XBK Chat (unofficial archive)

Teresa · Joined: 27 Jan 2005 Posts: 9

Dont know if anyone can give me any help here. I met a lovely guy who I hit it off with straight away. He knows my views. I am one of these people that dont believe in something until things are proven to me. Anyway, after few months he started mentioning things, saying I would not understand him, dont know him.

Since then, it has all come out. He has been a BK FOR 10 years. Not an avid follower. OK he meditates, not a prob,, likes a drink, smokes just your normal guy. I went to a meeting with him, which I must add is his first meeting for 4 months. I was bored out of my mind, but used the time to catch up on some much needed sleep.

I said to him not a problem with his beliefs, as long as it does not interfere with our relationship. He knows my views, which he respects as I do his. Everyone is entitled to lead there own way. I did say to him I am frightened of losing you to your faith. He said I dont want to lose you either, that's why I didn't say anything when we first met. Any suggestions?

Guest · Posted: Fri Jan 28, 2005 5:52 am Post subject:

if "god" stands in the way of the love between two people, than that god is worthless

the BKs principles of life (the "shrimat") will always put a barrier between you two, so face the facts: as long as he adheres to them, you can't have a real relationship, because he will always have feelings of guilt when violating these principles (and he will have to violate them)

Either you quit bk stuff or you don't - living between the two makes one a weak person, almost pathetic

Teresa · Joined: 27 Jan 2005 Posts: 9

Thanks for your reply !!

Im very confused to be honest,, as he does break his beliefs,
He is very loving in everyway, I know it might sound like im making excuses here, I really dont know what to believe as this is beyond me. He says he gets enough out of what he practices, which the only sign I see is meditaion in evening which prob last about 15 mins,, yeh supposed to be kind,, then he will say something and I think,, emm bit of a hard nut really, as thought they was supposed to be patient with everyone...

kyra · Joined: 19 Apr 2004 Posts: 66

Hi Teresa!

I just want to say be patient with your new friend. BK teaches followers who want to live another way to be guilty and fearful of punishment for not following their practices... smoking, drinking, sex etc are seen as lustful, impure and something that is forbidden, only weak people they say indulge in these things. The murli they read everyday always says if you dont follow shrimat (their rules) then you will suffer a lot of punishment, in this life (karma) and the next. These threats can be pretty scary.

It takes time to break away properly. He sounds like I was - torn between the two worlds - a relationship with my partner and my relationship with the BKs.

It is so hard to live a 'double life' - lucky for me I chose my relationship with my partner instead and I dont look back.

The BK movement is all about mind control, under the facade of providing peace of mind to troubled souls.

If you really feel you have something special with your friend then please try be patient with him while he goes through the mind turmoil of leaving this organisation. Keep the communication lines open and it will be worth it! Very Happy

all the best,
Kyra

Teresa · Joined: 27 Jan 2005 Posts: 9

HI Kyra,

Thanks for your words,

Dont think he will leave and I would`nt want to force him to make a choice between me and bk`s, If I can live with it, then not a prob, I did say to him how do I know that in the future you are not going to get more into your faith ,become celibate etc,, he`s reply was as if, enjoy that side of it too much !!
So it is a case of going with it, see what happens,, dont want to give up on him, at same time dont want to get few years down the line then he changes,, as Im no youngster...
What is the Murli,, I havent heard of it, or seen him read anything ??
Teresa

kyra · Joined: 19 Apr 2004 Posts: 66

Atma · Joined: 26 Feb 2004 Posts: 98

Teresa,

Welcome to the forum Smile

If it's any consolation, you are not alone. Have a look at the topic "Help!" in the "XBK issues" forum. Here is the link:

http://xbkchat.com/xbkforum/viewtopic.php?t=99

Good luck!

Teresa · Joined: 27 Jan 2005 Posts: 9

Thanks for all the info, have a few things to put to him,now, although have to be very tactful as he wont have anything bad said against them, insists that it is not a cult, as it is charity run !!!!
A few weeks back I took it upon myself to do some research as couldnt make any sense of anything he was saying,, It would only come out wheh he had a good drink,, told me that he loved god,, I came a very close second,, If I knew how much him upstairs means to him then I will know how much I mean to him !!! so after that looked it up for myself,, didnt like what I was reading,, hence when came accross this site,, printed a load of stuff off not from here but expaining the beliefs,, n gave it to him to read,, all he said was where do you get this as its all been twisted,, thats not what it is about etc.. Next day he text me !! nIce !! saying he needs few days on his own as im doind his head in !!! So me being me told him to stuff it if that was his attitude.. so deleted his no out of phone, so could`nt call him in my drunken stupor over wk end,, anyway didnt hear nothing for few days then text start,, telling me he loves me dont want to lose me, cant live without me,, How I am his angel,, Is there something in BK`S about angels !! I am a very honest genuine person, thats all, take me as I am,, no angel I can assure you... Anyway sorry if waffling herejust so nice to get it off my chest with people who understand..

Thanks Teresa

kyra · Joined: 19 Apr 2004 Posts: 66

waffling is good. too many BKs spend too much of their time in silence and shooing away their thoughts. talk talk talk, listen listen listen Wink

Religion is such a personal thing - Bks are encouraged to mainly socialise with other BKs because non brahmins will 'lead them astray from their path' (to serve God, become perfect and a diety of high status in the Golden Age).

