Mr.Green wrote:I don't care, I have nothing to care for, no wants no aspirations, no direction, just cold heart and dryness
You don't need any advice from me. You must know that I have great respect for you. Who knows, sometimes I get a clue from your posts, as if at some point you could have been a respected BK Senior for me in London, but I don't know. I am deeply shaken by your post.
I could only find a meaning of life after leaving Gyan and BKs, by finding myself a simple work and worked harder than in my BK life. But this was a learned reaction from my before Gyan life to all tasks i had to encounter.
Looking around, all retired lokiks have difficulties to adjust to the retirement. It is a tough thing for a top manager to retire and have nothing to do but going to the market and choose some vegetables or taking the grandchildren to the park. From their faces you can understand if they are O.K. If they hook at the past they are ******up.
It is of course one of the greatest challenges for every age, to retire from a cult like BKs, from being God's instrument, just right before becoming an angel and a deity, after following decades long hardest self discipline, prepared innerly and conditioned to save all human beings, to retire with frustration, understanding only that I have been an idiot to believe in so much ********.
After leaving Gyan all we need is to work hard, if we don't work for money, than we need to find a voluntary work to push us hard. The pressure from outside should be equal to the pressure from inside. Emptiness and frustration vanishes.
Every work, does not matter how mundane and simple, helps to recover, the meaning comes later. Years spent in BK life become an extraordinary adventure experienced with great courage. How many people can have such an experience in a cult with HQ on a mountain in India and get away alive. This is a tougher task than Indiana Jones has to challenge.
And solitude is so beautiful.