Sister Shivani please guide me

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vidhi srivastava

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Sister Shivani please guide me

Post24 Apr 2010

Hello Sister

I have an affair with my friend from 4 yrs. We both had very good understanding he always help me I wholly depend on him for every problem. But now my family is searching for a guy for me to marry. When I asked him to marry first he said wait until his big Brother marries. I said just talk to your parents and my parents I can wait for you but he was not ready ... I often force him to talk to do something in this matter. Now from two months he doesn't talk to me even he is not picking my calls ... we just talk through SMS only for urgent work ... he said you never understand me ... I do not know what he wants now, but I know he still loves me very much.

What should I do now ? Should I marry to according my family or wait for him?

One day I saw your programme in Astha channel where you were saying when someone doesnt talk to you or is angry with you, you just talk him someday he will sure talk to unhappy with you, so I daily SMS him for good morning and goodnite but he doest reply. He replies when I want some help from him.

Earlier I was very disappointed and had very negative thoughts because I never thought so that it will happened with me. After seeing your programme, I always think positive but wanna to know ke what should I do now ... plz guide me.
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ex-l

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Re: Sister Shivani please guide me

Post24 Apr 2010

Hi Vidhi.

Well, the last thing you want to do is become sucked into the Brahma Kumaris ... they want you to give up sex, give up marriage for life, give all your money and labor to them for free. This is because they are going to destroy the world with their meditation power, killing 6,000,000,000 people and destroy all other religions so that they can build a Golden Age SatYuga on earth for 900,000 of their followers.

They have a spirit guide, a ghost who speaks through an old lady in Rajasthan, who they think is the god of all religions, and they think that only they are the chosen ones. They want you to surrender your mind and body to it 24 hours a day.

I am very happy for you that you had a happy love affair and enjoyed love, sex and affection. The nature of such affairs is that they are temporary. That is not to say they are "bad", just that they come and go. It seems that having come, your boyfriend is now going and perhaps you should accept that, let him move on ... and move on yourself.

I do not know enough about you, and cannot advice you on your life. My question to you is to ask, what do you think is going on? Not what do you want ... but what do you really think is going to happen.

You may have us confused with the 'official' brahamakumaris site, which can be on the home page of this site as we have no programme, and therefore it was not ours that you saw or heard.

It seems that you are both tied up by more traditional Indian values. Those values are changing. They are not necessary "objectively" true or right. You can chose how to live ... but you must also deal with the consequences of your life decisions. Legally, if you both want to marry you can, whatever you parents think.

These are not the kind of questions you can ask the BKWSU. The BKWSU uses a programme like "Awakening" with Sister Shivani to suck people into their cult. People who they will then suck in for money and free work until they die ... or leave with nothing. It is just PR. Advertising for their religion. They can, will and have exploited people like you, in a vulnerable state. They can, will and have used people's difficulties and unhappiness to draw them into their web.

If you are interested in their religion, we can tell you all about it in advance. They god spirit predicts Destruction. A terrible "End of the World". If you believe that, they will use it to suck you in. The only problem is, they have been predicting Destruction for decades and it never happens. Their god spirit is not really honest or true. It keeps making mistakes and they keep changing things afterwards to hide them.

You sound like a brave, strong girl. I am happy that you are free. What is your plan for education and work? Study hard, get your own career, be independent ... you will meet many more men along your path who are brave and strong like you. To me, it sounds like this one is not and either he does not love you enough, or he is too weak and afraid of his parents. Has he had his pleasure with you and now he wants to go back to his mother?

What do you think is really going on?

You may want to seek the professional advice of a counselor at school or at a local clinic or talk matters over with a close trusted friend if counseling is not available in your area.
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nischaybuddi

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Re: Sister Shivani please guide me

Post24 Apr 2010

Ex-I wrote:I am very happy for you that you had a happy love affair and enjoyed love, sex and affection. The nature of such affairs is that they are temporary. That is not to say they are "bad", just that they come and go. It seems that having come, your boyfriend is now going and perhaps you should accept that, let him move on ... and move on yourself.

I am sorry to go against you, Indian values always suggested to have sex in order to produce children, if you go and refer Indian sculptures you will find that going in to sex is meant for only producing children and they have designed four ashrams of an ideal life. The Brahmacharya, the Gruhastha, The Vanprashta and the Sanyas Ashram. I request you not to justify the snake of lust and sex which is prevailing all over the world and killing the souls of young generations.

