Hi, I am new & would greatly appreciate some guidance

seriously appologise. This sounds such a pathetically emotional post. I need to ditch the emotional. I have eyes glued to the other posts on this forum and find them intriguing to say the least. Thank you. What steps can I take to emotionally detach from this man?

You have nothing to apologise for so no need for it here! Your post is not pathetic even if it is emotional. The emotional side is completely understandable, warranted, and shared by many, so do not apologise for something that's not your fault ...

We are not in your situation and it is always so easy to give advice to others, is it not? ex-l has really given great advice and in support. I can say that what you are doing is right. Yes, you're going to have to work through it all, exactly as we all have to work through the things that cause us pain and suffering.

My view point is that you need to seperate yourself from the cause of the emotional distress and this really all comes from your partner does it not? He's not willling to make decisions and, as said in your postings, "leaves it all up to you". Therefore you're the only one able to make a decision. So I could suggest that you make it for him, knowing of course that there are consequences for everything. Consequence is not always a bad thing.

It would be different if he was open to discussion but it seems he is not, despite the fact that he doesn't quite know what to do within himself. One of his thought processes could be to let you make the decisions so that he doesn't have to take responsibility and can then say (and feel) more of a victim, which is what he is, and is acting in victim consciousness without even realising it. I feel so sorry for him too, but you know that only he can make the changes he needs to make so keep examining the legal and financial implications and take some deep breathe now and again. Maybe telling him that he's acting like a victim and he needs to stop that may assist? I am sure that many of us want to pick up the phone and give him hell but seeings he's already in hell, whats the point, he'll just block it off.

I've been in relationships where I couldn't get through to 'them' - and so I gave up, but you may have more conviction and courage ...

I hopefully herewith send you support, love and some light at the end of this tunnel. xxx

Hi

Very hard one how to detach from someone that holds your heart. It all takes time and in that time you will become stronger. All I can comment on is from person experience..

do not make it easy for him. I know this sounds really hard and cruel but, Di, you know what I went through and fingers crossed mine has been fine for almost a month now. Hasn't been to a meeting at all. He stills gets things through the post from them but unfortunatly they get "LOST" !!!!

When mine got into the same situation, I would let him in the bed, though not having him pick me up and drop me when OK for him. The tables turned. I gave him the choice. He said he had no where to go. I said not my problem. Go to your mothers for all I care which he didnt but it shook him up. I started going out on my own, not even asking him if he was coming. Always made sure I looked stunning ...

It hurt big time, I was putting on this brave face in front of him but dying inside if you know what I mean. I missed him like you would not believe ...

Anyway, to cut a long story short, he has been fine since if not over the top. I suppose I am still a bit detached from him, as waiting for him to change again, but I know he is worried now that he has pushed me away once too many times. He said the other night he had a dream I was having an affair. I went prehaps that should be a warning as how you have been treating me.

You will get there Di, be it on your own, but like you say you deserve better.

Love to all, look after yourself.

K xx

What strength you all give me.

The solicitors report shocked him. Talk about a dose of reality. Neither does he know yet I have changed my will. I'll save that till later.

Paul, I never thought of it from the victim standpoint. I will say something along those lines if I can fit it. Brilliant insight! Plus a message for me, time to stop being the victim here. Thank you for your kind, kind words.

Now he says he doesn't know what he wants ... As far as I am concerned, property settlement will go ahead unless he gets therapy and ceases BKs altogether, and I cannot see that happening. It is good to see him start to think, but that doesn't mean I'll take him back either ... time will tell. It really depends on what positive actions he takes (meaning responsibility), how long he takes and ultimately how i end up feeling. It would take a miracle for me to trust him again.

You people should be charging $200 an hour for your consultation fees!

Well done Katie, you should be so proud to show such determination when you are dying inside. You are a true inspiration. Ex-I, what can I say??? All of you, you saved my life, I hate to think where I would have been. Bansy, spot on as always. Thank you.

