with "teachings” that are so unusual they’d be rejected by ”outsiders”. They are usually kept hidden from those not ”prepared” in advance by previous softening up experiences.

Those who’ve been convinced up to this point, by the other things that have been pleasant and benign do, at this point, decide that these ”inner” teachings, which would previously have been considered nonsense, somehow now make complete sense. That is, people reach a point where they WANT it to make sense. They WANT to identify and to belong to this group. They then start to donate time, money, skills, to the group.

Then there is the revelation that all these nice people and good feelings in meditation and standards of cleanliness and soft speaking etc, all very nice, is actually based on direct teachings from God, the supreme. A god different enough to the god of childhood upbringing or older religions different enough that ”He” gives these experiences. (What those experiences actually are is another discussion).

No harm you might think, until it starts to impact family, friends, work, study etc And the teachings encourage increasing the obsession. They’ll mention ”balance” of family and work etc but that's paying lip service, a moderate use of language aimed at the "long game" of getting the person fully committed for the longer term.

It sounds hard to believe but, hey, I went through that, I believed it, so have most people on this forum! I spent years ”making efforts” to keep up the ‘highs’ of meditation experiences, to make it all make sense. And I was naive and idealistic.

There is a psychological dynamic of ”moral superiority” that acts as a boost to the ego (or self-esteem or whatever name you want to give it). The kind you find in over-the-top extreme ideologues - wowsers, god-botherers, socialists, do-gooders, vegans, and many other noble causes, i.e. the kind found in those for whom their beliefs and practices are not just what works for them but is apparently coming from a higher moral order that they need others to recognise as superior.

Let me clarify that last point. They may not go out to convince others, they may be shy or whatever. But they are telling themselves all the time that they belong to this group of higher moral order which "outsiders” just can’t understand. Their practices, diet, toilet, etc is based on ”moral superiority” and it's helping to have ”good Yoga”, i.e. to maintaining a ”high” from meditation. It's not about nutrition or health, although they’ll make arguments on those lines, e.g. ask this woman about the health benefits of say, garlic, and watch her response. (BKs hate garlic more than vampires do!).

The BK say they are a "spiritual university". But there is nothing you achieve and then move on. They want you to stay a student to bring more students too. A pyramid scheme. You are never finished nor completed your studies, until you are dead. And beyond - they believe it's karmic over many lifetimes - literally, not poetically or metaphorically.

There is more, of course, but I need to sign off and others can contribute.

All I can say to end is it will be like she’s an addict, and she won't change until she chooses to. One defintition of an addiction is that a person arranges their whole life around the addiction.

Logic and reason don’t work until she decides to be objectively logical and reasonable. It's emotionally driven, psychologically based. Most people’s logic is merely a rationalisation of deeper psycho-emotional desires/needs. Her "BK-ness” is a crutch that probably has helped but which she has been convinced is a permanent need ”in this lifetime”.

All the best, take care of yourself.

PP
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ex-l

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Re: Please help friend of a BK

Post30 Jan 2017

Pink Panther wrote:One defintition of an addiction is that a person arranges their whole life around the addiction.

Logic and reason don’t work until she decides to be objectively logical and reasonable. It's emotionally driven, psychologically based.

Pink's end point is good place to start ... perhaps the starting point is to try and find out 'how, what and why' she wanted to escape normal life and got sucked in.

Much of BKism is also just Hinduism and relatively "normal" to some Hindus castes, e.g. the onions and garlic thing, the reverence for their gurus etc (although the BKs will tell you they don't have gurus, they do; they just call them something else). Indeed, I would argue as part of their 'long con' (confidence trick) they have adopted the trappings of Hindu brahminism to appear more "holy" than they actually are.

I am guessing you're not Indian or in India but you're in the right place to really understanding BKism.

I'd like to pick up on the financial aspects of your posts as, to understanding the financial transaction is to *really* understand the BKs (clue: they give stuff worth nothing to gain everything they can get from their victims).

Does your friend's mother have her own income or does she rely on her husband/family's? Are the BKs starting to syphon her time, money and energy away from her real family?