Rather You would advise to first get settle in your life, find a good life partner, a care, loving one and follow the religion you believe on.

Brahmakumaris are a hard path meant for a few courageous people, who are determined to wash out lust, anger, and other vices from this world.

Please check if you are misguiding too.
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Mr Green

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Re: Sister Shivani please guide me

Post24 Apr 2010

Karma Sutra
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tete

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Re: Sister Shivani please guide me

Post24 Apr 2010

nischaybuddi,

I saw the point being made by ex-l, a rather gentle one and a non-judgmental one, to someone that while at life's cross roads, can do without harsh judgment. I noted that you underlined 'enjoyed' and thus a judgment placed on the person (the taboo of sex), the placement of sin and in doing so, often the door slams shut and the dialogue ends. I am aware that BKs place sex as being worse than murder, but keep in mind this site is for ex-BKs to share their mutual experiences, is it not? I did pick up the fact that the poster is rather young when compared to us older folks.
Rather You would advise to first get settle in your life, find a good life partner, a care, loving one and follow the religion you believe on. -nischaybuddi

I do believe those questions were posed by ex-l, but from an introspective manner for the person to ask themselves ... leading to self awareness. It is always best for one to find one's self awareness, than to be led or pointed in a direction without self awareness. In fact in looking at your quote, I do believe you too are asking this here:
first get settled in your life

In essence the same end, but by different means. By posing the questions it does offer one an option of finding the answers and giving one a sense of empowerment of finding ones way, charting our (own) path, on our journey ... in our life. Awareness is a gift ... what greater joy can there be, than to be allowed (set free) to find the gift yourself!?!

Peace, Love and Light and all that other good stuff to ya ... ;).
Sister Shivani please guide me -vidhi srivastava


The show is in Hindi and English intertwined. Amazingly I think I understood what she is saying ... sort of ...

Does anyone know who this Sister is? Do tell ...
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ex-l

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Re: Sister Shivani please guide me

Post25 Apr 2010

Nischay,

one question please. You mentioned somewhere else, I think, that you had been a Brahma Kumari follower for 40 years. That must make you more than 60 year old, I am guessing.

Have you ever experience love, sex, affection, even being touched lovingly by another human being of the opposite sex (not including your family)?

In short, do you know anything about what you are talking about?

There is a lot I could say about India and attitudes to sex and women in relationship to this topic ... thankfully India is changing but, sadly, not quick enough for most.

Vidhi ... be brave, be bold and look to creating your own future. The BKs cannot help you in such issues.
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nischaybuddi

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Re: Sister Shivani please guide me

Post25 Apr 2010

Have you ever experience love, sex, affection, even being touched lovingly by another human being of the opposite sex (not including your family)?

Yes.. Ex-I I have experienced love and affection in its pure form, not once but many times.

sex is like drawning your energy in to some unproductive output (excluding if it is done with the intention of producing children only) resulting frustration, guilt and severe addiction.

There is a lot I could say about India and attitudes to sex and women in relationship to this topic ... thankfully India is changing but, sadly, not quick enough for most.

I too could say lot of points justifying the use of your energy in the constructive way. It really pains me when i see people becoming slaves of lust and they are not satisfied with their religious life partners but going beoyond... much beyond... and every thing is hidden...and ofcourse in fear.... they are not happy with one partner. Extra marital relationships are prevailing, divorce cases are increasing and so suicides... Recently Indian law has allowed the live in relationships... you know.. Ah.... Is there any body to create new world.... Is it YOU GOD Shiva.... ?

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ex-l

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Re: Sister Shivani please guide me

Post25 Apr 2010

nischaybuddi wrote:Yes. Ex-I I have experienced love and affection in its pure form, not once but many times.

You have been a BK for 40 years and you have experienced love, sex and affection?

Can you explain how and what you mean by a "pure form"? What is "pure"?

I hope you do not mean, "in another life".

Your portrayal is awfully exaggerated. You seem to suggest that one kiss, or one touch, will drive a person to hell. Of course, that is what the Brahma Kumaris teach and any Sister doing so much as holding hands a Brother would have to confess and be caste down until "re-purified".

The Brahma Kumaris tend to portray all men in the same way ... voracious rapists just waiting for their chance. Especially the mustachioed or bearded ones! What do they know!?!