My parents, even though ill and elderly have been my greatest support. Family and what you people give of yourselves in this cyber family is what God is all about, and the unselfish love we give to each other even when we personally are stretched to the limit. A concept BK organization could not begin to understand.

Di wrote:

This sounds such a pathetically emotional post.

I'd like to remind you that 'pathos', the root of the above, itself means emotion. To have emotion is much luckier than to be dead to emotions, in my opinion, having experienced both.

Emotion is good. It is the energy of the soul.

A lot of people, me included, embraced BKism because we were afraid of our emotions and afraid of intimacy. The BKs are a refuge for sad people who cannot find the courage to be human.

You be as emotional as you want - and hold your head up and be proud to be human.

You people should be charging $200 /hour for your consultation fees!

We could always formulate an invoice and send it to bkswu.com HO for 'service fee' charged and this money could go towards an on-line rehabilition centre called ExBKOrg or something similar ... if we did charge 200 bucks/hour, we'd have our own HUGE setup by now!

Jokes aside (is this a joke?) keep moving forward and thank you for YOUR kind words, your wonderful energy shines through even in your time of trouble.

Conviction: Unless we stand for something, we shall fall for anything ...

xx p xx

Just an update for you, he will be moving out as soon as possible (though I have a feeling this will take a couple of months).

I would say he is emotionally dead. He says he feels some sorrow at us no longer being together, but he is like a zombie. If I get lucky, I may very occassionally see him a little angry.

He now says he has seen Dada Lekhraj while meditating. He also now admits it is impossible to have a relationship and be a committed BK. His very distorted thinking gave him the idea of living here with me and the family in this nice little ray of sunshine and power he emitted (while I financially carried the responsibilities and did the work) and he then could continue on his way to become a deity and not have a dreadful death. He is incapable of independent or logical thinking. Something said will occasionally get through to him but is very quickly dismissed. I guess this is the real Honeymoon Period.

I guess the speed at which this has happened and the level it has gotten to has left me in shock, besides heartbroken, and I still am having a lot of trouble 'knowing' what has happened. I can understand logically the processes but the full acceptance and real 'knowing' or coming to terms with this is alluding me so far. I will admit however, I have glimpses of a sense of relief filtering through, knowing that this rollercoaster ride is coming to a close. One can only go on this ride for so long.

The fact is, no one is safe from this organisation. If a couple such as us, so very close, an incredible strong bond can be torn apart, it can happen to any one. I hope this helps any others going through the same situation. I know I am not unique in this, and the more information I gather gives me strength.

I will be very honest here. This whole situation has had such a devastating effect and has struck with such speed, there have been times where I have not been able to cope and have had suicidal thoughts. I would never do this, I have children to look after and would not do that to them, but I want you all to know how far even the strongest of us can be affected by this 'spiritual university'. This is the extend of the pain that they can cause. This forum is where I came for sanctuary, thank you so much for being there for me at the lowest times. A permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Not all blame can be put on the organisation. Yes, they deceive and lie and recruit, but the simple fact is, he is ultimately responsible for his actions and just because he blindly choses to follow and desert his family, doesn't mean he wont eventually have to face what he has done and lost.

I suppose i could stick my head in the sand and let him stay and hope and pray he will eventually come out of it. I could allow myself to be used, to fulfill all of the home and family commitments without his support while he goes off and does whatever he wants. Trouble is I am no martyr nor will I not stand by and 'enable' this insanity and addiction. I fear greatly for his welfare (and sanity) at the end of this story, I will eventually be fine. (I hope).

Thank you all for you love, support and strength you have given to get me throughout this. I hope my story can help someone else. Somehow I don't think there are too many more chapters in this particular drama, the death of a family by a 'spiritual organisation' I propose that it is not God that entered, but a entitiy of demonic status, claiming to be God. This would not be the first time that this has happen. There is nothing spiritual or Godly about what this organisation is doing.

