I think it was Joel who wrote somewhere that he comes here to discover himself. I like that. Reading around on here recently, I had an experience of this self-discovery.
The first part of the epiphany is about the role of the BKs in my life and my own recovery from childhood sexual abuse, which I will only summarise here. My experiences of abuse happened in a time and place where public response was a nudge and a wink for the perpetrator, and blame and shame for the victim. The unacknowledged, unexpressed trauma and terror led to a major shutting down of my natural emotional responses.
Being so shut out of myself, I also felt shut out of the whole world. I only knew dysfunctional relationships and I felt desperately lost. I was searching frantically in the only place I knew - outside of myself. Being "found" by the BKs, I felt SAVED. The external God and the future salvation was a perfect match for my external focus. The apparent denial of all human emotion in the BK world was another good fit, and validated my own shut down position.
More powerful for someone who had no idea how to live was the set of RULES. It was a huge relief to be told how to live every moment of my daily life. I had little response to the mediation, but the whole lifestyle served me very well for many years. Until of course it did not any more, and I moved on to other things.
The second part of the epiphany is a clarification of my very mixed response when I read about sexual abuse in these pages. These days, any whisper of a sexual offence brings public outrage, hysteria, cries for blood. There is plenty of that in these pages. I am always a little suspicious of this type of "righteous anger." For one thing, my journey to reclaiming my life has NEVER been about punishing the perpetrators. It has always been about regaining access to my inner world. Furthermore, feeling responsible for the emprisonment or punishment of someone can add a whole other layer of trauma (Read Maya Angleou - I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings). And exposing the experience more widely can compound the shame.
When I read "child sexual abuse" trotted out again and again on these pages, and the anger that usually goes with it, I want to ask what your issues are and what your agenda really is. Sexual abuse is everywhere, and probably less so within the BKs than outside. I don't believe the WHO - whether a priest, a Father, a stranger, or a BK - is anywhere near as important as the HOW - whether there was brutality, injury, rape/penetration, or just some groping. If my experiences of abuse were repeatedly cited in an attempt to "out" an organisation, I would feel violated all over again. Using the experience of a third party to wave the flag of your own agenda can justly be construed as another form of abuse.
If you want to build a case against the BKs, I don't think child sexual abuse is an appropriate vehicle. There are far more valid grounds in the use and abuse of power that leads to mental, psychological, and emotional trauma. There are some very moving accounts of this in the Spanish language thread, and a very insightful summary by Saraquel in this one.
However, all the posts here and all points of view have served me in finding another piece of my puzzle. And now that I see it, I also see that it is blindingly obvious, but is that not always the way of enlightenment. Many thanks to EVERYONE for ALL your posts.
The first part of the epiphany is about the role of the BKs in my life and my own recovery from childhood sexual abuse, which I will only summarise here. My experiences of abuse happened in a time and place where public response was a nudge and a wink for the perpetrator, and blame and shame for the victim. The unacknowledged, unexpressed trauma and terror led to a major shutting down of my natural emotional responses.
Being so shut out of myself, I also felt shut out of the whole world. I only knew dysfunctional relationships and I felt desperately lost. I was searching frantically in the only place I knew - outside of myself. Being "found" by the BKs, I felt SAVED. The external God and the future salvation was a perfect match for my external focus. The apparent denial of all human emotion in the BK world was another good fit, and validated my own shut down position.
More powerful for someone who had no idea how to live was the set of RULES. It was a huge relief to be told how to live every moment of my daily life. I had little response to the mediation, but the whole lifestyle served me very well for many years. Until of course it did not any more, and I moved on to other things.
The second part of the epiphany is a clarification of my very mixed response when I read about sexual abuse in these pages. These days, any whisper of a sexual offence brings public outrage, hysteria, cries for blood. There is plenty of that in these pages. I am always a little suspicious of this type of "righteous anger." For one thing, my journey to reclaiming my life has NEVER been about punishing the perpetrators. It has always been about regaining access to my inner world. Furthermore, feeling responsible for the emprisonment or punishment of someone can add a whole other layer of trauma (Read Maya Angleou - I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings). And exposing the experience more widely can compound the shame.
When I read "child sexual abuse" trotted out again and again on these pages, and the anger that usually goes with it, I want to ask what your issues are and what your agenda really is. Sexual abuse is everywhere, and probably less so within the BKs than outside. I don't believe the WHO - whether a priest, a Father, a stranger, or a BK - is anywhere near as important as the HOW - whether there was brutality, injury, rape/penetration, or just some groping. If my experiences of abuse were repeatedly cited in an attempt to "out" an organisation, I would feel violated all over again. Using the experience of a third party to wave the flag of your own agenda can justly be construed as another form of abuse.
If you want to build a case against the BKs, I don't think child sexual abuse is an appropriate vehicle. There are far more valid grounds in the use and abuse of power that leads to mental, psychological, and emotional trauma. There are some very moving accounts of this in the Spanish language thread, and a very insightful summary by Saraquel in this one.
However, all the posts here and all points of view have served me in finding another piece of my puzzle. And now that I see it, I also see that it is blindingly obvious, but is that not always the way of enlightenment. Many thanks to EVERYONE for ALL your posts.