Hi all.
I have just recently started using a computer after many years, so am having a bit of difficulty posting on the site.
I registered about a week ago and, would you believe, have been going through fears about wrong actions since then ... even though it is about 13 years since I have been a practicing BK. Really does a truly almighty merciful God establish him/herself through fear? I identify with so many things I have read here over the past few months, yet I wonder whether I have thrown the baby out with the bathwater.
The focus on virtues etc has to be a positive thing. And I had such amazingly wonderful experiences in meditation for a certain amount of time at least. Most of the people I met were lovely. I have bad feelings towards a few. Ultimately I could not believe that these people were the highest souls and, once I doubted the truth of any of it, I found it hard to accept it was God; afterall the premise was that God is truth, so how could some things be not quite true?
One BK I discussed my feelings with was able to accept it while not believing everything. Another told me that BKs were not perfect yet my expectations were too high. Perhaps I am too extreme but to me something is true or it is not especially when it comes to God. I was particularly upset before I left by the lack of empathy and compassion I encountered. Since leaving I have experienced more care and compassion from people who do not consider themselves to be higher than others.
Thank you ex-l for your message of greeting. I hope I manage to send this successfully. Is there any directions on site on how to use it or is everyone technologically adept these days?
I have just recently started using a computer after many years, so am having a bit of difficulty posting on the site.
I registered about a week ago and, would you believe, have been going through fears about wrong actions since then ... even though it is about 13 years since I have been a practicing BK. Really does a truly almighty merciful God establish him/herself through fear? I identify with so many things I have read here over the past few months, yet I wonder whether I have thrown the baby out with the bathwater.
The focus on virtues etc has to be a positive thing. And I had such amazingly wonderful experiences in meditation for a certain amount of time at least. Most of the people I met were lovely. I have bad feelings towards a few. Ultimately I could not believe that these people were the highest souls and, once I doubted the truth of any of it, I found it hard to accept it was God; afterall the premise was that God is truth, so how could some things be not quite true?
One BK I discussed my feelings with was able to accept it while not believing everything. Another told me that BKs were not perfect yet my expectations were too high. Perhaps I am too extreme but to me something is true or it is not especially when it comes to God. I was particularly upset before I left by the lack of empathy and compassion I encountered. Since leaving I have experienced more care and compassion from people who do not consider themselves to be higher than others.
Thank you ex-l for your message of greeting. I hope I manage to send this successfully. Is there any directions on site on how to use it or is everyone technologically adept these days?