The funny thing is, look at those two women, Shivani and Kanupriya, I would tend to guess Kanupriya has known love where Shivani has not. Shivani, to me, comes across like a bit of a robot ... bloodless, trapped in her head, not ground and down to earth. Although Kanupriya is obviously a BKWSU stooge, she at least comes across as warm bloodied, happy and earthy. Shivani does not look happy. Sometimes she comes across as quick tempered or angry. Sharp like many BK Sister.

I think every Indian woman deserves to be entirely sexually satisfied at least once in her life and would be improved as a person for being so. Not poked and prodded into pregnancy for 30 seconds by some man she does not love and who has never even seen her naked but loved body and soul. Often it is only the young that can love that way and it should not been denied them.

Individuals should know what love and sex are before they choose to give it up. It is an art and religion in itself and should be practised as such ... and that is an ancient Hindu idea.

The Brahma Kumaris have conned and stolen 100,000s of young girls lives with their false and evil "End of the World" fears and predictions. End of the World (Destruction) in WWII ... 1950 ... 1976 ... 1986 ... 2000 ... now 2012.

How many lives have been lost?
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tete

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Re: Sister Shivani please guide me

Post25 Apr 2010

nischaybuddi wrote: ...they are not satisfied with their religious life partners but going beyond... much beyond... and every thing is hidden...and of course in fear.... they are not happy with one partner. Extra marital relationships are prevailing, divorce cases are increasing


Firstly, let me say I do not condone 'affairs', I took the use of the word 'affair' here as one of a non English speaker as she did not mention the other person as being married. Extra marital relationships, be they physical or emotional are not good and place great hardships on the families and on those whom are betrayed by their spouse. The trust that is lost in an affair is often too great to overcome and the marriage is permanently damaged, more so when the spouse continues this errant/deceitful behavior without regard for their family nor for their spouse.

ex-l is correct in that affairs don't last and often those that partake in affairs are not aware that 75% of these unions fail, as they were built on a lies/deceit, and often the person repeats the same errant/deceitful behavior or have it done to them by the new person with whom they had the affair. So, the bottom line is affairs are tragic, deceitful, hurtful and are no different than someone suffering from any other form of addiction...relapse is all but sure if they don't learn how to self regulate and do some honest therapy work, to work out their problems/issues and learn to be honest with themselves and with their respective families.
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ex-l

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Re: Sister Shivani please guide me

Post25 Apr 2010

India actually has an ancient culture of sexual liberalism. It was the source of Western free love movements in the 60s and 70s which are now coming back to their home in Bharat.

No, sorry, I understood "love affair" to mean just that ... an 'affaire de coeur' which is where it comes from. A lovely, love affair. I would not want this topic to be derailed into a discussion on infidelity which is entirely different.

There is another spiritual explanation for our modern times. They say "time is speeding up", which is not meant literally but it suggest that people are growing and spiritually evolving, and working through their karma, faster. Part of this karma is with others in relationships. If we could see with spiritual eyes we might be able to tell that, for example, Vidhi and her partner have some karma from another life that they are sorting out. A final love ... an unexpressed love for example. I do not know.

The trick is not to be too attached, especially to that which gives one pleasure.

The prudish culture of conservatives in India stems from the later days of the Victorian British Empire days (of whom some in the middle and upper classes loved and aped), and the historical influences of Islam, (e.g. the habit of imprisoning women in their homes). In Vedic society, women played a full part and India had/has a place for everything; courtly love, transexuality (Hijras), temple prostitution, tantra rituals (yoni puja) and, until the British came (and they fully enjoyed India), love making, nudity, sensuality and sexuality were all part of the culture. As was even co-habitation.

In the early days of the Empire, many Indian women lived with white men without marriage. And even to this day, homosexuality, or at least male homosexuality, is not separated and stigmatised in the same way as was in the West, e.g. men take male lovers and then marry when they can. Even interracial sex was accepted. According to the great reform Dayananda, against whose Arya Samaj Lekhraj Kirpalani rallied, the best form of marriage was even svayamvara, or self-chosen partner.

For a BK to rollout the trashcan of Hinduism ... which really does not exist as one religion nor in its pure form any more ... is hypocritial because their religion is pretty much anti-Hinduism. The BKs call Hinduism, "The Path of Degradation" but, in truth, all they are trying to do is usurp Hinduism and take over the position of top dog by ousting traditional Brahmins.

