Hi heshe, thanks for your contribution to this thread!
I grew up, as many people did including some of us on the Forum, during a post '68 time when open talks about sex were a must for our education, and sexual liberation was a milestone. No wonder, since I landed in the BK territory, I always wondered what was wrong with them, their puritanism and taboo.
I liked the idea of platonic love, probably because as a feminist I found it really difficult to compromise in order to have decent relationship with men, or having opportunistic relatationships, or blame in on my dysfunctional family, differences in sanskars, Kaliyug, whatever. I thought that the experience of soul conscious vision, being "Brother and Sister", would cure many evils and put a stop to arguments, jelousy, dependence, addiction, possessivness, traditional roles, misunderstandings ... I think now that this vision of things is very limited and has a lot to do with denial, I'd call it "ostrich consciousness", and shows a lack of power to face our own weaknesses, lack of courage to give it a try, and immaturity.
So, the way chastity was presented by BKWSU, as you say, without any deep explanation, and related more to suppression, never convinced me, nor appealed to me, but I endured and even enjoyed it for a good number of years, falling in love platonically, occasionally. I think that later brothereaking that rule was mostly due to karmic accounts and not so much to enormous attraction towards a particular body, or a physical need for sex. I know that some, if not many, ex-BKs, still hold on to that principle : it's their right to do so and enjoy purity, which is a far better word than abstinence.
I hope, however, that such a lack of flexibility in that aspect, doesn't hide some paranoias, again as I said earlier, denial of the incapacity to have shanti relationships if the physical aspect is included, or denial of any failures or traumatic experiences one may have had in the past, that could be the reason for avoiding the other gender.
Understanding love in all its aspects, makes an interesting, and essential topic, since that energy is part of every living being. And as you said, those mysterious meeting Atam Prakash or Nirwairbhai were arranging for Brother others, were a bit of a farce, which is not uncommon in the BK system. Well, I never heard of similar meetings for Sisters. For sure, such a conservative organisation thinks that women don't have such strong sexual drives as men, at the most some maternal instincts, but that desire to "care for and nurturing", can be channelled and transferred onto teaching or making Bhog for Baba and the students. So, what did we all do?
Maybe share some secret with some Sister we trusted about some fancy we had for such and such Brother!! That's all. Solution: avoid thinking ab that person or those topics, try your best to have more Yoga and service, fill the mind with Gyan. Repress for a while and wait until next wave comes. Hopefully you will not be swept away completely. Now, the very fact that a huge amount of guilt and fear is instilled in BKs about "breaking Shrimat",- make your own list of colorful expressions such as falling from the 5th floor and breaking your bones and so on ... - puts BKs in a position where any understanding, growth, experiment or negotiation is forbidden.
So, how many, even after leaving the organisation have had physical relationships without guilt tinted nightmares? And how can a relationship work if consciously or subconsciously we think that we are sinning, and not only we are not entitled to get any blessings from God in that development, but we will get scorn and curses from gurus, other BKs, etc ...?
As in other fields of life, I love challenges and adventure, applying my self to a relationship that is not a consumistic product of "Babylon" and typically Kaliyugi, at the same time feeling if not open approval from the Great Spirit, at least his benevolence, neither a downfall from "angelness", is interesting. And we are on the planet to love, not to be detached. A pinch of detachment can do a lot of good. The reverse proportion, a lot of harm. To the self, and others, and does not spread good vibes in the Universe either.