I would say he is emotionally dead. He also now admits it is impossible to have a relationship and be a committed BK.I guess this is the real Honeymoon Period. I guess the speed at which this has happened and the level it has gotten to has left me in shock, besides heartbroken, and I still am having a lot of trouble 'knowing' what has happened ... I will be very honest here. This whole situation has had such a devastating effect and has struck with such speed, there have been times where I have not been able to cope and have had suicidal thoughts.

I feel for you very deeply here. We have many of us had these suicidal thoughts. Stay with us. He has disappeared as a human being it seems, so look after yourself and use this forum as your aftercare. If Oz was not so far away then my wife and I would come and give you some hugs, please accept them in cyber space.

There is not much I can say, the parts I quoted from you above are just parts that I really emapathise with very strongly, like the part about you publishing your story helping others, and the part about feeling suicidal. But truly, your post was very moving and it will help, but so sad.

Will the BKs ever wake up to see the misery they cause? There must be many more in your position.

Love and hugs, di. Be kind to yourself, and remember you still have your children.

Hi Di

My love to you too. PLEASE let me know if I can assist, guide or give clarity in any way. This is obviously one of those huge changes in your life and it is certainly not easy ... for anyone to go though what you are now experiencing.

Please know we are with you in many ways and we are here for you at any time. I know I can say we because of the huge support you have received in the past from so many others on this magical forum so please do not to give up on yourself and on us, please do stay connected and let us know every thought and feeling if need be.

With your kind permission I will include your names in our "Healing Circle" held every Monday.

Hugz to a powerful and inspiring being! To You.
xxx p xxx

Well, I finally got brave enough and went to see my doctor, who I might add is an Indian lady.

In the waiting room there are magazines and several books. Guess what was there! 2 x books on 1001 ways of meditation by Mike George. I almost died, could barely not cry and wanted to run home. I thought, my God, she is one of them!

My courage was rewarded by staying.

Turns out she had never heard of the BKs and definitely is not one. The books were left by the book seller (who would have had no idea). This is how underhanded and insidious this organisation is. I wonder if she will leave them out now.

Without going into specifics, seeing her was one of the best things i have done. I now have my direction, and will disclose later what she said. Suffice to say, even though she was not aware of the BKs, she was well aware of cults.

I called it a religion, she was the one who called it a cult. She told me what the meditation did when she found out it was Raja Yoga meditation and also told me what the diet did. She also explained how they will keep you hanging on by just a thread, just enough to keep you there. Then she gave me advice, both as a medical practitioner and also from a personal opinion what she would say if i was her Sister. More on that when I am free to speak more openly.

I was too scared and embarrassed to seek professional help, but when I did, I was able to make my mind up and I am back in control of my life. So, to all you other families out there, seek your help from the professionals, and accept the love and support shown here.

It can make the difference between drowning and swimming. I am ME again (almost).

I am very interested to hear what you have to say Princess, when you can.

The books were left by the book seller (who would have had no idea). This is how underhanded and insidious this organisation is.

There is a chance that the "bookseller" was Eternity Ink which is the Australian BKWSU front. (If it is not clearly labelled, I call it a front). That is the sort of thing that we were encouraged to do.

You could again see it as preying on people at moments vulnerability. They would call it service. It could "just" be business but, from even from my point of view as an ex- when it comes to selling Gyan it is worse than whoring your mother off.

Suffice to say, even though she was not aware of the BKs, she was well aware of cults. I called it a religion, she was the one who called it a cult. She told me what the meditation did when she found out it was Raja Yoga meditation and also told me what the diet did. She also explained how they will keep you hanging on by just a thread, just enough to keep you there. (almost).

You have found a real gem there. Not many professional medics are that aware. I am happy that you are getting the help you need.

I hope you told her to send the bookseller away!

I hope you told her to send the bookseller away!

Or at least do something nasty in the book so no-one will read it.

On your next visit to the doc why not write a large note in the book's front page: "For more information please access http://www.brahmakumaris.info"!

Keep going Angel, you really have amazing strength and you'll get through this - 'By hook or by crook!"

