Weakness "anorak"

There I stand , face to face with my victim though I know deep within that it is I who is the victim. I am a weakness "anorak ", a witcher ( weakness watcher ), a weakness junky. I stand, looking them in the eye, with their ( negative ) ego in my hands, my clothes reek to high heavens , there are bits of rotting cabbage and sesame seeds lost in my hair and my spiritual breath smells like a sewer. Yes, I trawl the rubbish tips of others minds , searching out their weaknesses .
( switch to supposed victim )

Perhaps the first knee jerk reaction is to deploy the guards who patrol my personal spiritual garbage heap. I am not that comfortable with people looking at my tip you see. Sub conscious. I know that it is not good feng shui within the kingdom of ones own mind, on the other hand, they are MY weaknesses and no one else is getting to steal them even if they do so all the time. The first move with regards to being judged is to make the guards redundant. Give them a months wages and send them home to their family informing them that they will never work again.

I have no attachment to my weaknesses. I will no longer offer protection to my garbage pile when others start judging and rummaging around in my rubbish dump as now I realise that it has been working against me all along. The really odd thing is that I know that just over that hill there I can search for jewels and diamonds by the bucket load but where is the fun in that? Is there REALLY money in muck?

This is a thread for the subject of judging and being judged .

There I stand, face to face with my victim, though I know deep within that it is I who is the victim.

I sympathize with your words and images. Reminds me of a dream of escaping from a prison that is burning, a group of three. One is drawn irresistably to return into the narrow confines, back into the flames, while the other two look on helplessly.

Judgment is debilitating, because by its presence in the self (visible in our judgments on others) it presumes others' judgments on self. Expectations and unattainable standards make it impossible to liberate the self, since we withold/restrain in order to guarantee our acceptibility. However one who is suppressed and therefore lacks spontaneity, will not be accepted and loved with the fullness of someone whose inner self expresses fully. Hard to love the self in such a state, either.

Thinking we control our weakness, through the effort at self control, we end up eviscerating the self. It is not easy to describe the process by which one stops interfering with the self. Where does the trust come that I will not "sin" or "break the rules"? Is that letting the horses run wild?

Turning knives and threats on the self to survive in a live-or-die external environment is infancy/childhood adaptive strategy that can persist in adult behavior patterns and reveals itself in dreams long after the situation requiring such drastic measures has passed.

So far I have found no silver bullet or magic key. In the Murlis Baba says that the process takes a long time, and people have varying degrees of success. Famously, that for some it is like putting a dog's tail in a pipe; as soon as they leave the tail curls again. A funny, but not especially compassionate or rich image. For most of us, the problem is removing the unhealthy steel straitjacket: telling ourselves that our curly hair should be straight, that it is better to be a perfect icy angel than a warm, compassionate human.