Hello all,
I found this forum a couple of months ago and read through the threads for hours, feeling a mixture of shock, empathy and interest. I grew up in the BK family in the UK (from the age of 4ish) and my Father is still an active and fairly senior BK. After talking to him about some of the things I read here, he said it was fine to share my experiences with you all so I thought I'd join up.
Growing up in the BK family was generally a positive experience for me. I was never pressurised into getting involved, into acting a certain way or believing certain things as others were, and my Father has been fully supportive of my decision not to continue living as a BK. I went to morning class regularly as a child, and enjoyed making friends with other BK children - we had a separate children's class and I used to go to the children's retreats at Oxford as well as local centre outings. I did feel that the BKs were part of my family and I really appreciate the love and support I felt from them. I also feel that growing up as a BK had a positive impact on my view of the world and helped me develop the social conscience and desire for change that I have now. Unlike the BKs, I want to change things NOW and enjoy my life NOW instead of focusing on the next birth (when I won't even appreciate all the hard effort I put in anyway!), which is why I am no longer a BK.
On the negative side (and I want to stress that my overall experience was very positive) I was also very aware of the problems that the BK lifestyle caused between my parents, who had been married for a number of years before becoming BKs, and this did upset me. Other personal difficulties I had were worrying about their reactions to my beginning a sexual relationship as a teenager, and I felt a great deal of guilt because I thought that my Father would be disappointed in me. I am fortunate in that he was very understanding, and my guilt wasn't a reflection of the way he treated me, just knowing what BK standards of living were. The only really upsetting episode I have had as a result of growing up BK was finding out a couple of years ago that, since I had stopped going to morning class, my dad hadn't been eating any of the food I cooked. He covered this up very well, and I appreciate that he did that, but when I found out I felt so rejected.
As others have mentioned on this forum, the sharing of food is a sign of great respect in many cultures, and rejecting it - especially from your own daughter - is really offensive. I can understand the BK thinking on this when it comes to eating food prepared in a restaurant, but when it's coming from a member of your family who loves and respects you, who doesn't cook with onions and garlic for your benefit and makes an effort not to swear etc when preparing the food, I think it's wholly unnecessary. How come it's OK to eat a chocolate bar made in a factory but not a meal prepared by your daughter?! My Sister and I laugh about this now, and joke about how he cannot eat our food because it's full of sin (!), but I still think this attitude is wholly unnecessary and runs contrary to the basic ethos of love and fraternity that underpins BK thinking.
I think many of the problems and issues I've read about on these forums and experienced or witnessed myself arise from the inability within BKWSU to seperate out the basic teachings of god from Indian cultural dictates and from the interpretations given to his words by others over the years. I've spoken to my dad about some of the issues brought up on this forum, and I hope they will be taken on board, particularly in relation to the duty of care they should have to both current members and those who leave the organisation. A serious and indepth review is currently being taken with regards to BKWSU policy, procedure and teachings so perhaps they are beginning to listen and are willing to change.
I think that's enough about me! Look forward to discussing these issues more, particularly with any others who grew up in the BKWSU and have now moved on.
Alanna
I found this forum a couple of months ago and read through the threads for hours, feeling a mixture of shock, empathy and interest. I grew up in the BK family in the UK (from the age of 4ish) and my Father is still an active and fairly senior BK. After talking to him about some of the things I read here, he said it was fine to share my experiences with you all so I thought I'd join up.
Growing up in the BK family was generally a positive experience for me. I was never pressurised into getting involved, into acting a certain way or believing certain things as others were, and my Father has been fully supportive of my decision not to continue living as a BK. I went to morning class regularly as a child, and enjoyed making friends with other BK children - we had a separate children's class and I used to go to the children's retreats at Oxford as well as local centre outings. I did feel that the BKs were part of my family and I really appreciate the love and support I felt from them. I also feel that growing up as a BK had a positive impact on my view of the world and helped me develop the social conscience and desire for change that I have now. Unlike the BKs, I want to change things NOW and enjoy my life NOW instead of focusing on the next birth (when I won't even appreciate all the hard effort I put in anyway!), which is why I am no longer a BK.
On the negative side (and I want to stress that my overall experience was very positive) I was also very aware of the problems that the BK lifestyle caused between my parents, who had been married for a number of years before becoming BKs, and this did upset me. Other personal difficulties I had were worrying about their reactions to my beginning a sexual relationship as a teenager, and I felt a great deal of guilt because I thought that my Father would be disappointed in me. I am fortunate in that he was very understanding, and my guilt wasn't a reflection of the way he treated me, just knowing what BK standards of living were. The only really upsetting episode I have had as a result of growing up BK was finding out a couple of years ago that, since I had stopped going to morning class, my dad hadn't been eating any of the food I cooked. He covered this up very well, and I appreciate that he did that, but when I found out I felt so rejected.
As others have mentioned on this forum, the sharing of food is a sign of great respect in many cultures, and rejecting it - especially from your own daughter - is really offensive. I can understand the BK thinking on this when it comes to eating food prepared in a restaurant, but when it's coming from a member of your family who loves and respects you, who doesn't cook with onions and garlic for your benefit and makes an effort not to swear etc when preparing the food, I think it's wholly unnecessary. How come it's OK to eat a chocolate bar made in a factory but not a meal prepared by your daughter?! My Sister and I laugh about this now, and joke about how he cannot eat our food because it's full of sin (!), but I still think this attitude is wholly unnecessary and runs contrary to the basic ethos of love and fraternity that underpins BK thinking.
I think many of the problems and issues I've read about on these forums and experienced or witnessed myself arise from the inability within BKWSU to seperate out the basic teachings of god from Indian cultural dictates and from the interpretations given to his words by others over the years. I've spoken to my dad about some of the issues brought up on this forum, and I hope they will be taken on board, particularly in relation to the duty of care they should have to both current members and those who leave the organisation. A serious and indepth review is currently being taken with regards to BKWSU policy, procedure and teachings so perhaps they are beginning to listen and are willing to change.
I think that's enough about me! Look forward to discussing these issues more, particularly with any others who grew up in the BKWSU and have now moved on.
Alanna