My friend, I've spent over 10 years now listening to stories identical your friends and I am sad to say they are very, very typical and, given the "eternal" promises the BKs use, very difficult addictions to fight. Indeed, they even might sit on top of pre-existing addictive personality types within the victims.

Therefore, I've become very, very down to earth and pragmatic in my response to them.

First thing to do is accept you/they have lost their family member. Actually consider them to be dead. If they are properly hooked - and it sounds like yours is - it is very likely that you/they will have lost them. I'd say at least 50:50 ... and of the 50 that won't be lost, they will probably be lost for 5 or 10 until they pull themselves out.

Accept that the BKs indoctrinate their followers to "die alive" to be emotionally dead and detached to their family. Literally, in their scriptures, to see them as demons or devils. "Scorpions and snakes ... born of the poison of lust" is what they call children.

Then the first priority is to protect the family's wealth and property from the BKs ... because they will be after it and will take it if they can. Therefore, if there are shared assets, move them all out of the BK's name and grasp, e.g. put them into a trust for the children. Do this as quickly and quietly as possible.

Then, if the BK has not got an income of their own ... cut any income, any access to cash or credit cards etc that is *not* being spent on their real family. Again, do so as quickly and quietly as possible.

Imagine them to be like an child or old person who has caught by some online fraudster who is milking them ... and we can explain why the BKs are fraudsters later.

We've had cases like this before and, eg, the husband stopped give the wife cash because the wife was always giving the cash to centre and starting using joint credit cards because the BKs could not take card donations and he could check all payments.

Another strategy to develop is applying pressure onto the centre and centre-in-charge, creating a real stink and in public if possible. We can help you avoid all of their usual tricks or "Yuktis". The BKs hate direct conflict and will actually send "students" back to their families and make them carry out familial duties so as not to "defame" BKism.

You/they need to learn the BK concepts and language from non-indoctrinative, non-BK sources such as ourselves to de-construct what is being said to you and use them back against her/them. Using the words and quoting the scripture to get what you want, starting with, "Baba says ...". (That's their name for their god spirit).

Be aware that a BK will be taught and encourage to skilfully lie to non-BKs.

Actually, strictly speaking, she should not be neglecting her family. She should be "earning a pass mark" from them.

Lastly, I have to ask to guage the depth of her involvement ... has the husband/Father been "de-sexed" already?

More later.
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Emilyjj27

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Re: Please help friend of a BK

Post31 Jan 2017

Pink Panther wrote:Hi Emily

Where are you - or rather where is she? How old is she? What's her background?

Thank you for your reply.

She is 45 years old, Canada and I am her son's girlfriend. She is from Punjab. I am very respectful when it comes to people's beliefs and, for many years, I have never judged or said anything rude towards her. In my personal opinion, it was never my place too. Recently, I've noticed a change which has effected parents-in-law and just daily life for her. I did my research everything has been BANG on. I, seriously, see no way of changing her mind.

She's been a single mom, who chooses to work only the bare minimum (when she is offered more) to have enough to hardly support a roof over her head. The rest goes to BK. Her kids are dependant on her but she believes to "let them go" and goes to care for their needs. Everything is about BK. EVERYTHING. Her husband passed away but she doesn't believe in seeing him in the after life because he wasn't BK.

She lets her young daughter fool around skip school go to parties not care if she comes home at night, friends are involved with crimes but still not one single care. She's told me multiple times to take her son so she can be alone with her "pure soul" daughter. I just don't understand how someone can neglect a family so bad. She's become so cheap in her ways she won't even purchase hand soap anymore.

She's taken everything to India on a two month trip last year 6/7 suitcases! I am not judging mediation but when you devote more hours there than working as a single mother and cannot provide that really bothers me.

I am all over the place with this sorry, there's just a lot more to this explanation. May I also add that she complains about waking up at 4 am (could be later but you know that's the time for meditation) but ignores all phone calls from her son when we actually were in desperate need due to a car robbery and rudely shuts the phone saying stop bothering me.