A load of rubbish to me and other xbks on this board. Like Kevin says earlier, if God kept two people in love apart then what would you want to have to do with that God.

I think your research into his religion is to be commended Teresa, at least you will have a bit of an understanding on what its all about.

Sounds to me like the poor guy is really confused about what he wants. Be patient with him. I think in your case open and honest conversation is what you both need. Find out where he is really at with his involvement with the BKs - and how he is feeling. Seems like you are 'doing his head in' because you are asking him to confront these questions himself, its not a bad thing Smile

I hope I dont sound like Im preaching - just offering some advice k Smile

have a great weekend and dont get too wasted k!! I wouldnt worry too much, it sounds like he is very much in love with you.

kyra

Guest · Posted: Fri Jan 28, 2005 7:00 pm Post subject:

hehe, I'd say you're lucky finding this forum
especially since kyra has experience in this, so she can give you the right advice!

Tete · Joined: 26 Jan 2005 Posts: 169

Teresa,

One suggestion I have for you is to perhaps go out to dinner with some XBKs and your boyfriend. He may have questions and also be in need of that personal company. This will help you as well. When I started dating an XBK 16 years ago, I found XBK company nice in that one of them was very good in answering many questions I had.

This was a small circle of friends and some didn't live in the same state. Back then there wasn't a XBK chat or other support group. Many found great friendship and I think comfort in each other. It helps to have others question or bring up concerns they have rather than someone they are in love with. I remember asking about things that didn't make sense to me and having it bring up conflict.

Since we are from the outside looking in, some of the questions may seem hard for them as they haven't resolved them yet. Many questions I am just having answered today.

One thing I must stress is that mind clarity is essential as you take on the challenge as it will require your full presence. Remember, the beauty in this relationship is that your are involved with someone who was developing a relationship with GOD. With all good intensions and purity of heart.

Good luck in your journey.

Tete

Teresa · Joined: 27 Jan 2005 Posts: 9

hi again,,

Well back from the wk end,, have to say had a fantastic one,, well apart from having words fri night,, was rather silly of me to bring it up as we had both had a drink,, then I got on my high horse,, still resolved it Sat,, have both agreed that we wont discuss BK`S under the influence as not a good start,
I want to thank everyone for their input,, very helpful and has made me realise im not alone,,
Teresa dont know what the K was meant to mean in you mess,, silly I know but !! I know he is very much in love with me I dont doubt that for one minute, The feeling is very much returned,, I have never in all my life been with someone that makes me feel the way he does,, in every sense of the word !!!

Teresa

catlady · Joined: 01 Feb 2005 Posts: 26 Location: USA

I've also been involved in a relationship with a XBK. It was he who introduced me to this forum. So far I have simply been a visitor, reading the posts and hoping to learn more about my friend. He has been a frequent poster on several issues, including Love,Loving and Spirituality, which has several helpful posts.

Like you, Teresa, I did not share the specifics of his beliefs, but did not find them to much of a problem, since my own beliefs have evolved to a somewhat unique level. I think that my more secular humanist/universalist views were quite compatible with his XBK views on most issues.

As some of the other posters have commented, the BK views on sexuality and sensuality can certainly compound the confusion a BK or XBK feels in entering into a relationship with another person. As that entered into our relationship, he appeared to very much enjoy it, as did I, though then would say he had "issues" and pull back. ' Confused

That has been hard for me to deal with, even though I have been celibate (and chaste) for most of my life. It seems similar to what I have seen with some former Catholic clergy, in that both groups feel that physical sexuality is contrary to god's wishes, so one must choose between god and a partner. From my perspective, the pleasure of physical sex for both partners is a gift from god. Very Happy

Though I don't think this is the only issue, it is certainly a significant one, and I am unsure of the future of our relationship. Though we have shared many enjoyable and special moments together, communication has become difficult due to his pulling back after each intimate encounter.

Teresa, I do wish you the best in your relationship, and know of several other members have managed to develop long term relationships.

Catlady
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Catlady

hanuman · Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 174

Dear Teresa,

I agree with Kyra and Tete.
If your partner is a strong soul, he can have his cake and eat it too.
However, he will have to have a deep understanding about himself, love and God.
In spite of shrimath, God does not hate the soul who makes love.
Even Jesus Christ had a loveful relationship with his wife, Mary Magdalene, who was a high priestess and played a major role in teaching the philosophies of her husband. Smile

_________________
Om Shanti,
To my brothers and sisters.

Love to you all,
Errol bhai

catlady · Joined: 01 Feb 2005 Posts: 26 Location: USA

One thing I have noticed in many discussions on sexuality, both here and elsewhere is a misconception of the meaning of celibacy. It truly means living appropriately, so, in the context of relationship, physical intimacy may be appropriate. The word is too often confused with the meaning of chastity, meaning foregoing and physical relationship for a higher one.

As I said earlier, I do not think that God would have made sex in a soulful relationship pleasureable if we were not to enjoy it. Very Happy

I do think that the problem comes when one confused the simple physical pleasure for the pleasure of a soulful relationship. That is one problem with much of western society, and leads not only to emotional problems but to many physical ones as well.
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Catlady