You cannot quote "Hinduism" unless you take onboard all the other stuff "Hinduism" says you have to do ... like intense sexism, the rape of child brides, burning wives (which the British stopped), abduction slavery (which the British tried to stop), the prejudices and abuses of Brahmanism and castism, no education for women, the shaving of widows heads and chucking them out to beg etc.

In India, you even have Hindu groups like Shiv Sena going about in protest groups attacking young lovers in the street on St Valentines Day. As much as such attitudes were born and empowered by the British "Guardians of Morality", they are also manifestations of feelings of inadequacy of India males.

You cannot play the "Hindu Card" and expect to win on morals and ethics! And neither Hinduism nor Brahmanism is India. Ask the Dalits.

India needs to re-write its history of love and sex and take it out of the hand of those inspired by the 19th Century Nationalists ... of which Lekhraj Kirpalani was one.
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ex-l

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Re: Sister Shivani please guide me

Post26 Apr 2010

India still has an estimated 34 to 50,000,000 widows, many child widows (even married as infants), are incarcerated in rural temples. Some sold into prostitution.

Outcast and ostracised, they are considered a curse and unwelcome at family events. Their touch, or even shadow, is consider polluting whereas widowers (men), can go on to re-marry. Why should women follow such as religion?

When a women made a film about the plight of widows, there were huge riots to try and stop it. One man set fire to himself in protest and almost died ... He turned out he was a fraud who did so regularly to make money.

BK Nischay ... is a little human love such a terrible thing?
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nischaybuddi

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Re: Sister Shivani please guide me

Post26 Apr 2010

Please don’t think that I am justifying BK teachings as I mentioning the following. I am trying to convey the message that sex is not healthy for a soul.

You have been a BK for 40 years and you have experienced love, sex and affection?

Please check, I did not say that I experienced sex. Yes, I did experience love and affection in its purest form in THIS life. Pure form indicates that you feel the true shower of love with out having any selfish desires for your self on the contrary you start giving without any expectations
You seem to suggest that one kiss, or one touch, will drive a person to hell. Of course, that is what the Brahma Kumaris teach and any Sister doing so much as holding hands a Brother would have to confess and be caste down until "re-purified".

When you compare the touches etc with that of the experience of the purest form of love, then you start feeling guilt and that is a hell like stage, it doesn’t mean that literally you are in a hell. It is only comparison. You can understand better if I give you example like kissing a young lady then it is heaven for you and kissing an old ill lady is like a hell for you. It doesn’t mean literally you are in a hell.

I am not against sex totally. But I am trying to justify its limitations as suggested by the religions. The four ashrams of life stages

Sex is allowed when you have gained energy through Brahmacharya(celibacy) and now you are ready to shoulder the weight of Family life, as producing children is your commitment to the society and responsibilty that you provide healthy species to the world. One understands it better if he/she has followed celibacy during the first phase of life, instead of going for sex just for sake of enjoyment and pleasure.

AVOID SEX TO GET A BETTER HUSBAND
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ex-l

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Re: Sister Shivani please guide me

Post27 Apr 2010

Vidhi,

I would say,

    The best love making is with someone you are in love with and who is in loves you.
    The next best love making is with someone who is experienced and good at it ... especially for women; or someone who enjoys it ... especially of a women for a man.
    The third best love making ... well, that is down to your own personal preferences, it could be with a stranger, with someone who makes you laugh, an ex-lover who you are familiar with, a friend with whom you will never do it again with
    ...
    The second worse love making is with someone that does not know how to please themselves
    The worse love making is with someone that does not love or care for you.
The secret though, is in not holding on to the the experience or the lower to tightly, and letting them go when they want to. Yes, the sweetness needs a little salt of detachment otherwise you might get hurt. I would say, making love can be a good way to clear psychic blockages, to earth yourself and it is part of growing up.

Unfortunately, India ... mostly because of a whole load of pundits; Hindu, Islamic and British ... love, sex and relationships have become all screwed up. You cannot trust the Brahma Kumaris for advice because all they want are slaves to work for them, their advice is not based on spiritual salvation or improving genes, it is similar about mind control and resource management. An individual having relationships is influenced by their partner and has less time and energy available to be an unpaid servant for the Brahma Kumaris. Making love makes a women stronger and more independent.