Her free time is just about service like you mentioned there is no other thing to her life. I bought many gifts for her, she never uses it she won't even keep it out because she thinks it's negative energy. She believes she's too old to be working 20 hours a week ... I come from a very hard working family and it just bothers me so much to hear this stuff. I am sorry but she doesn't understand reality and not everyone can be unemployed and survive.

Sorry for my rant!
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Emilyjj27

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Re: Please help friend of a BK

Post31 Jan 2017

BK is everything to her no matter what. Someone can be dying out of natural causes and she is to believe, "OK, it's just karma". I find it almost offensive.

She dislikes me because I am Catholic. I never pushed it down her throat. I never said to her face that BK is awful. That's not respectful, she still is an elder to me. Just, I don't get it, why would someone hate people on the earth for not being apart of their organization?

It's mainly the issue that she has let go of her children due to this BK world. She won't even look at her son because he eats meat and garlic and onion. She just curses him with karma. Meanwhile, her car broke down at the BK centre and no one would help her because it was snowing outside. I've tried to do favours for her but never have gotten a thank you. She's backed up into my car but blames karma. Will this at least calm down you think!? She wants to move to India and get rid of the kids. Her daughter plays along to get what she wants because she knows she can. She has a bf and sexual relationship which I am sure is against BK. I feel

Crazy posting on a forum for something like this but I cannot help it. There's a lot of research about BK but not a lot of information about breaking families up. She's become so selfish I cannot even explain it.
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Pink Panther

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Re: Please help friend of a BK

Post31 Jan 2017

Emily, she has got it bad, and that ain’t good. A complex situation with many unknown factors from the past.

It may sound trite but try not to get yourself emotionally upset by it. As ex-l said, treat her like she has an illness, which she has. She is in the end phase of a stage of what the BKs promote nostalgically as ”the days of childhood”, i,e. the zeal of the new convert. It sounds like she is coming to the end of that and desperation is creeping in, trying to be as BK as possible, like she's trying to fight off inner doubts or a sense she’s not feeling what she once used to when she first just enjoyed the fresh buzz of the new experience.

I get that from what you say about her bitter responses to things that have happened or been said by her, and for the fact that she feels a need to "give up” on regular life and seek deeper refuge in the BKs, even go live with them in India. The BKs encourage it too, many people sell up and move to India where they can live cheaper, without work. Like kids who think life can be a continuing vacations all year round, if they can only get a job flipping burgers at the amusement park they spent their summer holidays.

If they give a big enough donation to the organisation, they can practically move in with them at their ashrams, or just nearby, although they usually have to take on some regular chore or responsibility to appear to the poorer BKs as if they’ve earned their place there rather than bought it.

It may be this is partly a reaction to suppressed grief or anger or other emotions towards her late husband - a love-hate relationship maybe? - that she can’t get in touch with honestly? The tiredness she speaks of and desire to run away is a sign of this.

I was going to suggest that she may be helped by a professional counsellor/psychologist but she will likely refuse to acknowledge there’s a problem. In fact, that may be a good thing for you and your boyfriend to do, to get some professional help for dealing cooly and calmly with this situation.

That she can survive on very low income and travel etc indicates that she is maybe drawing on assets inherited from her late husband. How old is her son - your bf, and her daughter?

It may be, as ex-l says, better if they cut ties, maybe try to secure their share of any estate of the late Father before she gives it all away (a public trustee or similar advocate can usually act for relatives who fear an estate will be abused or squandered by the ”willed” or legal inheritor). Rather than try to get hold of it now, which makes it look like its about the money, offer to put it into a "trust” of some sort accessible only in the future - a college fund or after age 25 or something. Again, I expect there is some govt body or Legal Aid that can advise for free or low cost.

Don't be angry with her. Be compassionate. Be accepting of her ”changes" (maybe menopause has set in as well, so many things for women after children, marriage, so many other things not done, sacrificed over years. And the BKs really sweet talk mothers, feigning a kind of feminism but really exploiting their nature of giving and working hard. There’s also deep-seated awareness of mortality that manifests in middle age - hence the attraction to ”afterlife” beliefs ... people get religious.

