Living with a BK

Maybe it's possible to have a thread giving advice or tips for when someone has a BK in the family or partner or friend. Rather than ideas to get them out of the 'cult' as people like to see it,more like ideas of how all can get along and coexist. Awareness can be brought as to the possible dangers and signs to look out for, but also bringing awareness that the person who is a BK, may be perfectly happy and what the other person involved is seeing may not be cause for alarm.

Everyone should be able to choose there own path of life, without others trying to impose upon it however well meaning the intention may be.

Rather than ideas to get them out of the 'cult' as people like to see it, more like ideas of how all can get along and coexist. Awareness can be brought as to the possible dangers and signs to look out for, but also bringing awareness that the person who is a BK, may be perfectly happy and what the other person involved is seeing may not be cause for alarm.

My own interpretation of this forum's intention is not so much to "get the individual out of the cult" but to "get the cult out of the BKWSU" ... Sadly, it seems that most individuals are subjectively happiest or prone to be in a cult but that does not mean that society is better for cult-like patterns. We should consider not just the individual or the cult but also society as a whole.

John,

Your idea is awesome. Unfortunately, from experience, it is not realistic. My mother has been a devotee to such nonsense for the past six years. We have tried so hard to compromise with her but it just doesn't work. Normal human beings are willing to compromise.

Say, I was willing to lower the volume of the TV while she meditated; but she wasn't willing to leave her meditation to come to my awards ceremonies. I was willing to go to the center with her on Mother's day or her birthday; but she wasn't willing to come watch a movie with me or eat out with me at a restaurant on my birthday.

My Father told her that it's okay if she doesn't want to eat garlic and onion but he said as a compromise, she must cook food with garlic and onion for the rest of the family. Unfortunately, the Tampa BKs told her that this will cause bad vibrations in the house. No matter what, no matter how hard you try to work things out with them, at the end they just want it their way. And to them, their way is the pure way so the ONLY way. Unfortunately that's not true.

If BKs were willing to compromise, then no husbands would commit suicides; no families would break apart. You don't see this happening in Hinduism, Islam, or Christianity do you? Why is it always the BKs?

Hi, took the liberty of creating 2 topics on the BK part of the forum. One for Married couples in Gyan (Yuguls) and the other for men in Gyan whose partners are not (Adhakumars). do not quite know what "name" is for a Sister in Gyan whose husband is not and I don't have the audacity to presume that the answer is Adhakumari- but maybe it will do for inventiveness if nothing else. Any BK should recognise those 2 terms and hopefully a soul will respond. Hopefully the various threads will not overlap too much.

All the best with your efforts.
OS

My Father told her that it's okay if she doesn't want to eat garlic and onion but he said as a compromise, she must cook food with garlic and onion for the rest of the family. Unfortunately, the Tampa BKs told her that this will cause bad vibrations in the house.

More bad vibrations than doing all the hurtful things like missing your graduation!?!

Its pointless to ask them if they have any "scientific proof" of what sort or how much bad vibrations it creates because for them, it is "God's Word" and it is all a matter of "Faith". Not "Knowledge" at all. If she honestly thinks that not eating onions will save her soul she has a long way to go (and I write as someone who does not like or eat onions and garlic at home!).

You are right. You cannot negotiate with a BK. You cant make them think outside of their box nor even trust what they say but it is mostly doubletalk.

So, I presume your mother is living off your Father's money right now? Is that not bad because he and his money is so impure? Or is that OK because the BKs would be quite happy to make it "pure" for her by using to run their center?

Strictly speaking, BK should not accept donations from non-BKs. "Baba" does not want or need money.

My own interpretation of this forum's intention is not so much to "get the individual out of the cult" but to "get the cult out of the BKWSU"

I wish I believed this is possible. Would you not say that "cult" is at the heart of the BKWSU?

All the channeling, hypnotic techniques, love bombing. I remember my days of intoxication. I agree it would be well nigh impossible to compile a list of do's and don'ts for people living with a BK. Although I respect the good intentions behind John's idea. I think we have to have a two pronged strategy.