Give the young people some commonsense and let them sort it out themselves. I would say most Indian males do not like strong, independent, Indian women, especially sexually independent Indian women, because it makes them feeling threatened, insecure and inadequate. I would say most Indian women are sexually unsatisfied ... the Vedas say their sexual instincts are 8 times stronger than a man's!?!
ex-l wrote:You have been a BK for 40 years and you have experienced love, sex and affection?
nischaybuddi wrote:Please check, I did not say that I experienced sex. Yes, I did experience love and affection in its purest form in THIS life.

So what do you mean ... do you mean in meditation? You are 60-ish and have not had sex ... does that mean you have never shared physical affection without another person, or at least person of the opposite sex?

Your spirit guides cannot give physical affection ... so what on earth do you mean and how can you advise?
nischaybuddi wrote:Sex is allowed when you have gained energy through Brahmacharya (celibacy) and now you are ready to shoulder the weight of Family life, as producing children is your commitment to the society and responsibility that you provide healthy species to the world ... AVOID SEX TO GET A BETTER HUSBAND.

Really, what you are repeating ... and what those medieval theories are proposing ... are all to do with women as a possession of men and baby producers. It is about the protection of the family's physical and financial interests. Nothing to do with the interests and development of the women. It is up to the individual. There is no question of "allow".

There is no science on earth that supports the idea that being a virgin before pregnancy "improves" the breeding stock. That is ridiculous superstition. The truth of it is, it is all to do with "selling" the woman to the best bidder. Sexuality "lowers her value" in the male market place and makes her "unsellable" to the male buyer ... at which point she become a burden for life on her family.

It is also double standards because, of course, generally it is acceptable for the man to have sexual intercourse ,and in India, fairly normal to have had sex with other men. So ridiculous is the society in which it is acceptable to urinate in public ... but not hold hands with one's wife, or simply kiss, in public.
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nischaybuddi

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Re: Sister Shivani please guide me

Post28 Apr 2010

ex-I somewhere else wrote:"don't just do something FOR yourself, do something OF yourself". That is, of your own imagination ... from your own heart.

In BK terms, this should read something like don't follow Lekhraj Kirpalani, be your own Lekhraj Kirpalani ... live your own full life and find your own path.

It is now clear that ex-I wants to do something OF himself, his own imagination (justifying sex. :-? ).

Yes ... I agree don't follow Lekhraj Kirpalani, be your own Lekhraj Kirpalani but please please in positive direction and to make this society free from vices ... indulging in too much sex is not living life to its full ... certainly it is not.

Sex is damaging the society ...

    AIDS ... (because of purity or lust?)
    Breaking of families (Because of lust ... as every body wants private homes)
    Divorce (not able to satisfy the partners)
    Cheating (partners cheating each other)
    and many ...
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ex-l

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Re: Sister Shivani please guide me

Post28 Apr 2010

nischaybuddi wrote:Sex is damaging the society ...

Without sex there would be no society ... what do you think your mother and Father did to make you!?!

Brahma Kumari are trapped in a false reality created in 1930s Sind. They are still living in that world. They based all their logic, and therefore their advice, on the theory of an imminent Global Destruction that will kill 6,000,000,000 people before which they are encouraged to gamble away their entirely lives, mind and wealth, in reward for a high status in the following Heaven on Earth. Unfortunately, the predictions of the god of the Brahma Kumaris have failed so many times.

Two pieces of news for you Nischay,
    a) Brahma Kumari Gulzar, at least, is telling people that in the Golden Age children are created in exactly the same way as they are now
    b) Lekhraj Kirpalani enjoyed a sex life way into his old age. The BKs promote a false biography of his life.
So, sex ... and I am not just talking about "sex", I am talking about male-female relationships, affection, love and making love ... exists and so young people have to learn to manage it.

Because of your negative state of mind, and pain, you are suffering deeply from a kind of "confirmation bias". A confirmation bias is a tendency for individuals to prefer information that confirms their preconceptions or hypotheses, independently of whether they are true or not.

People reinforce their existing attitudes by selectively collecting new evidence, interpreting it in a biased way. People tend to be one-sided way, focusing on one possibility and neglecting alternatives. You may as well say ... "Life Cause Death, so Ban Life". BKs believe in doom and so they see doom all around them.

Even the false story of Lekhraj Kirpalani has been written to satisfy an earlier confirmation bias based on other unrealistic stories of saints. Nischay, leave the poor woman alone. Allow her to find her own path. Help her with the next step she wants to take. Save her from ending up where you have ended up.
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