From Punjab, huh? Is she from a Sikh or Hindu background? Maybe if there are some wise and insightful leaders of those communities who can engage her in spiritual discourse as she seems hungry for that, and draw her into their older, wiser traditions and their social sphere, it might weaken the BK hold?
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ex-l

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Re: Please help friend of a BK

Post31 Jan 2017

Hi Em,

Please be aware as I write, I was a BK (in the 1980s), so I've seen things from the inside, know their beliefs very well, and have felt the madness or it all ... the addiction to the high experiences and chasing them.

However, over years of observing them, I've gone from being supportive (as a non-follower) fooled by the facade which I thought made them a good example of religion - mostly because all of the sh*t about them was so well hidden (this was before the internet) - to being extremely critical and concerned about them. I spoken to many families and individuals going through such experiences. What's remarkable about them is how similar they are. Everything you are reporting is absolutely typical and accurate of their beliefs and actions.

And no need to apologise, this is what we are here for.

A couple of important legal issues here;
    a) How old are the youngest children, are they minors? (By "pure", I am supposing you mean she is a 'virgin' and the mother is lining her up to become a BK ... this is also very common amongst Indian women, the mothers seek to try and live through their virgin daughters and gain merits by "surrendering them" to the BK organization. Essentially that means enslaving them to the cult).

    Depending on her/their ages, there may be legal leverage here to involve social services (... but don't have high hopes on that).

    b) Is she committing benefit fraud to spend all of her time on the cult?

    Lastly, are there other family members, e.g. uncles and aunties?
At her state, I would have zero hope of counsellors/therapists/community leaders have any influence as the BKWSU sets adherents up to see them as impure, ignorant or ever evil ... and has many well defined and practised defenses against them.

I think you should be angry and you should get involved. Don't be duped by "liberal" or "politically correct" eye wash ... a parasitical cult is destroying your loved one's family, sucking away time and money that should be spent on it. That is its. This is what the Brahma Kumaris do. I've been studying them, and cultic dynamics generally, for 10 years now and what they do is induce a kind of mental illness and exploit the individuals held under it. Many Westeners are fooled to think it is just "Hinduism" or something ... that is also what the BKs do ... but it's not. It's a high demand, thought reform, deeply brainwashing cult.

Trust me, if the kids were to end up on the street, their education and socialising ruined, the family funds emptied, the BKs would not give a ****. As you say, they'd just turn around and say, "It's their karma".

Presumably she was taking all sort of gifts to the BKWSU in India trying to gain favour out there? It's also a fantasy for followers to want to move to India, but the BKWSU prefers them to stay where they are, support local centres, and evangelize.

Here is the dynamic I think you try and exploit and I am happy to help you do so.

The local centres are run at arms length and must support themselves but are answerable to a Zone-in-Charge. Forget the local zone-in-charge in Canada, the North American one is Mohini Panjabi in New York ... and we've had run-ins with her before. Generally, what goes on at local centres is not known by the zone-in-charge ... until it becomes a problem ... at which point the zone-in-charge will come down on the local centre-in-charge.

The one thing the BKs care most about - after money - is their reputation and so that is what you are aiming at.

Because of the need to raise money, have unpaid labour, local centres-in-charge cut corners and encourage on adherents that they should not and too far. They are under pressure from the zone-in-charge to make money and keep the business afloat.

Now, even from a proper BK point of view, they call it "Pukka" ... what is going on is wrong.

Absolutely.

This woman, who may well be suffering some kind of mental illness ([i]it happens often[/i), on top of - perhaps - cultural dissonance to the mainstream Canadian culture (e.g. was she born there or "imported" via marriage), is being whipped up into an ever greater self and family damaging delusion ... we can discuss what they teach and how this happens if you want.

What I would suggest you doing is write a 'full-on' letter threatening further action, documenting what is going on, and sending it to the primary zone-in-charge, including telling them you are being advise by us.