1. Alert people to the true agenda of the BKWSU. This site does that so very well, and I have spoken of my own gratitude many times. Unfortunately so many people come here too late for them to avoid terrible upsets in their lives.

2. Deal with each individual person who has been affected by the cult as they come here and ask for help. This is something I feel a life long commitment to doing. As long as I can work a computer I will be here for these people, barring the occasional holiday.

Can the BKWSU be reformed?

I think not.

I hope I am wrong.

I hate to see what is happening to Di right now. This is the crappy dysfunctional organisation at its height. I hate to see the beauty which I know being distorted like this. This is meant to be the family path! Its crazy because it doesnt have to be that way. I know families of BKs where only 1 person is Gyan which do live together happily and where agreement has happened rather than cutting off and not taking emotional responsibility (mind you, they are where the woman is in Gyan, maybe this makes a difference?)

Proy, it struck me that a lot of posts in this Newcomers forum contain good practical information for partners of BKs or potential BKs. Would it be worth condensing it into one info sheet on here? Things about property ownership, finances, most useful approaches etc?

Proy; it struck me that a lot of posts in this Newcomers forum contain good practical information for partners of BKs or potential BKs. would it be worth condensing it into 1 info sheet on here? things about property ownership, finances, most useful approaches etc?

Yes, I would say that is a good idea. Thanks Yudhishtira.

mind you, they are where the woman is in Gyan, maybe this makes a difference?

Nah, I have seen awful separation cases involving women in Gyan where the children become the sticks to fight with, the BK Sisters have gotten involved, and the kids become quite screwed up by Gyan. The child abuse case is one such example if you read the Brother's letter at the end. An we are watching another one unfold with SweetSajani.

I would say the organization should really admit up to and address this stuff but my fear would be that it would impossible to get any data, never mind honest data or cooperation from the BKWSU or its followers. The leadership and sociologists have tried in the past. Where data did come out, all the BKs tended to give "right answers" ... a bit like in their charts. In the Murli, Shiva through Lekhraj Kirpalani talks about "storks and swans", I do not need to repeat to you the rest.

I said elsewhere, I think it is a really important issue and I am wondering how it hits the "village BKs" in India where families are life support mechanisms. In the West, Indian BK women seem to have hit on the fruits of Western divorce law to fund their BK lives as SweetSajan points out, advising followers on what share they are entitled.

This is meant to be the family path! Its crazy because it doesnt have to be that way. I know families of BKs where only 1 person is Gyan which do live together happily and where agreement has happened rather than cutting off and not taking emotional responsibility (mind you, they are where the woman is in Gyan, maybe this makes a difference?)

Very worthy consideration at the end here Yude about all okay situ seeming to apply to cases in which the wife is in Gyan and the husband not (I alluded to this possibility in a post elsewhere on the forum).

From these Sister's cases it definitely seems as if some center-in-charge do not know how to handle the reverse situ because their actions most certainly underline that old Murli point - much referenced as a Bhakti philosophy - in which the woman (in this case a non-bk) is seen as the "gateway to hell" - a particularly nasty analogy i happen to think.

Imagine all the male pre-adolescent BKs being fed a diet of this garbage everytime they hear a Murli. Could well be a negative influence on par, if not worse in some aspects, with the vile lyrics to be heard coming out of the mouths of rap music's famous.

Independent-minded, God loving souls such as your posts highlight you to be are either cast from a different mould from the majority BK population or Baba kept some children safe whilst inside so that when the time became righteous they would be able to commune with Gyani and agyani souls alike without losing any dignity or spiritual awareness; and I for one am ever mindful not to be a glove-puppet for any human being's side-show.

Anyway let us create whatever topic we think might serve to address these issues. For all we know the BK visitors to the site might read and learn something (just joking as they know everything there is to know about everything).

It would be good to get in really close and document what is going on there. I am sorry to beat my drum but the BK Spiritual so-called University is swilling with PR, platitudes and afraid to take cold hard investigation.