~ P ~

On your next visit to the doc why not write a large note in the book's front page: "For more information please access http://www.brahmakumaris.info " !

Yes! That's a much better idea. I still have some old BK books that I occasionally use for reference if anyone here asks a question about their teachings. I am often tempted to throw them away. Normally I would give old books to a charity shop. But those BK books I never did this with. I did not want the responsibility of having possibly drawn some unsuspecting soul in to that nightmare. Now you have given me a good idea of what to do with them, Paul. I can use them to advertise this forum. Brilliant.

Hope you don't mind good people but I thought I should continue this discussion over on this thread.

He was particularly reluctant to tell me even this, about being a vessel and has a habit of leaving a lot of detail out.

As far as my experience goes, I have never heard a living BKWSU student attributed with any qualifications or "present active role" in the Advance Party. This is an 'accolade' traditionally accorded to the deceased.

Well, seeing how he is already mentally and emotionally dead, he should fit the bill very well.

I have no idea whether he thinks this is this life or his next life or what is going on in his head. He also very emphatically states that he has been not talking to anyone at the centre about what is happening in his life and is making his own decisions. As I said previously, everything was not too bad until the new head came in from India. Her name is Rahini and probably be late 40's onwards. Dr Nirmala has told him it is OK to hug and kiss people as long as it is not done with desire. In the next breath he told me that Brothers and Sisters are NOT to touch each other.

Sit down and logic it all out with him and I promise you will have him wriggling and squealling at you in agony

In agony??? I have managed to get him more than extremely angry by trying to talk logically to him. One was on the hugging issue. The two sentences are diametrically opposed to each other. It is impossible to have a logical conversation.

About the poor guy being really confused? It struck me last night when I looked at the photos of son's birthday the other night, my ex had what i would describe as 'mad' eyes. I then went and compared to photos of 12 months ago. A very noticeable difference. Definitely 'mad' or insane eyes. This leads me to wonder, how much of this is he actually being fed, or has this centre head's psychic and mental influences pushed him over the edge?

Who is to say how much of it is her, and how much of it is him, readining and doing his own interpretations? If I could trust her I would go and speak to her, but I cant, so I wont. My thoughts are he is possibly psychotic. Not in a full blown psychosis but definitely in a permanently altered state. Paranoia very evident. He is incapable of any rational thinking, his cognitive process are diminishing and have been over the last 6 months - very evident in his ability to plan and execute any task. Obvious in his work, and even in him moving out. He says he is going in 3 weeks or so. Ask how he is going to get the money he owes me and save the rental bond ... he cant answer. I guess he thinks Baba will provide.

At this stage he has a whole 3 days booked in ... Did work at mums. Said he only got paid. Such and such amount for 6 days work. He was there for 5 and only one was a full day. The others he started late, left early, left and went to the hardware shop because he was ill prepared. The ability to address practical issues is just not there. Memory loss. Accruing debts. A full inability to manage his life and this has been increasing in intensity over 5 months.

So this leads me to ask, how much is he being fed and how much of this is his own doing? disturbed and irrational as it is? I must be careful how I tread here. If he continues as he is, I see him heading for a full breakdown, and I don't want it happening here. My kids and I have been through enough.

The fact is though, that woman in there is partially responsible for where he is. She has pushed, guided and encouraged him to get to this point. She apparently told him 6 weeks ago to go slowly, slowly. But he takes no notice. She has educated him and encouraged him and I think given him the means to tip him over the edge. This line of thinking adds a whole new dimension to the issues, and my life, while he is still in it. He must get out as soon as possible. I will be totally honest here, as cold hearted as it sounds, but the best thing that could happen is he goes into full blown psychosis at the retreat where he is now and gets commited. Its about the only hope for him I see.

We get back to the criminal acts of the BKWSU of not being selective in their recruitment process. Of putting teachers in centres in positions of power and influence over others when they don't have the education, or ethical prowess, to gauge where their students are at. Of literally sending people insane.