I could almost guarantee you this will bring about change, the zone-in-charge coming down on the local centre-in-charge, the centre-in-charge advising the mothers to change her ways and backing off.

In that letter, I would demand an account of how much money they have taken off her and, if possible, have it supported by other family members.

You can see why the age of the children is an issue here. If they are minors, you will have some good leverage over them.

You need to do some more checking in with us and unraveling here to get clear in your mind what is BKism and what is just her own particular brand of crazy/hormones etc and to decypher some of the BK language, concepts and attitudes towards others ... but I am happy to help you do write that and make sure it hits some specifically BK issues.

As further self-defence, I'd get her family members to do some research as to what is happening in India, e.g. she might be planning on abducting the youngest child. Does she have family in India she might land on ... what do they think of BK? Does she have enough money to buy property in Mount Abu (their headquarters) and is she planning that?

The BKs also offer 'deals' to such women where if they drop enough money on them, they will allow the women to live in one of their centres and becoming "surrendered".

Lastly, please allow me to underline the threat to the youngst daughter being abducted and donated to the BKWSU. It's generally a life sentence - on call 24 hours, 7 days a week, with no pay, no holidays and no way out.

Again, it's cultural and fairly typical of them.

If she's significantly young, it may be a case for the social services ... although the BKs' facade is so good, it might take some convincing of them to get involved. Perhaps one of the older children might become a legal guardian for her?

Please take all this very seriously.

I think you best options in the first place is dropping a "handgrenade" of a letter on the BKWSO leader in the USA ... but try and tie up as many of the legal and financial loose ends beforehand.
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Emilyjj27

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Re: Please help friend of a BK

Post01 Feb 2017

Thank you so much everyone for the replies, advice and knowledge.

I have a few more questions.

How are BKs in every day life? When I ask this, I am relating to experiences with my bfs mother.
    Is it normal to work so many little hours and struggle ...
    Not be clean with household duties but she cleans herself everyday
    No maintenance of the house at all... it is basically falling apart. For a nice situated area, it kills me to see how poorly maintained it is.
    All her life has become is wake up at 4 am. Work 3 hours, centre and cook once a day.
    No conversation no interaction with family other than her daughter.
Her daughter is her world, who she thinks will follow her into the BK trap! However her daughter is hiding a relationship who sneaks like I've mentioned before. But yet with proof my boyfriend's mom will not believe

She sees my boyfriend as bad energy as well as his grandma who lives in the house. Is it normal for BK to be so self centred and rude!? I just cannot grasp this.

I feel like I am going in circles, she lies A LOT and you would think that is not a very spiritual thing to do

Thanks so much everyone.
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Pink Panther

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Re: Please help friend of a BK

Post01 Feb 2017

Emily,

What you describe, and what we have answered, is that it is not unusual. Not all BKs are like that at all, but many are. many BKs are quite together as people, their BK-ness is a middle-class accessory. "You do Buddhism? Oh , I meditate at the BKs" (know what I mean?) .

These types are happy to be ‘seduced’ into playing that game and will walk away when it doesn’t suit them anymore. the teachings and what’s on offer does not fill a deep need for them, it's mild "entertainment”.

That is, there is a fairly high turnover rate of people who'll come, attend for a while then leave, never to return, or maybe go along very occasionally to special events but feel no personal commitment. However, a small percentage will "stick" for the long term.

They will be encouraged to commit more and more time and money, attend as often as possible, by being told that by doing so they are showing themselves to be ”84 birth souls” (the highest number in BK beliefs of reincarnation) and earning their place in the next life in a high status position, that they are clearing karma and becoming angels (literally) in this life and deities in the next life who will be worshipped by others - plausible to those who want such a things to be possible and think they have found a vehicle that will make it so.

Your bf’s mum is also a common type, middle aged mum whose kids are growing up and she will soon be lost for a role and will be alone. The BKs offer friendship, community and peers - the main demographic would be women of that age, lower middle class, moderate to low education. I won't repeat what I have written earlier.