Words like "take benefit" and "cooperative" are used as if they mean something or with a distinct euphemistic meaning to BKs only. For an example, " ... so-and-so's husband 'takes benefit' from Baba and is a very 'co-operative' soul ... " really means something like, "he puts up with no sex, driving her to the center, and all the Hindu God stuff for a quiet life as long as his dinner is cooked because she has gone to fat anyway and divorce would loose him the house".

I would agree that this should be done within a bigger picture of marriage and relationship as a whole within Indian and the West, i.e.

• How many couples stop having sex after the birth of their children, middle age etc?
• How many couple sleep in separate beds or separate rooms?
• How many couple divorce over personal differences anyway?
• How satisfactory are arranged marriages in comparison to personal marriages?

I would have to throw my hard light on some of the practices I know go on, e.g.

• How do BKs negotiate the stop of sex and physical contact? (The gradual move from 'no access' socks and pyjamas to the single bed and then single room ...).
• The effect of such split relationships on the children and their long-term loyalties.
• The use of the BKWSU as an escape route from both future arrange marriages and existing unhappy marriages. (India especially).
• And, latterly, the BK Sisters' role of encouraging BK women to use and exploit divorce laws for power and financial gain (both to the Individual and the woman) within the family structure.

It would make a fascinating dissertation IF you could get the BKs to cooperate. BKs talk honestly and about sex ... difficult.

Where are the basic figures? How many divorces have they caused. The truth is EVERY BK marriage has to be a divorce because fondness and heart connections are not allowed. "Negotiated co-habitation between two sexes" ... only to keep it looking good for the neighbours where there are kids involved.

I agree with ex-l ...

My mother slowly went from no sex ... to different bed ... then to a different room ... and once we threw her out of our room, she was forced to go back into dad's room.

These people are hideous i tell you.

I agree with ex-l ...

My mother slowly went from no sex ... to different bed ... then to a different room ... and once we threw her out of our room, she was forced to go back into dad's room.

Thank you for confirming this.

This is the same policy they use in which ever country they operate in. So there must be some sort of centralization of command, some sharing of experience and some teaching of this by the BK leadership for the center-in-charge to instruct this.

What I missed out is that where the family and poor and do not have a spare room, the BK wife is instructed to sleep with the children ... where, of course, they cannot be sexed up and can use that as an excuse to refuse even the affection of the husband. We had cases where they wife would shower and change her clothes if a husband was to even accidentally touch her.

There is a great deal of difference between sex and affection that the BKs are fairly blind to. I think this is highly cultural as in India public affection or even touching is forbidden and widely punished ... especially towards the women engaging in it.

It draws me back to the questions I keep raising about the influence of the sexual time and environment the organization grew out of and what is the sexual experience of Indian women in arranged marriage system even today?

Perhaps one answer to the BKs popularity amongst some women can be found in this. My suggestion is that they are not REALLY following a yogi path at all but just a 'husbandless ritual' in which an imaginery BB (and lots of young BK male serfs) emotionally fulfills them and deals, or not deals, with issues of their own sexual repression.

Well, in India you can show affection in public. Just not french kissing and, oh yeah, you must be married at least.

My mother used to wash up in the past even if I touched her. But that reminds me of more to put up on the other forum thing as it goes off topic here

Nowadays I know a ton of Indian women who continue having sex and are happy with their sex lives even in middle ages! So it's not the same anymore as it used to be in the past ... But what I do think is that the BKs take advantage of the past and how in the past it was impure of a woman to have sex after achieving their goals (make babies).

Women don't believe in that anymore, nor do old people. But what the BKs probably do is enforce the fact that the world is ending because of Kaliyug due to people not doing what they're supposed to, like they did in the past ... Therefore SEX IS impure for women ... THUS LEADING TO Kaliyug!!!!!! My conclusion is, and i am at least 99.99999% sure, that this is exactly how they see it ...

So you see ... you don't have to be a BK to actually understand their **** ... ! What's the point of hiding the Murlis then ... if we sit back like this and talk I am sure we can analyze EVERY SINGLE THING!

Same as with Sweets family. No sex and then when he couldn't sleep because he was near me ... out to the back room. (3 occasions of several nights but I think the sofa is too uncomfortable!!)