Again, that symptom of neglecting the home but being clean and presentable when she goes to the centre, otherwise being isolated or isolating herself, indicates a kind of depression, possibly a kind of bipolar condition.

But rather than us psychoanalysing her by hearsay, I suggest you should carefully read again the replies that ex-l and I have written, respond to the questions we have asked so that we can help better.

Make some notes of the main things you take from these replies and consider what suits the situation best, which set of actions to take, what attitudes to adopt.

Do not let the feelings overwhelm you to the point that you only emote and don’t act! By all means be a detective, read this forum and the internet to understand the BKs more and what ex-BKs have to say - both good and bad etc

I will add a question to the rest - what is your boyfriend doing about all this, other than expressing displeasure?
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ex-l

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Re: Please help friend of a BK

Post01 Feb 2017

A brief response, not to distract from Pink's questions ...

Yes, the full-on BK lifestyle is actually *more* demanding that what I am reading here but, no, dirt, squalor and decay are very "un-BK".

You can use BKism against here until she is sick of it or sick of keeping up the pretense of it. "Baba says" ... all BKs should be perfect examples and "receive pass marks" from everyone around them, i.e. they should satisfy them. What she is doing, from a BK point of view, is "Defamation of the Father". You'll need to study up a little on the BK terminology.

I would concur with Pink's questioning of them being symptomatic of other mental health issues masked by BKism. People use the mask or excuse of BKism for all sort of reasons ... but, and here is the kicker, the BKs are very happy to exploit such vulnerabilities and encourage on adherents fervour as a way of confirming their own (often sapping) faith. She will be subject to the encouragement of their scriptures, the Murlis, but also an often bananas 'pick and mix' selection of other ideas from other BKs at the centre.

To understand the mindset, you have to realise that they are encouraged to believe the whole world is about to be destroyed by Nuclear War, 7 billion dead, all continents except India sinking, a civil war blood bath etc, wiping everyone except for BKs off.

This and only this time is the time to earn a spiritual fortune for the entire cycle of time. Eternity really (although they see time as repeating identically every 5,000 years). Consequently, they will make compromises; moral, legal, financial to invest all their resources into earning this heavenly fortune and high status. (They are obsessed by status).

So, yes, she could be not fixing up the house because she believes it is all going to be nuked in 2 to 3 years time. "2 to 3 years" is kind of the framework they work to, although they will claim that their god spirit never makes specific predictions of when Destruction will be. (They stopped giving them when, like the Jehovah Witnesses, too many failed too often). Or it could just be mental health issues. Or it could be a combination of both.

But is it "pukka BK" to live in a mess? Absolutely not. It is "defamation of the Father". She should be acting like an angel and goddess, and fulfilling her worldly responsibilities first. Indeed, in fulfilling her worldly responsibilities she is clearing her karma and doing her primary "service".

It strikes me she is doing "disservice" which you could get the senior BKs to pull her up on.

One warning, what they will try to do is get her to change for a short time to stop criticisms, then likely she will go back to how she was.

Yes, to all you are saying re the boyfriend. That's typical BK.

Another question, how and when did she get sucked in, e.g. was she lost and depressed after the death of her husband, was it a happy marriage, did she go to the BKs to seek peace etc?

I am trying to work out the context.
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ex-l

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Re: Please help friend of a BK

Post02 Feb 2017

Having a quick look at Canadian law, it appears to be quite like the British.

"Undue influence" is the area you are looking at.

Oh, make your boyfriend's family aware that the BKs are *VERY LIKELY* to get her to sign away all of her property and wealth to them in her Will ... so look into that.

They have a standard "BKs get everything" will they give to adherents ... leaving money and property behind to family members is seen as negative, impure and improperly binding as well as a lost opportunity to gain "multi-millionfold" merits from giving it all to the BKs instead. In essence, it's seen as encouraging them to be evil and impure.

Yes, they really do this. They have chests full of such Wills. They will even accept widows of the deceased BK husband as part of the deal, e.g. she gets to stay on doing housework and menial chores for them.

I am concern about the daughter not only being indoctrinated, possibly forced into the cult, but also being forced by circumstances to develop a sort of split personality to deal with her mother's infatuation. We can discuss this if you want.

"Kumaris" ... virgin girls (literally princesses) ... have an extra high value for the BKs, due to their submissiveness etc, and are processed 'en masse' into being full BKs at their headquarters (having much of their personality removed) before, generally, being split from their mothers and families and sent to far away centres to protect them from outside influences.
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Emilyjj27

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Re: Please help friend of a BK

Post04 Feb 2017

Thank you everyone so very much for all these responses. I promise I am reading all of them carefully and taking the advice seriously.

To answer a few questions ...

My boyfriend is 23, I am 22 and his Sister is 16.
The household is him, his Sister, his mother (BK) and the dad's mother
The mother comes from a Hindu background, moved to Canada in 2001 with the family.
The mother is the only BK member other than her Sister who recently joined. The Sister lives near by who has a husband and two small children. She joined her in India on the trip I previously spoke about.
She owns the household, and no one knows how much money she has but she says she has no money always.
She is currently working on getting a loan, however, for a large amount which she sucked her son into co-signing so this way she will get approved.
The daughter has ZERO respect for her family, she sleeps all day, goes to parties of people the mother does not even know, has NO responsibility. I am not exaggerating when I say this. To the point his mom brings her special made food to the room.
What he is doing is that he is trying to help her understand how this is ruining the family, they argue every single day it gets bad. He tries to protect the property and money but she just does not give a f***.
The rest of the family is not close to them because she likes to be distant.

Recently she's been on this hype about no one in the world is here to help each other, we all are independent. She kept telling my boyfriend that no one will help him in life. This got brought up because my boyfriend tried to explain how she doesn't care about him because he is not BK. The daughter tells her Brother that he is not her Brother and he should go die because he is a loser. (Not even kidding. The mother was present when she said this and didnt say a thing!).

She keeps mentioning how there is no money, and it's always a guilt trip. Meanwhile, she takes her daughter on shopping sprees and is her personal driver.

It kills me because I feel like I am in no place to say a word. I don't want to get involved to much. I am going CRAZY, it's come to the point the thought of his mom gets me angry.

I look forward to your responses,

Em
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ex-l

ex-BKWSU

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Re: Please help friend of a BK

Post04 Feb 2017

Hi Em.

Keep it up, and good on you for doing so.

Something to bear in mind, as you get sucked into this, is that this is a lesson in life for you too. What you'll learn about the way cults and dysfunctiional relationships work will be the profit for you from all this. They are dynamic which repeat time and time in society and our own personal lives ... so it's all not a waste of time. In a sense, what you are doing is gaining confidence in your own intuitions of the situation, intuitions - or the ability to intuit - that will be useful throughout your life.

What cults specifically do is mess with individuals ability to intuit, confuse and manipulate them at a deep level to where they really don't know what they are doing; and attempt to confuse outsiders like you to their real agendas, or modus operandis.

Now, certainly what is going on in this family is more than just BKism. If anything, as often happens, BKism is just being used as a mask or facade from some pretty crappy familial stuff. This happens a lot and, actually, when it does happen even the BKs are often unwilling to get involved and will knock it back to the family to sort out.

However, if I was the boyfriend, I'd be *very* cautious in case the money was going to disappear off to India. There are many middle class and overseas Indians buying properties near the BKs headquarters with some BK connected property developers involved and and the organisation/leaders taking a skim, e.g. we've had property deal cases of people paying money into the BK org in one country and it coming out in another (India being one).

The only other pointer I could give you at this stage is also to consider the nature of both their and more traditional Indian/desi (migrant) familial relationships. Mother-son/mother-daughter/mother-in-law (aunty) relationships, the nature of the parents/arranged marriages etc. One would need to know a little more about their history to work it all out.

What does the mother-in-law say? Is she just keep her head down now that the husband is not there to protect her? What is their history/relationship like?

Arguing is *ABSOLUTELY* not BK.

If she is losing it at home, and yet determined to play the BK in public, the boyfriend should go straight around to the centre to complain and kick up a stick. Get the centre to sit on her back to make her stop and tell her to be "Om Shanti" (a peaceful soul).

There's a lot of material in their scriptures (Murlis) to use against her for that. Their possessing god spirit is always going on about being sweet and peaceful and against troublesome.

If he and you are prepare to try that, we can help prepare you for it. You need to be very determined and prepare to kick up a real stink ... not to fall for their "sweetness". You need to really shake them up. I've know cases where family members are gone in "all guns blazing" threatening legal actions and the BKs have responded by dumping the individual immediately and sending them home to sort things out.

Actually, that's what their teaching teach ... BKism is supposed to be the "household path". People are supposed to get their households in order first and maintain them perfectly, and stay in them.

What BKs call non-BKs, along with devils and so on, is "Shudras" (which is the lowest caste in Hinduism). They claim to be "Brahmins" (the highest caste), everyone else are shudras ... ignorant and asleep.
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Emilyjj27

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Re: Please help friend of a BK

Post04 Feb 2017

Hello,

Thank you for your reply.

Sorry if I seem to be repeating myself at any point of my reply back.

So, the mother in law is very quiet. She dislikes what is happening and what is going on but, in an argument once, the BK mother told me she is keeping her in the house ONLY to show that she is a good person herself & that it is an example to her daughter for when she gets old.

I am not sure what religion or practice the mother-in-law has, but she does listen to prayers and songs and leaves her bed for God to come sleep at night and visit her ... (sorry unsure what this is) ... She has her days where she is grumpy but she definitely does not agree with the BKism.

My concern is, there is no getting through to her head whatsoever. She is set in her ways, and whenever my boyfriend tries to have even a civil conversation with her it is just a negative response. She shows very deeply her dislike towards her son and mother-in-law because they are not apart of this BK crap. Today she told me my family should be taking him in so she doesn't have to deal with him anymore. I had no comment towards that with her.

I am not the one to bash someone's beliefs or sit and argue hours and hours over religion, especially with her. Just this is effecting a household, relationships and potentially the materialistic side of things. When you all say to write a letter or show up to discuss things and threaten the centre I feel scared. I would not have any idea what to do.

Now, with my last paragraph, I have to mention her daughter is very sneaky and smart about things. Now I understand how she is a pure soul and princess to her mother BUT it is not right how she is missing school very often. I've seen even her report card stating that she hardly attends class. This is all because of the mother allowing it. She lays in bed until 3-4pm waiting for her mother to get home so she can go out to sleep at a friend's house ...

I don't know about generations but I am only 6 years older than her and I am not even allowed doing half the crap she does. Basically, my point is I know people parent different but some things are just way to much and I could type huge entries worth of writing.

Do you think the way she parents is because of the BK brainwashing?

Em
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ex-l

ex-BKWSU

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Re: Please help friend of a BK

Post05 Feb 2017

Emilyjj27 wrote:Do you think the way she parents is because of the BK brainwashing?

Although I am one of the BKs greatest critics, I would defend them in this case and say 95% no.

When I say, "95% no", I mean that is it all very anti-BK ... the BKs would not officially condone it, they are super-straight in that area (as with keeping the house clean etc) ... but that it might be because of the mother interpretation of it, e.g. that she's thinking "what the hell, if the world's going to end, there's no point going to school where she might be left open to other negative influences.

But that's shot to pieces because they then allows her to go out to parties etc.

That's why I'd be looking at the nature of the original marriage, e.g. was it a loveless, arranged marriage that the woman did not really want and now the Father is dead, she wants to be free and the kids and mother-in-law are just an encumbrance?

Traditionally, I would say it's usually tough for a daughter to leave her home to be married and go and live in her husband family where she has the lowest status and is expected to look after the mother-in-law. Now the Father what's the basis of their relationship? Strangers living in the same house?

Start with a formal, sincere, firm but polite 'letter of concern' about the mother's conduct being asking for help. The BKs loving looking good and don't want bad PR. I think it will achieve more than pointless arguments.
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